Does he know I can hear the conversation? I wonder if he wants to spare the feelings of the woman he was just getting hot and heavy with or keep his campaign details from his opponent.
“It’s too good,” Carl says. “Back in her college days, Reagan apparently had it bad, like really bad, for an older guy. A guy involved in politics.”
“That was a long time ago,” Jude says.
“Maybe. Maybe not. She could be having a long-term affair with a married guy or something.”
A few seconds of silence pass. “You think she’d do that?” Jude asks.
“That crazy bitch ain’t getting laid by no average guy,” Carl says. “She’s a man-eater.”
“Hey, watch your mouth,” Jude says. “Don’t be an asshole.”
“Well, would you fuck her? Shit, she’d probably argue the whole time.”
“Still being an asshole,” Jude says sharply. “And I don’t give a fuck about who she used to have a crush on in college.”
“It was more than a crush. This guy was her first. My guy found out from one of Reagan’s former sorority sisters. She was head over heels for him, and he broke her heart.”
“There you go, then. No long-term affair to chase after.”
“Our source says Reagan was determined to get him back. I think we should keep digging.”
“All right,” Jude says dismissively. “But anything you find comes to me for a final decision.”
“I have a feeling about this,” Carl says. “I think it could be the break we need to bring her down. Did you have someone in here? Why are two glasses on the table?”
I step away from the door, feeling a sick churning in my stomach. Carl’s right. If they find out who my traitorous sorority sister was talking about, it won’t be good for me. Just the thought of what happened with him makes me cringe. I was young and stupid.
It’s been a hell of a day. I’m emotionally exhausted. I can’t see Jude again tonight. I don’t even have enough left in me for a text convo. The door between our rooms is already locked from my side, so I put on my wireless Beats headphones, turn off the lights, and get into bed with some music.
Shit’s getting real. I knew Jude would have people looking into my past, just like I’ll have people looking into his. But hearing Carl talk about my sister’s pain in such a callous way was almost too much. I’d rather Jude and his campaign go after me than my family.
There’s not much to find out about me. I meant it when I told Jude I’m a good girl who always does the right thing. Carl’s investigator must be good, because he found the one thing I’ve done that I’m embarrassed by.
I hear a knocking sound, and I stare through the darkness at the outline of the door between my room and Jude’s. Knowing he’s on the other side of it brings on a barrage of emotions: fear, arousal, even anger. I can’t trust him; he’s my opponent. When I do something wrong, he has people ready to pounce on it, as I just overheard.
But then I remember the side of him I saw earlier. The emotionally wounded man who fought for his country and endured more than anyone should ever have to. The man who just lost a dear friend and holds himself responsible. The man who wanted to lose himself in me.
I wish I could lose myself in him, too. I came so close before Carl’s knock on his door interrupted us. I wish I could just be a woman and feel instead of being a political candidate who always has to think, plan and calculate.
I can’t, though. I’ve worked hard to get here, and I can’t let myself get derailed by a man, no matter how drawn I am to everything about him.
There’s another knock on the door. I feel a physical pull to open it and see his dark, sexy gaze on me again.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I turn up the volume on my headphones and ignore Jude, fighting every instinct I feel.
Being a good girl who does the right thing has never been so difficult.
Chapter 13
An ear-piercing boom has me covering my ears before the brightest flash of white fills my eyes. I’m momentarily blinded, and my ears are ringing while I’m frozen to the ground.
A scorching gust of wind, filled with dust and debris, strikes my face, causing me to choke. I’m gasping for air, trying to focus my watering eyes.
As if I’m waking from a nightmare, the wailing of those around me slowly comes into existence, growing louder with each passing second.
Their blood-curdling cries bring me back from the shock and root me in the moment. I have no pain, there are no screams coming from my mouth—I’m unharmed.
The adrenaline in my system has my senses on hyperdrive, and the rapid pace of my heartbeat works it through my system in the blink of an eye.
It’s my duty to save my brothers. I’m the only one still standing that I can see through the haze of smoke and dirt floating through the air. Stepping over their bodies as they grab on to my legs and beg for my help, I head straight for the only window in the room.
The moonless night gives nothing away as I kneel down next to the window and attach the monocular night vision on the scope of my M16 rifle.
My mind is racing uncontrollably, but my hands are unbelievably steady as the night vision slides into place. There were only supposed to be ten insurgents in this area, with only basic weaponry. Something wasn’t right. The intel had been wrong, and all the men inside this room had suffered because of it.
It didn’t matter who fucked up; it was all on my shoulders to pick them off one by one or suffer—and to get my brothers out of here.
Lifting my rifle to the glassless window, I don’t dare look back and get distracted. Any moment now, armed men could burst through the door and finish what they started. Gunfire in the distance catches my attention as I maneuver the rifle in that direction, peering through the scope for any movement, and I begin to fire as soon as someone comes into view.
“Jude,” a voice calls out from behind me, but I ignore them—I have to.
Tiny fragments of dried mud are flying away from the building, bullets ricocheting only inches from my head.
“Jude,” a soft, sweet voice whispers. “Jude, wake up.”
“Fuckers!” I yell and keep firing. My attention’s on the bodies dropping as the bullets strike them and not on the voice trying to distract me. “Die!”
My eyes fly open, and I’m disoriented for a second.
Reagan’s above me, her face veiled in shadows. “Jude!” She slides her hands against my cheeks and cups my face. “Jude, are you okay?”
My heart’s pounding, and my body is covered in sweat. Tiny pools of teardrops are gathering on my cheeks where her hands scorch my skin. “Reagan,” I whisper, and I think maybe she’s the dream. I reach up and grab her arms roughly because I’m scared she’ll vanish before my eyes.
“I’m here.” She smiles down at me, moving her fingertips against my skin and wiping my tears away. “You’re safe,” she whispers.
Trying to clear my nightmare from my thoughts, I close my eyes and take a few deep, shaky breaths.
The bed dips as she scoots closer, but she stays leaning over my body. “What were you dreaming about?”
“I can’t,” I tell her. It’s impossible to explain what I’ve experienced unless it’s lived. No movie or book could ever prepare someone for the sounds, smells, and sights of war.
“Shh. It’s okay, Jude. You don’t have to tell me.”
I want to tell her, but I can’t burden her with my memories. My hands fall to her waist, and I tug her forward. “Don’t leave,” I whisper because my voice is too shaken to speak any louder.
She doesn’t fight me when I pull her across my body, letting our skin rub against each other. She curls into my side, tucked nicely into the curve of my arms, and peers up at me with her big, beautiful eyes. “I don’t know—”
“I can’t be alone,” I say, cutting her off before she can protest any further. “I’m sorry, Reagan.”
She snakes her ha
nd across my chest and grips my side just under my rib cage. “For what?”
I nuzzle my lips against her forehead and relish in her scent and softness, holding her against me tightly. “For earlier.”
Her bottom lip trembles as she stares across my body toward the empty wall. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Hey.” My fingertips find her chin and force her to look up at me through the darkness. “It does. I don’t want to win an election by ruining you or your family, Reagan. If I win, I want it to be because I’m worthy.”
“Carl has other plans,” she mumbles, her fingernail raking down my side.
My gut twists. “He’s not my boss. He does what I tell him to. I promise you this—I’ll never let your name be dragged through the mud. Your secrets are safe with me.”
“What are we doing, Jude?” she asks on a sigh. My skin breaks out in goose bumps when her fingers trace the curve of my ribs to my chest, stealing my breath.
“I don’t know,” I admit softly against her forehead and stroke the line down her spine with my thumb. “I know we shouldn’t be here right now, I shouldn’t want you the way I do, but I can’t stop myself from being drawn to you.”
There’s a pull I can’t stop—my body and soul gravitating toward her without my control. She’s like the sun, shining warmth and comfort all around me, and I’m stuck in her orbit, unable to escape.
“We can’t keep doing this.” Her words don’t match her actions when she moves closer, melting into my side before yawning.
“Let’s make a pact.” I’m grasping at straws because I know she’s right, but I can’t imagine not having another stolen moment.
“Okay,” she whispers against my chest, her breath skidding across my skin.
My eyes close as I brace myself for an argument. “Just give me tonight. Stay with me, and tomorrow we’ll decide what we’re going to do. I’m too tired to think, and I’m too comfortable to move. Stay here in my arms.”
Her tiny hand splays across my chest right above my heart. “I’ll stay,” she yawns.
I wait for more, but she’s quiet suddenly, and her breathing has changed. Pushing my head into the pillow, I peer down at her moonlit face. Her lips are parted, eyes closed, and tiny snores echo throughout the room.
Chuckling to myself, I realize I didn’t even have to ask—she wasn’t going anywhere tonight.
* * *
When I wake in the morning, she’s pressed flush against me—her back to my front. I don’t dare move for fear of waking her and losing this moment. My arm’s snaked around her middle, holding her tightly, and our legs are perfectly fitted together without a space between us.
Just like clockwork, my morning hard-on rears its ugly head. Fuck. If she wakes now, I’m fucked. It just needs a little time to melt away, forgetting whatever wet dream I probably had about Reagan overnight.
Lying here with her in my arms is the most peace I’ve had in years. When I finally fell asleep, no more nightmares came. It’s like Reagan chases away my demons without even trying.
I study the lines of her profile, memorizing every soft curve and edge while she sleeps. Her dark eyelashes kiss the tops of her cheeks and turn up slightly at the tips. She’s beautiful, heavenly almost with her porcelain skin free of imperfections.
When my eyes dip, following the curve of her neck, a tattoo on her shoulder catches my eye. For a moment, I’m in shock. Etched in cursive is the phrase Courage is endurance for one moment more…
I’m not sure what stuns me more—the fact that Reagan has a tattoo or that the words could just as easily decorate my skin because I’ve lived them.
Reagan stirs and I hold my breath, not ready for this moment to end. “Jude,” she whispers before she covers her eyes with the back of her hand to block out the sunlight. “What time is it?”
I peer out the window, seeing the sun just inches from the horizon. “It’s around seven.” My grip tightens before she has the chance to pull away.
“Lexi will be coming to my room soon.”
My face dips forward, and I rest my lips against the curve of her neck. She smiles, blinking away the sleep. “I have to shower.”
“You smell wonderful,” I tell her before kissing a trail up to her ear.
She squirms against me, and the hard-on that had finally vanished starts to reemerge. “I smell like you.”
There’s nothing between us but her thin nightie, my boxers, and my hard-as-rock dick. “Would it be so bad to smell like me the entire day?”
She closes her eyes, and pain flashes across her face. She wiggles free from my arms, rubbing just right against my cock, and I try to pull her back down. “Don’t,” she whispers, glancing down at me over her shoulder. “I have to go, Jude, before I can’t—” Her voice trails off.
I know she’s shutting down and already trying to mentally disconnect from me. “You don’t have to leave.” My hand trails a path down her back to avoid breaking contact.
She crawls to the other side of the bed and swings her legs over the edge. “We can’t do this again, Jude.” Her eyes are closed and her shoulders slumped, but I don’t believe a word she’s saying.
I resist the urge to reach for her and pull her back into my arms. There’s nothing I want more in this moment. “How can we not? I can’t deny there’s something more than lust between us, Reagan. My soul craves you.”
“Your body does. Don’t get them confused,” she replies, staring down at the carpeting with an unreadable expression.
“I won’t deny that I want you, but there’s more to it,” I admit hesitantly and rub my forehead before pushing myself upright into a sitting position in the middle of the bed.
She shakes her head and blows out a shaky breath. “It doesn’t matter.” Using her arms, she pushes herself off the bed and faces me but keeps her eyes cast downward. “We’re opponents in the biggest political race in the state, Jude. No matter what we feel, what we want…this can’t happen.”
My eyes can’t look anywhere else but her. I’m grief-stricken, memorizing this moment. “If things were different—if I weren’t your opponent, would you want to be with me?”
She stops just inside the doorway connecting our rooms. She glances up and faces me, bringing her eyes to mine. “Yes.” She takes a step backward, and I hold out my hand to her.
“Reagan.”
A tear glistens on her cheek, and she wipes it away with the back of her fingers. “Good-bye, Jude,” she says softly and closes the door.
Chapter 14
The next couple weeks fly by in a haze. I’m campaigning hard, my bus traveling up and down the state so I can meet with union groups, attend rallies, and try to reach new voters.
From the news coverage I catch up on every morning, I can see that Jude is working at the same pace. He seems to be in the zone, now comfortable answering questions from reporters. Photos show veterans rallying around him and women gazing at him like looks are all they need in their next senator.
I can’t deny I stare at those photos on my phone, remembering the night I slept in his arms. When I’m looking up at the ceiling of whatever hotel I’m in every night, I think of Jude and wonder if he’ll have another nightmare. I wonder if they happen every night. I wonder if anyone is there to comfort him if they do, and I secretly hope not. It’s selfish of me, but I can’t stand the thought of him finding solace in another woman’s arms.
We can’t be together, and yet his texts make my heart pound like nothing else. Whether they’re playful or serious, just seeing his messages on the screen of my phone stirs something in me I’ve never felt before.
I’m at my parents’ house for a rare day off. I’m stretched out on a patio lounger after helping my mom make lunch on the grill and clean up. Full of barbecue chicken and potato salad, I’m about to check out for a nap when my dad comes outside and sits down next to me.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
He means the campaign. My mom steered the conversation away from it
during lunch, for which I was grateful. I have nothing else to talk about since the campaign is my life, but it was nice to hear Mom catch me up on what’s going on at home.
“Good,” I say cautiously. I dread these conversations, not knowing when he’ll pounce on my words.
“You’ve been doing outstanding, Reagan. Coming off really strong in interviews. Your poll numbers are solid, but I think we can edge them up some. Overall, I’m pleased, though.”
I pause before answering, waiting to see if he’s going to hit me with criticism. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I know I’m hard on you sometimes, but I want you to know I’m proud of you. Having been through so many campaigns myself, I just want to save you from my missteps. But you may not want that.”
I slide my dark sunglasses up and meet his eyes. “I appreciate the help, Dad. I wouldn’t be here without you. Some days I’m so stressed I feel like I can’t handle one more thing, but it’s not your fault.”
He smiles and crinkles form in the corners of his eyes. “Been there. I’m here if you need me, okay?”
“Thanks. I know you’re busy, too.”
“Never too busy for one of my children. And the offer stands on Tom Harbor. He’s on standby if you decide you need him.”
I sigh softly. “Maybe a consultation with him wouldn’t hurt. We could do a conference call or something.”
“Up to you.”
My mom walks out the French doors that lead to the patio, a tray with a pitcher of lemonade in her hands. She sets it between us and pours us each a glass. When my dad pats her hand as he takes a glass, she smiles at him broadly.
Will I ever have what they do? They’ve been together for thirty-four years after being introduced by mutual friends.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I pick it up and slide my finger across the screen. I turn it to make sure only I can see it and pull up a photo of Jude. He’s shirtless and seems to be on a boat on the water, the sun shining brightly on his already bronzed skin. Wearing a White Sox baseball hat and holding a bottle of beer, he looks relaxed. His lazy grin is sexy as hell.
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