by R. Rodriguez
I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Lucian was relentless with his exploring caress. He accommodated me exactly in the right space within his embrace and I felt enraptured by him. Closer to him than to anyone else in my life. Intimately linked by our deep feelings of friendship and shared secrets.
“Grace. Grace. I’m sorry.” Lucian pulled away from me hastily and began to pull at his tussled crest. I was breathless and shaken at the immensity of my feeling for Lucian. Lucian mistook it for disappointment. He was right I was disappointed that he wasn’t all over me some more. That he had retreated so easily when all I could do was wish he’d do it again.
“Grace. Will you forgive me?” he pleaded again, trying to obviously stay as far away from me as possible.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Lucian,” I assured him, looking at him dead on. “I wanted this.”
“You’ve got to be sure, Grace. We don’t want to ruin a good thing,” Lucian ventured.
“I want this, Lucian. I want you,” I declared, never more sure of anything before this moment.
“I want to have you in this way. I know you see me as your friend. Your little sister, maybe,” I said timidly. “But I want to have you like this.”
“Like I said before, I don’t see you as a little girl…” he rebuffed as he claimed my heart with a piercing lingering kiss.
“And, Grace… I’ve never seen you as my little sister.”
Chapter 12: Home
The awareness of Lucian on this new level erased all the pain that I had suffered at Dario’s hand. There was no question of who I was to Lucian. I was someone special to him from the start. There were no vague declarations of love from his part. Lucian expressed what he felt for me often and in so many ways, it was undeniable.
Dario was nothing more than a meek memory. Lucian was right for me. We were friends first and foremost, and lovers after. Well, technically we weren’t lovers yet. But we were in love. Lucian wanted to take things slow. He assured me he wanted me as much as I did him, but we had time enough for loving. We worked on cementing our relationship first.
My life went back on track. Christmas came around with its inescapable magic. The air smelled cleaner. The atmosphere merrier and our infatuation brighter. I had given my heart and soul to this relationship and it was working. Christmas Eve came around and I noticed that Lucian hadn’t put so much as a tree up in his apartment.
“I’m just too busy, love,” he complained.
So I decided to take over decorating his place.
“I’ll do everything,” I insisted. “That way Christmas won’t catch you unprepared.”
I set my efforts into creating a beautiful Christmas atmosphere in his apartment. I suspected he wasn’t too keen on decorating anyway. At least he was a good shopper. He had everything settled in his living room when I arrived. All I had to do was arrange it all.
I took to the task with Mrs. Woo in tow, but she could only stay for a while and I wasn’t yet finished by the time Lucian came home.
“Where’s my favorite Christmas elf?” Lucian voiced as he threw his keys on the counter of his kitchen.
“Christmas elf? Couldn’t I at least be your Christmas nymph?” I chuckled.
Granted, there was nothing of me that looked like a nymph at the moment.
My hair was in a ponytail and I was panting from the strain of placing the star on the very top of the enormous tree that Lucian bought.
“There, I’m finished,” I said, climbing down the work ladder and cleaning off my hands on my sweatpants.
“You’re always alluring, love,” Lucian said, nuzzling my neck as a greeting.
“But, here, here. You’re not quite finished. I thought we could create a little Christmas tradition.” Lucian quickly unbundled a tissue wrapped package from his coat pocket and opened it up delicately.
It was a custom made tree ornament with our names inscribed on its transparent surface. I gasped at how beautiful it was. It was made of delicate crystal and lined with gold. The elegant print glistened under the Christmas lights of the tree. Lucian and Grace. I took it in my hand and was moved by its beauty.
“I didn’t have a tree to carve it in, so….” He pointed to the small sphere.
“It’s lovely.” I said offering him an intimate smile while I hung the ornament on the tree.
“May we have many more Christmases like this one,” he declared, obviously meaning that this Christmas had special meaning because we were actually together as a couple, not just friends.
I wrapped my arms around Lucian’s neck and kissed him wholeheartedly.
“There are actually more gifts for you, but… Santa hasn’t brought them yet, so you’ll have to wait until midnight for those,” Lucian teased.
“Let me get dressed. Dinner’s all ready. Mrs. Woo helped me prepare it.”
There wasn’t anything I longed for more than an intimate dinner with Lucian to await Christmas. It wasn’t snowing, but it had snowed a couple of days before, so the Chicago streets were still covered by pristine snow.
I quickly showered and changed into the white tunic dress I had saved for tonight in the guest room that had turned into my room whenever I decided to stay over and arranged my hair over my shoulders, curling the tips lightly. I knew Lucian preferred my hair so. I applied a light coat of make up and put special attention to making my lips shine.
I went out to the living area to turn off all the lights and turn on the candles on the dining room table. This is what I was doing when Lucian walked out looking perfect himself. He was in all black, as I preferred.
I walked over to meet him and kissed him passionately. I was so in love with him. I felt whole next to Lucian. We ate dinner chatting about one thing or another. We’d be leaving to meet my family the following day, so the prospect of it brought on the main topic of discussion during our meal.
When the last plate was washed we took our conversation over to the living room where Lucian arranged some of the sofa pillows on the floor right next to the colorful Christmas tree. He took off my shoes and offered me a slight massage before taking off his jacket and tie and taking off his own shoes.
“Let’s just chill here for a while, Grace.” He invited me to join him on the pillows. I lay back on his hard body and let him embrace me with his arms and legs.
It was endless precious time that we spent staring at the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree and feeding each other the delicious soufflé Mrs. Woo had prepared. An orchestra’s rendition of old Christmas classics was my additional contribution to the intimate mood.
“It’s almost Christmas.” I reminded him, putting the empty dessert dishes aside. “Let me get your presents.”
I tried to stand up to gather his presents in my room, but he didn’t let me. He tightened his grip on me with his legs.
“Nope. Nope. My gifts can wait. I want to give you yours first.” He unlocked his legs from around me and looked at his watch. “Midnight, perfect. Stay right there.”
I sat crossed-legged, awaiting my presents. My heart happy. The most happy. This is how Ann Boleyn must’ve felt when she found herself the queen in King Henry’s heart, I mused. This is how any young girl should feel in the midst of her first true love. Even if he cast her off and had her head cut off afterwards. I knew Lucian would never hurt me that way.
Lucian came back with a bunch of presents in his arms. I opened them one by one marveling at his creativity and knowledge of my preferences. There was the latest CD by my favorite band, Nirvana that was a collectible since its lead singer offed himself as I had considered doing a few years before. A collection of books I had mentioned in passing during our many conversations. It was overwhelming.
There was everything from classics like The Catcher in the Rye and Anna Karenina to more contemporary titles as Memoirs of a Geisha, Veronica Decides to Die and Brida, even my childhood favorite, Are You There God?, It’s me Margaret. Lucian missed nothing. Clothes galore, new mineral
make-up, and perfume.
“Gotta keep my sweetheart well stocked.” He smiled.
“Don’t spoil me so much, Lucian. I might just get used to it,” I chided.
“Get used to it.” He grinned, pulling another surprise from behind the tree.
“Plus, I’m doing it for me. Don’t want my eyes getting sore looking at you, otherwise.”
How had he gotten that thing in there without me noticing? The sight of it took my breath away. A new Stradivari cello shone in his hands. Lucian made me try it out immediately.
I let myself be transported into its magic as Lucian watched me intently, never once asking for his presents. I finally begged off cello duty to give him his more modest, but well chosen gifts that he swore to love.
But he wasn’t done lavishing me with gifts. He covered my eyes with his hands to lead me to an unknown destiny. The hallway closet, I noticed. How romantic. There awaiting his last unexpected gifts, inside the pocket of his coat. The first one was a delicate platinum necklace with a circle shaped diamond falling from it.
“It has matching earrings.” He pulled out yet another small box.
And just when I was admiring the two round diamonds against black velvet, he took the last box from the inner pocket of his coat.
“The one closest to my heart,” he whispered as if he had read into my thoughts.
“A matching ring,” he stated as he opened it up for me.
I was dumbfounded by its simplicity and its beauty. It was so delicate. I was glued to the spot by it, but Lucian softly led me to the living room again.
“Let’s try it.” He held it softly in front of my left hand and got down on one knee as he settled me down on the soft cushions of his leather couch.
I held back a gasp because I instinctively knew what Lucian was about to do and I couldn’t believe that our friendship had progressed to this moment.
“Grace. You are most dear to my heart. You’re the one. I’ve found my place through this new life with you. I know that I will never find someone so special to me. You’re the one, I’d forsake everything for. I don’t want to be in your life just to rescue you or lead your way. I want to be everything that you are to me. Will you marry me?”
I was dumbfounded by Lucian’s proposal. This was so perfect that I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I gazed at the Christmas tree casting off its magic on my beautiful moment, and back to this beautiful man who found me worthy enough to make me his wife despite knowing all of my faults. I hesitated in my answer. I was sure I wanted him, but unsure at being in the right place to offer him the best of me. What about my school? I wanted to do things right. I didn’t want to make any more rash mistakes. I wanted to be a woman who was really worthy of someone like Lucian.
“What about school, Lucian? I’m not done yet.” I voiced my thoughts out loud.
“Grace. I’m afraid to lose this moment, so I won’t put it off until it’s more convenient… Besides, I don’t see why we have to wait. I know you haven’t finished school yet, but it’s only a few months away. You already have your job lined up for you and I’m well…” He smiled. “I’m fairly established.”
That was an understatement. “We already have a home to start with. We don’t have to get married right away. I do want to do it before the summer’s here, though. I have to travel for the summer and I’d like for you be my wife already. Call me insecure, but I don’t want to lose what we’ve found. Distance can do that sometimes.”
I couldn’t find another legitimate argument to say no to Lucian. He was right. All it took was my agreement and the wedding. I knew Lucian for a few years now. I knew who he was. I knew who I was to him. I had no doubts about his feelings for me. There were no half truths with him. No hidden agenda. And he had everything to offer to me. There was no reason to wait.
I let him slide the beautiful delicate ring on my finger and uttered a “Yes” between my tears. I didn’t want this to go away either, like my elusive dreams.
The next few days flew by like a cyclone. We traveled to my parents’ house to make all the necessary introductions. This time for real. Needless to say, my mother was quite taken with Lucian and even more ecstatic to learn that he wasn’t merely a boyfriend, but my fiancé. She immediately offered her services to help plan my wedding and assured me that I wouldn’t need for anything and that I would have a wedding that would be in accordance to the lifestyle of the future Mrs. Lucian Lake. If she only knew how simple and unpretentious he was.
“Mom, I don’t even know Lucian’s family, yet. I’m sure anything we can manage will be fine. I’m the one getting married after all.” I tried to get out of the mega wedding I was sure she’d plan.
“Nonsense, Grace Elizabeth, it isn’t every day that a daughter marries such a prestigious man.” I let my mom fantasize about her dream wedding for me and promised myself that I would curtail anything I felt uncomfortable with. “Set the date, Grace Elizabeth. Set the date and I will make your magic happen.”
Chapter 13: Oasis
I went back to school in a state of elation. It was a time when my sleep was sound, free of nightmares and stalking panthers. My life couldn’t be more perfect. Lucian and I decided to get married during Spring Break in late March. By that time, I’d be almost finished with my senior year and I wouldn’t feel so guilty about not being a college graduate before I tied the knot. We would also be perfectly married by the time Lucian left for whatever trip he had to go to in the summer.
I had auditioned for a position in the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and had landed it on the first try, all connected to the surge of blessings I was sure I received when I was with Lucian. I wouldn’t be expected to join until late September, so I’d have a chance to get used to being Mrs. Lake before the grueling rehearsal and performance schedules began.
“You are just the luckiest girl in the universe,” Laura ranted as we flipped through bridal magazines at the local book warehouse.
“On the contrary my dear Laura… Haven’t you read Coelho?”
“The universe conspires when you really want something!” I stated whimsically. “I’m just living my personal legend.”
“Personal legend or not… the universe you live in hasn’t conspired that way for me yet!” Laura complained.
Bridal magazines had become my only reading material lately. Those… and my mother’s constant emails in which she detailed updates of my dream wedding. We already had the church and the venue for the reception. Somehow, she had found an old historic church near the lakes. I picked an array of bright spring colors that jumped out of the pages of every other bridal magazine I encountered and the dresses were well on their way to being made. All except for mine. I had an appointment to purchase my wedding dress with my mom, soon. I had to have an idea of how I wished to look when I walked down the aisle to be Lucian’s wife. At the moment, I was clueless.
“Well consider yourself the luckiest maid of honor, then, cuz’ I’m counting on you to sport that wonderful azalea dress my mom picked out for you.” I resisted the urge to laugh hysterically knowing that although my mother had very good taste in clothes and I had indeed approved the dress, Laura wasn’t ever going to be comfortable wearing any maid of honor dress. She had proven to be a very casual kind of gal who often chided me for being a girly girl.
“Oh… Jeez! Grace!” Laura’s tone alarmed me and I turned to look behind me where she was gawking at something like she had seen a ghost. I almost dropped my magazine when I spotted what had caused such an alarming reaction in her. Dario. An enhanced, more improved, tanned version of Dario without his long disarrayed locks. His hair was shaved, giving him a dangerous air that encroached on me immediately.
He was standing not ten feet away from me. And if I’d hoped he hadn’t seen us, I was sorely mistaken. Not only had he seen us, he was on his way toward us. If I’d had time to plan an escape, I would of gladly, but I didn’t. I don’t know why I did it, but my first impulse was to get rid of the evidence
of my upcoming nuptials …and so I did. I wedged the magazine between some car and bike ones located on the bottom shelf…. Far, far away from the bridal magazines.
“Hey, babe! How are you? Funny that I should find the very person I’d been looking for.” Dario always seemed to be looking for me when he was obviously preoccupied with other things like other girls, other parties, entirely different countries. Like now, he was placing a copy of Soccer Unlimited back on the shelf.
He also didn’t seem to read body language, cuz’ if he did, he’d see how tense I was at this encounter and how reluctant I was to have any physical contact with him when he lifted me right off the ground for a very inappropriate and unnerving bear hug.
“What are you doing here?” I heard myself utter.
“I’m back, babe. I finished my contract back home and I’m hoping to occupy my position as head coach for the women’s soccer team here, just like I’d planned. I told you I’d be back,” he answered, grinning all through his response.
No. He hadn’t. I didn’t have such a great memory for say—textbook details, but I sure did for important things like the father of my child and supposed boyfriend leaving me stranded just when we were supposed to start living together. He had said that he wasn’t coming back. Hadn’t he? Now he had me confused.
I didn’t know how to react. I wasn’t exactly nonchalant about seeing Dario again, I noticed. My whole body was shaking as a result. I hoped it wasn’t noticeable to him or Laura. I was mortified that he would. Dario’s sharp sighted gaze was trained to notice the littlest details, so of course he noticed his effect on me and he took advantage. He didn’t let me get two words in as he invited himself to our apartment later that night. I counted on Laura to at least intercede on my behalf to prevent this disaster, but she was just as dumbfounded as I was.
