by Zoey Derrick
“How you doin?” Beck asks.
I shrug. “I feel like shit.”
“Physically or…”
“Emotionally. I feel like I’ve been fucking run over and I fucking hate it.” He doesn’t say anything in return. Beck, of all fucking people, is the one man who’s always fucking there for me, bailing my ass out and sometimes getting into trouble with me too. Despite his asshole exterior, Beck’s a pretty decent guy who just likes to let loose once in a while like the rest of us.
“Dude.” He stops.
I stop next to him. “What?” He turns to face me and looks down. “What the fuck, dude?” I follow his gaze and see what he sees. My right hand scratching and picking at my arm. I freeze, separating my arms. “Fuck.” I just stand there looking at my elbow, it’s not bleeding yet, but it was damn close. “Shit,” I say again.
“There is no judgement here, you fucking know that. Do I need to take you in?”
“Fuck, I don’t know,” I mumble. I light a cigarette. Don’t go jumping down my throat. It’s how I handle nerves, plus it will keep my hands busy, at least for a few minutes. I’m not my usual confident self and this is what’s bringing me down. I haven’t found my stride again. “No, damn it. I won’t. I can do this. This isn’t the first time I’ve fucked up, I doubt it will be my last.”
“Dex, I’m serious. I’ll take you in.”
“What the fuck are they going to do anyway? I fucking used one time. I was drunk as a fucking skunk and I don’t actually remember doing it. It’s all in my head.”
“I doubt that. Your body remembers more than your mind is capable of…”
“Fuck that crap. I need therapy more than I need detox, Beck.” I stomp out my cigarette.
He nods his understanding. “Then let’s start with food therapy.”
I look at the entrance to the restaurant. The other guys are already inside. “Fine,” I grumble and start walking. Beck falls into step beside me and we enter the restaurant. The guys are waiting to our right, up a couple of steps and Beck points to them, indicating to the hostess that we’re with them.
“You good?” Peacock asks.
I just nod and take a seat.
Within a few minutes we have chips and salsa and alcohol on their way. The moment the chips touch my lips and the burn of the hot salsa slides down my throat, I can feel my shakes subsiding and my panic ebbing to the point that I can concentrate again.
I take more comfort in the fact that while I’m running out of painful areas for ink; I know pain therapy is in my near future.
Pain therapy worked, but only marginally and temporarily. I long for the day when I can feel the blistering pain I once felt that cleansed me of my emotional distress. Yeah, I sound like a fucking dipshit, but whatever. If you’ve never tried it, maybe you should.
By the time we hit the bar that night I am slowly starting to feel at least a little bit better. Thanks to the burning sensation from my fresh ink. Though this one was small, it was a decent reminder of who I am, where I am and where I belong.
We spent the next night with Cami, Tristan and their friends, followed by an impromptu concert of sorts. Well okay, it was more for Talon and Addison than it was for me and the rest of the guys. But, whatever. My suspicions were confirmed when I watched Addison kiss Talon then turn around and kiss Kyle. I’m no dummy, I know that T & K have shared women before, but this is quite obviously different between the three of them.
In all the years that I’ve known Talon, I’ve never known him to be one for the guys, but with Kyle I always had my suspicions. Eventually I’ll figure it out. But it doesn’t stop me from ribbing Addison. Fuck, she’s gorgeous but she’d be like every other woman who’s sucked my cock. Pump and dump.
The impromptu concert was the second step in my therapy and recovering from a one night breakdown. Banging away on the drums has always been, and will always be, the best outlet for me. No matter how strung out I am, I find the pain, I find the drive to hit harder, to work harder, and to play like an animal. Though the concert wasn’t for me, it was still nice to pound away. I know once we’re back on the road, things will be better. I can change my focus to playing. Plus getting out of Phoenix, leaving the place where I fucked up, will make it that much sweeter.
By the time we hit Albuquerque, I am in a better mood and finally starting to feel back to my old self. I needed to get out of Phoenix and I told Beck as much. It took him a damn bit of convincing for me to stick around, telling me that the dinner with Cami and Tristan was pretty much a requirement. I wanted to fly out of Phoenix ahead of the guys, but decided I should stay. I was so fucking glad I did when Talon finally spilled the beans about ‘Your Eyes’ striking the top of the charts. That alone made staying worth it.
“Let me shower,” I tell Mouse after the Albuquerque show.
“Yeah okay,” he tells me as he returns to the greenroom.
Fuck, tonight was almost too much on me. To say that I feel strung out is an understatement. After the last few days, it’s taken everything I have not to get shit faced or track down some fucking snow. I knew I was going to need something to get me through this show. But some way, some fucking how, I managed.
I step under the spray of hot water. Every muscle in my arms and chest are killing me. I haven’t felt this worn out after a show in a long time. I want to crawl into my rack and pass out. But Mouse convinced me to go out tonight. It was our last show with Empty Chamber before they go on to another tour and we head into Texas.
The prospect of going out revitalizes me and for the first time in three days, my dick stirs at the thought of finding someone to suck me off. I close my eyes, soaking in the idea of finishing off my own brand of therapy by banging some chick in the bathroom.
By the time I’m done washing, my dick is hard as steel. I grip my cock hard. Holding it at the base, watching the head swell and grow darker as the blood flow is cut off. “Fuck,” I groan and start to stroke it. “Fuck.” I lean forward, putting my head against my forearm on the wall and stroke harder, faster, base to tip. Just let me fucking get off.
Fuck…
Ten minutes and a mind blowing orgasm later, I’m drying off. Though now that I’ve woken the monster, he won’t subside. He knows what he needs. He needs a warm wet mouth to sink balls deep into. I snort. “Yeah, that would be fucking great,” I grumble. “Because so many women have taken all of you before.” I roll my eyes at myself and slide my still damp legs into a pair of ripped up jeans, and check the back pocket. Yup, they’re still there. Finally I throw on a black t-shirt. Running my fingers through my still wet hair, I join the guys in the greenroom. I shake my head as Addison is surrounded by fans thrusting autograph books in her face.
I smirk. “Hey brother.” I turn to Talon. “Nice job tonight.”
“You weren’t so bad yourself,” I tell him as we take hands and bump chests. “How’s she handling this?” I nod in Addison’s direction.
Talon snorts a laugh. “Far better than we ever did.”
“Ha! Says you. I was only looking for whose pants I could talk my way into. I didn’t give a shit.”
Talon laughs. “This is true. You doing all right, man?”
I look at him, serious. “I’m getting there.”
“You know we’re all here for you,” Kyle says over my shoulder.
I release Talon and turn to Kyle. “Yeah, I know.”
“We’ve all been there and I have no doubt that one day we’ll all be back there again at some point,” Kyle says and we bump forearms.
“Yeah. Let’s get this over with. I need a drink,” I tell them both, avoiding the conversation and the direction it’s going.
When we’re finally done catering to the hoard of obnoxious fans, I’ve found at least one so far to strike my fancy and I invite her along. Don’t bother asking her name, because I’ll be damned if I could tell you. I’ll be damned if I give a shit. The minute they have a name is the minute I either start to care too much or don’t pay a
ttention anymore.
Pop.
Pop.
Pop.
Go the buttons on my button fly.
Shit, her hands are fucking cold as she wraps her dainty fingers around my shaft. She tries pulling me free. I grab her chin, forcing her to look up at me. Her dull green eyes stare back at me. I shake my head subtly. “You’ll never free him like that, sweetheart.” I release her chin and grab my jeans, pulling them down. My dick springs free and smacks her right in the face. I bite my lip to stop from laughing. The shocked look on her face is enough to make me snort a laugh, but she’s too wide-eyed to pay attention to any other head than the monster.
“Jesus, you’re fucking huge.” She beams up at me. That’s right, sweetheart, let’s see how much you can handle.
Her cold hands double fist my cock and she starts to stroke. Oh come on… I wrap my hands around hers and squeeze tighter. I groan and she continues stroking me.
Within about five strokes, I’m bored.
I take my dick in my hands and position it against her lips, pressing gently and she looks up at me with fear in her eyes. “It’s all right, sweetheart. You can take it.”
She sticks her tongue out and strokes the purple head against her bright pink tongue. “Ahh, that’s it, baby. Suck it,” I tell her, hoping to encourage her.
For as fucking slutty as she was when we got to the bar, I half expected her to be cramming my dick down her throat, but we get back here and she’s gun shy.
Finally I feel her warm wet mouth wrap around the head of my cock. “That’s it, baby. Take it.” Her hands have stilled and she’s just barely working the tip in her tiny little mouth. I put my hands in her hair, hoping to help encourage her to take me deeper into her wet mouth, but I’ll be damned, she resists me. I fight the urge to roll my eyes. This is so not what I needed or wanted tonight.
Think of me as a pig if you want, but I needed a girl to worship my cock like it’s the best thing on the planet and I manage to find the flirty and hesitant goody-fucking-two-shoes.
Oh… Okay, that was a little better. “That’s it, baby. Yeah, suck that cock.” My words of encouragement spur her on, but it doesn’t improve her skills any.
I wonder idly how often girls think they’re great at giving head when in reality, they suck. No pun intended.
I am about three and a half seconds away from pulling her off my dick, bending her over and fucking her stupid, but her tentative nature tells me that I’d be taking far more from her than she is giving me. There are just some girls you know are either virgins or highly inexperienced and in this case, I’m not sure which. I pray to the rock gods that someone, anyone, something, I don’t give a fuck what, will interrupt this train wreck. I close my eyes, hoping against hope that not looking at her will make it feel just a little bit better.
Nope.
I grunt and groan at the appropriate places, but unless I’m going to pound it into her, I can’t fake getting off.
Ring…
Ring…
Thank fuck.
“Sorry, baby, I gotta take this.”
I look at the phone. Beck, thank fuck. “Yeah?”
“Dude, we’re leaving.”
“Be out in a minute.”
I hang up.
“Sorry, sweetheart, my ride’s leaving.” I extract myself from her hands and mouth. She looks absolutely crestfallen, but I don’t give a shit. I button up, stuff my phone back in my pocket and leave her there with a shocked expression on her face.
“Remind me to kiss you later,” I tell Beck as he meets me at the door.
He laughs. “I could kind of tell.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “Seriously? Dude, you’re usually far more vocal than that. You sounded rehearsed.”
I snort. “We actually leaving?”
“Nah, but…”
“Fuck it, let’s go,” I tell him and he says something into his mic, probably telling Mills we’re bailing.
Twenty minutes later, I’m in my rack, my curtain is closed, my headphones are in and porn flashes before my eyes as I desperately try to rub out the hard-on she couldn’t make go away.
Sometime during the night, we pulled out of Albuquerque and headed for Galveston. We spent the better part of a day and a half on the bus. It sucked royally. Especially considering the walls on this damn thing are paper thin and Talon and Kyle make no secret of their enjoyment of Addison. Lucky bastards.
The show in Galveston went great. We wrapped up, hung out and bailed. We have a show in Dallas tomorrow night and have to get up there.
By the time the Dallas show is over, I’m covered in sweat and my arms are killing me. Drumming becomes a great outlet for sexual frustration. I even managed to gather a few sideways glances from the guys during the set. I don’t give a shit; I think I play better when my dick is hard and untouched. Finally we get a night out.
We’ve managed to pick up a group of unruly idiots for the next leg of the tour and I don’t take to them very well. What can I say; I’m not a people person. They’re a bunch of douchebags. I don’t pay them much attention. I just want to get out of here and find something to stick my dick into. Anything has got to be better than the last groupie.
When we arrive at the bar¸ there is a circle of couches in the middle and we take it over. Most of the people here tonight were at the concert, as evidenced by their t-shirts, and other attire. Not to mention the overwhelming welcome we had walking into the joint.
I barely finish half a beer before chick number one approaches me. Meh, she’s cute, but there are far better in here tonight. “Sorry, sweetheart, I’ve got someplace else to be,” I tell her. It wasn’t gentle and she gets the hint. Though I can see the girl crush wheels turning in her head for whatever girl manages to capture my attention tonight. By the time I finish my second beer, I’ve turned down three more girls, though Mouse is charming one of them. Maybe she’ll get lucky there. Though I wish he’d realize who the fuck he really is. Good looks get that man laid, but he has no skills when it comes to picking them up. I watch as Peacock surreptitiously watches Mouse from the other side of our circle. Though he isn’t lacking for chicks surrounding him, there is more hiding beneath the surface for Peacock than he lets on. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll finally spill the beans and come out of the closet. Then again, it’s just a theory.
I watch Talon with Addison. He is ridiculously lovey-dovey with her and I wonder what is so special about her. She’s managed to ensnare both him and Kyle, our band’s manager. They’re both chatting with Kyle. Addison eye fucks Kyle like I once eye fucked her. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to conquer that piece of ass. Anyway, Kyle is turning down women left and right. I don’t know why he feels the need to be so far away from Talon and Addison. I mean, shit, we all know the three of them are working something together. I cock an eyebrow as I realize Talon is looking at Kyle too. Hmmm? Could it be that they’re all together, together? I snort.
Finally something I can work with approaches. Brown shoulder length hair, too much makeup, bright ‘fuck me’ red lipstick. My eyes travel south. I want to roll them when I notice she’s wearing a modified Bottles shirt. But then my eyes land on super short shorts, the kind where the bottoms of the pockets hang out. Some very nicely shaped and tanned legs, and her feet are trapped in some black strappy five-inch heels. She smiles. I knew there was a flaw. Fuck it. She’s fuckable.
“Hey, you’re Dex, right?”
I put on my charming smile and sit up a little straighter. “I am, sweetheart.” I pat my thigh and she takes the hint. She slides between my legs and sits down. In a seemingly innocent gesture, I feel her hand slide along my semi. Her eyes widen just a fraction. “Having a good time?” I ask.
She leans into me. “I’ll have a better time when you take me into the back room.”
My eyes widen marginally. “Well, what are we waiting for?” And no, I don’t bother to ask her for her name. She may have said it at some point, but I’m better when I don’t know. Gives me an exc
use to call her names like baby and sweetheart and it seems an endearment, when in reality, I just don’t know her name.
She stands up and I follow her after I set my bottle down on the table. Mouse gives me a sly smirk as we pass. When we clear the couches I turn to her, gesturing toward the back of the bar. “After you.” She smiles at me again and leads the way. We weave our way through the crowd. I can feel Beck behind me. I turn my head in his direction and smirk. Beck just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. I mouth to him, “Join us?” He shakes his head again. Pity. I look back to Red Lips and watch as she sways from hip to hip as she navigates the bar in her heels.
Finally we come to a closed door. She opens it and I hold it open, ushering her inside. Once she’s inside, I close and lock it, then push her against the counter. Taking her head in my hands, I slam my lips over hers. She’s taken aback briefly but quickly melts into my body. My semi grows, but only slightly. There is very little passion in her kiss. No matter. I don’t stay there for long. I move my hands and start kissing along her jaw, down her neck, then along the exposed shoulder of her modified t-shirt.
My hands have nothing else to do, so they slide up her sides and she lets out a breathy moan. I twitch against the zipper of my jeans. My hands come up to roughly grab her tits. Mmm, not bad. Maybe a big B or small C. I feel her nipples harden as I realize there’s no bra between us. I smile against her shoulder. “What do you want?” I breathe.
“You.”
“I know that, what do you want me to do?” I roll her nipples between my thumbs and forefingers. Her back arches. I pull my hands back and lift her onto the counter. She settles in and I go back to massaging her nipples. Her back arches again and she moans. “You haven’t answered my question. I won’t ask again.”
She still doesn’t answer but instead she goes for the hem of her t-shirt. Pulling it up, I let go of her tits and she ditches the shirt. Nice. Round, perky nipples stand out at me. My mouth instantly lands on one and I suck it into my mouth, rolling the other with my fingers. I feel her tugging on my shirt. I back off with a pop and she pulls my shirt over my head. Her hands slide down my pecks to my abs and to the button on my jeans. Mmm, I love the ones that take charge.
