“Your mother did come to me, but I was the one who made the final decision.” He paused. “If I had known…” His voice trailed away.
Amy did not know what else to say, who was right, who was wrong. There were no answers.
“The first time I saw you was Tuesday afternoon, two thirty-five, October eighth, 1991, in the school library.” Jesse spoke softly, breaking the silence. “Coach said he’d gotten me a tutor and I should sit tight and take in every word you said if I wanted to continue the season. You came into that library, all serious, your hips swaying, a stack of books pressed against your chest and an expression on your face that said ‘Prepare to do battle.’ I thought hell’s bells, this one is going to be a handful.”
The tiniest smile graced Amy’s face. “Scared you, did I?”
“I never knew what the hell hit me. That day you wrote your name and phone number on a piece of looseleaf paper, told me not to lose it. The nurses found that piece of paper in my wallet when the hospital was looking for next of kin. One of the nurses asked me if you should be contacted. I nodded yes. The nurse spoke with your mother. She came to see me and I agreed to leave you alone. Still I kept that piece of paper for the longest time. I knew I was being foolish, but I couldn’t seem to throw it away.” He sighed as if wondering, like her, if too many years and too many secrets had destroyed their chances.
“So when did you finally throw it away?” Amy asked.
Jesse reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a worn sheet of paper. He opened it carefully so he wouldn’t rip the creases, thin with years of folding and unfolding. He smoothed his hand across it. Amy saw her name written in her youthful, round, curvy script. Beneath it was her phone number.
“I didn’t. I had a small metal file box at home for all my important papers. I kept it in there. I found the box in the rubble at my place. It survived the storm.”
Amy stared at the sheet of paper with the fat cursive letters. “Just like us.”
Jesse folded the paper, his face unreadable, and slid it back into his pocket.
“What do we do now, Jesse?”
He looked at her, the mask cracking, revealing the pain and uncertainty Amy shared.
“I don’t know.”
Her heart broke. “Are you going to stay?”
He nodded. “Yes. I’d like to spend time with Ian.”
“That would be good. You can stay at the house if you like. There’s room.”
He shook his head. “No, I’ll get a room at a motel. It would be easier.”
“Of course.” She adopted a polite manner. “How long can you stay?”
“I was planning on two days at the most.”
There was never enough time for them.
“I have to get back to Turning Point,” he said. “There’s a lot to be done. But now that I know about Ian…” He rubbed his brow again, looked past her. “Everything’s changed.”
“Yes,” Amy agreed. “Everything has changed. For all of us.”
It seemed as if he wanted to say something more, but he remained silent. After several seconds, he stood. “You probably need to get back.”
“Do you have a car?” she asked, getting up also.
He nodded. “I rented one at the airport.”
“You can follow me to the house, or if you want to get a room first, I can write directions to my place from the motel.”
“I’ll get a room, then come over, if that’s all right?” They were so formal they could have been two strangers.
“That’s fine.” She took out a notepad, wrote down the address, then handed him the sheet of paper. “Here. Don’t lose it.”
He smiled slightly as he folded the paper. Amy couldn’t suppress the hope that sparked in her.
By the time she left the hospital and arrived home, the food and the phone calls of support and condolences had begun to come in. Peg was in the kitchen on the phone. Glenn was at the front door accepting a fruit basket delivery. Amy went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water as she listened to her mother thank the person on the other end for calling.
When Peg hung up, she looked at her daughter “Where’s Jesse?”
“He went to get a motel room, then he’ll be over. I gave him directions.”
“How did he take everything?”
Amy shook her head. “I should have told him about Ian right away—when I found out it was really him.”
“He’s pretty angry?” Peg asked.
“Angry, confused. He’s got a right to be. He lost fourteen years.”
“So did you. So did Ian,” her mother noted. “Is that reason enough to lose even more?”
“I can’t answer that. And I can’t answer for Jesse, either. How’s Ian?”
“He was quiet on the way home. He’s upstairs in his bedroom now, playing a video game.”
Amy set the water bottle on the counter. “I think I’ll go talk to him.”
“Amy?” Her mother moved toward the sink, picked up some lettuce leaves and rinsed them under the faucet. “About everything…well, I did what I thought was right.”
“I think that’s what we all did, Mom. Except now everything is all wrong.”
Ian lay on his stomach on his bed, furiously pushing the buttons on the video game controller.
“Hi, handsome,” Amy said as she walked into the room and sat down on the bed beside him.
“Aw-w-w, Mom. You’re not going to get all sappy on me, are you?”
“I might.” She ruffled his hair. He ducked his head, his eyes never leaving the video screen while his fingers fought imaginary enemies.
“It’s been quite a day, hasn’t it, honey?”
“Yeah.” Ian pressed a button. An alien got zapped on the screen.
“What did you think of Jesse?”
Ian shrugged. “He’s big.” He glanced up at his mother. “Do you think I’ll get that tall?”
“From the looks of you already, I’d say yes.”
Ian returned to his game. “He doesn’t look anything like his pictures.”
“I told you he wouldn’t.”
He glanced up at her again. “What did he think of me?”
“He was surprised.”
“I’ll bet.”
“He’s staying for two days. He’d like to spend as much time as possible with you, get to know you. Would that be okay?”
“I guess.”
“It will probably be a little strange at first, but with time, I bet you and he will be just fine with each other.”
Ian paused the video game and looked up at his mother. “Am I supposed to call him Dad or what?”
“You two will figure that out.” Amy stood. “He’s coming over as soon as he gets settled at the motel. He’ll probably stay for dinner.”
“Whatever.” Ian started the video game again. Amy leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
“C’mon, Mom, cut it out.”
“I don’t want you playing that thing all day either.” She gave her customary warning as she left the room and went downstairs.
Peg was cutting up tomatoes at the sink, while Glenn was peeling cucumbers at the table. “Glenn, I can do that,” Amy told him.
“Don’t start spoiling him on me, Amy,” Peg warned.
Glenn smiled. “I’m glad to help out, Amy.”
“He’s a pretty good cook, too,” Peg added, smiling at him. She turned to Amy. “How’s Ian?”
“He told me not to get all sappy on him.”
“Sounds like he’ll be fine.” Peg sounded relieved.
“He’s not saying much at the moment.”
“It’s going to take time for all of you. You look tired, honey. Why don’t you go take a nice, long hot bath and get yourself fixed up for dinner?”
Amy looked at Glenn. “She’s not very subtle, is she?”
“That’s our gal,” Glenn said.
“Go now,” Peg urged her. “Glenn and I will get dinner ready. I’d rather stay busy anyway.”
<
br /> Her mother turned back to the sink. Aunt Betts and her mother had never been close. Besides the large age difference between them, Amy suspected there had been some jealousy on her mother’s part over Amy and Ian’s close relationship with Betts. Still, her mother had just lost her only sister.
Amy went to Peg, put her arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll do cleanup.”
“It’s a deal. Off with you now.” Her mother’s eyes with their newly corrected vision became glassy.
Amy squeezed her shoulders again and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.”
Peg blinked back her tears and smiled at her daughter. “Don’t go getting all sappy on me, Amy.”
Less than a half hour later, Amy was heading back downstairs. She had cut her bath short when her tears had come. As she walked toward the staircase, she heard voices coming from Ian’s bedroom. She moved toward the room. From the doorway, she saw Jesse sitting on the end of the bed beside Ian, their brows furrowed, their bodies weaving and bobbing as they focused on playing the game on the video screen.
“You ever play NFL Fever?” Jesse asked.
“Yeah, but I like Madden 2005 better.”
Amy stayed in the hall where she could watch them without interrupting them. Her son let out a triumphant whoop at a victory. Jesse’s intense gaze stayed on the screen, but a small smile curled his lips. He glanced at Ian and Amy saw in his eyes the same wonder she had so often known. Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t even try to stop them this time. She’d spent these past days praying for a miracle. She’d thought her prayers had gone unanswered, but she’d been wrong. She slipped away from the doorway.
Jesse cast a sidelong look at the boy beside him. Ian’s gaze was glued to the screen. His body shifted, twisting in the same direction as the controller he wielded like a weapon. His features were still soft with youth, but the thinnest shadow of hair over his top lip predicted manhood.
“My cousin back in Texas has a couple of nephews around your age. One’s a little older.”
“Yeah?” Ian concentrated on the game.
“Their father lives out here in California.”
Ian said nothing.
“My father was killed when I was eighteen. That was fourteen years ago.”
Ian didn’t respond. They played the game for a few minutes.
“My mom said you didn’t know about me,” Ian said without looking at him.
Jesse set down his controller. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t know I had a son until today.”
Ian kept his gaze on the screen. “My mom was married for a while.”
“I know. To Malcolm.”
“He was my stepdad.”
“Your mother told me you and he are still good buddies.”
“That’s right.” Ian’s fingers flew on the controller’s buttons. “Most of the time though, I never had a father.”
Jesse smiled. “I’ve never had a son. But there were lots of times I wished I did.”
Ian glanced at him before returning his attention to the screen. “You never married?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I only met one person in my life I ever wanted to marry.”
Ian turned to consider him. “My mother?”
“That’s right.”
“You loved her?”
Jesse nodded.
“You going to ask her to marry you?”
Jesse sat back. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
Ian returned to his game. “Thought you loved her.”
“It’s not that simple, Ian.”
“She’d probably say no anyway.”
“What if she didn’t?”
Ian gave him a half-lidded look. “What do you mean?”
“What if I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Would you be okay with that?”
“Would I have to move to Texas?”
“That’s where I live.”
“I live here. I’ve got friends here.”
“Texas is nice.”
Ian turned off the video game, picked up the television’s remote control and switched on the sports channel. “I like California.”
“It would be nice to all be together.”
Ian looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “My mom and I have been doing fine.”
“I know. I’m glad you had each other, but I’d like to be part of your lives also.” When Ian was silent, Jesse continued. “I’m not quite sure what is going to happen, Ian, but I do know now that I’ve found you both, I’m not losing either of you again.”
Ian stared at the television. Jesse sat beside him, feeling helpless.
“You like the Houston Astros?” Ian asked, not looking at him.
“Sure do. How’bout you?”
“I’m a Dodgers man myself.”
Jesse suppressed a smile. “Your mother mentioned that to me once.”
Peg’s voice sounded from downstairs. “Boys, dinner’s ready.”
Jesse stood. “Guess we better go.”
Ian sighed as he clicked off the television and dragged himself off the bed. He looked Jesse squarely in the eye. “You ask my mother to marry you,” he said grudgingly, “she probably won’t say no.”
“And what do you think if she does say yes?”
Ian shrugged. “The Texas part doesn’t thrill me.”
It wasn’t much, but it was a beginning, Jesse thought. He’d take it.
“C’mon,” Ian told him. “We gotta wash up before dinner. Mom has a thing about germs.”
“Don’t all moms?” Jesse said as he and his son started out of the room.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
AUNT BETTS’S funeral was two days later. As with most things in her life, Betts had not wanted a conventional funeral. She had participated wholeheartedly in every one of the church’s charity functions, often organizing them single-handedly, but she attended church services sporadically and vocally expressed her opinions on what she deemed some of the more archaic rituals and rites. Her diatribes often included wakes and funerals designed to “wring the life out of a person until the deceased one looks the most animated person there.”
To that end, she had left specific instructions on how she was to be laid to rest. A jazz band was to be hired and the dining room at the Courage Bay Bar and Grill rented. Everyone was to eat and dance and drink until they were drunk enough to dance down Courage Bay’s streets and up into the mountains to scatter her ashes so she could always look down on the town she loved so much. As was her wish, Aunt Betts was laid to rest high above Courage Bay with laughter, song and celebration.
Still, the day was not without moments of tears, shared memories and the realization that life, no matter how full, was too damn short. Jesse’s visit, too, was coming to an end. He was needed in Turning Point. His flight left that evening.
“Thank you again for coming,” Amy told him as they walked through the terminal. “It meant a lot to me that you were here.”
She had followed him to the airport to see him off. He had returned his rental car and they were heading to the check-in area. They’d invited Ian to go to the airport also, but with an insight beyond his young years, he had declined, granting Amy and Jesse a much-needed private good-bye. They’d had little opportunity to discuss the future. Amy sensed they had both skirted around the issue, still uncertain if two lives so separate could be merged without sacrifice.
“Your aunt seemed like a great lady,” Jesse said.
“She was wonderful.” Already Courage Bay seemed changed without Aunt Betts. “This place isn’t going to be the same for me without her.”
“How about Ian? He was pretty quiet today.”
“He’ll be okay. We’ll both be okay. It takes time.” She flashed a brave smile.
They reached the check-in counter. Jesse’s flight would leave in forty minutes. Boarding began in twenty. Jesse and Amy sat down in seats along the wall.
“I wish I c
ould stay longer but I’ve got to get back. Turning Point is still such a mess.” He surprised her by grabbing her hand in a tight grasp.
For a moment, Amy could not find her voice.
“I know,” she said at last. “They need you there. I’m grateful you could come for the short time you did.” She squeezed his hand. “Next time you’ll stay longer. And as soon as my schedule permits, Ian and I will come see you.”
“I’d like to have Ian spend some time with me in Turning Point. Maybe over school vacations?”
When the time had come for Jesse to say good-bye to Ian, they’d stood awkwardly facing each other. Jesse had handed Ian his card, every possible contact number scribbled on it. “Any time you need anything or just want to talk or anything at all, you call me.”
Ian had nodded as he took the card. He’d swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his long throat.
“And I’m going to be calling you and your mom on a regular basis, checking in, okay?”
“Yes, sir.” Ian had turned the card over and over in his hands.
“No need for ‘sirs,’ son.” The endearment, a common term, now had new meaning. “‘Jesse’ is just fine.”
“Okay. Jesse.”
Jesse had smiled at the boy and held out his hand. Jesse clasped Ian’s shoulder as the two shook. “I’m so glad we got to meet.”
“Me too, sir—I mean, Jesse.”
“Okay then.”
Neither had moved. Ian had swallowed. “You know how you said you never had a son but you thought about it sometimes and figured it would be great?”
Jesse had nodded.
“Sometimes I used to think about having a dad and thought it would be okay, too.”
It had been Jesse’s turn to swallow hard.
Now in the airport terminal, Amy looked at her son’s father. “Ian would like that.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“No, I want you two to spend as much time as you can together. It will be good for you both.”
They sat silently a few minutes, watching the passengers coming and going. Jesse would not let go of her hand. He cleared his throat. “Amy?”
She turned to him.
“I don’t know—”
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