by Stead, Nick
“No,” I growled. “There’s always some fucking ulterior motive with you vampires. Forget it, this was a mistake. I’m done with the lot of you!”
I turned to go. He made no move to stop me, but I could feel his eyes on me once again.
“You are hardly in a position to refuse my aid. You know this, or you would not be here. The others will hunt you down eventually. It’s only a matter of time before Ulfarr gives the order, if others don’t take it upon themselves to kill you first.”
I faced him again with a snarl. “So what is this, some glorified prison? Did Ulfarr talk you round to seeing things his way? Has he put you up to luring me here while he decides when to execute me?”
The vampire shook his head, his expression still neutral. “You are free to leave, if you wish, but I would advise against it. And I believe we can be of some help to each other if I could persuade you to stay. I realise you have little reason to trust vampires, given the recent mistreatment you have suffered at our hands. But I assure you I am sincere in my offer. Ask yourself why I would go to the trouble of standing up to Ulfarr if I bore you any ill will.”
I couldn’t argue with that but I was still filled with doubt and perhaps a touch of paranoia after so many had turned against me. In the end I had to remind myself that I’d come to him of my own free will because he’d seemed like my best hope. And at least I could be certain he was real, and not another product of my tortured mind like Luke had turned out to be.
“Come, spend the day here at least where you may rest in comfort,” the vampire said.
I let him lead me to one of the many guestrooms. It was much larger than my old bedroom back in my family home. That had been a good size for a growing teen, but this room was luxuriously big. And it needed to be for all the furniture inside.
A king size bed took up most of the space, with a bedside table either side. On the wall opposite there was a desk and drawers, plus a large bookshelf with more books than I’d ever owned. Then there was the wardrobe which took up the entire wall on the left side. And there was still plenty of floor space in between it all!
I gazed in amazement at the number of human comforts I’d never expected to see again. Not only did the bed look soft and inviting, but the room was warm compared to the wintry world outside and the bookshelf looked to be lined with several interesting titles. There was also a TV on the desk and a door to what turned out to be an en suite.
“Dawn approaches and I must retire to my own chambers. I will leave you to consider my offer. My home is yours to explore as you will, or if you wish to venture out there are towels in the en suite and clothes in the wardrobe. I ask only that you try not to slaughter the locals in the nearby village. I would hate to have to abandon this place, and a massacre in the area may be all it takes to bring the Slayers to my door.” He paused, and a sly smile crept into his features. “In fact, it might be as well if you avoid the human world for the next few days, with your time of the month at hand.”
“Really, time of the month jokes?” I growled. “I’m not some bloody girl due a period.”
He laughed. “I’m sorry, it was just too easy. Anyway, you will find plenty of prey in the surrounding woodland, should you wish to hunt. Whatever you decide to do with the day, I hope to find you here come dusk. There is much I’d like to discuss if you’ll hear me out, before we lose you to the moon’s clutches for the three nights it’s full.”
He smiled, but his eyes never lost any of their intensity. I felt the wolf squirm in my subconscious, and more uncertainty filled me. Was I wrong to come here?
The vampire’s smile widened, and I was sure he must have realised the effect he’d had on me. My own eyes hardened. Was I to be no more than his new pet, to amuse and entertain him in his lonely hall? Fuck that. Maybe I’d kill him while he slept and take his mansion for myself. Then we’d see who was smiling.
He turned and stalked out, silent as a shadow. I watched him go, still entertaining my dark thoughts. But killing him would solve nothing. Ulfarr would have even more reason to execute me and less reason to listen to who the real killer was. And it would do nothing for my loneliness.
Then there was the temptation of all these things I’d been missing from my human life. My gaze roamed the room again and I felt fresh longing for all I’d lost. It settled on the door to the en suite. After months of living like an animal, I was going to enjoy a proper wash.
I padded over to find another luxurious space, bigger than most main bathrooms I’d been in. There was both a bath and a shower, and the clean towels the vampire had promised, folded neatly over the towel rail. Everything was immaculate – no damp stained the tiles and no cracks were visible in the walls. It was my turn to smile in amusement. Somehow I doubted the vampire cleaned it all himself, yet the image of him in rubber gloves and an apron floated across my mind. There weren’t even any cobwebs. It didn’t seem right for a spooky mansion in the heart of the woods, and the modern touch to the room felt at odds with the building as a whole.
A hot shower was first on my agenda. I stepped in and took a few moments to simply enjoy the feel of the warm water sliding over my bare skin. There was both shower gel and shampoo on a shelf in the corner, even though the vampire couldn’t have had much use for either. I helped myself to the gel, doing my best to wash the thickest of the dried blood and gore from my body. My skin was so caked in it that the water ran red, and when I stepped out I was still not entirely clean.
I turned my attention to the bath. The old me had hated bathing even more than he’d hated showering, but the thought of a good soak in more of that heavenly warmth was too good to resist. So I twisted the taps and watched the water fall, filling it as high as it would go. Then I climbed in.
A sigh of pleasure slid from my throat as I immersed myself in the liquid’s divine embrace. I began to appreciate why some humans enjoyed this so much. The heat was both soothing and refreshing, and I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time. It would have been easy to nod off, but when I closed my eyes I could still see the corpses I’d made during my last massacre. Fresh torment awaited me if I gave in to sleep, where they would rise and condemn me for their murder. And I didn’t want to face the nightmares just then.
My eyes opened to find the water in the bath had also turned bloody. New despair crept in. What meaning did life hold when the only true companion left to me was death?
“So find a new reason to fight.”
I turned to find Lizzy had reappeared, sitting on the edge of the bath and looking at me with earnest.
“Rekindle your anger and let it grow into rage, then channel it into a purpose and put all this senseless slaughter behind you.”
“And what am I supposed to do?” I said. “March on back to Lady Sarah and try again to get her to arrange another meeting to rally what little forces we can muster?”
“Maybe that’s exactly what you’re meant to do. You led them into battle once before; you can do it again. You can’t just give up because she wouldn’t hear you out last night.”
I looked away, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice. “It won’t make any difference. Their minds are made up – even Lady Sarah’s.”
“And what do you have to lose by trying? Your freedom? You’re hardly free. Your life? You already admitted to yourself you’re no longer living. You need a reason to live and killing is all that’s left to you. You might as well kill with a purpose. You know you have to try.”
My gaze slid back to the hallucination. She looked so solid, it might as well have been the real Lizzy talking to me. “I am tired of running, that’s for sure. But I don’t really feel like fighting anymore either, despite what I said to Lady Sarah last night. And I sure as hell don’t want to hand myself over to the vampires so they can chain and torment me some more, nor the Slayers for that matter.”
“Then what reason do you have to go on? Part of you must have come to the same conclusion or you wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’m not
her, remember? This is all coming from you.”
She had me there. If the hallucinations were my brain’s way of working through my innermost thoughts, then deep down I knew I needed to embrace the war to give me something to exist for. Otherwise I’d just carry on in the same vicious cycle, letting my inner darkness tempt me to shed more innocent blood, only to feel worse for it afterwards. And why else would I have raised it with Lady Sarah when I’d gone to see her about clearing my name? But when my situation seemed so hopeless, my will to fight had been crushed. Even proving my innocence didn’t seem particularly important right then.
“Bollocks to it all,” I growled. “I’m done with the other vampires, and I’m done with the Slayers. I’ll stay here for as long as I can, then at least if this new vampire proves to be untrustworthy like the rest, I’ll have enjoyed some of the human comforts I’ve been missing.”
I climbed out of the bloodied water and dried off, not worrying about staining the towels. The vampire was no doubt used to bloodstains, and he clearly had enough wealth that replacing them wouldn’t be much of an issue.
There was a chill to the air, more noticeable for the time I’d spent in the warm water. I found myself searching the wardrobe for more clothes to ward it off, and selected another pair of fleecy jogging bottoms, a jumper, and a pair of socks. They were no more comfortable than the last time I’d dressed myself, but it was better than being cold all day.
In fact, it felt so good to be warm again that I almost wanted to throw caution to the winds and place my trust wholly in the vampire. I knew that was one luxury I didn’t have though. It was going to be hard to give up human comforts a second time, yet I had to remain wary, and be prepared to return to my exile at a moment’s notice. If it came to that I could only hope it would be when the weather had turned warmer, though my loneliness would be no easier to bear.
The usual hunger made itself known, raging through my abdomen with an almost nauseating ferocity. I ignored it. Curiosity had taken over, and it led me out of the bedroom and on a journey to explore the rest of the mansion. Maybe I’d also learn a bit more about the vampire who’d made it his home, and if it was wise to place any trust in him.
I padded down the corridor, taking in more of my surroundings than I had when I’d followed the vampire up to the guestroom. My appreciation for the building grew with every step. Everything about it spoke of age and beauty, yet it was all as well-kept as the bathroom, with not even the tiniest of blemishes or cracks in sight – much like the vampires themselves. I couldn’t say what era it might have been built, but gothic still felt like the best label for what my eyes were showing me. Could there have been anywhere more suited to housing the undead?
There was no evidence of any human servants in the many rooms I passed, yet I still found it hard to believe the vampire would trouble himself with the building’s upkeep. He must have some dealings with mankind. How could he live on the edge of their world, but still escape the notice of the Slayers? It was a mystery to me. Especially when it seemed I couldn’t set foot within a few miles of human settlements without setting off some silent alarm to alert the Slayers to my presence in the area.
The windows were all in that ancient style of ornate arches, long and narrow and split into multiple panes of glass. I stopped by one to look out at more of the grounds. It came as a surprise to find they were a modest size compared to the building itself, surrounded by the dense woodland which no doubt helped to hide the mansion from most humans. Assuming the vampire had the same hypnotic power as most vampires, perhaps that and the trees were enough to hide the home he’d made for himself here. Yet surely if it were that easy, no vampire would choose to live the life Lady Sarah had insisted on, driven from town to town and sheltering in abandoned buildings and graveyards. She’d been leading that life for centuries from what little I knew, sheltering in a mausoleum with not even a coffin to call her own when we’d first met. How was it this vampire had managed to make a life for himself in a human home, when so many were forced to live as nomads, hunted at every turn? The more I took in of the vampire’s mansion, the more questions and doubts I had. It seemed the only answers I would find would be the ones he chose to give me.
Portraits lined the painted walls. I paused before a particularly large one, depicting the likeness of a woman and her young son. A relic from the vampire’s life as a human perhaps; the family he had once known and loved? I’d always said I had no need of love, only sex, yet the thought that no wife would ever wait for me to come home to her, no children would ever run into my arms, suddenly saddened me. I would never father children, only spawn monsters that would not be permitted to reach adulthood.
The loss of my family and friends was partly the reason for the hole that gaped ever wider in my soul, such a vital part of being human and one I could never know again. Even a wolf has his alpha female and his pack, but I had no one. And as the last of my kind, what hope did I have of ever finding someone? How could any human love a monster like me? To accept the bestial side of my nature and the involuntary full moon transformations was one thing. But how could anyone ever love the empty shell I had become – a being so dead inside that it was quite possible I had no love to give in return? Somewhere in the empty abyss was the need for the simple comfort of the affectionate touch of another – to be held in the arms of a woman who could love me as more than a friend. The very things that would forever be denied to me.
Even though I’d never had any interest in married life before, my treacherous mind saw fit to show me a vision of what might have been if my lupine half had never awoken. Perhaps it was partly down to the time of year. It had to be sometime around February by then which meant it was the mating season again, though I hadn’t yet felt those instincts taking over like they had the previous year.
A beautiful woman greeted me after a long day’s work and our son dashed out. Their faces shone with happiness and life, full of colour and emotion and everything the undead lacked. It couldn’t last. The flesh turned ashen and sloughed from their faces with decay, as if any such life could only ever be corrupt and rotten at the core for the monster I’d become.
Accusing eyes looked at me from the boy’s grisly skull, and then I recognised him as one of the kids I’d slaughtered in the playground. I’d seen enough horrors that it no longer turned me to a shivering wreck as it once would have done, so I snarled and swiped at the vision. The gruesome hallucinations vanished instantly. But the anger remained quiet in my deepest recesses and with a heavy heart I stalked away, wondering how long this mourning for the life I’d lost and the future I could have had would go on for.
I paid little attention to the mansion after that, pacing the corridors without really taking in the layout or the furnishings. The only other portrait to really catch my eye was an artist’s depiction of a male lion, majestic and regal on the African plains. There was also another life-sized statue like the ones guarding the front door. This lion was rearing up on his hind legs, with claws unsheathed and fangs bared in an eternal display of ferocity. It seemed this vampire liked lions then, and perhaps he still missed his human family. Beyond that, he remained a stranger.
After a while, I found myself back in the entrance hall. Hunger drove me to venture outside again, into the woods to hunt. The gates didn’t open for me this time but they were unlocked. I passed through without any problems and tracked down a large stag, eating my fill before returning to the mansion. Then I made my way back to the guestroom and turned on the TV, hoping to find something to distract me from the dark thoughts that constantly circled my mind like carrion crows. Eventually I nodded off, sinking back into the nightmares.
“So you decided to stay. Very good.”
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up to find the vampire in the doorway. He was smiling again and it seemed genuine this time.
“Come, join me in the billiard room for a drink. We have much to discuss.”
“Do we?” I growled, growing wary.
>
The vampire’s smile never faltered. I sighed and got to my feet, letting him lead me through the mansion once more.
We came to a stop in another large room decorated with wooden panels along the walls and ceiling. Padded chairs lined the edges with little tables between them, each holding a bottle of red wine and glasses set upside down so as to keep out the dust. There was also a home bar in the corner, lined with more drinks. I seated myself by the table nearest the door for the quickest escape route, something that was not lost on him.
“I am not in the habit of harming guests under my own roof. You need not fear anything here; not Ulfarr, nor the Slayers.” There was no hurt or irritation in his voice. He actually seemed mildly impressed as he poured us each a glass of wine.
“Tell me again why you’re choosing to help me when every other vampire out there wants me dead,” I said, accepting the glass he offered.
He sighed but didn’t answer immediately, giving me a penetrating look that I thought would pierce right through to the hole where my soul should have been. I got the impression he was reading me like an open book, as if my every thought and emotion were open to him. I cracked under the weight of his gaze and broke eye contact, frowning down at my glass of wine. Somewhere inside the wolf squirmed again, perceiving the eye contact as a challenge for dominance, though I didn’t think the vampire meant it to be.
Finally he answered “You have become as infamous as the deranged Aughtie you fought! But you are correct, I am driven by more than mere curiosity. You were right to strike back at the Slayers. Too long have we run from them, letting them hunt us down when we are alone and vulnerable. If we are to die, better to do so fighting, I think.”
He paused to take a sip of wine, swilling it round his mouth like a professional wine taster. I glanced up to see his eyes close while he savoured the flavour, then open and fix back on me with new intensity. “Most of the undead have lost their stomach for battle, but I yearn for it. Is it not our right to fight for our very existence? If we wait any longer there will truly be too few to wage war against the Slayers, and our only option will be to fade from existence, save for in myth and legend. That is not the fate I would choose. I believe we should fight while we still can, and remind mankind why they continue to fear the darkness.”
