by Erin Trejo
Just as I fall to my knees in front of him another shot rings through the air. My ears ring. I can hear my own breathing. Through all of the chaos going on around me there is silence. I reach for Dante and pull his head into my lap.
“Don’t do this to me,” I beg him.
“Benny get the guns out of here,” Tucker screams before he’s at my side.
Tucker has a phone to his ear. I can vaguely hear him calling for help. My focus is on Dante. His eyes flutter as I hold him in my arms.
“No dad, he’s been shot. I don’t fucking know. Get your guys on your payroll. I don’t give a shit,” Tucker screams into the phone as I start to hear the faint sound of sirens.
“You can’t leave me Dante. I just got you. You have to stay with me. I don’t have anyone else,” I whisper where I lean down to his head.
Tucker moves around me and presses his hand to the wound. I can hear him saying something, but I don’t know if he’s talking to me or not. I just don’t care right now. I need Dante to know what I feel for him. I need that more than I need air to breathe. I need him.
“I love you. You don’t know how much I love you, but you have to know that I do. I lost Tracey. I can’t lose you too. Please just stay with me,” I beg him as tears slide down my cheeks.
Everything after that seems to happen in a whirlwind of events. I’m pulled away from Dante and into Tucker’s arms. Cops are swarming the house. The paramedics haul Dante off.
I don’t know how or when we arrived at the hospital, but my head is still in a fog. I was checked over at Tucker’s request. I tried to refuse, but he kept telling me that Dante would want me to get looked at. I couldn’t deny him that.
Their dad showed up at one point. He and Tucker talked amongst themselves for a bit. Now I find myself back at Tucker’s.
“We need to get you changed,” he whispers softly as he carries me into the bathroom.
“He can’t die Tucker,” I hear myself saying.
“He won’t. He’s too damn stubborn. Come on,” he says as he lifts my shirt up over my head.
This is wrong. I know that it’s wrong, but I don’t care what Tucker sees right now. He reaches in and starts the shower before he moves to take off the rest of my clothes. When I don’t move to stand he tries to help me, but my legs are useless. Tears burn the back of my eyes as I think about what my life has become. What if Dante didn’t hear me tell him that I love him? What if he never gets to hear it again?
“Shhh,” Tucker soothes me when the tears finally start falling.
He stands up, still fully clothed, and lifts me up into his arms. My body aches from the beating it’s taken, but even more from the pain of what I saw. He steps into the shower with me and lets the spray hit me. I wince, but I know that I need this.
“He’s going to be fine. He’ll get better and be home in no time. He loves you Bri. Did you know that?” Tucker asks softly.
I start shaking in his arms. He holds me tighter.
“He told me earlier today. He told me that he loves you,” he says again.
“I love him too,” I manage to squeak out.
The shower comes to an end and Tucker dries me off. He puts one of Dante’s shirts on me before he tucks me into bed. He left to go change his clothes so I bury myself under the blankets and inhale Dante’s scent. It smells like him all around me. My eyes slowly close, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been very long when I hear a noise. I pry my eyes open to see Tucker sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I got you some food. You need to eat something. I’m going to head back to the hospital.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“You need to rest Bri.”
“I have to be there Tucker. I need to be there for him. You can’t tell me no,” I scream.
I’m out of control and I know it. I can feel myself going over the edge, but I can’t stop it. I’m being irrational, but I have to see him.
“Okay, okay. Just eat a little bit before we go please,” he says picking up the piece of toast and bringing it up to my lips. My stomach grumbles, but not from hunger.
“He’s going to be okay isn’t he?” I ask Tucker.
He looks over at me. His big, brown eyes are burning like fire into me.
“My dad,” I begin, but Tucker shakes his head to cut me off.
“I know. We found out what he did. Let’s not talk about that right now, okay?” he says softly.
I nod my head and take another bite before I shake my head. Tucker sets the toast back down on the plate. He grabs a glass of juice and passes it to me.
“I’ll grab you some sweatpants,” he says before he climbs off of the bed. He comes back with Dante’s black sweats and I smile. “I know they’re too big, but I doubt you want mine right now.”
“I love you Tucker. It’s not the same way it once was, but I love you.”
“I love you too Bri. I didn’t want to see it at first, but I get it. You two? It was always supposed to be you two. Here,” he says passing me the pants before he grabs the chair and leaves the room.
I pull my legs out from under the blanket and slip into the pants. I have to tie them up so that they don’t fall, but when I see my reflection in the mirror, I smile. I like smelling like Dante. I like wearing his clothes because it makes me feel closer to him. I slowly make my way out of the bathroom, grab my chucks off the floor, and slip them on before I go find Tucker.
When I do find Tucker my heart breaks. He’s leaning over the kitchen sink with his head hanging between his shoulders. I hear the sobs before I walk over to him, wrap my arms around his waist, and rest my head on his back.
“It’s okay,” I repeat his words.
We stay like that for a few more minutes. Tucker stands tall and sniffs back the tears as I slowly let my arms from around him. He turns to face me and I nearly crumble under his sad glare.
“Dad’s still at the hospital. We should get going.
I nod my head and reach for his hand. He lowers his head and looks at our joined hands before he squeezes. This isn’t about us. This is about Dante and we both know it. He’s always been by my side and I don’t think I could live without him in my life either.
“Do you remember when Dante caught us in the basement when we were eight?” I ask giggling at the reminder as we walk out the door and toward the car.
“Yeah. He said we weren’t right for each other and that you would end up kicking my ass one day,” he chuckles.
“And when we were older we got together,” I say with a smile.
“He told me then that he was going to love you one day.”
His words are like a stake through my heart.
“What?” he asks.
Tucker turns to look at me and shrugs his shoulders.
“He told me that he could feel it happen. He said he didn’t want to, but that he knew it would happen.”
Chapter 20
Dante
Shots. I can hear them being fired. They’re so damn close. She’s too close. Did one hit her? Did they get Tucker? Where is she? The dark taunts me and pulls me down into its depths.
I shudder and look around, “Bri?” I call out her name. “Bri. Where are you?” I scream louder when I hear the beeps and feel someone touching my arm.
“It’s okay. You can calm down now. You’re safe now,” the voice says.
I don’t want to calm down. I want Bri. Where the hell is Bri?
“Where the fuck am I?” I ask as I feel pain shoot through my chest.
“You’re in the hospital. You’re okay.”
I slowly begin to pry my eyes open. When I blink the nurse starts to come into view. Her face is fuzzy, but as I keep looking she starts to come into focus.
“There you are,” she says happily.
“Where is Bri? Where’s my brother? Were they hurt?” I ask needing to know what happened.
I saw her. I remember seeing her there with Tucker. She cried out for me.
“They weren’t b
rought in. I believe your dad is out in the waiting room. Would you like to see him?” she says.
I nod my head. They weren’t brought in. That’s good news right? Unless they were taken to the fucking morgue. No! That couldn’t have happened. I heard her. I heard Bri. I could feel her next to me.
The nurse leaves and a few minutes later the door opens again. My dad walks in with Tucker right behind him.
“Hey,” I say looking behind him to see if Bri is with them.
I want Bri.
“She’ll be up soon. She needed a minute,” Tucker says knowing who I’m looking for.
I nod my head and put it back down on the pillow. My dad walks over and stands next to the bed.
“You scared the shit out of us son.”
I smirk.
“Isn’t that what I do best?”
Dad chuckles, but Tucker just stands there. He’s as still as stone. I know he must have been worried even if he’d never come right out and say it.
“Doc said you could go home in a few days if you feel up to it. I’ve got a few meetings that I’m going to reschedule so that I can be here with you,” dad tells me.
I’m almost shocked that he made the offer, but I still shake my head.
“No. You do what you need to do. We’ve got this don’t we bro?” I ask looking at Tucker.
Now it’s his turn to smirk.
“Don’t we always?”
“Fuck yeah.”
My dad laughs and looks between us.
“I will admit that you scared me Dante. Shit I didn’t have a clue of what I was walking into.”
“Are they dead?”
“Yeah,” Tucker answers.
“Then we’re good,” I tell them both.
“I’m going to go make some phone calls. I’m going to let the guys know that their leader is alive and being a smartass,” dad says before he walks out of the room.
I thought I saw a shimmer of tears in his eyes, but I could have been wrong. The door closes as I look up to Tucker.
“I don’t say this often, but I love you brother. I’m glad you’re my brother.”
Tears fill Tucker’s eye before he nods his head. He doesn’t get a chance to respond before the door flies open and a screaming Bri comes barreling in.
“What’s wrong? Your dad was crying and,” she stops talking when her eyes come up to meet mine. Her mouth falls open and a tear slips down her cheek.
“Are you going to just stand there or come kiss me?” I ask her with a slight smirk.
The tears keep dripping down her face, but she doesn’t move. I raise my hand and motion for her to come to me. She moves so slowly that I wish I could get up and go to her. Once she reaches the side of my bed, I grab her hand and pull her down to me. She stumbles forward and barely catches herself.
“I could hurt you,” she squeals.
“You could kiss me too, but you haven’t done that either,” I tell her.
Tucker chuckles when I hear him move to sit in the chair. Bri finally leans down and brushes her lips over mine. It feels like perfection. This is all I’ll ever need.
“Thank you,” she whispers as her lips touch mine.
“For what?”
“Living.”
I smirk at her and scoot to the side so that she can climb onto the bed next to me. She does so without being told. Once she’s settled I breathe in her scent.
“I think you look better in my clothes than I do.”
She laughs and that’s all I need to hear.
“So they said you could go home in a few days?” Tucker chimes in.
“Yeah. This shit isn’t going to keep me down. Is everything else taken care of?” I ask him.
“Yeah. We’re all good. The guys were flipping their shit when they heard, but I told them you were a tough fucker.”
I smile and pull Bri closer to my side. She doesn’t resist and I’m thankful for that. I need her more than she knows.
“I’m going to go check on dad. You want anything?”
Tucker stands and looks between us. We both shake our heads and watch him as he leaves the room.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I say softly to her.
Bri stiffens, but I slowly run my hand up and down her back until she relaxes into me.
“What is it?”
“I’ve loved you since you were seventeen. There hasn’t been a single day after I saw you smile and blow out your candles on your cake Tucker fucked up, that I haven’t loved you. I don’t tell you that near enough, but I will princess. I’ll tell you every second, of every day.”
I hear her sob, but instead of hurting me it makes me smile. She needs to hear this. I’m not the sharing type of guy, but I know what Bri needs.
“I love you too Dante. More than you know. When I thought I lost you, I couldn’t take it.”
“You’re never losing me Bri. I’m not going anywhere.”
She snuggles in closer as I close my eyes and let the pain medicine work its way through me.
Chapter 21
Brianna
“Stop fucking cuddling me man. I can walk,” Dante snaps at Tucker as he tried to help him around the house.
It’s funny to see him like this. It’s even funnier since their dad is here to see it too.
“I’m trying to help you asshole.”
“By holding my dick while I piss? Get the fuck out of here man,” Dante snaps.
I can’t hold my giggle in. I let it out. As Dante walks back into the living room and sits on the couch he glares at me.
“What are you laughing at? Do you think I get a kick out of my little brother trying to cop a feel?” I laugh.
Dante smiles and I take it in. I’ve missed that smile. He had to stay at the hospital a few more days, but now that he’s home I couldn’t be happier.
“Cop a feel? That thing is so small I don’t know how you can even find it to go,” Tucker says fucking with him.
Their dad laughs along with me.
“Please. You know you want this,” Dante says as he grabs his cock through his shorts.
The room goes silent with the lingering questions and thoughts. We all have them, but no one has wanted to talk about it. I figure I could go first. I take a deep breath and start.
“He said he never wanted me. He traded me to Jenkins for some cash and Kerry,” I tell them.
Tucker’s jaw ticks. Their dad looks disgusted. Dante tenses.
“He can’t hurt you anymore,” Dante says.
The room is suddenly eerie. I don’t know what to say, but Tucker does.
“I killed him.”
“I’d like to kill him again,” Dante adds. I shift in my seat. “I should have told you sooner that there was so much happening.”
“Your dad wasn’t a dad. I’m sorry that you had to grow up that way Brianna. He was wrong,” their dad tells me.
Dante yawns, Tucker’s phone rings, and I’m just here. My dad’s dead. He’s gone. I never have to see him or speak to him again. I never have to hear him say that I was a mistake again. Even though he took care of me there is still an ache in my chest. Maybe it’s for the father I never had.
“I need to go handle some shit,” Tucker says as he stands up and walks toward me.
He leans down, presses a kiss to the top of my head, and leaves. When I look over at Dante I can see that the pain meds are working and have kicked his ass. His mouth is hanging open slightly and his breathing is even.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but they are always with you,” he says with a chuckle. “I wasn’t the best dad to them either. I left them to fend for themselves a lot more than I should have. I messed up time and again. I should have known better, but I saw the way they were. They were smart. Brave. They were better than I ever was. They grew up to be the men I could have only hoped to be when I was their age. I like to think that it made them stronger not having me to hover over them. They’re sort of like you in that Brianna.”
�
�Me?”
“Yeah. Your dad didn’t raise you the way he should have either. He didn’t protect you and guide you the way a father should have. That made you who you are today. Do you really think you could handle that one if you were weak?” he asks nodding toward Dante where he’s asleep on my shoulder.
A small smile crosses my face.
“You did good with them. You didn’t make them weak either,” I tell him.
He nods, smiles, and stands up from his seat.
“I need to take care of a few things. I’m glad you’re here.”
I smile and watch him walk toward the door when he looks back over his shoulder.
“And Brianna? Thank you for loving them the way you do. They are both happy when you’re around and I can see how much they love you.”
The door closes behind him and silence lingers. I snuggle back into the couch with Dante’s head on my shoulder. I close my eyes and relax after I hear the door lock behind their dad.
The thoughts still linger though. He’s dead. He’s really dead.
The rest of the evening passes slowly. Dante is still asleep as I try to stretch out. It’s no use. I slowly slip out from under him and guide his head to the couch when the door opens. Tucker walks in with wild eyes. Blood stains his clothes and hands when he looks over at me.
“Tucker?” I say his name softly.
I look down at Dante before I move to Tucker. He brushes past me and up the stairs. I follow behind him because of the look in his eyes.
“Tucker? What happened?”
He ignores me and heads to his room. I keep walking behind him. His hands re shaking slightly. He’s not himself. I watch him move around the room, not really doing anything. I can’t handle seeing him like this. I walk closer to him and step in front of him to grab his face in my hands.
“Look at me.”
He slowly lowers his eyes to mine and it’s then that I see it. He’s got that lost look. I see the sorrow.
“Jenkins didn’t die. Not that day,” he says softly.
“What?” I gasp.
Tucker reaches up and grabs my face in his hands roughly.
“He didn’t die. I didn’t want to say anything because Dante was still healing. And after what Jenkins did to you? Fuck. He’s dead now though.”
