The Rogue's Redemption

by Ruth Axtell Morren

  A look of the deepest contempt for a man who would compromise a lady’s virtue and then not offer for her, a look mingled with compassion. Compassion! It had shocked Gerrit to the core to read compassion in his rival’s eyes. It had been as if for a second he had been able to read Gerrit’s deepest secrets—his own self-contempt—and pitied him.

  Gerrit scrubbed his hands across his face, remembering a similar look in Leighton’s eyes. It said more than any words how beyond hope Gerrit’s condition truly was.

  Ever since that day in London when Lord Skylar had bested him in a fight for Lady Gillian’s honor, Gerrit had been running. He’d tried to drown the memory in drink, in daring exploits, in women, and then, grasping at straws, he’d tried to save himself through a ridiculous attempt to preserve Hester’s innocence by staying away from her.

  But he’d needed her too much. He swallowed the bitter taste that rose up in his mouth. He’d been fool enough to think he could actually change by going to a new land, working harder than he’d ever worked in his life, striving to gain the respect of Hester’s father, in some vain hope to some day be worthy of his daughter. All along, it had been a fool’s dream. God had known Gerrit was the same inside as he’d always been.

  Gerrit glanced up at the ceiling as if able to discern the Almighty.

  Gerrit was the same man he’d started out as…the same man he’d always been…always looking for the easy way out. Willing to deceive, seeking only the pleasure of the moment and leaving before he’d have to pay any consequences. And God had known it all along. He must be laughing at Gerrit’s futile attempts to change the facts.

  “You were right,” he whispered to the smoke-stained ceiling. “You were absolutely right. If You knew so much, why didn’t You take me on the battlefield?” The words came out broken. “Why didn’t You take me then and save those more worthy?”

  He collapsed to his knees, bringing his hands to cover his eyes. “I’m nothing but a miserable sinner.”

  In the silence which answered him, the words of that hymn which Orin had sung so often in the cabin came back to him.

  There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins; and sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains….

  “Oh, God, if you can really wipe away these guilty stains…” He held out his arms, crossed at the wrists, palms up. He couldn’t finish the sentence, but bowed his head further, shame crushing him, and sobbed for all he’d never been and never would be.

  Hester grasped Jamie’s hand. “Will you do this for me? Papa wouldn’t let me near the waterfront now with the lumberers back in town.”

  “Of course I’ll do it. I don’t believe for a moment any of those lies against Major Hawkes.”

  She squeezed his hand, smiling for the first time since she’d heard the awful things about Gerrit. “I don’t either. I know he wouldn’t—” She pressed her lips together, not even wanting to repeat the things. “But be careful, Jamie. It’s dangerous on the waterfront now, especially in the evening. The men are drinking something awful.”

  “Of course I’ll have a care! Who do you think I am? Don’t forget I spent the whole winter with them.”

  She smiled at her brother’s lofty tone. “But they did no drinking then.”

  “I know.” He released her hand and took her by the shoulders and leaned his face toward hers. “Don’t worry. I know what I have to do. I’ll stay out of sight and just go to the major’s room.”

  “Do you remember what you need to say to him?”

  He chucked her on the cheek. “I remember.”

  “I’m so afraid you won’t get there in time. What if he’s already left Bangor?”

  “Then I’ll follow him wherever he’s gone to.”

  “But come back for me first. If he’s left town, I’m going with you.”

  He nodded his head. “I promise.”

  When Jamie left his sister, he hurried down to the center of town. The streets were deserted at that hour of the evening, everyone safe in their homes. But as he neared the waterfront, signs of life reappeared. Here, men flush with money were just rising from their afternoon slumber, ready to enjoy themselves of all they’d been deprived of during the long months in the woods.

  Jamie skirted a group of loud-voiced men and slipped down an alley. He knew a quick way to the tavern where Gerrit was staying. A couple of blocks more and he’d be there. He slowed his steps before turning a dark corner.

  Voices indicated someone in the alley just at the rear of the tavern. Jamie stopped, hardly breathing. A man’s and a woman’s voice.

  “I did exactly what you said and it didn’t work,” the female voice complained. “The Major just passed out on the bed. He was useless!” Her voice was filled with scorn.

  Jamie sucked in his breath. It was she! The woman Gerrit was accused of having spent the night with!

  “Well, that isn’t any of my fault. If your charms aren’t enough to woo the lobsterback, that ain’t nothin’ to do with me.”

  “You told me if I went along with your plan, I’d have my reward. It’s not my fault if you drugged him so much, he collapsed on the bed and didn’t wake up till the next morning when he had a pitcher of cold water thrown on him.”

  The man chuckled. “Wish I coulda’ seen that.”

  She laughed. “It was a sight all right. Poor man didn’t know what hit him.” Her tone resumed its petulant note. “But I did what you wanted and it didn’t work. So, now I say I deserve something for all my trouble.”

  His voice hardened. “You did what you wanted. Ever since the major arrived, you been eyeing him. Well, you had your chance and if you couldn’t rouse him, don’t come blamin’ me!”

  “Why you, lowdown, conniving—” A scuffle began and Jamie regained his wits enough to back quietly out of the alley and retrace his steps to the front of the tavern. He had planned on entering through the back, but thought it more prudent now to come directly by the front. The last thing he wanted was to be detected by the two in the alley.

  His heart beating in excitement, he avoided the noisy taproom, only glancing in quickly to make sure the major wasn’t there. There was no sign of him, so he hurried up the stairs and pounded on the major’s door.

  When no one opened the door, he knocked again. “Major Hawkes, it’s me, Jamie. Are you in there?”

  A muffled voice replied, “Go away, Jamie.”

  “I’ve got to talk to you, Major, it’s important. Please open.” He rattled the latch but the door was bolted. “Please, Major. Please. I’ll stay here all night if I have to.”

  Finally, he heard the bolt being drawn. The door opened and Jamie stared at Gerrit. His face was unshaven, his eyes bloodshot, his hair disheveled. Jamie glanced down at his clothes. It looked as if he’d slept in them, but then his face reddened, remembering the condition his father had said the major had been found in this morning.

  Jamie cleared his throat. “Thanks. M-may I come in?”

  The major said nothing, just moved back a step. After another second’s hesitation, Jamie entered the room. The major shut the door behind him.

  Jamie immediately noticed the portmanteau on the bed and the clothes beside it. “What are you doing?”

  “What does it look like?” The major approached the bed and resumed setting clothes into the bag.

  “Packing.”

  “You’re very observant, Jamie. You’ll make a good businessman like your father.”

  “Hester sent a message for you.”

  At those words, the major’s hands stilled but he didn’t turn around. “Did she?”

  He could read nothing from the major’s tone. Could the stories really be true? No! He’d just heard about what had been done to the major. He cleared his throat. “She said to t-tell you that she loves you no matter what. She said if you were going away, she’d go with you anywhere.” The major slowly turned around at his words. Jamie delivered the last part of Hester’s message directly to his face. “
She said that you were the only one who could tell her if you didn’t want her.”

  The man brought a hand up to his face and covered his mouth, rubbing his unshaven cheek. “Oh, Jamie…” He could say no more, and turned away from him.

  Jamie quickly went up to him and touched him on the arm. “Gerrit, we know you didn’t do what they say—even before, but—” his voice rose in his excitement “—when I was coming here tonight I heard a woman and a man talking about what they did to you. They drugged you. Nothing happened. Do you understand? They made it look like you spent the night with her, but she said as soon as she had you up here you passed out and didn’t come to until this morning!”

  The major had turned and his look had gone from confusion to incredulity to an intensity that frightened Jamie. The major gripped his shoulders. “Slow down and tell me again. You say I was drugged?”

  Jamie repeated what he’d heard.

  The major walked away from him as he spoke, running a hand through his hair. “No wonder I can’t remember a thing. Not one blasted thing about last night after my first tankard of ale. It must have been something in the second one. She brought it to me. After that, all I remember is waking up to a dousing of cold water.”

  He came back to Jamie, his face breaking out in a smile. “Jamie, I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for coming here and telling me this.” He sobered. “You’d better get back home. I’ll take it from here. Tell Hester—” He paused. “Please thank her for me. Tell her her words meant more to me than she can ever know. Tell her I love her and will come for her.”

  Jamie nodded his head, grinning. “I’ll tell her word for word. She’ll be glad to hear that.”

  As soon as Jamie had left, Gerrit collapsed on the side of his bed. His heart was too full for words. Slowly he slid to the floor again, once more on his knees though this time no longer in brokenness, but in joy and gratitude.

  He clasped together both hands and bowed his head. “You have revealed Your grace to me. I am yours, Lord, to do with as You will.”

  He knelt in quietness. And then he felt it. A warmth invaded his body, filling him and covering him. He felt washed clean.

  Washed by His precious Savior’s blood. The precious blood of Jesus.

  Later that evening, Gerrit went in search of Liza, but not finding her, he returned to his room. The next morning, he again went looking for her. He found her in the kitchen.

  “I need to speak to you,” he said with no preliminaries. Her smile of greeting died and she thrust out her chin.

  “What’s a matter, Major? Conscience bothering you?”

  “If I’d done something to wrong you, it would be. But I haven’t done anything, have I?” He looked at her until her gaze slid away from his.

  “Doesn’t look to me like you didn’t do nothing.”

  “Appearances can be deceiving, can’t they? Especially when people put things into a man’s drink.”

  She looked around frightened. Then she hurried out the back alley where no one could hear their conversation. “I don’t like what you’re saying, Major. I didn’t do nothing to you but try to please you.”

  “You and whoever put you up to it spiked my drink then made it look as if you’d spent the night with me. But it was all a lie. I want you to go to Mr. Leighton and tell him the truth.”

  Her eyes hardened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I give you my word, you won’t be punished for it. Please, Miss Liza, tell Mr. Leighton the truth. This isn’t worthy of you. The man who put you up to it hasn’t even paid you for your part in it, has he?”

  She didn’t meet his gaze and her hands twisted in her dirty apron. Suddenly Gerrit felt pity for her. He shoved a hand through his hair. How many times had he taken what a tavern wench had offered him?

  He turned away from her, realizing he wouldn’t get anything more from her. She was too scared to own up to her part in it. With a final attempt, he turned back to her and said, “Please, Liza, tell the truth.” He softened his voice. “I love Hester Leighton and want to marry her. I’d like her father’s good opinion of me. Please do the right thing.” Then he walked away from her.

  He collected his belongings and settled his bill, knowing he needed to find a new place to stay before he did anything else. On an impulse, he asked where Orin lived. Getting directions, he made his way out of town to a log cabin surrounded by a fringe of firs.

  The man didn’t seem surprised to see him. He invited him in and seeing Gerrit’s bag, told him he had an extra bed if wanted to stay a while. Gerrit thanked him, and over a cup of coffee and some breakfast, told him what had happened.

  “I feel different. A whole new man, even though Mr. Leighton still thinks I’m the scum of the earth. Before, I would have agreed with him heartily, but now, even though I know I don’t deserve Miss Leighton, I feel differently inside.”

  Orin nodded over his pipe. “You’ve been redeemed. You’re no longer your own. You’re a new man in Christ.”

  “Yes.” He smiled at the older man. “Redemption. You were right.”

  After he bid Orin goodbye, he headed up to Hester’s house. He rang the bell. When her mother answered, part of him was tempted to look away in shame, but then he remembered who he was. He looked her straight in the eye and asked, “May I see Hester?”

  She looked at him keenly then gave a slight nod. “Please come in. I’ll fetch her for you.”

  He waited in the front parlor, the same room he’d spent that last evening with her before heading up to the camp.

  He turned at the sound of her step. She looked pale, but as soon as she saw him, she smiled, a tentative smile, but when he returned it, she ran toward him. He caught her up in his arms.

  “I got your message from Jamie,” she breathed, her gaze searching his. “Did you mean it?”

  “I meant it, if he told you that I love you.” He smiled into her beautiful hazel eyes. “Was your brother able to deliver that simple message? That I love you and was coming for you?”

  She nodded, her eyes shining in delight. “Perfectly. Where shall we go?”

  His heart swelled at her readiness to go with him wherever and whenever he’d say. “Hester, even though…” he hesitated, then took a deep breath before continuing “…even though it seemed as if I’d broken my word to you, I didn’t do what it looked like. I’m glad Jamie discovered the truth, but what makes me even gladder is that you believed in my innocence before then.”

  Her eyes were bright with her love. “How could I not, after reading all your letters?”

  He looked at her, gradually understanding what she was telling him. “You read my…letters?”

  She nodded. “A few days before you came home, someone—no doubt a lumberer—dropped them off here.”

  He remembered his confessions. Things he’d never tell a soul. He could feel a flush stealing across his cheeks and he loosened his hold on her. “I…never intended to send those letters,” he finally managed.

  She frowned at him. “What do you mean? I read them. Each one was addressed to me. Weren’t they meant for me?”

  He dropped his arms and stepped back from her. “In a manner of speaking they were.” He shoved a hand through his hair. How to explain it? “I…needed…to feel you close to me during those awful days when it seemed as if I’d never see you again. But I never wanted you to actually see those pathetic outpourings of a man consumed by self-pity and guilt…”

  She touched his arm. “Don’t be ashamed of what you expressed. I feel honored that you felt you could tell me what you were going through inside.” She took a step closer to him. “Don’t you see? I love you and want to know everything about you.”

  He stared at her, hardly believing she could actually still look at him with admiration in her eyes after reading what he’d written.

  Her words came forth more rapidly as she spoke. “If I hadn’t had those letters, I might have doubted when my father told me what he’d seen. The Lor
d knew I’d need to know the real you, so I would be able to discern the false accusations that were being brought against you.”

  He gazed at her in wonder. Even what had appeared a catastrophe then had worked out for his good. “I never meant for any eyes to read those silly letters…” he said with an embarrassed laugh. “Someone stole them out of my pack and brought them back here to you.” Slowly he shook his head, marveling. “I’m glad now you received them.”

  She smiled at him. “I am, too. They certainly weren’t silly. They were the most beautiful words I’ve ever read in my life.” Her fingers touched his face. “They brought me so much closer to you. They allowed me to see your heart. I hope—” She looked down. “I hope you’ll never be afraid to tell me your deepest thoughts ever again.”

  He took her back in his arms and rubbed his knuckles against her jaw. “I won’t. I promise,” he whispered, still in awe over what the Lord had done.

  At that moment, they heard someone clearing his throat in the doorway. They both turned to see her father standing there, a scowl marring his features. Though he loosened his hold on Hester, Gerrit didn’t let her go.

  “Good morning, Mr. Leighton,” he said.

  “What are you doing in my house?”

  “Your wife let me in.”

  “Papa, I love Gerrit.”

  Before Hester could say anything more, Gerrit disengaged himself from her and took a step toward Mr. Leighton. “When I first arrived here, I asked your permission for your daughter’s hand.”

  “If you satisfied my requirements.”

  “I believe I’ve fulfilled my part of the bargain…until the other evening.” Before Mr. Leighton could say anything, Gerrit continued. “I did nothing wrong with that barmaid. I was drugged and made to look as if I’d used her.”

  Mr. Leighton made a sound of disbelief. “I cannot believe you have the temerity to come here, to my house, and tell me I didn’t see what I saw.”

  “I stand by my innocence. I was drugged and knew nothing of what happened that evening. The last thing I remember was drinking one tankard of ale in that tavern.”