Come upstairs quickly and then go as soon as you can. Take him with you. Unless I have it out with Jane at once I shall have a fit.
I told a facile lie.
“Mrs Tower has a headache and wants to go to bed. I think if you don’t mind we’d better clear out.”
“Certainly,” he answered.
We went upstairs and five minutes later were on the doorstep. I called a taxi and offered the young man a lift.
“No, thanks,” he answered. “I’ll just walk to the corner and jump on a bus.”
Mrs Tower sprang to the fray as soon as she heard the front door close behind us.
“Are you crazy, Jane?” she cried.
“Not more than most people who don’t habitually live in a lunatic asylum, I trust,” Jane answered blandly.
“May I ask why you’re going to marry this young man?” asked Mrs Tower with formidable politeness.
“Partly because he won’t take no for an answer. He’s asked me five times. I grew positively tired of refusing him.”
“And why do you think he’s so anxious to marry you?”
“I amuse him.”
Mrs Tower gave an exclamation of annoyance.
“He’s an unscrupulous rascal. I very nearly told him so to his face.”
“You would have been wrong, and it wouldn’t have been very polite.”
“He’s penniless and you’re rich. You can’t be such a besotted fool as not to see that he’s marrying you for your money.”
Jane remained perfectly composed. She observed her sister-in-law’s agitation with detachment.
“I don’t think he is, you know,” she replied. “I think he’s very fond of me.”
“You’re an old woman, Jane.”
“I’m the same age as you are, Marion,” she smiled.
“I’ve never let myself go. I’m very young for my age. No one would think I was more than forty. But even I wouldn’t dream of marrying a boy twenty years younger than myself.”
“Twenty-seven,” corrected Jane.
“Do you mean to tell me that you can bring yourself to believe that it’s possible for a young man to care for a woman old enough to be his mother?”
“I’ve lived very much in the country for many years. I dare say there’s a great deal about human nature that I don’t know. They tell me there’s a man called Freud, an Austrian, I believe …”
But Mrs Tower interrupted her without any politeness at all.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Jane. It’s so undignified. It’s so ungraceful. I always thought you were a sensible woman. Really you’re the last person I should ever have thought likely to fall in love with a boy.”
“But I’m not in love with him. I’ve told him that. Of course I like him very much or I wouldn’t think of marrying him. I thought it only fair to tell him quite plainly what my feelings were towards him.”
Mrs Tower gasped. The blood rushed to her head and her breathing oppressed her. She had no fan, but she seized the evening paper and vigorously fanned herself with it.
“If you’re not in love with him why do you want to marry him?”
“I’ve been a widow a very long time and I’ve led a very quiet life. I thought I’d like a change.”
“If you want to marry just to be married why don’t you marry a man of your own age?”
“No man of my own age has asked me five times. In fact no man of my own age has asked me at all.”
Jane chuckled as she answered. It drove Mrs Tower to the final pitch of frenzy.
“Don’t laugh, Jane, I won’t have it. I don’t think you can be right in your mind. It’s dreadful.”
It was altogether too much for her and she burst into tears. She knew that at her age it was fatal to cry, her eyes would be swollen for twenty-four hours and she would look a sight. But there was no help for it. She wept. Jane remained perfectly calm. She looked at Marion through her large spectacles and reflectively smoothed the lap of her black silk dress.
“You’re going to be so dreadfully unhappy,” Mrs Tower sobbed, dabbing her eyes cautiously in the hope that the black on her lashes would not smudge.
“I don’t think so, you know,” Jane answered in those equable, mild tones of hers, as if there were a little smile behind the words. “We’ve talked it over very thoroughly. I always think I’m a very easy person to live with. I think I shall make Gilbert very happy and comfortable. He’s never had anyone to look after him properly. We’re only marrying after mature consideration. And we’ve decided that if either of us wants his liberty the other will place no obstacles in the way of his getting it.”
Mrs Tower had by now recovered herself sufficiently to make a cutting remark.
“How much has he persuaded you to settle on him?”
“I wanted to settle a thousand a year on him, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He was quite upset when I made the suggestion. He says he can earn quite enough for his own needs.”
“He’s more cunning than I thought,” said Mrs Tower acidly.
Jane paused a little and looked at her sister-in-law with kindly but resolute eyes.
“You see, my dear, it’s different for you,” she said. “You’ve never been so very much a widow, have you?”
Mrs Tower looked at her. She blushed a little. She even felt slightly uncomfortable. But of course Jane was much too simple to intend an innuendo. Mrs Tower gathered herself together with dignity.
“I’m so upset that I really must go to bed,” she said. “We’ll resume the conversation tomorrow morning.”
“I’m afraid that won’t be very convenient, dear. Gilbert and I are going to get the licence tomorrow morning.”
Mrs Tower threw up her hands in a gesture of dismay, but she found nothing more to say.
The marriage took place at a registrar’s office. Mrs Tower and I were the witnesses. Gilbert in a smart blue suit looked absurdly young and he was obviously nervous. It is a trying moment for any man. But Jane kept her admirable composure. She might have been in the habit of marrying as frequently as a woman of fashion. Only a slight colour on her cheeks suggested that beneath her calm was some faint excitement. It is a thrilling moment for any woman. She wore a very full dress of silvery grey velvet in the cut of which
I recognized the hand of the dressmaker in Liverpool (evidently a widow of unimpeachable character) who had made her gowns for so many years; but she had so far succumbed to the frivolity of the occasion as to wear a large picture hat covered with blue ostrich feathers. Her gold-rimmed spectacles made it extraordinarily grotesque. When the ceremony was over the registrar (somewhat taken aback, I thought, by the difference of age between the pair he was marrying) shook hands with her, tendering his strictly official congratulations; and the bridegroom, blushing slightly, kissed her. Mrs Tower, resigned but implacable, kissed her; and then the bride looked at me expectantly. It was evidently fitting that I should kiss her too. I did. I confess that I felt a little shy as we walked out of the registrar’s office past loungers who waited cynically to see the bridal pairs, and it was with relief that I stepped into Mrs Tower’s car. We drove to Victoria Station, for the happy couple were to go over to Paris by the two o’clock train, and Jane had insisted that the wedding-breakfast should be eaten at the station restaurant. She said it always made her nervous not to be on the platform in good time. Mrs Tower, present only from a strong sense of family duty, was able to do little to make the party go off well; she ate nothing (for which I could not blame her, since the food was execrable, and anyway I hate champagne at luncheon) and talked in a strained voice. But Jane went through the menu conscientiously.
“I always think one should make a hearty meal before starting out on a journey,” she said.
We saw them off, and I drove Mrs Tower back to her house.
“How long do you give it?” she said. “Six months?”
“Let’s hope for the best,” I smiled.
“Don’t be so absurd. There can be no ‘best’. You don’t think
he’s marrying her for anything but her money, do you? Of course it can’t last. My only hope is that she won’t have to go through as much suffering as she deserves.”
I laughed. The charitable words were spoken in such a tone as to leave me in small doubt of Mrs Tower’s meaning.
“Well, if it doesn’t last you’ll have the consolation of saying: ‘I told you so’,” I said.
“I promise you I’ll never do that.”
“Then you’ll have the satisfaction of congratulating yourself on your self-control in not saying: ‘I told you so’.”
“She’s old and dowdy and dull.”
“Are you sure she’s dull?” I said. “It’s true she doesn’t say very much, but when she says anything it’s very much to the point.”
“I’ve never heard her make a joke in my life.”
I was once more in the Far East when Gilbert and Jane returned from their honeymoon and this time I remained away for nearly two years. Mrs Tower was a bad correspondent and though I sent her an occasional picture-postcard I received no news from her. But I met her within a week of my return to London; I was dining out and found that I was seated next to her. It was an immense party, I think we were four-and-twenty, like the blackbirds in the pie, and, arriving somewhat late, I was too confused by the crowd in which I found myself to notice who was there. But when we sat down, looking round the long table I saw that a good many of my fellow-guests were well known to the public from their photographs in the illustrated papers. Our hostess had a weakness for the persons technically known as celebrities and this was an unusually brilliant gathering. When Mrs Tower and I had exchanged the conventional remarks that two people make when they have not seen one another for a couple of years I asked about Jane.
“She’s very well,” said Mrs Tower with a certain dryness.
“How has the marriage turned out?”
Mrs Tower paused a little and took a salted almond from the dish in front of her.
“It appears to be quite a success.”
“You were wrong then?”
“I said it wouldn’t last and I still say it won’t last. It’s contrary to human nature.”
“Is she happy?”
“They’re both happy.”
“I suppose you don’t see very much of them.”
“At first I saw quite a lot of them. But now …” Mrs Tower pursed her lips a little. “Jane is becoming very grand.”
“What do you mean?” I laughed.
“I think I should tell you that she’s here tonight.”
“Here?”
I was startled. I looked round the table again. Our hostess was a delightful and an entertaining woman, but I could not imagine that she would be likely to invite to a dinner such as this the elderly and dowdy wife of an obscure architect. Mrs Tower saw my perplexity and was shrewd enough to see what was in my mind. She smiled thinly.
“Look on the left of our host.”
I looked. Oddly enough the woman who sat there had by her fantastic appearance attracted my attention the moment I was ushered into the crowded drawing-room. I thought I noticed a gleam of recognition in her eye, but to the best of my belief I had never seen her before. She was not a young woman, for her hair was iron-grey; it was cut very short and clustered thickly round her well-shaped head in tight curls. She made no attempt at youth, for she was conspicuous in that gathering by using neither lipstick, rouge, nor powder. Her face, not a particularly handsome one, was red and weather-beaten; but because it owed nothing to artifice had a naturalness that was very pleasing. It contrasted oddly with the whiteness of her shoulders. They were really magnificent. A woman of thirty might have been proud of them. But her dress was extraordinary. I had not often seen anything more audacious. It was cut very low, with short skirts, which were then the fashion, in black and yellow; it had almost the effect of fancy-dress and yet so became her that though on anyone else it would have been outrageous, on her it had the inevitable simplicity of nature. And to complete the impression of an eccentricity in which there was no pose and of an extravagance in which there was no ostentation she wore, attached by a broad black ribbon, a single eyeglass.
“You’re not going to tell me that is your sister-in-law,” I gasped.
“That is Jane Napier,” said Mrs Tower icily.
At that moment she was speaking. Her host was turned towards her with an anticipatory smile. A baldish white-haired man, with a sharp, intelligent face, who sat on her left, was leaning forward eagerly, and the couple who sat opposite, ceasing to talk with one another, listened intently. She said her say and they all, with a sudden movement, threw themselves back in their chairs and burst into vociferous laughter. From the other side of the table a man addressed Mrs Tower: I recognized a famous statesman.
“Your sister-in-law has made another joke, Mrs Tower,” he said.
Mrs Tower smiled.
“She’s priceless, isn’t she?”
“Let me have a long drink of champagne and then for heaven’s sake tell me all about it,” I said.
Well, this is how I gathered it had all happened. At the beginning of their honeymoon Gilbert took Jane to various dressmakers in Paris and he made no objection to her choosing a number of “gowns’ after her own heart; but he persuaded her to have a “frock’ or two made according to his own design. It appeared that he had a knack for that kind of work. He engaged a smart French maid. Jane had never had such a thing before. She did her own mending and when she wanted “doing up’ was in the habit of ringing for the housemaid. The dresses Gilbert had devised were very different from anything she had worn before; but he had been careful not to go too far too quickly, and because it pleased him she persuaded herself, though not without misgivings, to wear them in preference to those she had chosen herself. Of course she could not wear them with the voluminous petticoats she had been in the habit of using, and these, though it cost her an anxious moment, she discarded.
“Now if you please,” said Mrs Tower, with something very like a sniff of disapproval, “she wears nothing but thin silk tights. It’s a wonder to me she doesn’t catch her death of cold at her age.”
Gilbert and the French maid taught her how to wear her clothes, and, unexpectedly enough, she was very quick at learning. The French maid was in raptures over Madame’s arms and shoulders. It was a scandal not to show anything so fine.
“Wait a little, Alphonsine,” said Gilbert. “The next lot of clothes I design for Madame we’ll make the most of her.”
The spectacles of course were dreadful. No one could look really well in gold-rimmed spectacles. Gilbert tried some with tortoiseshell rims. He shook his head.
“They’d look all right on a girl,” he said. “You’re too old to wear spectacles, Jane.” Suddenly he had an inspiration. “By George, I’ve got it. You must wear an eyeglass.”
“Oh, Gilbert, I couldn’t.”
She looked at him and his excitement, the excitement of the artist, made her smile. He was so sweet to her she wanted to do what she could to please him.
“I’ll try,” she said.
When they went to an optician and, suited with the right size, she placed an eyeglass jauntily in her eye Gilbert clapped his hands. There and then, before the astonished shopman, he kissed her on both cheeks.
“You look wonderful,” he cried.
So they went down to Italy and spent happy months studying Renaissance and Baroque architecture. Jane not only grew accustomed to her changed appearance, but found she liked it. At first she was a little shy when she went into the dining-room of an hotel and people turned round to stare at her, no one had ever raised an eyelid to look at her before, but presently she found that the sensation was not disagreeable. Ladies came up to her and asked her where she got her dress.
“Do you like it?” she answered demurely. “My husband designed it for me.”
“I should like to copy it if you don’t mind.”
Jane had certainly for many years lived a very quiet life,
but she was by no means lacking in the normal instincts of her sex. She had her answer ready.
“I’m so sorry, but my husband’s very particular and he won’t hear of anyone copying my frocks. He wants me to be unique.”
She had an idea that people would laugh when she said this, but they didn’t; they merely answered:
“Oh, of course I quite understand. You are unique.”
But she saw them making mental notes of what she wore, and for some reason this quite “put her about’. For once in her life that she wasn’t wearing what everybody else did, she reflected, she didn’t see why everybody else should want to wear what she did.
“Gilbert,” said she, quite sharply for her, “next time you’re designing dresses for me I wish you’d design things that people can’t copy.”
“The only way to do that is to design things that only you can wear.”
“Can’t you do that?”
“Yes, if you’ll do something for me.”
“What is it?”
“Cut off your hair.”
I think this was the first time that Jane jibbed. Her hair was long and thick and as a girl she had been quite vain of it; to cut it off was a very drastic proceeding. This really was burning her boats behind her. In her case it was not the first step that cost so much, it was the last; but she took it (“I know Marion will think me a perfect fool, and I shall never be able to go to Liverpool again,” she said), and when they passed through Paris on their way home Gilbert led her (she felt quite sick, her heart was beating so fast) to the best hairdresser in the world. She came out of this shop with a jaunty, saucy, impudent head of crisp grey curls. Pygmalion had finished his fantastic masterpiece: Galatea was come to life.
“Yes,” I said, “but that isn’t enough to explain why Jane is here tonight amid this crowd of duchesses, Cabinet Ministers, and suchlike; nor why she is sitting on one side of her host with an Admiral of the Fleet on the other.”
“Jane is a humorist,” said Mrs Tower. “Didn’t you see them all laughing at what she said?”
The Complete Short Stories of W. Somerset Maugham: East and West (Vol. 1 of 2)) Page 46
