by Zoey Derrick
When I’m able to, I look over at her and she looks sad, looks like something is bothering her. I wonder what it is. That’s when I see Mills and Rusty pretty close by, closer than is normal, at least for them.
Trying to focus on what I’m doing, I turn back toward the crowd and finish out the song. We play one more, this one is a cover song, one that first got us noticed, one that we’ve played for a few years now. The crowd goes nuts and I’m finally able to draw some energy from it. It’s enough for me to finish out the set and the concert.
After Talon says good night to the audience, we finally leave the stage just as the lights in the arena come up. The crowd is still cheering. It makes me smile. I grab three bottles of water out of the tub and head toward the dressing room. Grabbing Raine’s hand along the way.
“What are you…where are you taking me?” she protests, but she doesn’t stop.
We reach the dressing room that has the shower in it and I open the door for her and she steps inside. I follow her in.
“What’s wrong?” she says.
“I should be asking you that question. You look like someone choked your cat.”
“I don’t have a cat,” she says sardonically.
“Well, then what happened?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. That was a great show,” she says with a wide smile “You were wonderful.”
“Thank you. Stop deflecting. What’s wrong, Raine?”
“Why do you care? We slept with each other once, Dex, and you’ve treated me like shit ever since.”
“You said you’d give me one night. That was all.” She looks at me, shocked.
“You mean you wanted more? You fucking ran out the door the minute it was over,” she says.
She’s right, I did walk out right afterward, but for reasons other than the ones she’s thinking. I walked out because I freaked out. I knew then that she was different and I knew then that this was going to fuck with my head and it has.
“I did. I did for reasons I’m not ready to discuss.”
She nods. “Well, what if I’m not ready to discuss my foul mood?”
I open one of the water bottles, downing it quickly, tossing it away and then open the next one. I offer the third one to her and she takes it, opening it up and drinking down a good portion of it. “We’re going out tonight. Come with us.”
“I’m not going to be very good company. I’m really not in the mood.”
“Then let me help you get in the mood.” I take a step toward her, she doesn’t move, so I take another step forward, and finally another one, closing the gap. I run my finger down her cheek and she leans into my touch. When my finger touched her skin, there was a connection there that I never noticed before.
“If you want me in the mood to watch you pick up some bimbo, I’m not going.” she says, acid in her voice.
“So is that was this is about? You being upset?”
She shakes her head. “No, I think the knee to the nuts cured that last night.” She winks and steps away. “Why are we in here?”
“I need to take a shower. Want to join me?” I raise an eyebrow at her. She stops, her jaw goes slack and I can feel the shift in mood. She’s gone from angry to horny in a nanosecond.
She recovers rather quickly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says in a rushed whisper.
“Why not?”
“Because…because…” I smile at her. She can’t come up with a logical reason to not sleep with me. “Because you will fuck me in the shower and go out with the guys and find someone else to get your rocks off with later. I gave you one night, you took it, took what I gave you and you ran away as soon as you could. You had your chance, Dex.”
I can’t argue with her logic and reasoning. I don’t want to get into the reasons for my leaving that night. She either wouldn’t understand or she won’t care. Either way, it is what it is. I pull off my t-shirt and start toward the bathroom. I stop next to her briefly, trying to build up the courage to tell her, but saying it out loud to her means that I’m admitting my own shame. My own indecision and I can’t do that.
I go on to the bathroom, leaving the door open, hoping that she’ll take me up on my offer to join me, but the longer I stand there, the less likely I think she will climb inside with me.
Once I’m completely naked, I turn into the shower to turn it on and something catches my eye and I turn toward the door. She’s standing there, completely naked. I straighten and my semi-hard cock hardens to stone in a second. There is still a sweet ache in my balls from where she kneed me, but I let the pain radiate outward, consuming me briefly before I reach in, testing the water.
I can’t believe I’m standing here naked before him, but I couldn’t resist the fact that he was offering another chance. Then another part of me tried in vain to tell me that this was a colossal mistake, but I couldn’t stop my hands from undoing my clothes. I think a part of me wants to see if his reaction is the same as last time.
When he’s satisfied that it’s warm enough, he offers his hand so that I can step inside. Once inside, under the spray, he joins me, pinning me against the cool tile. His chest to my back. His chin brushes along the top of my head with a kiss and his hands slide down my shoulders, capturing my arms and lifting them over my head. Pinning me to the wall. “Spread your legs.”
I do as he commands, the water shifts from off me and I hear the ripping of the condom packet as he holds my hands up with one of his. Excitement and anticipation rock through me. I’m desperate to have him inside me. The next thing I know, he is sliding up into me. Warmth, desire, need, and reverence wash through me in a tidal wave as he holds me against the wall. “So fucking perfect,” he growls into my ear. Fear creeps into my veins as I realize that this man is inadvertently stealing my heart and running away with my soul.
They say there’s one person for everyone. That your soul is only half to a whole and right now, I feel like my soul is becoming whole, becoming fuller with each thrust into my body. “Dex,” I cry out as overwhelming emotion takes over. Fighting back tears, I let him consume me. Mind, body and soul.
He doesn’t bolt out the door the minute he’s done. Though he did make sure I came before he did, I give him credit for that one. But in the end, I feel dirty for giving myself over to a man like Dex for the first time, let alone a second time. I stay in the shower a little while longer. I really should just get dressed and go back to the hotel, but something tells me that I should go out with the guys. Get to know them a little better.
I have a really bad feeling about this.
“I have to go,” he says softly. “They’re expecting me in the greenroom.” I nod, trying to hide the war I’m playing with myself. “Come out with us tonight, please?” he asks me again and I nod again. Unable to answer him with words. He kisses my forehead before leaving the room. This time I make sure he’s actually left before I completely break down.
What pisses me off the most about this is that I have no one else to blame but myself. I gave in to my weakness for him yet again and now I’m left alone, in a random dressing room in some arena in the middle of New York City.
I’ve never felt so used before, well, maybe a little with Michael or at least after that disaster was over. But that was for obvious reasons. Why do I do this to myself?
It’s a question I cannot answer.
I get dressed again and make myself presentable before leaving the dressing room. He ran last time, maybe I should run this time. But I’m a glutton for punishment. I guess I should test the waters, and really see where we stand before I make any final decision on the whole cut and run.
It took me some time to get myself together enough to be presentable. When I finally adventure out of the dressing room, Casey is standing by and he gives me a small smile. I make my way to the greenroom. The fans have dwindled down and there are just a few milling about, some flirting with Dex, Mouse and Peacock, but surprisingly, Dex looks over at me and smiles.
I ask Bruce, who’s standing next to me, “Where’s Addison?”
“She and Kyle went back to the hotel. She was pretty wiped out.”
“Oh.” I’d been counting on Addison as a buffer between me and Dex, between me and the guys, but now she’s gone and my desire to flee increases.
Talon comes over to me. “You okay?” he asks, I nod. “Mills filled me in on what happened earlier.”
I look at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” I say softly.
“Don’t be. But I hope it proves to you that these guys, though bulky and intimidating, are really just trying to help.” I nod. “So maybe you’ll stop running away from them?” He raises an eyebrow at me.
“Is there anything you don’t know?” I ask, though my intended sarcasm is lost.
“Not really, no. Just like them, I care. I care about the people that are a part of this crew, whether they’ve been with us for ten years like some of our roadies, or they’ve been with us for four days.” I nod my understanding and give him a small smile. “It’s also my understanding that you will be joining the tour?”
“I, shit, um…” I fluster a little, “It was Cami’s idea, she thought that Addison could use the help. After…well, you know. She wants Addison to be able to have less stress to deal with and if I can do that for her, then…”
He smiles. “I think it’s a brilliant idea and I was thinking of suggesting it myself. The last few days have proven that you’re a valuable asset and that Addison can benefit from you being around.”
“Good.” I smile hesitantly.
“Are you coming out with us tonight?” he asks. My resolve to ditch falters since it isn’t just Dex that wants me to come out. “Come, have a few drinks, maybe we can chat some more.”
“All right,” I say before I let my emotions win out and send me running for the hills.
“Good.” He smiles and goes back to the guys. Dex doesn’t ever say anything to me in the greenroom but I catch his eyes wandering over to me from time to time.
Shortly after that, we leave for the bar. Piled into different cars, they escort us over there. I end up with most of the security detail. How aptly appropriate. The help, with the help. I roll my eyes at myself. I don’t know why all of a sudden I’m so self-conscious about what I’m feeling. Okay, I really do know why. It’s because of Dex. He’s tearing me apart whether he means to or not.
Once we get to the bar, I head straight for the bartender and pound back two shots of Crown. Might as well enjoy myself.
Again I catch Dex staring at me from time to time, but I let it go. He and Talon are talking and laughing and having a good time. I’m almost envious of whatever they’re discussing, wishing I was a part of it.
I watch woman after woman approach the guys. Peacock and Mouse seem to be sticking to themselves, but occasionally talk to a few of the girls. After the revelation this afternoon, I’m not really sure what to make of it anymore, but Mouse and Peacock seem to be getting along the same as ever.
Though Dex is watching me, he doesn’t hide the fact that he is talking to women as they approach him. He even signs a few autographs and Talon does too. I notice that Talon seems to be off the market and while the girls talk to him, they make no show of advancement, unlike with Dex. Every once in a while, his eyes meet mine in a ‘see, I can behave’ kind of way. But it seems superficial.
After my fourth Cosmo and another shot, I’m really drunk, exactly where I wanted and needed to be. Numb. At some point I’d turned my phone off because Michael kept calling; the private number wasn’t something I could block. Rusty was my source of information, but he went back to the hotel with Addison and Kyle.
Bruce stays close to me, which actually makes me feel better. Almost like he knew what happened in the dressing room with Dex, and he’s protecting me from his antics.
“Talon’s leaving,” Bruce tells me.
“Good, I’m going to go too.”
I slide off of the stool and Bruce catches me as I nearly fall over. “Yup, I’m drunk,” I mutter and try to find my footing. Casey comes over and helps my drunken ass get out the door and into the car. Talon joins me, but I just close my eyes.
I’m pretty sure I kind of passed out because the next thing I know, I am getting off the elevator on the seventeenth floor. Though I’m upright, the last however long just doesn’t exist. I see Rusty standing near us and Talon gives him a friendly fist to the shoulder as he passes. When he gets to their suite door, he turns back to me, standing near Rusty. “You good?” he asks and I nod. “Good, night,” he says and steps inside to find Addison and Kyle. I smile. I’m so happy they’re back together. They really do make the best couple or triad I think I’ve ever seen, though I’ve never seen a triad and I blew my chance at fulfilling a fantasy to have two men at once.
“Any news?” I ask Rusty. My head is still spinning.
“He was arrested a couple of hours ago. I got a call shortly after we left. Neighbors had called the cops because of his pounding and yelling, so it made the situation a little more dire than originally thought.”
“I didn’t think he’d get arrested, I just wanted him gone.” I feel bad, but only momentarily.
“Apparently they’d told him that you weren’t home and when they told him that, he lost his shit and took a swing at Ryan.”
“Oh fuck.” My hand comes to my mouth. “Jesus, I’m so sorry,” I say apologetically.
Rusty laughs, “No worries, Ryan thought it was funny and it was entertaining to say the least. It also gave him the grounds he needed to take him in. Disturbing the peace isn’t exactly an arrest-able offense.” He smirks. “His hearing isn’t scheduled until tomorrow afternoon. So if you can get Erica to get your stuff, I’d suggest she does it as soon as possible. There’s no telling what he’s going to do once he’s released. Ryan promised to keep me posted.”
“I don’t know how to thank you.”
He smiles. “Just doing my job.” He nods down the hall toward my room. “Get some sleep.”
“Pfft.”
I’m about halfway down the hall when the elevator door opens again and I hear voices, some deep and some distinctly female. My blood runs cold. I refuse to look back and I walk a little faster.
“See you guys tomorrow,” I hear Dex say and there’s some random responses and some more giggling.
As I reach for my door and slide the key card in, I’m a glutton for punishment so I look out of the corner of my eye and catch a brief glimpse of Dex at his own door. I can’t hide the smile that spreads across my lips when I realize that Dex is the only one in the hallway. And he’s alone.
Avoidance becomes the name of the game over the next few days. The band, along with Addison, have a photoshoot today and I don’t go. Addison tells me it’s unnecessary and I also know that Cami is taking her to lunch before Addison becomes the center of attention at the shoot.
Instead, I lock myself in my room. I go through emails, adjust some of the schedules for the next few days and then finally email the changes to Mills, who promptly replies with a thank you. I learned quickly that a lot of what I’m doing now is stuff that Kyle usually handled and I wonder if I’m just taking over without permission.
I email the information to Kyle as well, and he responds back with a very positive yes and thank you. So apparently I am doing something right.
I have a detail outside, well, waiting for my call should I want to go anywhere and I decide that maybe it’s time to get out of the hotel room for a little while. The weather looks decent outside, the sun is shining. Though it is New York, so looks can be deceiving.
Casey, bless his patient soul, escorts me anywhere I want to go. Which includes SoHo where I do some shopping. Finding a few outfits to bring along for the road, and a pair of new shoes and a couple of knock-off bags, which I don’t put on my Bold credit card. I didn’t think that would be appropriate and I got my first paycheck with my raise. Allowing me the chance to splurge.
One of my condi
tions for going on the road was that Bold, namely Cami, would cover the cost of my rent while I was away. Since I’m not there to enjoy the fruits of what I’m paying for.
Finally, I end up at the Apple store near Times Square. I’ve had a company laptop for a really long time, but it’s crap and Cami insisted that I go buy a new machine, plus an iPad for going on the road. When I asked her about programming it to Bold’s specifications she said to bring it by the New York office Saturday morning and the tech would meet me to program it with the necessary apps and programs I’d need to do Bold related business.
By the time I’m done in Apple, I’m starving and it’s just after seven in the evening. Casey needs to switch with someone and rather than having a detail placed on me, I ask him, “What if I eat upstairs?”
“You don’t need to eat in your room,” he tells me.
“No, I mean in the restaurant on the top. Do you guys have to follow me around?”
“Apparently you have a knack for ditching us, so yes.”
“If I promise to go eat and then go to my room or come get one of you, can I please eat in peace? Without eyes on me?”
He snorts. “I doubt you’ve ever eaten a meal without eyes on you, but I suppose we can make an acceptation.”
“Good.”
Before going to Apple, we’d taken the car back to the hotel and had the concierge take my stuff to the room and we walked to the Apple store. So Casey, being a gentleman, carried my shopping haul for me. When I protested, I got the look. That look, like don’t even try it. I don’t argue with him as we walk back to the hotel. The band has another show tonight and when I talked to Addison earlier she said there was no need for me to be there when I shared my reluctance to go. She understood why and didn’t argue with me.
