And maybe she should, she thought, biting her lip as she moaned at a kiss he pressed to the side of her throat, sending tingles shooting through her entire body. She should tell him to go… should preserve herself, insist on a deeper commitment before they made love like this… wasn't that how things were supposed to work in the olden days? But she couldn't bring herself to stop him… not when his hands felt so good on her body, when the closeness and the contact was satisfying a need that had been aching in her for so long that she'd almost forgotten it was there. And when he shifted his body against hers and she felt his manhood pressing hard against her leg, when he looked down at her in unspoken question, his desire burning in his blue-gray eyes… well, she was only human, wasn't she?
When he buried himself inside her she felt her eyes roll back in her head – it felt so unbelievably good to have him at last, as close as he could possibly be. She wrapped her legs around his waist, drew him closer, delighted by the way he groaned against her throat in absolute ecstasy, driving himself into her again and again… every thrust of his hips drove pleasure deep into her and she found herself gasping for breath, trying to stifle her moans against his throat in case they were overheard… but even if the whole castle had been listening, she couldn't have kept quiet. He felt so unbelievably good inside her, her whole body tingling with pleasure every time he drove himself into her, and as their breathing quickened and their sweat-slick limbs entangled, she could feel – to her shock – a peak approaching that she'd only ever found by herself. She'd had a few lovers, of course, and they'd all done their best… she'd just assumed she was one of those women who was difficult to please.
But right now, wrapped in Kieran's arms with an orgasm thundering toward her as inevitably as a runaway train, she knew for a fact that that wasn't true. She just hadn't been with the right man.
She felt Kieran tense up too when her climax hit her, but she was too busy burying her face in his throat to stop herself screaming loudly enough to bring half the castle running. Her whole body felt like it was exploding with light – she hung onto him for dear life as waves of pleasure blasted through her, eventually leaving her limp and exhausted, lying beneath him with his arms around her, both of them gasping for breath as she realized that he'd also climaxed.
She laughed a little weakly and he chuckled dizzily, too, propping himself up on his forearms for just long enough for her to inch out from beneath him – then they both collapsed again, her lying on her side facing him, both of them curled together under the tangled blankets.
"Wow," she breathed, gazing into those blue-gray eyes, which were as clouded by the exhaustion and pleasant afterglow of their lovemaking as she felt. "That was…"
"Wonderful," he said softly, surprising her with the tenderness in his voice.
She leaned in to kiss him, not sure what else to say, and he sighed with contentment, drawing her closer into his arms. They lay for a long moment there, and Sarah couldn't for the life of her summon any real anxiety about any of the things she'd been stressing about before they'd come here. Bandits? Who cared. DeBeers? No idea who that was.
All she could think about right now was the man in her bed, his strong arms around her, the way his enormous frame seemed to fit perfectly around hers, both of them nestled comfortably even in the narrow single bed.
And— she thought with a smug, wicked smile that danced across her flushed face — they had the whole night ahead of them. She intended to make use of every minute they had before dawn came, bringing unwelcome reality with it. And from the way Kieran was gazing at her, she had a feeling she wasn't alone in that.
Chapter 18
In the end, they stayed up until just before dawn, at which point even Kieran's impressive stamina finally gave out. The sleep they fell into was one of the most restful and restorative of Sarah's life, and when she woke, it was with a warm glow suffusing her entire body. She didn't think she'd ever felt this relaxed in her entire life… not on holiday, not after a massage, not even on the rare occasions she'd gotten drunk. None of it had anything on a night of tender, passionate sex with the most gorgeous man she'd ever met.
He was fast asleep beside her, and she propped herself up on one elbow, taking a rare opportunity to admire his unguarded face. He looked somehow younger in his sleep, the usual frown that lingered on his handsome face banished by sleep… she smiled, resisting the urge to lean down to press a kiss to that face. She'd only wake him up… and she wanted to spend a little longer admiring him before the real world claimed him. She could tell it was already getting late in the morning – the sounds of the castle stirring around them proved that. The two of them had probably missed breakfast. Somehow, that was a sacrifice she felt more than willing to have made.
But it wasn't long before worries started to creep through her mind. What if he thought less of her for inviting him to her room, having sex with him before they were married? She still hadn't been able to get much of a read on how premarital sex was viewed among the people of the castle… the servants gossiped so much about who was in love with who, but rarely were details of actual sexual contact shared. Another thought occurred to her, and she bit her lip – should she be worried about diseases? It wasn't as though there was a free clinic down the road to go and get tested if she was worried… and she wasn't sure whether antibiotics had been invented yet. Kieran didn't seem like the kind of man to sleep around enough to catch diseases, though.
The real worry, of course, was pregnancy. She kept a fairly close eye on her cycle and knew that this particular night wasn't a high-risk one… but still, no amount of sex was exactly safe when it came to fertility. And she knew she didn't want a baby right now. She'd never done much thinking about whether she wanted children at all, in fact. Several of her friends already had families, and it seemed nice enough… but for her, children were always something you thought about after you'd settled down with a man. And she'd never gotten that far.
Would she, now? she wondered. Hadn't the other women been incredibly keen for her and Kieran to get together? They'd all married their MacLeod within a year of arriving here… did the same path lay before her? She had to admit, here in the quiet of the morning, the idea sounded pretty good… but she scolded herself for rushing to that conclusion. She barely knew this man… and in the afterglow of sex, of course it would seem like a good idea to marry him. That was her body's treacherous chemicals, lying to her. But were they necessarily lying? Everything she knew about him told her he was a good man, kind, dedicated, protective…
She sat up in bed, annoyed with how quickly her thoughts were rushing ahead. Thinking about that level of commitment after a couple of weeks of clandestine make-outs, and one — admittedly amazing — night of lovemaking… it was absurd. She needed to focus on the here and now. And that meant gently waking Kieran with a kiss, smiling as he blinked blearily in the morning sun.
"What time is it?" he murmured, his voice hoarse.
"I think we've missed breakfast." The heartbroken groan he uttered made her giggle, and she covered her mouth with her hand, eyes dancing. "So sorry."
"Worth the starvation," he said softly, smiling up at her.
It was strange to see him so… open. He was always so guarded, so closed down… here, lying mostly naked in her bed, she felt like she was seeing a whole new side to him. No – not new. Just… more in focus. She'd seen glimpses of this man as she'd gotten to know him over the last few weeks. She felt oddly honored that he was trusting her with this level of vulnerability. Something told her that few people saw this side of Kieran MacLeod.
They dressed slowly and reluctantly, Kieran apologizing for needing to leave – but there was a meeting with the Laird and his tanist that couldn't wait. Remembering yesterday's siege and the ongoing situation with the bandits, Sarah nodded, fighting her disappointment. The real world didn't just go away because they'd had sex, she knew that… still, she couldn't help but feel a little worried as he headed through her door.
; Would this be a one-off? Now that he'd had her, would he be interested in their relationship anymore? But he stopped, as though sensing her worry, and turned back to claim her lips in an unexpected, searing kiss that set fires burning that she'd thought had been thoroughly quenched by their night of lovemaking.
"We'll continue this later, I hope," he said softly, looking meaningfully into her eyes.
She nodded, feeling a smile break out across her face, and when the door clicked shut behind her she dropped back into the bed, fighting the urge to press her face into the pillow and scream like a schoolgirl. She could have this, couldn't she? She could have this one nice thing, for now at least? A man who liked her, a man she adored… a man with whom she had scorching sexual compatibility… right now, she was just going to bask in the joy of it all.
There would be plenty of time later to worry about all the complications this would bring.
She sat with Maria, Edith and Carissa at lunch – the three of them were complaining about losing their husbands entirely to a war council that had stretched on since the morning. Sarah bit her lip when she realized she'd probably made Kieran late, and caught a curious look from Maria as she did so. A blush rose to her cheeks… and Carissa leaned across the table, her eyes alight with curiosity.
"What does that face mean?" she demanded, for all the world as though she was the cop, not the amused Maria. "Something happened, didn't it? I can tell. You're different. Something's different. Is it Kieran? Did –"
"Carissa, you're a menace!" Edith squeaked, covering her mouth with her hand. But her blue eyes shifted curiously to Sarah, who couldn't help laughing, throwing her hands in the air.
"There I was, determined to keep it a secret for a little while –"
"We can keep a secret," Carissa said immediately. "I'm brilliant at secrets. Best in the game."
"Fine," she said, shaking her head. She'd been a detective for over a decade… she knew the look of a group of women who'd stumbled onto a lead and weren't going to rest until they'd followed it to its inevitable conclusion. And besides, she wanted to talk to someone about her relationship with Kieran… get an outside perspective from someone who might understand where she was coming from. "Fine, yes, alright? We're – seeing each other."
"Well, we know that –" Edith said impatiently, then covered her mouth with her hand again. "I mean – oh gosh!"
"You knew?" Sarah raised an eyebrow at her friends, surprised and a little irritated to find out that all her secrecy had been for naught. "How?"
"We have our ways," Carissa said mysteriously.
But Maria was shaking her head, a slightly dismayed look on her face even as she clearly fought to hold back a smile. "You've been the talk of the castle, I'm afraid," she said softly, the grin beginning to break free and spread across her face. "There just aren't that many perfectly private places to go… and the servants are experts at spotting two people who are making a point of arriving places at slightly different times…"
"Typical," Sarah said, torn between exasperation and amusement. "There I was, thinking I actually had a secret for once."
"How's it going?" Carissa said immediately, her eyes full of a light that told Sarah that she'd been hanging out to talk about this for a very long time. "What's he like when he's not being a big tough old guard captain?"
"He's – kind of wonderful," she said, hesitating a little as a blush rose to her cheeks. How did she describe him? "He's surprisingly observant. Notices things that I thought had gone completely over his head, remembers tiny little things I've said, puts the pieces together…" She cleared her throat. "It's – nice. I like it."
"I don't mean to be nosy," Maria said, her expression suggesting that she very much did. "But have you two slept together?"
"Maria!" Edith looked scandalized. "You can't just ask someone something like that –"
"I'm not just trying to gossip," Maria said irritably. "Sarah may well need practical advice from the three of us. Not everyone's pleased as punch to be welcoming the next generation –"
"Oh," Edith said faintly, her hand falling to her pronounced baby bump. She had to be uncomfortable, getting so close to delivering, but Edith glowed and looked as happy as a lamb. "I guess you're right." Her eyes flicked to Sarah.
Sarah laughed when she saw the curiosity there. Well, she'd come this far, hadn't she? It was sharing time. "We have," she confirmed, not even minding the blush that burned in her cheeks. Carissa looked like the cat who'd gotten the cream – she was grinning fit to burst, clearly keeping herself from speaking through a tremendous force of will. "Last night."
"I knew it," Carissa said in a strangled voice that suggested she had been trying very hard not to say it. "Sorry. I just – that's great." Her eyes gleamed. "Was it good?"
"Very."
"Oh my God."
"Okay," Sarah said, shaking her head. "Now that we've shared every damn detail of my personal life… you said something about practical advice? Are there medieval condoms I should know about?"
"No, but I've thought about it," Maria said with a grin. "If you're wanting to avoid pregnancy, rhythm method's decent. And there are herbal options. Carissa?"
"Oh my God, yes, I'll make you some tea! Erin taught me when I started seeing Hugh," she said with her eyes alight.
"And how effective was it, exactly?" Sarah asked dryly, looking down at her belly.
Carissa rolled her eyes. "Very funny. I stopped taking the tea when we decided we wanted to start our family, obviously. It's very effective – and very impermanent, too," she added, gesturing at her belly as evidence. "You go right back to normal as soon as you stop drinking it."
Sarah hesitated. She'd never been the kind of person to trust herbal remedies… but then again, she supposed she didn't really have many other options, unless she wanted to go celibate until she was married or ready for a child. And an herbal remedy was better than nothing… especially when she knew for a fact that her willpower wasn't going to be strong enough to keep her out of Kieran's arms. Not even close. "That would be great," she said, smiling. "Thanks, Carissa."
"Thought you were going to ask me for peer-reviewed studies on the efficacy of the method," Carissa teased her. It was no secret that Sarah was the most empirically minded of the women, and she just smiled at the gentle ribbing.
"Only if you've got some on you."
"Give me a few hundred years and I'll look into it."
The four of them laughed, and Sarah smiled around at her friends, feeling an odd sense of warmth in her stomach. Was this what it felt like to have close friends, women you confided in, trusted with all your secrets? Like so many things she was discovering in this strange place, Sarah realized that this was filling a void in her heart that she hadn't even known was there.
Chapter 19
She spent most of the day at something of a loose end. What she really wanted was to see Kieran, spend more time with him – talk a little about what their relationship was, what the next step was, how interested he was in commitment. Of course, she wasn't entirely sure she was ready for that kind of thing herself. This place was still so new, and she was still working so hard to settle in, to find a place here… could she really enter into a serious relationship while working on all of that? Kieran was a good man, a kind man – she knew that if he pledged himself to her, he'd take their relationship as seriously as he took his job as Captain of the watch. But was she ready to put the same amount of work in?
At least it kept her mind busy. By mid-afternoon, she realized with a shock that she hadn't thought of DeBeers in hours – probably a new record for her. How long had it been since he hadn't crossed her mind for an afternoon? Was it possible that she was finally giving up her chase? She felt conflicted about that. On the one hand, she knew her life would be happier if she just let herself focus on settling in here, on making a life she could be proud of. But on the other hand — he was still out there, wasn't he? She hadn't heard anything about him, and the trail was ice cold, b
ut she knew in her guts that he wasn't dead. He was out there. Could she really let him evade justice? Could she choose a quiet, happy life here in the castle over her determination to do what was right?
And was there a world in which she could have both?
But this new dimension to her relationship with Kieran was a pleasant distraction. Over the next week, they spent more time together – sometimes he'd come to her room late at night, but more often she'd go to his. His quarters were roomier than hers, more spacious, and his bed was much larger… something that came in handy as they got to know each other more intimately and their lovemaking became more adventurous, more physical. It was good to have the extra space. She commented on the size of his quarters at one point, and he casually mentioned that the rooms were designed so that the Captain of the guard could live there with his wife and family. She held her breath… but he didn't follow that up with any suggestions.
Well, good. It was far too early in their relationship to be talking about that kind of thing… but still, she couldn't help but feel just a little bit disappointed.
But in all other realms, he seemed absolutely devoted to her. Barely a day went by when she didn't either see him or receive some token of his affection… a note making a time to see her next, flowers from along the road where he'd been patrolling, something sweet from the kitchens… simple gestures, little gifts that told her that she was never far from his mind. And the more time she spent with him, the more she knew in her bones that she was falling for him. He was so kind, so gentle… she loved talking to him, loved who she was when she was in his company. This was what she'd been dreaming of. This was what had been missing from every romantic relationship she'd tried and failed to have, back in the twenty-first century.
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