by Melissa Hill
That was the very last time she saw him, Jenny thought, her eyes beginning to fill with tears as she typed. She had run straight out of the nightclub and all the way home, without stopping once to catch her breath.
Karen had been an absolute rock afterwards, making sure that Roan stayed away from the flat and away from Jenny, who flatly refused to see him as much as she wanted to. She knew that if she saw him face to face, there was a possibility that she might fall for his excuses all over again. For her own sake, she couldn’t let that happen, not any more. Karen had made up a bed for Jenny in her own house, and supervised Roan when he came round to collect his things from the flat.
She hadn’t pulled any punches in telling Jenny exactly what she thought of him either, she thought wryly, remembering one conversation where Karen had been particularly brutal in her assessment of the relationship. Roan had phoned her a number of times at work afterwards, trying to ‘explain everything’ and telling her that he loved her, but Jenny had been resolute. She had absolutely refused to meet with him, or listen to his explanations. In the end, she had asked the receptionist not to put his calls through to her.
It had been very difficult not to talk to him, and not let him explain himself, but Jenny knew that if she didn’t hold her nerve then, she never would.
It had taken her months of introspection before she came to realise how wrong the relationship had been. Moving away from Rathmines, and putting a distance between her and Roan gave her the time and the space to look at it all clearly.
Yet, time hadn’t quite diminished her love for him. That was something she couldn’t run away from. Not yet.
She picked up a file and studied it absently. It was a miracle that she still had her job here at the bank, with the way she had carried on after the break-up. After a few weeks wandering around like a zombie, unable to concentrate on anything, Barry had one day called her into his office.
“You’re an excellent worker, Jenny, but lately you’ve been making a lot of mistakes and Marion tells me you’ve been having trouble concentrating on the training,” he had said in his best ‘you can come to me’ voice. “If you need to talk about anything, please don’t hesitate to say something to either myself or Marion. We’re not stupid, you know – it’s obvious that there’s something seriously bothering you, and we don’t want it to affect your career with us.” He had smiled and patted her hand paternally.
Jenny had been mortified. She had decided there and then to buck herself up, and contain her brooding to outside working hours. She knew Barry had meant well, but it had been terribly embarrassing nonetheless.
Marion’s head appeared around the door of her office.
“Jenny, it’s just after one – you’d better go to lunch.”
She looked up, startled for a moment. With all Jenny’s musing, she hadn’t realised that the half-hour had passed, and it was time to meet Karen.
She collected her bag and her coat, went downstairs, and out into the crisp September day with a slight spring in her step, anxious to hear her friend’s news.
Karen groaned and pushed her plate away from her. She and Jenny were having lunch at an Italian-style café/deli near the seafront. The place was surprisingly quiet, she noticed, considering the time of day and the quality of the menu. Karen, who had ordered bruschetta before Jenny arrived, struggled to finish her huge Italian salad.
“I bought a fabulously slinky Ben de Lisi dress for Tessa’s wedding last week, but if I carry on like this, I’ll never be able to fit into it. Did you get your invite?”
Jenny sipped her mineral water and nodded. “It came last week. Judging by the fancy invitation, I’d say it’ll be a very lavish affair.”
“Lavish is not the word for it.” Karen said, “I honestly think she’s trying to outdo royalty with her designer wedding dress and her custom-made wedding rings, although I don’t know where she’s going to get the thrones from.”
Jenny smiled.
“You should see the amount of wedding magazines she has,” Karen continued. “I’d say Gerry is sick to the teeth of the bloody weddings, at this stage. She’s a woman possessed.”
“Oh, well, it’ll be all over this time two months.” Jenny popped a cherry tomato into her mouth. “I’m looking forward to it, actually, I haven’t had a decent night out in ages.”
Karen looked at her friend, worriedly. “You should meet up with us more often, you know. It can’t be good for you, being all the way out here on your own.”
“Karen, don’t start – you’d swear I was a million miles away. Anyway, I’m fine as I am, really. I’m pretty much over everything now, and I’m getting on with it.”
Karen wasn’t convinced. She couldn’t believe the change in Jenny in the last few months. She was thin, and drawn-looking, and the clothes were practically hanging off her, she had lost so much weight. She had bags under her eyes, and didn’t seem too bothered about concealing them with make-up. In fact, these days Jenny looked and behaved like a completely different person to the sunny, vibrant and glamorous young woman that had moved in with Karen nearly a year and a half ago. Once she moved away, into that big empty apartment, Jenny didn’t keep in contact as much as Karen had hoped, either. She couldn’t remember the last time the two of them had gone on a night out together. Maybe she should try and organise something.
Jenny seemed to read her thoughts and smiled softly.
“Don’t give me that look, Karen. I’m fine, really.”
“I know you are, Jen. I just wish you’d come and see us more often, that’s all. Shane is always asking about you.”
“I must call in and see what you’ve done with the house. Did you get the bedrooms finished yet?”
“What do you think?” Karen looked sheepish.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t done anything since?” Jenny said, her eyes widening in surprise.
Karen made a face. “You know what I’m like Jen – I get stuck in big-time at the beginning of a project and then I just get bored.”
“But it’s your house, Karen – you can’t have a load of unfinished rooms everywhere. What does Shane think?”
Karen snorted. “He’s as bad. He got it into his head that he’d be able to change the tiles around the bath, and he borrowed one of those tile-cutters from some guy he knows from work.” She rolled her eyes and sniggered. “You should hear the cursing and spluttering that was coming from the bathroom afterwards.”
“So, did he finish it?” Jenny asked, unable to keep from smiling herself.
“Not at all. I made him get in a professional to tidy up after him. It cost a fortune, but you couldn’t leave it like it was, one half dark blue and the other half yellow. It looked like a GAA flag. At least no one else can tell that the bedroom is a half-assed job.”
“I don’t know,” Jenny said, shaking her head in wonder. “The two of you are so well matched, you were bound to end up together.”
“Yeah, shame about his family, though,” Karen said sarcastically.
“What do you mean? I thought you and Mrs Quinn got on really well.”
Karen shook her head. “No, Nellie’s alright sometimes – it’s the brother I can’t stand. Remember the older one in England – the one that guaranteed the mortgage for us?”
Jenny nodded.
“Well, Jack – that’s his name,” she continued, “is acting the prat about it ever since. Shane is sorry he ever asked him.”
“I don’t understand. I thought he offered to do it for you,” Jenny said, frowning.
“So did I. But apparently Nellie was the one who suggested it to Jack in the first place. Initially, he was against it, but I think she made him feel guilty about the fact that he had two properties and all this money, and here’s poor old Shane, starting out with nothing.”
She signalled to the waiter for a fresh pot of tea. “He was home a couple of weeks ago and we went up to Meath to see him. I hadn’t seen him since that first time, and I wanted to thank him in person for w
hat he did. Big mistake.”
“Why, what happened?” Jenny said, leaning forward in her seat.
“He kept making sly comments about Shane, and his new job. He said that Shane would have been a hell of a lot better off working in Germany, more or less insinuating that the job he has now wasn’t good enough, and he might have trouble making the repayments. You should have heard him, Jen. We went to the pub and he was watching Shane like a hawk every time he bought another pint. You’d swear Shane was out on the razz every night of the week, and didn’t give a toss about his mortgage repayments.”
“That’s awful.” Jenny said. “Poor Shane, he must feel terrible. As if either of you would default on the mortgage – you both have perfectly good jobs.”
“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now. If I had my way, I’d tell your man to stuff his bloody guarantee and we’d go our own way. But, we have the mortgage and the house now so …” She trailed off and spooned sugar into her tea.
“Have you made any plans for a wedding yourself?” Jenny asked, changing the subject.
“Well, remember I had that little chat with Shane about it all before? He still doesn’t understand exactly how I feel, but at least he’s not pushing it as much these days to set a date. I’ll see what happens after Tessa’s wedding. Maybe it might get me in the mood.” She winked and raised the cup to her mouth.
“I take it that you won’t be commissioning a wedding-gown designer for your big day.” Jenny said mischievously.
“No way.” Karen burst out laughing. “That kind of thing isn’t my style at all.” She glanced at the clock above the deli counter. “I think I might do a bit of shopping after this. Might as well make the most of my day off.”
“I need a day off myself soon if I want to get something to wear for Tessa’s wedding,” Jenny said. “I can’t remember the last time I went shopping for clothes.”
Karen noticed her staring into space, apparently lost in her own thoughts. Probably remembering the last time she could afford some new clothes, Karen thought sourly. She knew Jenny was tight for money after all the cash she had lent to Roan which had never been repaid. Not to mention the rent that had built up on the Rathmines flat, which Jenny had to pay in full before she left.
She sighed heavily. Sod it, she might as well say something.
“Jen, look, I don’t know whether I should tell you this or not but …” Karen took a deep breath. “I don’t know if Roan’s been in contact with you lately, or whether he’s phoned you at work but … ” She noticed Jenny’s eyes cloud over at the mention of his name. She obviously knew nothing about it then. Maybe the rat was finally leaving her in peace. “Well, it seems that he’s moving to the States at the end of this month.”
Karen watched Jenny flinch slightly at this.
“Oh … I see,” Jenny said, her voice low. “How – how do you know that?”
“He met Shane in town a while ago. You know how the two of them always seemed to get along so well?” Karen had to resist the urge to add that she couldn’t figure out how Shane could find anything in common with such a lying, cheating bastard.
“Anyway,” she continued, “they went for a pint, and Roan told Shane that he and some others from the Dublin office were being voluntarily transferred to Evanston’s parent company in New York, to work on something in-house.”
“With her?” Jenny asked, in a small voice, still refusing to meet her eyes.
Karen understood. “No. He told Shane that that night was a big mistake, a once-off. I don’t know if that was just for the cameras though, knowing that Shane would come back and tell me, and that I would no doubt tell you. Apparently, she has a two-year old son. Maybe Roan just didn’t want to play daddy to him.”
Karen could have kicked herself when she saw Jenny wince. “Ah, Jen, I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to be so callous – I just can’t help myself sometimes. Don’t mind me.”
Jenny brushed it off. “It’s all right, I know how you feel about him, and you’ve got good reason. It still hurts to talk about it, though.” Her eyes glistened brightly. “Did he tell Shane how long he’d be gone?”
“I’m not sure, but I got the impression from Shane that it’ll be for a few months to start with, and maybe longer afterwards, depending on how it goes.”
Karen looked across at her friend with concern. Jenny looked so sad, so broken. Despite her earlier protests about being fine, she could see that she wasn’t fine at all, far from it. “I’m sorry, Jen. I had to tell you because I thought you should know. Believe me, I’d love to have kept it from you until he was well gone, but what kind of a friend would I be? It wouldn’t have been fair of me to keep you in the dark. Just in case you want to –”
“What?” Jenny said sharply, “In case I wanted to say goodbye?” A fiercely determined look appeared on her face, and she sat up straight in her chair. “Karen, Roan Williams said goodbye to me a long time ago. Naturally, it’s a shock knowing that now he’s finally out of my life for good, but it shouldn’t bother me that much and it doesn’t. I’m over him now.”
“Good, Jen, I’m glad about that,” Karen said quietly, “but don’t you think that it’s about time you started living your life again? You don’t have to hide away out here like this on your own, you know.”
“I’m fine, Karen, I’ve already told you that. Look, I appreciate you telling me, you were right to do so, but I’m fine, really. It was a bit of a shock, but I’m fine.” Jenny stood up from the table and rummaged under the seat for her handbag. “I’m due back at work in a few minutes so I’d better go,” she said shortly.
“I’ll walk you back.”
Karen quickly drained her teacup, which was by then stone-cold. She picked up her bag and coat, and hurried out after Jenny, who was practically racing up the street.
“Hey, hold on will you? I can’t walk that fast in these heels.”
“Sorry.” Jenny slowed her pace but, as Karen caught up with her, she turned her face away.
Karen could see immediately that her cheeks were drenched with tears. “Oh honey,” she said sympathetically, “come here.” Karen put her hands around Jenny, and held her close, while Jenny collapsed in tears against her shoulder. She shook her head from side to side. “It’s all right, Jen – everything’s going to be all right.”
Chapter 25
Later that evening, Karen struggled to fit through the front door with all the shopping she had bought in Dun Laoghaire.
She stopped short when she saw the state of her living-room. Granted it was never tidy at the best of times, but today it looked as though at least twenty Andrex puppies had been let loose in the house. There was what looked like a complete roll of toilet paper – wet toilet paper – strewn across the coffee table, the Mexican pine coffee table that Jenny had given them as a housewarming present. That same Mexican pine coffee table now resembled one of Picasso’s rejects, it was covered with so many multicoloured splashes of paint.
Green and blue-coloured handprints had been smeared on the wall beside the television and on the television screen itself. Karen noticed that they were small handprints – children’s handprints. She was trying to make some sense of the situation when the realisation dawned on her. Keanu and bloody Pocahontas Byrne.
“Hi, hon.” A smiling Shane stuck his head around the kitchen door. “You’re back early.”
“Shane – what the hell is going on here?” she asked in disbelief, surveying the devastation before her.
“Hi, Karen.” she heard his sister Marie’s voice call out, from where she sat with Shane in the kitchen.
Karen was almost afraid to put her head around the door in case Shane’s nieces and nephew had also targeted the kitchen with their guerrilla-warfare tactics. But the devastation had been somehow confined to the kitchen table, which was covered with semi-eaten chips, half-digested chips and squashed-into-the-kitchen-table chips. Not to mention the ketchup. If she didn’t know better, Karen could have swo
rn that Keanu was performing open-heart surgery on his burger; there was so much red on his plate and on her table. And Honty was happily dipping the head of what looked like a brand new doll into a jar of Hellmann’s. The little girl licked the mayonnaise from Barbie’s hair before promptly lowering her doll back into the jar for a second helping. The baby, who for some reason was called by the relatively ordinary name of Mary – her mother must have run out of ideas, Karen thought – was sitting happily in Marie’s lap. Shane sat chatting with his sister at the table, both seemingly oblivious to the devastation surrounding them. Marie looked up when Karen entered.
“Karen, I hope you don’t mind, but Shane said that you’d baby-sit for us tonight. Me and Frank are going to a show in Dublin, and Nellie thought it might be nice for you and Shane to get in a bit of practice.” She nudged Shane and winked. “You know, for when you get a move on with that niece or nephew I’ve been waiting for.”
Oh-my-God. Unable to speak for shock, Karen kept repeating the words over and over again in her head. Baby-sit these three? What was Shane thinking?
“Shane – can I have a word please?” she said finally.
He looked up quickly at her sharp tone.
“What?” he asked, when they were in the next room and out of earshot.
“What? What do you mean – what?” Karen was red-faced. “Why did you tell her we’d baby-sit?”
Shane shrugged. “I thought it would be nice to give Marie and Frank a break for a night. They rarely get out on their own any more, and when Mam told me about the show out in the Red Cow Inn, and that Marie was anxious to go, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for us to give a hand.”
Karen now understood what it felt like to be a goldfish. She kept opening and closing her mouth but no words would come out. Shane seemed to have it all worked out.
“I’ve tidied up the spare room so Marie and Frank can spend the night here afterwards,” he said, mistaking Karen’s silence for assent. “Then they can both have a few drinks instead of having to travel back to Rathrigh. We can take the cushions off the couch and put Keanu and Honty on the floor in our room, and she brought a cot for Mary so there shouldn’t be a problem … what? Why are you looking at me like that?”
