by Leaona Luxx
“Hardy. Just do it, please. I need you,” she whispers as she closes her eyes. I trace her lips as she continues to tremble; there’s more to this than what either of us have considered.
I have to consider what I’m giving up, what I’m risking. She may lose her brother, the support of her family. There’s things she doesn’t know, things that could make her leave. That will make me leave. Thayer laying under me, trembling, makes this all too real. What if we lose it all? Will she withstand losing it? Can I?
“Hardy?” she says, searching my face for answers I’m not sure she wants to hear.
“Why are you trembling, Thayer?” Not sure myself why I’m asking. Her face flushes before she closes her eyes. After a minute, she throws her arm over her face before taking a sated breath. Once done, she lays her hand on my face and replies simply.
“I want you—this. I love you. I’m not being foolhardy; I know what I want. You being the only man to make love to me should show you how much I want this, us.” Conviction riddles her words as they vibrate with nervousness.
I realize what’s been said, but I can’t rationalize the words. I’m utterly humbled and relatively shocked. Rattled, my body now trembles from her revelation. Thayer declares she loves me, but I’m undeserving of it. Moreover, I’m dumbfounded by her admission.
“Thayer, are you telling me that you’re a virgin?” I’m not sure what she hears or if the expression on my face reads differently than what I’m feeling, but she doesn’t see what I’m trying to say.
“Are you kidding me right now? Seriously, Hardy?” Moving so quickly, she barely gives me time to move. Jumping from the bed, she forces a robe over her body. Snatching her arm from me before I could take it. I throw my hands up in defense.
“Hey, wait. You’ve got this all wrong. I’m just… Thayer, you’ve stunned me.” Pleading with her to understand. She clearly doesn’t.
“I get it. Don’t worry about it, Hardy. I assumed this was something more. I’m not fucking you because the blonde bimbo left you in need. Get the fuck out,” she seethes her words at me before I can even rectify my reaction.
“Thayer. I’m sorry, I can’t.” No other words will form, I’m at a total loss for anything that will explain my feelings. Turning away from me, she takes a deep breath. I’m positive she’s hoping to clear her glassy eyes.
“Go.” Thayer leaves the room. Shortly after, I hear a door close. She doesn’t slam the damn door, she closes it.
Standing up from the bed, I grab my jeans, dragging them up my legs. Discarding the unused condom before snatching my shirt off the floor. I don’t even take the time to put my shoes on before walking out. Slamming the door behind me, I tighten the lid down on my emotions. This is totally fucked up.
Firing my truck up, I leave my tires on the street, probably waking the entire neighborhood. What the fuck do I care? Goddamn it. What is she thinking, not telling me something like that? Fuck that. Her family would have never approved of me anyway. Let’s just be real here, she’s better off without me.
Who am I trying to fool, I want her. Fuck, do I want her. But it’s done now, I’m not the man she needs. I’ll never be. She’s better off without me, she just doesn’t know it yet. She’ll learn and when she does, she’ll understand. We never had a chance. My past, her upbringing, we would’ve never made it through. She might not have survived.
Finishing off my last beer, I sit on my porch, watching the ocean. It’s late, there’s work tomorrow. If she’s not on site, she’ll be next door. So close, still untouchable. I haven’t slept at all. One keeps messaging me, at one point he even called. I can’t dodge him for long. Fuck my life. I don’t even remember coming home last night. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Her eyes find me every time I close mine. I can feel her under me, on my fingers. Taste her on my lips. Shit, I haven’t even showered, I want to keep smelling like her. I can’t explain why I reacted the way I did, I just did. Fuck, I know why, but to hell with telling her. Maybe I should? Maybe if she knows everything, she’ll see the truth. The ugly truth about Hardison Casey Turner, the fact that I destroy anything good.
Thayer thinks it’s so easy to fall in love like a fucking romance novel when she has no fucking clue. She’s a goddamn virgin, and she’s telling me she loves me. Yeah, I could’ve lied to the girl and fucked her, walked away without ever looking back. Is that what she wanted, needed? Did she want to be used? Well, if she keeps up the shit she’s been doing lately, it’ll happen soon enough.
Perfect example, One himself said she’s been acting out of character. Look what the fuck she did at the club a few weeks back. Needless to say what she almost did last night. Who the fuck does she think she is? Fucking ignorant ass, she’s a child trying to make adult decisions. She needs to grow the fuck up, damn it.
Walking into the kitchen, I grab a glass and search the fridge for my whiskey. Pouring a tall glass, I sip it slowly, thinking of her. All I’ve done since I met her is think of her. Fuck me. I have to stop this shit. I can’t do it, I won’t. She’ll not pull me in any further, I’m done. It’s time Thayer sees who I really am. It’s for her own good.
Pulling myself together, I slip from the seat of my truck. Thank fuck, asshole isn’t here yet. I haven’t slept, I look like walking shit, so I prefer not to see him today, or ever. But that’s unlikely seeing as he works with my brother. I wrestle the keys to my office door from my bag when I hear tires screeching on the other end of the parking lot.
Glancing up from my task, I see a blonde bimbo driving a red mini cooper with that fucking asshat in the passenger seat. I know he didn’t leave me to go back to her, mother fucker. I’m done with him, fuck him.
Twisting the key, I jiggle it, hoping the door will release so I can get in before he gets out. I peek back up to see where he is. Mother fucking asshole. What the hell? He’s practically allowing her to fuck him there in the parking lot. She’s over in the passenger seat, straddling him, sucking his fucking face off.
I’m so pissed, standing there with my mouth open, trying to form an appropriate response to his fucking nonsense. Nothing comes close to what needs to be said. I drop my keys when he looks over her shoulder. I fumble getting them. When I finally stand back up, he’s standing beside me. Smirking his ass off. Son of a bitch.
“May I?” he asks. The fuck, I’d let him do a damn thing for me.
Glaring at him until he takes a step back, I turn, opening my door. I refuse to acknowledge or speak to him. Once inside, I fall against my door, doing my best to hold myself together. I guess he has what he wants, he’s certainly made that clear. More than once, I might add.
I never imagined Hardy running from anything, but I suppose commitment is too much for some. So I need to shake him off and get on with my day. My first account with my brother on site; I need to make sure everything is ready to go. Flipping the lights on in the office, I get to work. No time for self-pity, and no time for Hardy.
One texts me before they head out to the site. I’m a little nervous but get my shit together and get going. Once on the job, I keep myself busy, avoiding Hardy at all costs. The day passes swiftly, and I have no more run-ins with the asshole, chalking my first day up as a really good day. Back at the office, I make a few adjustments to my order for tomorrow. As I’m turning off my laptop, One walks through my door.
“Hey, Tay. Wanna get some dinner?” He’s leaning against the door with his phone in his hand.
“Are we going together or is that thing going to go off all evening?” I ask, nodding at his phone. His eyes snap up, and I smile wide. Gets him every time.
“No, just us. Scouts honor.” He smirks as he shoves his phone in his pocket. I snarl at him when he laughs.
“You were not a scout. You’re paying, and I’m driving,” I say, smiling sickly sweet as I grab my purse.
“No doubt. I pick the restaurant,” he says, closing the door behind him. I open my truck door for him as I try to check out the lot. I’m ho
ping Hardy has left. I plop in the seat and Hardy drives by, blowing his horn as he waves at One. We make eye contact before I can look away. Damn it.
I sulk all the way to the restaurant. One’s lost in thought, thank God. I’m really thinking about asking him his opinion; I’ll just have to do it covertly. One tells me to take Highway Seventeen so we can hit Riverside Café. Yes. Burgers and beer, I’m starved due to my weekend craziness.
“So why the long face?” One questions me as soon as the waiter walks away.
“What?” is all I can say while I play with the peanut I’m trying to assault.
“I planned to ask you to dinner tonight to celebrate your first day, but you’ve been weird all day. After the ride over here, I now know something’s up. You’ve been off for weeks, and I’m not even going to talk about the club shit. So talk.” He crosses his arms over his chest like Dad does. One is my half-brother, but my dad raised him as his. Naturally, he’s our father’s twin in so many ways.
“Alright, you asked. I started talking to someone before I graduated. He’s from around here. After a great weekend, he went weird on me. We hadn’t spoken, and then I spent the night with him after the club. That’s where I was, with him at his place. We had a disagreement and stopped talking. Seen each other Saturday night, he freaked out.” By the time I finish, I sound like I have word vomit. One sits there, taking it all in with a scowl.
“Did you sleep with him?” Stunned into silence, I stare at One until he speaks again. “Did you sleep with him, Thayer?”
“No. I wanted to; we came close, but he wouldn’t do it. What is wrong with me, Malone? Why do men find me repulsive?” He leans over the table and wipes away the tear that’s escaped. So unlike me.
“Nothing, baby girl. Men are a damn hard species to understand. We complain about women, but honestly, if we talked and were as open as women, love would be so much easier. Is he your age or younger?” My big brother is the best, I really hope he’ll open his heart again someday. His ex-wife is a raving lunatic; he deserves to be happy.
“He’s older, actually. He’s a great guy, never tried to force anything. I’m just not sure he knows he’s a good man, One. He’s had a rough life, nothing like mine. It doesn’t matter now anyway, I’m done. I was completely humiliated the other night.” I use my napkin to dab away the tears while the waiter sets our food down. One waits for him to walk away before he continues.
“What happened the other night? What was the reason he tripped out?” Glancing away, I try to decide if I’m going to do this or not. I go for it.
“We were in bed. Like, ready. I told him I’m a virgin but that I loved him and wanted to do it.” There, it’s all on the table. Except for one minor detail. One doesn’t hold back, he never does.
“You should’ve had that conversation before that moment. It’s a helluva lot to lay on anyone. I hope you were being safe. Who is it? And why wouldn’t I like him?” Why does he ask all these questions? Damn.
“Yes, we were being safe. No, I’m not saying who it was. I know, I fucked up. I just want it to stop hurting, you know?” One nods in agreement.
“I do. Do you love him? I’m assuming you do since you were about to go as far as you were. If you do, if you think he’s worth it, show him he is. Don’t play, just don’t be easy. I don’t mean sex. Don’t let him come and go. He stays or he isn’t worth it. Bottom line, if he bails for this shit, he’ll bail when there’s an actual shit storm.” Why doesn’t he get real with me? I agree completely.
“You’re right. He’s worth it.” I take a breath before asking, “Now, what’s up with you? And don’t blow me off, okay?” Now, he looks everywhere but at me. But he comes clean in the end.
“I met someone. She’s gorgeous. Intriguing. Drives me in-fucking-sane. She’s so hurt, nursing some serious shit. Not crazy like Monty, but like a wounded animal. Fierce but scared. I don’t know, I just can’t stay away from her, you know?” Giggling, I nod at him.
“Totally. Do I know her?” He tangles his hands in his hair like he’s pulling it out. Yeah, I’m there, brother.
“Nah, she’s new in town. Bought the little house I had been looking at, not too far from me.” He wipes his face with his hand. His hair is sticking up everywhere, must be what I look like.
“You want to stay with me tonight? We’ll sit up and eat ice cream, you can run it off tomorrow.” We laugh as he pays the bill.
“Sounds good. You pick up the ice cream, and I’ll grab some clothes. Next time, we invite Chord. I guarantee his love life is better.” He knocks into my shoulder as we leave.
I’m doing an amazing job of ignoring Hardy at work today. He seems to be a little uneasy. Every time I think I want to be done with him, I look at him and know I’m not. Staying outside as much as possible is a great way to avoid him. Right now, it’s for the best. One would be pissed I wasn’t honest with him. Turning off the hose, I look up to a beautiful women walking toward me.
She introduces herself and asks about a consultation for her new home. I give her a card, and we set up a meeting. Lea asks me about the contractor here.
“He’s tough to get; I’m not sure of his workload, but he’s well worth it,” I explain to her as I look around for One. Instead, I see Hardy, so I ask him. He’s such an ass. “Hey, where’s your boss?”
“I’ll get him, hun.” Hardy gives us a wink, which just makes me angry. I side-eye Lea, and the look on her face is odd. Is he flirting with her?
“Don’t call me hun, I have a name! Use it!” Asshole. He called me hun but winked at her. Bullshit. I turn my gaze back to Lea. “This crew is the best there is around here. I’m sure they’ll get you situated.” I watch as Hardy walks around the house.
I’m showing Lea some native plants while we wait on One to come over when I hear something behind me.
“What’s up, Thayer?” We turn toward his voice, and the look on his face tells me Lea’s his girl.
“One,” Lea says. One answers with a smile like I’ve never seen on him before.
“Lea.” I watch them like a tennis match, beaming from the look on their faces.
“So you know each other?” I ask for the obvious answer. One gives me the answer I already knew.
“The beautiful woman I walked home a few weeks ago.” They continue to smile at each other; I feel like a third wheel.
“Oh. This is her?” Smiling at my future sister in law (well, if One has anything to say about it).
Wandering away from my brother and Lea, I can’t help but glance back at them. They look so happy; my heart is full. Until not watching where I’m going, I run straight into Hardy.
“Sorry, sorry.” His strong arms are wrapped around me. He’s shirtless and sweaty. I’ll never get over him at this rate.
“It’s all good. Can’t complain.” Looking into his green eyes, I let him see all I want to say. Pushing away gradually, I feel the loss that reflects in his eyes. “Thayer.” Smiling, I release his hand and keep walking.
By late afternoon, my crew is cleaning up, and I’m more than ready to go home and soak in a nice hot bath. One left a little early so he could shower and change for his appointment with Lea. He’s crazy about her. I’m excited to get to know her. Too much testosterone around here lately.
Cranking up the music, I pour myself a glass of wine and draw a hot bath with plenty of bubbles. Sinking in, I close my eyes, thinking of his. I need to move on, I know I do. I wish it were that easy, to just forget. Forget his mouth on mine. His mouth on me, his hands running over my body, claiming it.
I’ve never been a girly-girl, I’m more of a tom-boy. I don’t cry a lot; I try not to sulk. I pick up and move on. Although, to say I’ve had a relationship, I haven’t. Sure, I dated in high school, a few guys in college. To be honest, I think most were probably afraid of One. The man can be overbearing.
I don’t chase, never had to. I don’t play games either, don’t think I should have to. So why is Hardy pushing me away? His display with
blonde bimbo was a setup, to show me who he is, I’m sure. Maybe no one has ever called him on his shit. I need to decide what the hell I’m going to do, and I need to do it. Am I in or out? Mindlessly, I play with my flower necklace.
My phone rings, making me jump as water splashes. I wasn’t expecting a call this late. It’s probably One calling after his meeting with Lea. “Hey, how’d it go?”
“Not good, I don’t have the girl.” The deep vibration coming through the phone doesn’t belong to my brother. A tug in my core sends me spiraling. I wanted to hear from him, but I’m so pissed at his push and pull all the time.
“You could have, but you didn’t want her. What can I do for you, Hardy?” Brass tacks is all I come up with to deal with him. I’m not sure if that’ll work. Stepping out of the bath, I quickly dry and throw on my robe.
“I’m going to tell you this again, Thayer: I want you.” His voice so low it sounds menacing. Then, there’s a knock at the door.
“Hang on, someone’s at my door.” I’m pissed anyone would just drop by.
“Don’t answer it. It can’t be good this late.” Hardy chuckles as he says it. Is he drunk?
He has me so distracted, I forget to use the peephole, jerking the door open without looking first. Hardy stands there, looking so good I could eat him up. What’s worse, he’s drunk. His eyes are glassy, and he giggles at my surprise. I widen the door for him to walk through as I end the call.
He stumbles through, and I turn in time to catch him. My phone flies through the air, hitting the wall on the other side of the door. It breaks into pieces when it hits the floor. Hardy reaches for it, and we end up on the floor tangled around each other.
The savior becomes the saved when Hardy spins for me to land on top of him. Brushing my hair away from my face, he raises up. I think he’s going to kiss me. His eyes flicker to the silver hanging from my neck to my eyes. Taking it between his fingers, he rubs it, like it’s lucky.
