“Shit! Okay. I’m coming home. There will be paps, fans and reporters swarming the condo soon. I knew I shouldn’t have left you. Damnit. I’m sorry Em. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Close all the blinds and check the locks on all the windows and doors. Do not open the door for anyone. I have a key.” He says hastily, I know he’s upset with himself.
“James it’s not your fault. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have opened the door. I will do what you say. But I locked the screen door too, that doesn’t have a key lock.”
“You stay put. I will knock when I get home then and you can let me in. I’m walking out of the door right now. Hold on a sec don’t hang up.” He explains.
He’s talking to other people. “Guys I’m leaving the news found out Em’s at the condo. I have to go home. If you need any more help call me”
“What?! I’m coming with you!” I hear none other than Johnathan say. His voice is distinguishable. I had no idea James was hanging with him today. Guess that’s why he said ‘don’t worry.’ If I’d known he was with the asshole I would have.
“No you’re not. That’s two people I’d have to protect. You did this. If Ashley wouldn’t have been drug back into your life the news would have never gotten out this soon.” James chastises Johnathan firmly.
“Let me talk to her.” Johnathan demands.
“No, call her on your own phone I am leaving to take care of another mess you created and hurt her with. That’s my job. I will take care of that woman until my last dying breath. Now go back inside and get on with the day.” James orders.
“If you fall in love with her James you’re fired.” Johnathan barks angrily.
“Yeah well if you knew what’s best for her Johnathan this would have never happened. So let me do my damn job.” James yells and I can hear him walking away.
He comes back on. “Sorry about that. I’m almost to the suburban now. I will be home shortly. I will stop and grab a bite to eat for us and some movies at Redbox if you want, unless you want to leave the condo to go to another location? I can take you to Johnathan’s or Stacy’s or wherever else you want.” He says his tone back to its usual sweetness.
“I don’t want to leave. I like the bedroom it’s my sanctuary. And I sure as hell don’t want to go to Johnathan’s. Just come home and we can lounge and keep the crazies at bay.”
A knock at the door.
“Fuck another person’s knocking. What do I do?” I ask worried.
He growls into the phone. It kind of sounds like Johnathan’s but deeper and darker. This must be a male thing.
“Don’t answer it. I will be home soon.” He’s frustrated, it’s difficult for James to sound angry. He’s hard and scary looking but his patience keeps his darkness at bay.
We hang up. I grab the basket off the table and food from the kitchen after I close all the drapes. I take off James’s robe and hang it back on the bedroom door and slouch back into my favorite space.
Chapter Thirty One
My phone sings. ‘Hush my love don’t you cry, everything will be alright, close your eyes and drift in dream.’
It’s Johnathan goody! Not.
“Yes? How may I help you?” I ask answering his call. I haven’t spoken to him in what feels like forever.
“Are you alright?” he’s panicky.
“I’m fine. James is coming home and will take care of this new issue. Do you find it comforting that a new problem arises almost daily since you’ve been out?” I sass.
I lay back against the headboard of the beautiful bed. I probably shouldn’t be talking to him in here. It might taint the serenity. But I’m too lazy to get up.
Pulling a child out of the bag I pop it into my mouth and crunch down to help ease my rising temperature.
“Ashley did it. I guess she wasn’t as okay as we thought about me leading her on again.” He breathes heavily into the phone.
“Ya don’t say? What else is in the news that I should be worried about?” I’m such a sarcastic bitch with him. It’s like a light switch that comes on when I hear his voice now. It’s hard to be sweet and loving when all I want to do is castrate the man.
“That one photo of me and the topless woman is all over the internet. She must have sent it to more people than you. Also they have photos of the band leaving the hotel Sunday morning with the women headed to the plane and now the pregnancy and girlfriend thing with you.”
“I guess I’ll stay off the internet then. Can you ever be safe and stop doing this? Seriously. And threatening James isn’t the best way to get you in my good graces or his.” I scold.
“I know I’m sorry baby. I love you. I want to see you today. But I guess that’s now off limits. Unless… you want to come and stay with me? I could have James and Davis keep an eye on things and we can spend some time together. I meant what I said this morning. I want to be in you so badly. Use my cock or my tongue. I want to make you feel good.”
“You do realize how ridiculous you sound right now? Use your cock after just yesterday you had a woman’s hands all over it. No thanks. I think I’d rather use B.O.B or Claire. Maybe even a tire iron but not your cock. Now, I am going to spend the next few days with James and you’re going to do the LA concert on Friday. Then after San Diego you’re going to get some help. Get a counselor and see him four days a week. You’re going to attend A.A meetings and you’re going to practice abstinence including with me and other women. That includes no sex, blow jobs, hand jobs and whatever other kinky shit you could come up with to wiggle out of saying you’re still abstinent. Then after you work on yourself we can talk. I’ve tried to the hand-holding thing. You have to do this for yourself and your children.” I state and he listens, I can hear him breathing hard but I know he’s tuning in.
“Will that win you back?” he sounds desperate.
“Maybe, but you have to put in the work. You’ll always have me in your life Johnathan and I’ll always be your friend. I love you so very much. I don’t know why sometimes because I think I’m an idiot. But I do. And I am going to take care of these babies and stay with James. He will hold my hand through this and so will Stacy. You need to concentrate on you. Then after you do what is best. We will talk. But until then I think we need some separation. You do your work. I’ll help from my end using Stacy and James to run stuff through. And you do your job and try to stay out of trouble. I think its best.” I say calmly.
It’s true after all is said and done Johnathan needs to get healthy for himself and doing all that he has isn’t it.
“I can’t lose you from my life short stack, you have to know that. Those babies are mine and I will be their dad even if you won’t have me. I love you so much. I know I keep ruining us. I don’t know why. I just wish my life was easier. That my dad hadn’t murdered my mom in front of me, or beat me as a kid, or that I wouldn’t have been put in foster home from the age of ten. One of my foster moms made me fuck her when I was thirteen and I did it. Then she’d do drugs with me and we’d fuck. I’m so screwed up because of it all. I know that. The only love I ever knew was when I was between a woman’s legs and they’d say they loved me. It sounds wrong I know. But it’s true. I’ve never dealt with my demons. I’m glad I finally got you to make we want to do that for myself.”
“Oh god why didn’t you tell me about your story Johnathan? I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. Please baby. Don’t. I know it’s why I am as screwed up as I am. But if I wasn’t so screwed up I probably wouldn’t have met the boys in rehab and started the band. I wouldn’t have met you and we wouldn’t be having our babies. I wouldn’t change it because of that. But that’s my past and you and those babies are my future. My only future. I know I have to get shit straight. And I will do it. I will do it for you and for us. I promise.” He sounds confident, and loving.
I hope that’s the truth because he said this the last time. It didn’t work out so hot. I want to believe Johnathan. I want to see a bright future. But I don’t. I can’t lie
and say I do. I wish I did. But with everything he’s done. I can’t see past it all into the great world of wonderful loving Johnathan. I’ve gotten perfect glimpses of the man I want to spend my life with as he talks to the babies and orders my room service. Those are so beautiful. Then the rest is muck and dirt.
“Just get clean Johnathan I have to go. James will be home soon and I need to let him in. I’m proud of you if you pull through this. And I do love you. Very much.”
“Ok…. I love you. Stay in for the next week or so if you can. It should die down after that. It always does.”
I hang up. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to Johnathan or believe him. But I can’t keep doing this to myself. If I wasn’t pregnant I would probably cope better. But every time I think I am on the right path with this man it jumps off the deep end and gets eaten by a shark. My life will just have to play out.
The doorbell rings. I get out of bed and head with barely any clothes on to see who it is.
“It’s me.” James says from the other side. I open both doors for him and he slams them both shut and locks them. His hand is full of groceries and movies.
“So how bad is it out there?” I ask, watching him lay the stuff down on the kitchen table.
He walks over to me and grabs me up into his arms into a huge hug pressing my face to his thick warm chest.
“There are three news crews, a few fans and some paps.” He says caressing my back. I instantly feel better. Talking to Johnathan can drain a lot out of a woman. “You need to be back in bed pregnant woman in way too little of clothes.” He stands back eyeing me then bends down and scoops me up. I giggle.
“Put me down Calvin James I can walk.” I tease laughing, wiggling in his arms. I like be handled like a little doll. It makes me feel small in such a big man’s arms. What woman doesn’t love that? Even if that said man is sexy, comforting and old enough to be your father?
“No, pregnant lady needs to be off her feet. This pregnant lady has been through too much in a damn week and I am going to be her doctor. So I prescribe a week of strict condo rest with a hunky older man. And I also prescribe that pregnant lady cuddle with hunky teddy bear man three hours a day minimally. Or she might get sick. And we wouldn’t want that to happen.” He says with a straight face.
I am laughing so hard tears are pouring down my face. James carries me like a baby into the bedroom and lays me gently on my side of the bed. I haven’t even had time to check out my basket yet from Claire. Now, I feel like an ass.
He heads to the door.
“Where is my hunky teddy bear going?” I ask still busting up.
“To shower and slip into my pj’s. You my lady should probably put some more clothes on.” He eyes me uncovered sprawled out on the bed. I love this damn bed!
“It’s just a pair of panties and a cami James. Do I look that bad? At least I’m not naked.” I tease fingering my top, pulling it up over my belly a little to rest just under my breasts. Taunting him. I know he hates when I’m not clothed. Most of the time when he’s home I wear a bigger t-shirt and panties. Which he seems fine with.
“Young lady. Have you used B.O.B today?” he raises a brow.
“No? Why?” I’m perplexed why he would even ask that.
“You’re naughtier when you haven’t had a date with him. You need to soon.”
“What? Why?” I’m confused again. I know I’m frisky but that’s just me on a regular day.
“You don’t want to know why.” He grabs the knob and opens the door and steps out. I leap out of bed and catch him in the hall. I wrap my around him from behind locking myself around his waist. He can’t talk to me like that and not tell me why. This is confusing.
“Tell me.” I ask sweetly my face pressed to his back.
“You my dear, if you haven’t dated B.O.B or Claire in a while smell like sweet honey, which I know what it is that I’m smelling. Plus you start flirting with me more. Like pulling up your shirt or sucking peanut butter off my fingers.”
My heart is pounding my chest. I am so damn embarrassed. I can’t believe I do that. I guess I do. But I wish I didn’t. Not with James. For his sake not mine.
He unlocks my fingers and turns around.
I look up to his face. He smiles warmly. “I don’t mind the flirting and there is no need to be all red faced.” He reaches over and caresses my cheek. I’m burning up, so ashamed. “But even if you got turned on enough and would want us to do something. It can’t happen. I’m not saying you would. But it can’t and it has nothing to do with Johnathan or Claire. And you are beautiful. So it’s not about that either.”
“Is it because I’m so young?” I pout, averting my eyes to the ground.
He barks a laugh. I wasn’t being funny I was being serious. “No, no sweet girl.” He delicately tilts my chin up with his hand. “Look at me.” He asks politely. I listen.
“Any man my age or older would die to have a twenty four-year-old.” He smiles at me again. “But for the same reason I don’t date and have sex. Is the reason it can never happen with you, even if your hormones are begging for it.” He adds.
“How do you know my hormones beg that much?” I ask softly. He seems to know more about me than most unless I tell them. I don’t comment to him about my horny streaks. It’s humiliating.
“I can smell you and I hear you in the bathroom or the spare bedroom pleasuring yourself.”
“What do you mean you ‘hear’ me?” my voice jumps a few octaves.
“It’s no secret Emily that you’re loud when you… you know…” he gestures his hand in a circle, like he’s pushing me to get the point. “Oh Jesus don’t make me say it.” His face reddens.
“You mean I’m loud when I come? And you hear me?” my eyes widen. Oh the horror!
Oh my god! I am seriously mortified. I turn around and don’t say another word and he is just as embarrassed as I am. He doesn’t do sex talk well. I go back into the bedroom and close the door. I throw myself onto the bed. I drop the basket on the floor. Toss the covers over myself to be protected. I can’t believe this! I use B.O.B or my finger multiple times daily and he hears it! Oh Jesus. I’ve only lived here for four days and he already knows about all of it. That’s not good.
Chapter Thirty Two
It’s now Sunday the follow weekend. I’ve been cooped up with James in his condo for the past six days, except once when I got to see my girlfriend who is leaving to go out of town as we speak. She’s heading back to New York to help finalize more work with the new ad agency. Planning on being gone for at least the next six weeks. I think I might die not having her pleasure me for that long. But we promised to text regularly and that might help with how much I miss her already. We had dinner at a nice restaurant on Thursday and she fingered me on the ride over. In my pussy this time, not Anna. I actually came quickly. After the restaurant we left and she took me back to the hotel in Malibu, the one we spent our first night in. Anna got to come three times and Claire got to come twice thanks to my fingers. It was hot and heavy like always and we cuddled until nearly one a.m. James needed me to come home because he wouldn’t be a very good bodyguard without me to guard.
After the conversation with James I’ve been putting off dating B.O.B or my own hand until he leaves for a few minutes. This hasn’t happened often because there are paps and fans and all those crazies parked outside of our condo round the clock. Just leaving to see Claire was a headache and a half and our pictures are already plastered all over the internet. ‘Johnathan Striker’s girlfriend, dating CEO Claire Kennedy?’ or ‘Who’s the better lover? Johnathan Striker or Claire Kennedy? Only Emily knows.’
It must have hit Indiana hard because my mom has called twice since Thursday asking me if I’m okay and if I am actually dating Claire. I of course broke down and admitted to my mom that I am bi. She’s as wonderful as always. Totally supportive even when I told her Claire was nearly forty. That doesn’t seem to bother her. What can I say? My mom is a saint. I gave her a small
run down about Johnathan and she thought my choice to keep him at a distance was healthiest for me right now. She even spoke to my old gyno about my stress levels and he agreed I should keep away from it all.
I’ve spoken to Stacy three times this week after our texting and we’re back on the friendship track. After San Diego he’s leaving to go back to Indiana to visit his mom for a few weeks. I mentioned to James I need some time off and we’ve been in talks about the safest places for me to travel to. That is close to a doctor just in case I have baby problems and far enough away from paparazzi that I can breathe.
I called all the journalists I promised to help. I offered People magazine a full exclusive of my gender appointment in two weeks. They of course have to pay me to get all they are asking for. Like photos of me getting the ultrasound, a small video clip of me talking to our fans. Apparently, I now have my own fan following. Why? I have no idea. It’s stupid really. But I’m going to allow it and they’re going to pay me a million to get full access.
I also spoke to the other journalists one of which I patched over to Deacon to do an interview with and the other with Stacy to give a full manager exclusive of the band. They were happy with what I offered, said I was nicer than most managers who would have blown them off. What can I say I’m wonderful? Ok, maybe not. But it sounds good.
I’ve spent the entire week with James lots of teddy bear cuddling involved. Which I love. We haven’t spoken about the masturbation thing since. And he’s been working his work mojo from home. Plus he’s taken on part of Jasmine’s job. I didn’t know he had financial experience but apparently he has a full stock portfolio and a hefty savings. I don’t know how much and I’ll never ask. It’s none of my business.
Johnathan and I haven’t spoken but once. I texted him saying I was proud of him and I hope that he keeps up the good work to better himself. I’m sure James is relaying baby messages to him, and this week is San Diego. Which I am not attending even though I planned the entire thing. I just felt it was better to stay in and give Johnathan his space. Once it’s over I am taking a vacation. Now where to is the question?
Stricken Unveiled (Stricken Rock #2) Page 25
