by Liliana Hart
He lowered the bed rail and tossed back the covers. It still took him by surprise to see empty space where his leg should have been. They’d cut one leg off of his sweats so he wouldn’t trip on the flapping cloth during PT, and a white-bandaged-stump was all that could be seen. His heart pumped a little faster at the reminder, and the anger that had been festering the last couple of weeks since he’d started physical therapy made his hands shake with rage.
His crutches rested against the wall near his bed, not close enough to reach out and grab, but surely he could manage to hobble a few steps to reach them. And then he was going to put clothes on and catch the first cab out of this place. He was done.
He tossed his legs over the side of the bed, and already beads of sweat were breaking out over his skin at the exertion. God, if his fucking SEAL team could see him now they’d probably laugh their asses off at how weak he was.
A sock covered his remaining foot and he placed it on the floor, putting a little bit of his weight on it. His fingers dug into the side of the bed but he pushed through and stood, wobbling like a newborn colt as he tried to manage his pain. That’s what they kept telling him, over and over again. That he just needed to learn how to manage his pain. Well, it was a lot fucking easier to manage the pain with the Percocet they doled out so stingily.
He held himself steady using the bedrail for support and held his other hand out toward the wall, stretching to see if he could reach the crutches without having to move. Sweat dripped from his brow with the exertion and his skin felt as if it were being stretched over a hot flame.
He hobbled on his good foot, each bounce making the pins in his leg feel like knives. He tasted blood and realized he’d bitten the inside of his cheek to keep quiet through the pain. His fingers brushed the top of one of the crutches and he almost laughed with relief.
“Come on, come on,” he whispered. His fingers nudged the crutch again, pulling it forward so he could catch it. But just as it fell forward his leg gave out. There was no warning. One moment he was standing and the next he was on the ground, the crutches falling to land on top of him as if by some cruel joke.
“Goddammit!” He threw the crutch closest to him at the wall, taking out a lamp and a potted plant that the nurses insisted on watering every damned day. Tears of frustration and pain filled his eyes and he rolled to his side. He took the other crutch and slammed it against the equipment placed around his bed, toppling carts and stands to the ground. At least he still had strength somewhere in his body.
“Oh God. Shane.”
The voice of his mother had him pulling back his temper, but God, he wished she’d just go away. She gasped and he realized he’d said the words out loud. He immediately felt shitty for saying it, and it wasn’t like he could take the words back.
“Go away. Leave me alone,” he said softly.
“Mom,” Declan came in the room behind her and put a hand on her shoulder, holding her back from rushing to her youngest son. “Go grab a cup of coffee for a minute or two.”
“Dec.” She shook her head in warning, looking back and forth between her boys.
“Go, Mom. It’ll be fine. I promise.”
“Both of you just get the fuck out!” he screamed, rolling to his stomach so he could prop himself up, though he probably looked like a fish out of water, flopping around on the damned floor.
“Don’t you talk to me like that, Shane MacKenzie. I don’t care how hurt you are. I raised you better than that.” His mother’s voice was like a whip against his skin and he could hear the hurt he’d caused.
“I’m sorry, Mom.” He dropped his head to the floor and tried to catch his breath. “I really am. But please, just go away for a little while.”
He heard the door close and used his arms to push himself up to face his brother. He knew Dec well enough to know that nothing would budge Dec from that spot unless he wanted to move. Nothing and no one pushed Dec around, especially his brothers. Well, maybe Cade, but that’s only because Cade was the oldest and had a head as hard as a rock and a temper to go with it. Though he’d mellowed considerably since he’d become a husband and a father.
“How stubborn are you going to be about this?” Dec asked, coming closer. “Are you going to insist on doing this yourself or will you let me help you?”
Shane turned his head and looked at his brother. There was no judgment in Declan’s eyes. No pity or sympathy. His face was as impassive as always.
“If you want to help you’ll get me the hell out of this place. I want to go home to my own bed and my own space. I’m tired of being poked and prodded. I just want everyone to leave me alone.”
“All right, then,” Dec said. “I’ll make it happen if you agree to the terms of the arrangement.”
Shane would have laughed if he’d seen any humor in the situation at all. “You mean you want to run my recovery like you do your business. No thanks. I’ll leave on my own and under my own terms.”
“You can do it the easy way or the hard way, Shane. You know none of us are going to let you go off to lick your wounds alone. That’s not what this family does. And you know it.”
“Whatever, Dec. But you need to leave me alone right now. Go make whatever calls you have to and get me out of here, but leave me the hell alone before I hurt you or someone else. I’m not fit for company at the moment.”
Shane continued to push himself to a sitting position and then he grabbed hold of the bedrails, his muscles straining as he lifted himself back up into the bed. “And as you can see, I can take care of myself.”
“So it appears,” Dec conceded. “But I’ll be damned if any of us are going to leave you alone. Get mad. Throw a couple of punches at me and Cade and Grant if it’ll make you feel better. It’s nothing we can’t handle. And you probably deserve a fist in the jaw for the look you just put on Mom’s face anyway.”
Shane collapsed against the bed, his sweats soaked with perspiration, and he closed his eyes against the frustration and anger that hadn’t found an outlet yet.
“I apologized,” he said, the guilt eating at him. “But why can’t you fucking listen? I said go away and leave me the hell alone. I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with MacKenzies.”
“I can’t promise you’ll be released today, or tomorrow, for that matter. But I’ll speak to the doctors and get the process started. With limitations. The first being that you stay at the compound. The second being that you’ll have a personal physician at all times until you’re ready to come back to work.”
“Work? What the hell use am I to you or anyone else?” he spat angrily. “I don’t need a job out of pity.”
“The only one feeling pity for you is you. You’re one of the most talented and brilliant special ops guys I know. Just because you’re missing a leg doesn’t mean your skills are gone. When you’re ready for work the work will be there for you. And you’re stuck with us whether you want us or not. You’ve been a MacKenzie all your life, so you know none of us are going anywhere.”
“Fucking fantastic. Close the door behind you.”
Dec headed to the door and started to pull it closed on his way out. But he stopped and stuck his head back in. “I’m glad you’re angry, Shane. You want to know why?”
“Not really, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
Dec grunted in what might have been amusement. “Being angry means you’re not dead. Maybe you should think about that.”
Chapter 10
Two Weeks Later…
Lacey was tough.
She knew how to block out the bad to focus on getting the job done. Her mind was devoid of emotion. The anger that had risen up unexpectedly had been ruthlessly tamped down as she stared at the smoldering pile of rubble that had once been her home.
“This is going to delay my transition to the compound a bit. You think you can talk Shane into staying at the hospital another couple of days?”
“Not a chance in hell. I’m surprised he’s stayed as long as he has. Probabl
y the only reason he did is because up until the last day or so, he’s been too weak to do much on his own. But I knew as soon as he started getting antsy and taking unscheduled trips around the hospital that it’s only a matter of time before he walks out the doors.”
“Hmmm,” she said, lips tight. Thinking about Shane leaving the hospital was a hell of a lot better than thinking about the rubble in front of her.
“I’ve been known to read others well, and I’m sensing some anger. Do you want to go ahead and throw a punch?”
“Only if you can find the fuckwad that did this to my home,” she said.
“Any ideas?” he asked.
“Not a one.”
“Ex-boyfriends? Anyone at the hospital you’ve had issues with? I haven’t seen any termination papers.”
“An ex-boyfriend. You can check him out, but he’s not the type. Michael Richardson. We recently ended our relationship.”
“Is he the violent type?”
“He’s not really the anything type. He’s an attorney out of Billings. We didn’t see each other that frequently anyway. Mostly for events or fundraisers.”
“What does he know about you?”
“My cover. That I’m a surgeon at the local hospital. He’s never bothered to ask too many questions or show much interest. He’s getting ready to run for the legislature, so he’s more concerned with having someone look good for his campaign. I can’t see him doing anything to upset the apple cart.”
“We’ll check him out anyway. Just to be sure. The fire department says it’s definitely arson. Whoever did it didn’t bother to try to disguise it as anything but that. Someone wanted to give you a pretty direct warning.”
“I can’t imagine who,” she told him.
“Anyone I work with at the hospital has been vetted and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their clearance. Michael cares about his position too much, and my parents don’t care at all.” She said it matter-of-factly, because it was nothing more than the truth.
“It could be just a random act of destruction,” Declan told her. “But we’ll conduct a full-scale investigation. I think it’s best you move to the compound full-time anyway. I’ve been meaning to discuss it with you, but things have been busy between Shane and a couple of difficult assignments. You’re a valuable commodity to MacKenzie Security, besides being a personal friend, and though this might be an isolated incident, I don’t want to take the chance of someone targeting you. Has anything else happened you thought suspicious?”
She pursed her lips together and felt Declan’s gaze zero in on her. Declan was like that. Even when you thought you were hiding something well he could always tell if there was information to be ferreted out. She’d heard rumors that Declan was a master at interrogation techniques. She hoped she never found out first hand.
“Not really something concrete,” she said. “Just a feeling over the last couple of weeks. I thought maybe someone had been following me, but I haven’t caught sight of anyone. And I looked for them. It’s just that feeling, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” he said.
“I’m always aware of the sensitivity of what we do. I take precautions. You set most of them in motion for me between work and home. But maybe I’ve been more sensitive since I’ve ramped up development of the XO51 suit. It just feels like someone is always looking over my shoulder, no matter where I am.”
“The fact that you’re having those feelings means you’ll be more careful. More aware. And I’m assuming you’ll let me know if anything unusual happens?”
She sighed. She hated relying on other people to take care of her problems. Even when the other people had better resources. She could admit she was a control freak. But she’d never met a doctor anywhere who wasn’t.
“I’ll come straight to you.”
“Shaw, I’m going to tell you something,” he said. “I’ve become a little softer since I got married, and I’ll confess, I like it.”
She’d seen the change in him since he and Sophia had married only weeks before. He was a different man. He’d always been a great man. She wouldn’t have worked for anyone who wasn’t. But there was something about him now she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She just knew he’d changed.
“We’re family here,” he said. “I hope you’ve felt that over the last eight years. Even though you’ve tried your hardest to avoid everyone like the plague.”
She blew out a breath and went to deny it, even though it would’ve been a lie. She didn’t know how to deal with families. And wasn’t sure she wanted to learn.
“I’ll tell you a little secret. It’s my mother who makes what we do possible. When I started MacKenzie Security it was because I knew I could do it better than anyone else sitting behind a desk giving out orders, who’d never spent time risking their life for their country. I knew I had a reputation, and I used it to my full advantage. I handpicked all of my top staff and agents, you included. And I trust those I handpick to hire well down the clearance-level chain. And every time I bring someone new I’ve handpicked into the fold, my mother acts as if a new grandchild has been born.
“When I tell you she knows all their names, their spouses, and their children, I mean she knows them all. And she loves them. She’s a generous and kind woman who raised five kids into who we are today. She worries about them. She worries about you.”
“Why?” she said before she could stop herself.
“Because I handpicked you. Because you’re family and you don’t want a family. Because it drives her crazy you’ve turned down invitations to holidays and other gatherings for eight years, choosing to spend them alone or with friends or working instead of going home to your own family.”
“For heaven’s sake, you’ve met my family. You wouldn’t want to go home to them either.”
Declan grinned and the scar along his jaw stretched white. “I have met your family, and please take no offense when I tell you that’s not a family. And also take no offense when I tell you you’ve kept my mother waiting long enough. Your house has burned to the ground. We have plenty of extra cabins at the compound. There’s one just down the road from Shane’s, so you can have privacy and still be close if you need to be. Try a family dinner sometime. You might like it. And it’ll keep my mother appeased. She’s going to want to mother you whether you like it or not. And she’s damned bossy. You don’t want to get on her bad side.”
“I guess I don’t want to hurt your mother’s feelings,” she said, feeling confused and wondering if he was manipulating her for a greater purpose.
You could never tell with Declan. He was a smooth operator and he knew people’s weaknesses in an instant. The few times she’d spoken with her parents in the eight years she’d worked for Declan, she knew one thing for certain—they both hated him with a fervor that was unexplainable. One day she hoped to know why.
“That’s settled then. Make a list of what needs to be replaced. We’ll take care of it as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, we can’t replace personal items or photographs.”
“I didn’t keep personal items here. This house was where I slept on occasion and nothing more. It had basic furniture and blank walls. My personal items are in my office at the hospital because that’s where I spend most of my time.”
“I can speak for the entirety of MacKenzie Security when I tell you to get a life, Doctor Shaw.”
She smiled and felt the last useless dregs of anger begin to disappear. Things could be much worse than they were. She’d started over and built fresh before when she’d escaped from underneath the thumb of her parents. She could do it again.
“I’ve got a life that I’m perfectly happy with. Besides, MacKenzie Security sent me to Aruba.”
“That was eight years ago,” he said drolly. “And you’ve done more for us than you’ll ever know. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the job you’ve done. Agents and soldiers all over the world are grateful.”
“It sounds like you’re retiring me,”
she said, arching a brow in curiosity.
“Not at all. You’re still in charge. But you’ve created a well-oiled machine. I’d hoped you could enjoy the fruits of your labor a bit more. We all need time away to decompress. Burnout exists. Believe me.”
“You’ll be the first to know if I ever need a break. I don’t suppose you asking me to look after Shane and seeing to his recovery has anything to do with giving me this supposed break, does it?”
Declan grinned a shark’s grin and she felt relief that he wasn’t trying to force her to take a leave of absence. “I wouldn’t worry too much about Shane giving you a break. In fact, by the time you’re through you might decide to take another trip to Aruba.”
“I can handle him,” she said.
“I know you can,” he said seriously this time. “You might be one of the only people who can. It’s why I asked you to do it. I know you’re overqualified for the job. And I know your talents could be more useful elsewhere. But he’s my brother. And his head is solid as a rock.”
“He is a MacKenzie after all,” she said sweetly.
“True enough. We all have that need in us to serve and protect. It’s how we were raised.”
She stayed silent because Declan had never been one to share much about his family or why they did the things they did.
“But Shane is different from me and my brothers. The rest of us have always been lone wolves. We like to get our mission and go in and get it done on our own. We didn’t command or have others directly rely on us. We lived or died by our own success or failures. SEALs aren’t built that way. It’s everyone or no one. I know he was closer to his team than he was to his own brothers, and losing them is doing more damage than losing a limb.”
“I feel like you’re asking me for something specific when dealing with Shane, and I’m not understanding,” she finally broke in.
Declan nodded and said, “Get him field ready. Build his strength and use every tool available that R&D can give us. He needs a new team.”
“Now I feel like you’re telling me something about myself that I’m not understanding.”
