“You don’t think your leg is broken, do you?” Fear penetrated her voice.
Benjamin shook his head. “I’m just bruised, that’s all.”
“You’ll have a right good bruise, I’m sure,” Pearl speculated. “Do you feel like getting up yet?”
He nodded and, with some difficulty, rose in stages.
Pearl nodded toward a bale of hay. “You sit on down.”
He hobbled to the hay, wishing he’d been gentler with Pansy. He’d let his foolish pride irk him and was suffering the consequences.
Meanwhile, Pearl consoled Pansy, patting the cow and rubbing her. Soon the beast breathed more slowly and resumed feeding.
Benjamin imagined Pansy was calmer than he was. “I’m sorry I made Pansy mad.”
“You didn’t mean to.” Pearl gave the animal one final pat then nodded toward the house. “Come on. Let’s go back. I’ll tend to you and then come back here and finish up later.”
If Benjamin were prone to blushing, he would have at that moment. He had proven a colossal failure. How could he ever expect to be of any use to Pearl?
“Don’t worry,” she consoled him. “You can try again tomorrow.”
Benjamin didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure he ever wanted to see another cow.
Chapter 7
Weeks later, Benjamin rose early on Sunday morning to escort Pearl to church. After long days of physical labor, he looked forward to an hour or so of sitting on a pew, listening to Preacher Giles, and praying and singing.
Since he was running late, he hurried with shaving and dressing and soon retrieved the Huberts’ buggy, which he had borrowed since he’d be taking Pearl to church. Trotting toward the ranch, he thought back on his time there, being part of Pearl’s new life. The first few days after he agreed to help bring the ranch up to its potential, he didn’t think he would survive. Pansy’s kick had been a setback, and his injured leg had impeded his progress as he tried to learn the ins and outs of ranching. But once he and Pansy became friends, he learned to milk her with as much ease as Pearl. He found that such a chore, along with the other labor, brought its own sense of pride in accomplishment. Even in the past, when he had outwitted other gamblers and taken home their money, he never felt proud of his day’s labor. On the ranch he did.
Pearl had said the ranch was small, and he reckoned it was by Texas standards, but the amount of work it entailed made it seem gigantic to him. First he had invested some time in making sure the fences, barn, and chicken coops were in good repair. As he approached Milk and Honey Ranch, he admired his handiwork.
He admired Pearl even more when he saw her waiting for him. Nearly unable to control himself, he took in a breath. Her Sunday dress, though simple, made her appear even more radiant than usual. He had barely called the horse to a stop before Pearl ran toward him and jumped into the buggy.
Benjamin marveled at how she managed to maintain a grip on her Bible while leaping into position. “Good morning!” He twisted his mouth into a wry grin.
“I hope it’s good. We’re late.” She looked straight ahead.
“I know. I’m sorry. I overslept a mite.”
“I hope that means we’ll only be a mite late.”
He pulled the buggy out of the drive with more force than he intended. Pearl jostled and grabbed her hat.
“Sorry.”
“Never mind. I can take a little bump if it means not being late for church.”
“How’s your ma this morning?”
“Not so good. She didn’t eat breakfast. Just turned back over and went to sleep. I almost decided to skip worship service, but I figured that would upset Ma more than me leaving.”
“I’m sorry she’s still feeling poorly. But you can’t do anything to help her when she’s sleeping,” Benjamin consoled. “That’s probably the best thing. Did Dr. Spencer have anything much to say when he saw her yesterday?”
Pearl shook her head. “There’s nothing he can do. I think he just wants me to make her comfortable.”
Benjamin didn’t respond. The idea of watching Pearl’s ma wither away wasn’t a happy one. Pearl remained silent for a moment. He wondered if her thoughts were similar to his own.
She changed the subject. “I do have some good news. News I think has cheered up Ma, too. It’s about the ranch.”
“Oh?”
“Remember the Angus bull and two cows I was thinking about buying? Well, I took the leap. They’re all mine.” Excitement colored her tone.
He let out a low whistle. “You must have saved more money than I thought.”
“Ma had a few dollars hidden away, and I drove a hard bargain with our neighbor.” She smiled and nodded once, a sure sign of triumph. “Now your job is simple. Make sure they stay healthy so we can expect to deliver some calves soon.”
Benjamin wasn’t sure he was up to the job, but he wanted to do right by Pearl. “I’ll do my best.”
“And I have a few other chores to keep you busy. I’d like to procure a few more chickens, so do you think we can build another coop?”
“I reckon.” He tried to sound enthusiastic but failed.
Pearl didn’t seem to notice. “Good!”
“I’m glad we’re in sight of the church. If it was too much farther away, you might find other things for me to do.”
“Oh,” Pearl jested in turn, “we haven’t ridden home yet.”
Later, as they entered the sanctuary, Benjamin didn’t feel apprehensive. Weeks ago, the first time he darkened the door of the little frame building that also served as the schoolhouse, he’d felt like a speckled sheep among a lily white flock. Jittery since he wasn’t sure how to act in such a holy place, he tried not to notice curious glances thrown his way. But the glances had melted, and he greeted people he had come to know.
That day he didn’t squirm in boredom as Pastor Giles preached about the Ten Commandments. Benjamin couldn’t recite but two by heart—the ones on lying and covetousness—but he decided to memorize all ten that week.
“Now I ask you, my friends,” Pastor Giles shouted, “do you want to be thrown into the pit? Into hell’s fire?”
Several answers in the negative resounded.
“Then you must obey these commandments!” With each word the pastor touched the Bible he held with his forefinger. The pastor was so fired up that Benjamin thought he could almost see the flames of hell.
Choruses of “Amen!” filled the sanctuary.
Benjamin knew he hadn’t been obedient, especially about bearing false witness. And he reckoned that coveting other people’s goods had led him to cheating. Not so long ago, the thought wouldn’t have worried him. But now that he had seen a better way to live, sorrow visited him. He realized that each time he attended church he’d become more certain he had to change. For good.
Pastor Giles preached. “Now I ask you today, do you know where you are going when you die?”
The pastor looked right at Benjamin. He tried not to wince. But Pastor Giles was right. Benjamin didn’t know where he’d be headed when he died.
“Some of you young folks might think you have all the time in the world to repent,” the pastor said. “But you may not. For tonight your very life might be required of you.”
Benjamin shook his head in surprise and regret. Such a thought had never occurred to him.
“You don’t believe me?” Preacher Giles’s stare focused on Benjamin, who responded by looking at the back of the pew in front of him. The pastor continued. “Turn in your Bibles to Luke chapter 12, verse 16, and read along with me the words of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
They read:
And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years;
take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.
The words shook Benjamin. He had no reason to think God would take him anytime soon, but what if He did? Farm work offered plenty of chances for accidents. He remembered Pansy’s kick. What if the blow had landed on his head? He shuddered.
Pearl laid a gloved hand on his arm and whispered, “Are you all right, Benjamin?”
He wasn’t sure.
“Are you like this man? If you are, I ask you today to come to the altar and make a proclamation to God. Ask Jesus to forgive your sins and make you clean.”
Benjamin felt so drawn to the altar that he had no other choice. He had to go. Rising from his seat, he walked to the front of the sanctuary and knelt at the altar. Pastor Giles kept preaching, and he heard shouts of joy from the congregation; otherwise, all was a blank to Benjamin. He just prayed. Tears rolled down his cheeks unabated.
He had come home.
Throughout the ride back to the ranch and even as she prepared Sunday dinner, Pearl didn’t hold back her expressions of joy. “Oh, Benjamin! I’m still stunned about the day’s events. I never expected you to take the altar call. I’ve never been happier!”
“Me, neither.” Though he spoke the truth, he didn’t want to admit he felt scared. The new life he promised God sounded hard to live. But he could try.
“I wish I had planned something more special for dinner than my same old fried chicken.”
“Your fried chicken is special any day,” Benjamin assured her. “Besides, now that I’ve come to Jesus, I’ll bet every day will be special regardless of what I eat.” He flinched. “Oh, I reckon I shouldn’t use the word bet anymore.”
Pearl laughed. “I know what you mean.” She picked up a silver tray that held a small meal and an abbreviated glass of milk. “As soon as I take this in to Ma, I’ll set ours on the table.”
“Sure you don’t want me to help?”
“Thanks, but you do enough around here. But you can come on in and talk to Ma. She’d like to hear your news.”
Benjamin nodded. For the first time, he didn’t feel fearful about seeing Pearl’s mother.
Pearl poked her head through the sickroom door. “Ma? You decent?”
“Yes,” a weak voice responded.
Benjamin followed Pearl.
“I’ve got lunch,” Pearl announced. “I’m hoping you’ll eat something.”
“I’m not hungry right now. Leave it on the nightstand, will you?”
“Would you rather have an omelet?”
Pearl’s mother barely shook her head.
Pearl set down the tray and drew closer to her mother. “Ma, I’ve got news. It’s about Benjamin. He accepted the altar call at church today.”
Ma opened both eyes. “He did?”
“I sure did, Mrs. Hubert,” Benjamin assured her.
“Well, praise God.” Her voice sounded stronger although she didn’t sit upright. “So when is the baptism?”
“Baptism?”
“You mean, you’ve already been baptized?” Pearl’s mother asked.
Benjamin hesitated. “If I have, I don’t remember.”
“Well, we’ll have to take care of that,” Pearl said. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Benjamin. I’ll take care of everything.”
Later that week, Benjamin arrived in Pearl’s kitchen for his usual breakfast. When he entered, bacon and eggs awaited.
“Sure smells good, Pearl.”
“Me or the food?” she asked.
Her playful mood offered a pleasant surprise, and Benjamin decided to play along. “Both.”
“I have a feeling this time of morning the bacon and eggs take precedence over the smell of my soap.”
“I notice you don’t wear the perfume I gave you much.” He pulled up a chair and sat at the table. “Kinda hurts my feelings a mite,” he teased.
“I’m saving that perfume for special occasions. Besides, didn’t I tell you Ma doesn’t allow perfume around here? Thinks it makes a woman smell—well…” Pearl looked into the frying pan and seemed to concentrate a little too much on dishing four thick slices of bacon and two eggs sunny-side up onto his plate. She buttered a slice of bread to go along with the food. He noticed a splotch of red on each cheek.
“The scent makes your ma think of your past, doesn’t it?” he asked as he took his seat.
She nodded and set his plate before him. “And me, too. I don’t want to go back.”
“Neither do I.”
“Oh, that reminds me. Pastor Giles says he’ll baptize you in Trinity River whenever you’re ready. But he doesn’t want to wait too long.”
“I know. But there’s something that would mean a lot to me, if we can get it to happen.” Benjamin’s voice became quiet. “I’d like my brothers to be there to see it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Part of getting my life where it should be is forgiving them. Isn’t it?”
“Sure.” Pearl fetched the coffeepot.
“You’re afraid of them, aren’t you? Afraid because they’re outlaws?”
Pearl nodded. “I wish I could say different.”
“I understand. But they won’t do any harm around here. They might still be outlaws, but they always made sure I was protected. So will you help me find them?”
“If it means that much to you, sure, I’ll help,” Pearl said as she poured coffee. “I wonder if they’ll recognize you.”
“They might not—it’s been so many years.”
“I hardly recognize you myself. Your skin isn’t as sallow as it used to be, and you walk with more vigor than you ever did at Sadie’s.”
He chuckled. “Vigor? I wonder how, considering how tired I am every day.”
Pearl laughed as she served the coffee. “Physical work is a challenge, isn’t it? I find it rewarding. Don’t you?”
“Yes, I reckon I do.”
She took her seat. “We need to say a blessing.”
Chastened, Benjamin set down his fork. He’d already taken a bite of egg. “If it’s not too late.”
“As long as we’re living and breathing, it’s never too late to be thankful.”
She bowed her head, and Benjamin knew she expected him to offer the prayer, a practice to which he still hadn’t become accustomed or comfortable. Nevertheless, he managed to utter a few words, and they proceeded with breakfast.
“So you haven’t been tempted to gamble?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Not so far. Nobody in town knows me as a card player, so that helps, I think.”
“I would venture you sleep easier at night knowing you haven’t cheated anybody.”
“I’d have to agree with that.” He chuckled, then turned serious. “I’m glad I put the past behind me.”
“You mean that?”
An idea occurred to him. “Yes, I do. Do you want to see how much?”
“Sure, but I don’t know how you’d show me.”
“Go get that bottle of perfume. And you’ll see.”
“Now I am wondering what you’ve got up that sleeve of yours,” she said, then disappeared into her own room.
Benjamin was just finishing the last of his eggs when she returned.
“Here you go.” She set the perfume on the table.
Benjamin picked up the bottle. He imagined the squat shape, with a little bulb on top to spray out the fragrance, would seem pretty to a woman. He’d spent a lot of money on that bottle of tuberose scent for her. Money he’d risked a lot to earn.
“So why did you want to see the bottle of perfume?” Pearl persisted.
“I’ll be right back. I have to go get something.” He picked up the bottle. “Meet me outside.”
Benjamin hurried to the shed to retrieve the hammer he’d been using to make repairs. For a moment he indulged in the luxury of ex
amining the tool, thinking about what he planned to do. The smooth metal felt slightly chilled, warming quickly under his touch. He never thought he’d think in such a way, but the worn wooden handle fit his fingers as if it had been fashioned for him. He marveled at how the hammer, instrumental in creating buildings and fences and maintaining their usefulness, would now be used for destruction. He slipped the tool into his back pocket and made his way back to the stoop where Pearl waited.
“What are you doing?” she prodded.
“Would you set the bottle down for me?” He pointed to a step.
Pearl shook her head ever so slightly but didn’t argue.
“Stand back.” As she stepped backward, he retrieved the hammer and showed it to her. “Take one last good look at that bottle of perfume. In a few seconds it will be history.”
She gasped. “But you paid a lot of money for that perfume. Are you sure you want to do that?”
“I’m not going to think about the money now. I’d ask you to give the perfume to a friend, but I doubt any respectable woman around these parts would wear it. Am I right?”
After the briefest interlude she responded. “You’re right.” She looked at the bottle and gulped.
“Sure you don’t mind?” Benjamin asked.
Pearl took in a breath that broke the morning stillness. She nodded. “Oh, I mind, but I think you should do it.”
Benjamin nodded. Before Pearl could have a chance to reconsider, Benjamin took the hammer and gave the bottle a good, hard strike. The bottle split into several pieces, spilling tuberose perfume. The pungent, sickly sweet odor, so lovely in small doses, sent both of them to coughing with the power of its unabated volume.
“I sure hope Ma doesn’t smell that, for a lot of reasons.” Pearl furrowed her brow with a concern Benjamin hadn’t seen in some time. “The scent will remind her of my venture to Denmark, but even worse, it might make her physically sick.”
“Really? Tuberose can be a bit strong, but—”
“No, it’s not that.” Pearl shook her head. “It’s just that Ma’s been feeling even more poorly lately. Odors, even nice ones, seem to bother her an awful lot. And when she’s not flushed, she looks more pale and sickly. She’s not eating much. I’m really worried.”
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