by Leaona Luxx
“I see. Thayer, do you have anything to say?” Hardy tightens his grip on my hand as I clear my throat.
“I love him. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but honestly, you raised me to be strong and independent. You taught me to be discerning, how to look past mistakes and give credit for triumphs. Hardy is a good man; I hope to always be by his side. I pray you all will love us and accept our decision.” Leaning into Hardy’s shoulder, his hand begins to sweat. He wants One’s permission so badly.
“Well, kiss your woman. We need to talk and get some work done today. The insurance commissioner is breathing down my damn neck. I’ll need Hardy a little more over the coming weeks, Thayer, until this is resolved. I hope you both can understand; it has nothing to do with your relationship.” His arms fall to his side in a relaxed position.
“Of course, it’s fine.” Hardy stands there, his eyes flicker between us. “Love you, I’ll be home around six.” I smile at him, hoping he’ll move or breathe.
“I’ll call. I, ah, I’ll call.” Hardy must be in shock. He still isn’t moving. One stands there chuckling.
“Well, hell, Hardy. Kiss her, or I’ll never hear the end of it. Hurry, we need to move. Go see Lea, she’s having a tough time.” One walks over, leans in, placing a kiss on my head, like when I was a little girl.
“Will do.” Tiptoeing, I kiss Hardy and send him on his way.
Before One gets out the door, I add, “Please, for the love of all that’s holy, be good to him. For me. For him, he loves you as much as I do.” One smirks as he grunts.
Watching as they pull away in One’s truck, I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. On the other end of the parking lot I see that old, beat up Ford pickup. It looks exactly like the one from the hospital and Hardy’s house. Slowly, it pulls onto the highway, driving in the other direction.
Finishing up my orders early, I call Lea and drive over for a visit. It’s a hot day, and the traffic is heavy due to vacationers. Still, I don’t mind. I spend the extra time thinking of Hardy. He was so worried about One, but his reaction was more shock than anything.
I make the final turn onto Lea’s street when I see the old Ford behind me. Pulling into Lea’s driveway, the truck slows to a stop just before the turn. I jump from my truck, running to Lea’s door and beat on it as hard as I can.
“Lea, it’s me. It’s Thayer, please open your door!” I’m screaming at this point. Her door moving with every blow I land before it swings wide, and I rush inside.
“What the hell? Are you okay?” Lea checks me like one of her kids to see if I’m harmed. Glancing over her shoulder, I see the door is still open.
“Shut the fucking door, someone’s following me!” Lunging at the door, I slam it shut, locking it after.
“Where’s your brother? Who is it?” Lea peaks out the blinds just as the truck moves on. “Was that it?”
“Yes. I’ve seen it four times in the last few weeks. Just sitting. It was at the office earlier today, and it followed me here.” My voice quivers as my body shakes. I can’t rid myself of the bad feeling I’ve had all day.
“They’re gone now. Do you want to call the police?” Lea yanks her phone from her back pocket.
“No, it’s fine. Stupid shit just gave me the creeps.” I shudder at the thought.
“I get it. Drinks?” she asks as she gives me a reassuring smile.
“Please,” I answer with a sigh.
“So tell me about you and Hardy. How’s it going? Why the hell did it take him so long?” Lea cocks an inquiring eyebrow.
“Really? You’re asking why someone waited? Should we call One for this talk?” I giggle as I twist my face trying to look astonished.
“Touché. But we’re talking about Hardy and not me. Spill, bitch.” Lea hands me a Sangria as we walk to the couch.
“He’s scared. Not for the normal reasons. Oddly enough, it’s because he thinks he isn’t good enough.” My chest heaves as I try to hold back my tears. Thinking of Hardy’s young life crushes me.
“I get it. You and Malone are amazing. People like Hardy and myself have a really tough time accepting love because, at some point, it needs to be reciprocated. It’s extremely self-deprecating, we’re wired that way I’ll never live up to the way your brother says he loves me.” She plays with her drink as she stares off into the distance.
“I’m not even sure what that means, Lea. Live up to what? Love? Us? Love is love. Can it be profound? Yes. Can it be fucked up? Yes. But at the end of the day, it’s about you and the one person in this world who doesn’t care if you’re a fucking mess. They just want to be in that fucked up shit with you. One and I both have made dumbass mistakes in our life. We have regrets.” Lea studies me and my words before questioning me.
“Thayer, what if it doesn’t work out? You’ve given everything to him, and the truth is, there’s still so much you don’t know. Malone doesn’t even know everything about him. Malone and I are still learning, I’m not sure where we’ll end up.” Lea waits for my answer as if her life depends on it.
“Maybe it won’t. Maybe we’ll be together for a hundred years, Lea. What are you asking me? Will I regret loving him? Will I regret laying it all out there on the line, to love him for as long as I can? No. No, Lea, I’ll not regret it. I’ll love him until I can’t. I know it’s fast. I know what people will say if it doesn’t work out. But if I don’t try, if I don’t love him with everything I have, I’ll regret that. I’ll regret missing out on a man who has fought his whole life to find love. To find someone who won’t leave. To have someone that will love him in spite of his mistakes and missteps. What greater love is there than a love we don’t deserve? Man, to live with the love of your life, not deserving of it but working every day to try. Both of you working together to make the other person think you deserve their love. I can’t stop this, I’ve tried.” We both wipe away tears as we think about our greatest loves.
Lea and I walk to the beach after that, sitting there, allowing the surf to be the only thing we hear. The tides beating against each other, fighting to be the top of the wave. How often do we dream of finding love? Ripping ourselves apart, beating all our bad parts, hoping to rise to the top?
My stomach twists and turns, thinking about Hardy. What if we don’t work out? We are so different. Some say opposites attract. Are we too unalike that we’ll not work? I have no clue. All I know is I want Hardy. All of his scars and bruises. His mistakes and misgivings are a part of who he has become. I can’t hold his past against him. If it were me, I wouldn’t want to be held to a different standard.
“Lea, have you been completely honest with One? I think I could handle anything life could throw at us, as long as Hardy is honest with me. I just need to know what I’m facing before the world knows.” Glancing over at Lea, I know her answer before she says it; she hasn’t been completely honest with One. What the fuck?
“I haven’t. I’m not ready, Thayer. I’m scared. I have a lot to lose. I don’t know what that’ll do to us. I don’t want to think about it. I know I need to tell him, and I will. I pray it’s not too late or too much when I do.” Lea’s eyes never leave the ocean as it rages toward us, pounding the shoreline.
“I hope Hardy’s told me everything, Lea, but I have a terrible feeling he hasn’t. Even so I know I’ll always love him, no matter what happens.” She leans her head over on my shoulder. We sit for another hour, watching the water crash in on itself, resembling our twisted souls.
Trudging back to reality, Lea walks me to my truck, hugging me tightly before I leave. Sending up a silent prayer, I ask that she and One work through the problem they’re having. I love them both and want them to be happy.
As for myself and Hardy, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him. Giving him children that look like him and think like me. The thought makes me laugh out loud. I’m positive he’d agree. He thinks I’m so much more intelligent than him. I might be book smart, but Hardy’s street smart. There
’s no learning that in a classroom or book. Street smarts are earned only one way, by fucking trial and error.
Stopping by the grocery store, I pick up chicken breast and heavy cream. I’m planning to make chicken Alfredo tonight. I didn’t think to ask if Hardy likes it. Although, it seems as though he’ll eat anything. I need to get back over to Lea’s and have her teach me to make her gravy and biscuits.
Lulu greets me at the door, happy someone is home. She’s a gorgeous dog, pure breed Collie. Sweetest natured animal I’ve ever been around. Come to think of it, she’s the only dog I’ve ever been around. Following me to the kitchen, I fix her food and water to which I get kisses for my food making abilities. We talk as I wash my hands and begin our dinner. Lulu lays just out of the kitchen watching me.
A noise from the patio startles us, and Lulu jumps into action. She races for the patio door, growling her dislike of whatever is on the other side. Taking her by the collar, I try to pull her away from the door, but she won’t budge. It’s then I notice her hackles raised, raising every hair on my body. My phone’s in the kitchen. Hardy’s still not home, and I’m positive Lulu wouldn’t be this pissed about him being late.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. The surprising sound of my phone’s text messages frighten me at first. Dashing to it, I snatch it up, speed texting Hardy to hurry home.
Hardy: Hey, babe. Almost there. Need anything?
Me: YOU. Lulu’s going off. Noise on the patio. We’re nervous.
Hardy: OMW.
Rounding my kitchen door, I hear screeching tires out front. No doubt, it’s Hardy.
One’s silence makes me wonder if we’re going to the job site or a burial site. I knew he was going to be pissed, but damn, it’s as though I’ve ruined her. Maybe I have. One and I both know Thayer deserves better. My shortcomings will never measure up to the amazing person his little sister is, we both know it.
“So I’m sorry, dude. I should’ve been upfront with you.” Wringing my hands, I shift in my seat like I’m sixteen and waiting on my prom date. Damn.
Still, he sits there, stone-faced and reserved. It fucking pisses me off. What the fuck? Yeah, dude, your sister is better than me, but I love her. I’m going to do my best to make her happy. To be the man she deserves and needs. By God, I’ll do whatever it takes.
“Fine, asshole. Can she do better? Probably. But I’ll be goddamned if anyone will. I love her, man. I’ll do anything to make her happy and proud of me. So with or without your approval, I’m gonna love her.” There, fuck you.
One steps on the brake as he skids to a stop on the edge of the road. Staring out of the windshield, his hands fist the steering wheel. Shifting in his seat, he looks me in the eyes.
“Bullshit.” One glares at me, waiting for a response. Fuck it. If I have to lose my best friend, at least it’s over Thayer. I’ll take her any day.
“Say it, mother fucker. Go on, say what the hell is on your mind.” I square my shoulders.
“Who the hell are you trying to fool?” Placing his forearm on the wheel, he leans back against his door, narrowing his eyes.
“I’m not trying to fool anybody, asshole. You know what? Fuck you. I knew it. I tried to tell her. I fought this all the way, but there’s no fighting Thayer. I’m not giving her up, goddamn it.” As much as I’d like to, I can’t glower at him. Lowering my eyes, I sigh.
“Hardy. Hardy, look at me, man. Damn. You really think that little of me? Of our friendship? Man, you gotta know, I love you. I’m not sure why you think so little of me or my family. Have we not treated you with fairness? You’re my brother. You’ve been my brother for almost as long as Thayer’s been my sister. So why do you think I wouldn’t approve?” Staring at One, I realize my mouth’s agape.
“What? I mean, it’s me, Hardy. I’m a fuck up. I’ve had a shitty life. I was addicted to drugs. I’ve been in jail. You know what a mess you found me in when I was in Charleston. I’m a terminal playboy. The look in your eyes at the hospital let me know there was no way in hell you’d let this happen.” Shaking my head, I twist back in my seat, leaving my head down in defeat.
“Don’t give me that load of horse shit, you fucking asshole. I’m pissed as hell you’d keep this from me. We talked about her, at your place. Fuck, I talked to Thayer about you. You want Thayer? Well, you better be prepared to do one thing.” One looks at me, his eyebrows pulled down tightly. He’s angry as hell.
“What’s that? I’ll do anything,” I plead with him to understand how much I’d give up for her.
“Be honest. Tell her everything, just like you’ve always told me.” One’s eyes are soft, not a hard line in his brow. Just like he did so many years ago.
“I’ll do my best. I thought you were gonna kick my ass, old man.” I shake my head as my tension dissipates.
“Who said I wasn’t?” One chuckles as he punches me in the arm before turning his attention back to the road.
One has so much going on with Lea and all of his job sites having issues. I really don’t know how he does it all. Then behind his back, his best friend hooks up with his little sister. Damn, I’m glad he didn’t beat the shit outta me.
State inspectors were at the site all day, and One’s so on edge he could explode any minute. Which puts me in the position of being by his side all day to make sure he doesn’t, leaving me with no time to text Thayer to let her know I’m okay. That we’re okay.
By the time my ass hits my truck seat, I race to Thayer. I can’t believe one day away from her has done this to me. I’m a crazed lunatic trying to drive and text her at the stop lights. Yeah, don’t do as I do, do as I say. Don’t text and drive.
By the third light, I still haven’t gotten a response. I try to play it cool and send another, just to be sure she doesn’t need anything. We’ve fallen into a habit of going to her place every other day. She even gets Lulu from my place if I’m running late. It’s comfortable. Good.
About the time my phone alerts me, I’m turning into her neighborhood. Glancing down at the text, I see she’s scared, and Lulu’s going off. That can only mean one thing, Eric. Lulu hates him almost as much as I do. But why is he at Thayer’s? Fucker.
Taking the right onto her street, I spot him immediately. What the hell does he think he’s doing? Mother fucker is signing his death wish coming around Thayer. I’ve warned him, he’ll not get to her. No matter what it costs me.
Slamming my truck in park, I jump out at a dead run toward Eric. He’s standing there with his arms crossed as if he’s entitled to be here. To be a part of my life. Maybe he once was, but not anymore. I’ve had enough, it’s time to put an end to this shit.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Eric?” I demand of him as I stalk closer. He smirks at me as I stand in front of him, seething.
“You know exactly why I’m here, Hardy. Tell her or I will.” Eric narrows his eyes as he threatens me. I grab him by his shirt, pushing him against his beat up Ford. His body hits with such force, he cringes. It’s then I hear Thayer; there’s no stopping me.
“I’ll kill you. Do you understand? I’ll finish you. I’ve had enough, I’ve paid my penance. Now, stay the fuck away from her.” Thayer tugs on my arm as she repeats my name over and over. Eric’s smile grows while the scene unfolds. “Stay away from here. Do you understand?” I repeat in a menacing tone.
“Yeah, I hear you. Did you hear me?” Eric’s eyes shift from me to Thayer, who’s standing beside me with a look of horror on her face.
“I heard you, now leave. I mean it, Eric. Don’t come back here.” Releasing his shirt, I step away from him. Silently praying he’ll just walk away. It’s too much to ask.
“For now. I’ll go for now. But you need to come see me. Thayer, you have a nice evening.” Nodding at Thayer, he opens his door, stepping in as I help close it.
“Don’t, Eric,” I warn him once more before he leaves. His answer is a wink toward Thayer as he flashes a grin and then pulls away.
“What the fuck was this? Wh
o is that, Hardy?” Thayer’s arms are crossed over her chest; she’s closed herself completely off from me.
“It’s nothing, Thayer.” Turning away from her, I take deep breaths, gathering myself so I can tell her the truth. Thayer walks away from me before I can respond.
For the third time since meeting Thayer, I’m given the opportunity to walk away. A good man wouldn’t have to, he would stay with no fear of what the future could bring. I’m not a good man, I keep telling her, but she’s not listening. By God, I’m selfish. Following her through the front door, she rounds on me and unloads.
“Will there ever be a time that you trust me?” Thayer’s eyes are glassy and so unlike her.
“Trust you? How about the fact you question me at every fucking turn goddamn it?” I can’t even explain what I’m thinking right now. She has every right to question me.
“You’re right. I spend so much time trying to figure out what you haven’t told me that trusting you is hard. But I can tell you one thing for certain. Until you trust this”—she waves her finger between us—“we’ll never make it.” Her eyes are no longer glassy, the tears she was holding back are now running down her face.
“Thayer, it’s nothing. Eric is a part of a past I want to forget. You, yourself said, I had the right to put it to rest.” Stepping closer, I reach for her, but she steps back.
“Didn’t look to me like he’s ready to put anything to rest,” she says as she leans against the doorframe, her hands shoved into her pockets.
“Well, I am. It’s a part of the worst time in my life. Mistakes that I’ll never fix. People were hurt, I was hurt, and there’s no fixing it.” Slowly, I walk closer to her, praying she’ll move on.
“I’m just asking you to trust my love as much as you trust yours for me.” Removing her hands, she presses them against my chest as she searches my eyes for understanding.
