“I know this is a strange question, but I was told you were bringing an old roommate of yours to graduation. Is that Jared?”
“Do you start all your conversations with strangers like this?” he asks with a grin. “Would you like to know what my cat’s favorite toy is, while I’m at it?”
“No thanks. I’m allergic to cat toys,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “Just answer me, okay? It’s important.”
“But not important enough to tell me why you give a shit, right? I don’t even know who you are.”
“Too important to tell you why I care, actually,” I say. “That’s for Maria to do.”
“Oh, right,” he scoffs, shaking his head. “She’s talked to me maybe twice in four years, so I’m gonna be waiting a while.”
A sad, dejected look flickers across Micah’s face for a second and then vanishes as quickly as it came, replaced once more by a sarcastic half-smile. He really misses her, doesn’t he? All it took was that one brief look beneath the façade to see the real Micah—the one desperate to see his sister again and hoping that her graduation will finally give him that chance.
“Jared’s my old roommate from my senior year of college,” he finally answers. “His sister is graduating at Ithaca College tomorrow, so he rode up with me.”
“Oh... I... um,” I stammer, completely out of my depth and flailing to say something reasonable. “Sorry... I was expecting someone else.”
I want to smack myself the second the words leave my tongue. That was the worst thing I could possibly have said. I brace myself for the obvious question. Here it comes...
“Who were you expecting?” he asks, raising an eyebrow curiously.
“Way to go, Owen. You’ve ruined everything again,” I think. I might as well run with it now.
“Did you have a roommate named Darren?” I ask, and Micah tenses up at the name and glares suspiciously at me.
“Yes, a long time ago,” he answers stiffly. “I’d rather not talk about him.”
“Why not?” I press. Does Micah know what Darren did to his sister? He can’t possibly know, can he? Would he really not talk to his sister about it for seven years if he did?
“Because that little fucker skipped town and stuck me with his rent bill and then went and got himself killed robbing a gas station,” snaps Micah. “There’s a lot of bad blood there, okay?”
It’s all I can do not to let my jaw hit the bench between us.
We got it all wrong. Darren’s been gone for years.
––––––––
I wait anxiously with Micah and Jared at the end of the tunnel coming out of the stadium, hoping desperately to be the first one to see Maria so I can tell her the news. I need to let her know what happened to Darren.
“Any idea where your parents went?” I ask Micah. I didn’t see them once the whole ceremony.
“They texted me about ten minutes ago,” he answers. “They tried to get photos of the procession to the stadium and got caught up in the crowd. No seats for left by the time they got in, so they stood by the railing.”
The crowd of exuberant seniors surges out of the tunnel like a black flood, hooting, cheering, and throwing their hats in the air excitedly. Finally there’s a flash of pink, and then Tina emerges with Maria.
“Maria! Over here,” I call to her, trying ineffectually to reach her through the river of graduates. There are too many of them and I turn back before I get trampled.
Tina pulls her through the crowd and pops out just upstream from us. As I run toward them, Maria sees her brother and turns as white as a sheet. I knew Tina’s plan wouldn’t work, that she wouldn’t be able to stay calm, but I’d hoped she’d last longer than this. She looks like she’s about to pass out.
“Please stay calm,” I silently beg her. “Hold on just a little longer.”
“Maria? Are you okay?” Micah calls out as he hurries behind me. I race even faster at the sound of his voice—I need to talk to Maria before he gets to her.
“Maria, it’s okay,” I tell her as I grab her arm. Her eyes dart around in a panic as she searches for Darren, and for a second, it’s as if I can see her fears in my mind. Darren’s hiding somewhere nearby, waiting for her, stalking her, and she can’t find him. She’s afraid that he’ll take her again. She’s terrified that seeing him will send her back into the nightmares.
“Maria, he’s not here,” I tell her, pressing my lips to her ear so she can hear me over the shouts and cheers of the other seniors. “You’re safe. He’s gone!”
“Don’t let him near me!” she begs, clutching my arm and searching frantically through the crowd for him. It’s as she doesn’t hear a word I’m saying, as if her fears have swallowed her and blocked me out.
“You’re safe, Maria,” I whisper to her over and over again. “He’s gone forever.”
Tina first looks worriedly at us and then over to Micah and Jared. She protectively inserts herself between Maria and Jared, her eyes narrowing to angry, hateful slits, and the plan completely falls apart.
“Tina, no!” I call out to her as she stomps furiously toward Jared, but she pays no attention to me. She’s heading straight toward him with a look that could kill puppies. She has it all wrong. That’s not Darren! Maria’s not scared of him!
“Where is he?” whimpers Maria, still overwhelmed by her panic. Her breath comes in quick, shallow gasps and I can feel her pulse pounding as she clings tightly to me. “Where... what’s going on? Keep him away from me!”
I let go of Maria and chase after Tina instead. I have to stop her before she kills that poor guy. She took one look at him, assumed he was Darren, and completely lost control of herself.
“Tina, stop!” I cry out, and I shove myself in front of Jared just in time for Tina to slap me across the face. Micah and Jared stare at us in wide-eyed, dumbstruck silence.
“Why are you protecting that fucker?” she yells, trying to push me aside to get to Jared. “Are you insane?”
“His name’s Jared,” I shout as I struggle to hold her back. She puts up one hell of a fight for someone so small. “He’s Micah’s other roommate.”
All the fight drains out of her and her face goes bright red as she realizes what she’s done, and I leave her to apologize to Jared and race back to Maria’s side. She wobbles as she stands stiffly in place, her face still pale with terror and her fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles are white.
Her eyes roll back in her head, and Micah and I catch her just before she crumples to the ground.
“Jesus Christ! Owen, what the fuck is going on?” demands Micah. The crowd parts around us, giving us room as we carry her away from the crowd.
“Micah, where are your parents?”
“Damned if I know,” he answers. “Mom’s big on photography and thinks she’s better at it than she is, so she’s probably back in the stadium fighting with the camera. Why?”
“Listen... I’m going to take Maria back to her apartment and calm her down,” I tell him, cradling her in my arms and carrying her further from the crowd. “Get her address from Tina and then come talk to her in an hour. You two have... well, you two have a lot of catching up to do.”
“Okay, let me just find my parents and...”
“Absolutely not,” I interject, cutting him off. “No parents, no friends, just you. You two need to talk alone. Also, I didn’t tell you any of this, got it? Promise me.”
He looks down at his unconscious sister, and when he looks back up at me, there’s a new sense of understanding in his eyes.
“I promise. Just the two of us.”
“Good. See you in an hour,” I tell him, and I turn and carry Maria away just as she starts to stir.
She’ll kill me if she finds out what I just did, but it’s worth the risk. Sometimes you need someone else to help you find your way. Tina and Craig helped us find each other, and now it’s my turn to bring Maria and her brother together again.
Sunday, May 19 – 1:30 PM
Maria
I sit on the couch with a glass of water and stare out the window. Owen left my apartment fifteen minutes ago and I haven’t moved since. My emotions keep bouncing back and forth between humiliation and bliss. I hate that I broke down in front of everyone—that I passed out on my graduation day—but once I woke up, Owen told me the news about Darren.
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
The two sentences loop in my head over and over as I try to convince myself that they’re true. It’s over. I’m free and he can never hurt me ever again.
I take another sip of my water, my hands still shaking, and then I carefully put the glass down again. I feel strangely groggy, almost as if I’m floating somewhere outside myself and watching every move I make. It’s disorienting and uncomfortable, and I don’t know if it’s out of shock from Owen’s news or if it’s from passing out.
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
I stare silently out the window again and watch the beautiful leaves rustle in the wind. It’s so quiet in the apartment that I can hear the blood coursing through my veins.
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
The doorbell rings, shattering the silence, and I nearly leap out of my skin.
My legs feel weak and tremble as I drag myself off the sofa and hurry for the door. It must be from passing out. There’s nothing else it could be. I’m doing okay right now and I’m not scared—
I open the door and my brother’s delighted smile hits me like a hammer.
“Happy graduation, Maria!” he tells me. My head starts to spin and I get dizzy as he hugs me. What’s Micah doing here? How’d he find my apartment? I... I don’t want to talk to him. I need to be alone.
“Hi Micah,” I greet him weakly, hugging him back.
I was wrong—I’m still scared. I’m still scared to tell anyone what happened.
“Darren can’t hurt Micah anymore. You can tell him,” whispers a voice in my head, but I don’t believe it. It’ll still hurt him to know. He doesn’t want to know that about me. He can’t know about it.
Micah releases me from his embrace and looks expectantly at me. He wants me to invite him in, doesn’t he? I don’t have much of a choice.
“Come on in,” I tell him, and I hold the door open.
“Ooh, nice place!” he exclaims as he sprawls out on the couch and gazes at the apartment. “You’ve got good taste, Mousy.”
“Glad you approve, Squidboy,” I answer, shooting him an awkward smile at my old nickname. We used to pretend to be superheroes when we were little. He was Squidboy and I was his sidekick Mousegirl. I don’t know where we got the ridiculous names from, but they stuck for years.
I cautiously sit beside him on the couch and wait for him to say something. He stares right back at me with a smile for a long time before breaking the silence.
“It’s been a long time, Maria,” he whispers. “I’ve missed you so much.”
I smile but say nothing. I still miss him. I miss the brother I used to talk to, the brother who used to be my best friend. I miss the brother I could tell secrets to. He didn’t change, though—I did. He watches me again, his green eyes locked to me as he tries to read me. I already know he can’t do it. I blocked him out years ago to keep him safe.
“Are you going to tell me what happened today?” he asks quietly, and I shake my head. I can’t do it.
He sighs and shakes his head.
“I’m going to tell you a secret,” he tells me. “But only if you promise not to get angry.”
“I can’t promise anything.”
“Then I can’t tell you,” he says, and he puts his feet up on the table, crosses his arms, and sticks his tongue out at me. I don’t know how he does it, but I start to laugh as he sticks his tongue out. His face just looks so ridiculous that I can’t help myself. He’s always been able to make me laugh like that. God, I miss him so much.
“Okay, I promise.”
“Your boyfriend told me to talk to you,” says Micah. “He said we had a lot of catching up to do, and that we had to do it alone. Do you want to tell me what he meant by that?”
My heart plunges into my stomach and starts to burn. Why would Owen tell him that? I didn’t want Micah to know. I’m not ready to tell him.
“Here’s your chance,” urges the voice in my head. “Tell him! Get it off your chest once and for all.”
Micah stares at me, waiting patiently, his eyes begging me to tell him. He misses me and wants me back.
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
I suddenly remember standing up to Owen’s father—how scary it was and yet how much easier it felt than this. I could stand up to him because he wasn’t my nightmare. I shouldn’t have a nightmare anymore. My nightmare is dead.
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
Micah isn’t my nightmare.
I can do this.
“Did Owen tell you anything else today?” I ask, trying to stop my voice from shaking. “Did he explain why Tina tried to attack your friend?”
“He said he was expecting someone else instead of Jared,” answers Micah.
I feel as if I’m on the edge of the bridge again, staring down into the darkness. Once I start to tell him what happened—once I jump off the bridge—there’s no going back.
I take a deep breath and step off the edge.
“He thought you were bringing Darren to graduation with you,” I tell him. My throat is so tight with terror that I can barely get the words out. “I panicked because I thought you were with Darren too, and that’s why Tina attacked Jared.”
My stomach clenches in fear and my heart races, but I can’t stop now. I’m so close to telling him. Please let me get the rest out. Please don’t let me choke up now.
“I haven’t talked to you in years because I’ve been too scared,” I continue, my voice wavering uncontrollably now. I need to go faster or I’m going to start crying. I can feel the first sob forming inside me. “I’ve been scared of him for seven years, Micah.”
“But why?” asks Micah, raising his hands to me in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“Do you remember when I visited you in college, back when I was fifteen?”
He nods in reply, his eyes round and worried as he hangs on my every word. Darren can’t hurt me anymore and he can’t hurt Micah either. I’m going to start crying if I wait any longer. I have to tell him now.
“He raped me while you were at class,” I whisper, and the first painful sob works its way up my throat. “He said he’d hurt you if I told anyone, and so I didn’t! I... I kept it a secret and now he's dead! Seven years, Micah...”
I break down and start crying. I can’t say anything else. It’s been seven years and the time finally came. I’ve finally told him. He presses his hands to his temples and his eyes turn dark and sad. He knows what happened now, and it’s hitting him like a brick.
Tears cloud my vision, and I cover my face with my hands as sobs rack my body. It’s over.
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
Suddenly Micah’s arms are around me.
“This is my fault,” he whispers. “I should never have left you alone with that fucker. God Maria, I’m so sorry.”
I want to tell him it’s okay—that it’s not his fault his roommate was evil—but I can’t. I can’t tell him anything because I can’t stop crying. Tears stream down my face and my throat tightens so painfully that I can barely breathe.
“He’s dead, Maria,” says my brother. “Do you want to know what happened to him?”
I nod, still trying futilely to control my grief. I can’t do it. I can’t stop crying.
“He was a shitty asshole of a roommate all through college, but he paid his part of the rent, so I dealt with him for all four years,” says Micah. “Then, during my senior year, he just disappeared. He skipped town without paying his rent and I was furious at him. I called him over and over, but he never answered his phone. That’s when I discovered he’d stolen m
y emergency money out of my dresser, too. Called his family back home, but they hadn’t heard anything either.”
He stops and hugs me even tighter—so tightly that I can barely breathe, but I like it anyway. It’s not the same as when Owen hugs me, of course, but it’s a different kind of wonderful. I’m so happy to have my brother back.
“A week later, I saw him in the newspaper. He tried to rob a gas station at gunpoint while a police officer was there. He was dead on arrival at the hospital. I had to deal with police inquiries for weeks after that.”
“He’s really dead?” I whisper, finally finding a few words somewhere deep inside me.
“He’s dead, Maria,” answers Micah, releasing me from his embrace and looking into my eyes with dead-serious honesty. “My rent-skipping, store-robbing asshole of a roommate, now also a rapist, died three years ago. I love you, Maria, and I’m so sorry for what he did to you.”
Darren’s dead. I’m finally free.
Sunday, May 19 – 6:30 PM
Owen
It’s one thing to meet a girl’s parents for dinner, but it’s another thing entirely now that it’s Maria’s parents. I’ve never cared so strongly about making a good impression before. I feel like hunting down every single self-help author who ever wrote the words ‘be yourself’ and slapping them. Be myself? Seriously? That’s the part I’m worried about.
I’m nervous. I’m so fucking nervous.
“Relax,” whispers Maria, squeezing my hand as we walk up to the restaurant’s entrance. “You’ll do fine.”
She smiles warmly at me, winks and then adds, “Just so you know, you look great in that suit.”
“Thanks. It’s the latest fashion from Goodwill,” I tell her, returning her smile and trying not to get too excited by how beautiful she looks tonight. She’s wearing her black dress again, and it looks so good on her that it’s filling my mind with all sorts of inappropriate ideas.
“Save those thoughts for after her parents leave,” I tell myself.
Found (Lost and Found #2, New Adult Romance) (Lost & Found) Page 20
