My skin soaked in the sunlight. It eased some of my dark thoughts and filled the empty spaces inside me with warmth. The sun had always been super rejuvenating for me.
After about twenty minutes, Emily and I flipped to our backs. I pulled my cover-up over my face and focused on the way the sun made my skin sing. I knew it was actually just burning, but it felt so damn good. Like I was charging after months of being in the dark.
“Katie?”
I pulled my cover-up off my face and looked over at Emily. She was wearing a pair of massive red-framed sunglasses that made her face look tiny. But they covered her black eye. Her red bathing suit was a cute two piece, and she was wearing a pair of shorts on top because she had a bruise on her right hip from the night she spent with Brian. He’d pushed her into a table, and she didn’t want the world to see the marks on her skin. I understood that.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“How have you been? I know you don’t really want to talk about everything, but I’m worried about you.”
I tried to force myself to smile at my friend to reassure her that I was just fine. I was fully aware that the way I stretched my lips probably looked more like a grimace than anything else. “I’m all right, Em. I promise. I’m still just trying to process everything.”
Emily pushed her sunglasses up onto her head and propped herself up on her elbows. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
She sighed and turned her face to the sun. “It’s been a long time since we spent a day at the beach together.”
“It has.”
“We need to do it more often.”
“How come you didn’t tell me about Brian right away?” I hadn’t really meant to ask the question. It sort of just slipped out. It was something that had been bothering me since I first found out he’d struck her. I tried to tell myself that it was fine that she’d kept it to herself. I’d done the same thing when I was in her shoes.
But after everything I’d been through, I figured she would come to me straight away.
Emily rolled onto her side so she could face me. Little beads of sweat had appeared on her nose and upper lip. She was frowning. “I’m sorry, Katie. I was embarrassed.”
“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. Nothing was your fault.”
“I know that. But that doesn’t mean I could control how I was feeling. I just… I didn’t want you to take it wrong and overreact.”
I sighed. “Which is exactly what I did.”
“No. You stood up for me.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes closed. Everything was bright red behind my eyelids from the bright sunlight. “And I got Derek into trouble because of it.”
“What are you going to do about the whole Derek situation?”
I rolled onto my side, too. It was a good question but had a very simple answer. “Nothing.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re over, Em. I can’t have someone who’s violent like that around me. I promised myself. And if that means I’m alone, then so be it. I’ll be alone.”
“You’re not alone, Katie. You never will be. I’ll always be here.”
I smiled. This time, my face didn’t contort into a grimace. “I know.”
Emily swung her legs around in a circle so she could sit cross legged. Then she leaned back and dragged the cooler and her beach bag closer. “I know we haven’t even been here for an hour yet, but I’m starving. You want your sandwich now or later?”
“Is that even a question? Now.” I chuckled, and I sat up too. I held out my hand expectantly. “Of course I want it now,”
Emily dropped the sandwich wrapped in cellophane into my hand, and we both began unwrapping them. Mine was vegetarian with cream cheese, tomatoes, cucumber, and lettuce, while Emily’s was turkey and cheese with lettuce and mustard.
I took a bite as I stretched my legs out in front of me. When I pointed my toes and flexed my feet, I could graze the top of the sand at the edge of my towels.
Seagulls squawked above us as they flew back and forth, undoubtedly eyeing our sandwiches as they grew smaller and smaller in our hands. The really brave ones landed around our towels, cocking their heads to the side and watching us through one beady eye at a time.
When we finished the sandwiches, we tore open a bag of salt and vinegar chips and started munching as we sipped our iced waters.
“I think I’m going to take some time off from the hospital,” I said.
Emily swallowed her mouthful of water. “Yeah? I think that’s a good idea. Have you put in your request?”
“I’m going to submit it tonight. I have about two weeks of sick days and vacation time saved up that I’m willing to use. It doesn’t even interfere with my other two weeks I never took last year. I think it’s worth it. I just need some time to get my shit together, you know? Maybe hang some pictures in my apartment.”
Emily arched an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “It’s time to make it my home. I’d like some art for my living room. Some pictures in my bedroom. I don’t know. I just want it to feel like mine.”
“Well, I’d like to help.”
I smiled. “That would be awesome.”
“I have one condition, though.”
“Oh?” I asked.
Emily popped a chip in her mouth and nodded. “Yep. There has to be brie, wine, and baguette present. And maybe chocolate.”
“Obviously chocolate.”
Emily giggled and went to lie back down on her stomach. She crossed her arms and rested her chin on her wrists. “I know everything is still up in the air for you, but I’m really happy that all that drama is behind us.”
“Me too,” I said as I assumed the same position on my belly.
“Do you miss him?”
I nodded. I missed Derek a lot. “I think about him constantly.”
Emily reached in front of her and traced little hearts in the sand above her towel. “Are you sure this is what you want? To call it off?”
“It’s what I need to do.”
“You don’t need to do anything. I know the violence scares you, but I don’t think he’d ever hurt you. He cares about you. That’s why he went after Brian the way he did. Derek’s different than the others. But if you don’t feel safe with him, then none of that matters, I guess.”
I sighed. The problem was I did feel safe with him. I felt safer with Derek than I ever had with anyone. But I’d promised myself not to let someone like that into my life again. I licked my lips. “I just need distractions right now.”
“Well, I bet your mom would be happy to see more of you while you have some time off.”
“That’s true. I’ll visit her.”
“Tell her I say hello,” Emily said.
“I will.”
29
Derek
When the middle of the week rolled around, I still felt just as shitty as I had that afternoon while I was sitting in the holding cell at the police station. Nothing seemed to help. All I could think about was Katie and how badly I’d messed up the best thing that ever happened to me.
It was infuriating and disappointing. And I was miserable.
After getting out of bed far later than usual that Wednesday morning, I went and showered and shaved. When I was done, I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of cereal. I was in no mood to prepare anything fancier than that. I sat down on my sofa, spooned the sugary puffs and milk into my mouth, and flicked on the television.
I settled on the first thing I came across, which was some detective show that I’d never seen before. I needed distractions. Whichever way they appeared was fine with me. I’d take anything at this point.
I spent two hours on the sofa watching garbage television before I got up to clean up my kitchen a bit. I’d let it sort of turn into a mess over the last half a week. Dishes were piled high in the sink, and I hadn’t bothered wiping down the counters. I turned on some music and went about
cleaning. Eventually, it all came together and smelled like fresh lemons and bleach.
I washed my hands, dried them on the towel hanging off my stove, and looked around my place.
“Now what?” I muttered to myself.
I was still thinking about her. It never stopped. She was like a shadow that followed me around wherever I went.
I grabbed my phone from the kitchen table and brought up Katie’s number. I stared at it for a couple minutes, deliberating on whether I should call her, before I pressed the call button beside her name.
I hung up before it even started ringing.
“Get it together, man,” I grumbled. Why was I afraid to call her? The worst thing that could happen was she would tell me not to call again. I just needed to talk to her. I needed closure. Being dumped by your fire chief was no way to let a guy down.
I called again, and this time, I didn’t chicken out.
I stayed on the line through every ring until it went to her voicemail. I sighed as her voice filled the line.
“Hey, you’ve reached Katie. Leave me your name and number, and I’ll call you back. Or, like a normal person, you could just send me a text. Chances are I’m working, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye!”
I swallowed. I wasn’t sure if I should leave a message. Then I concluded there couldn’t be any harm in it. “Hey. It’s me. I know you don’t want to talk to me. And you have good reason not to. I just… I’d like to say I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for everything, Katie. You deserve better. I hope Emily is doing all right. Call me if you want. Or don’t. It’s all right.”
I hung up and dragged my hand down my face. How weak. How absurdly unlike me.
I decided to go into the garage and putter around on my boat. I hadn’t taken her out on the water in a little while. Maybe Hayden would be willing to go sometime over the next few days. He had much less free time now that he and Mel were engaged. I understood. Planning a wedding sounded more than tedious.
My boat greeted me like she always did when I opened the garage doors. Sunlight streamed in and hit her aluminum frame to create an effect like she winked at me.
“Hey, gorgeous,” I said as I walked around her hull.
I wasn’t sure what exactly I wanted to do since she didn’t actually need any work done. After a good fifteen minutes of procrastinating, I hooked it up to the hitch on my truck and pulled the boat into the driveway, where I sprayed it down with the hose and proceeded to meticulously scrub every inch of it.
As I worked, the sun crept higher and higher into the sky and warmed my shoulders. Soon, I had to take my shirt off as the sun beat down on me.
When I was rinsing off the boat, I heard the roar of a motorcycle coming down my street. I straightened from where I stood in the back of the boat and watched Allen pull into my driveway on his Yamaha.
He was dressed in his full riding leathers despite the heat. He swung one leg over the seat and put down his kickstand. As he leaned the bike over, he took off his helmet and tucked it under his arm. “Janson,” he said in greeting.
“Hey, man.”
“How about a ride?”
I nodded. “Give me ten minutes.”
I was ready in eight. Allen got back on his bike as I reversed my boat back into my garage. Then I got on my own bike and pulled out. I made sure the garage doors closed behind me before Allen and I tore out onto the street.
The air was hot, but the wind whipping around me as I rode was cool and refreshing. We took a shortcut around town to the back roads where we could both really open up on the throttle and not worry about townsfolk getting miffed about the speeds we were driving at.
Allen was a smartass on his bike, and he made some pretty ballsy moves to get around me through traffic, and then he was pulling away, and the distance between us kept growing. So, I gave my bike more speed and hightailed it after him.
I was smiling after a good twenty minutes or so on the bike. It was good therapy.
I swerved around potholes and manhole covers as I followed Allen all the way out of town to a truck stop diner about an hour’s ride away. He pulled into the dirt parking lot and parked his bike. I pulled up beside him, and we both kept our helmets with us. They were just asking to be stolen if we left them on our bikes.
The bar was small and dimly lit. Every floorboard creaked under our feet as we found a table by a window to watch our bikes. We put our helmets on the two empty chairs and sat across from each other.
The waitress, a middle-aged woman with graying hair, a warm smile, and brown eyes, came over and told us the specials. We each ordered a beer, and she brought them over quickly. I sipped the foam off the top of mine as I scanned the menu.
Allen put his menu down and waited patiently for me to decide what I wanted. The waitress returned after I put my menu down, too. She was on the ball. “What can I get for you, gentlemen?”
Allen looked up at her. “I’ll get the bacon cheeseburger with fries, please.”
She scribbled his order in her little notebook and then turned to me. “And you?”
“Same thing.”
She flipped her notebook closed. “Easy peasy. Just flag me down if either of you need anything.”
“Thank you,” Allen and I said in unison before she slipped away.
I reached for my beer again. Allen was watching me as I took a sip. After I put it down, I asked, “Can I help you?”
Allen smirked. “I was starting to wonder if this whole mess had zapped your attitude. I’m happy to see that it’s still going strong.” I lifted my beer, and he chuckled before continuing. “I wanted to talk to you about the reporter Katie ran into at the station.”
“Yeah. I heard about that. Nicole Peterson, right?”
Allen nodded. “She seems to be the one that was spearheading your crucifixion, for lack of a better word.”
“What about her?”
Allen shrugged. “She won’t be bothering you anymore. I took care of it.”
I blinked at him. “You realize how ominous that sounds, right?”
Allen didn’t say anything. He just stared at me.
“What the fuck did you do?” I asked.
He cracked a smile. “Nothing. I just talked to all the other reporters and created a story of my own to publish in the paper tomorrow. About all the good you’ve done. I had testimonials from patients you rode in the box with, too. And from people you’ve pulled out of fires. I just changed the narrative, that’s all.”
“Seriously? It was that easy?”
Allen laughed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t say it was easy. But once I got all the statements from the citizens, it wasn’t as difficult to get people to listen to me at the paper. Soon, I had a couple writers on board, and they were willing to turn the story around. Fuck Nicole Peterson.”
“Lunch is on me,” I said.
Allen threw his head back and laughed. “All right. That’s fair.”
“I still owe you.”
“No man. We’re square. It’s all good. Let’s just enjoy this last week in the box together.”
As I was about to ask him to clarify what he meant by that, the waitress came back with our burgers. She set our plates down in front of us, asked if we needed anything, and left after we told her we were fine. Allen smothered his fries in ketchup as I dug into my burger.
When my mouth wasn’t full, I asked him what he was talking about. “Do you know something I don’t know?”
Allen shrugged. “The chief is going to put you back on search and rescue with Hayden next week. I don’t know if I was supposed to tell you or not. But hey, you know now. Maddox is going back to the hose, and he’ll be picking up some shifts with me. And I was just starting to get used to having your ass riding bitch.”
I chuckled and wiped my mouth with my napkin. “Maddox isn’t that bad.”
“That’s a new tune for you.”
“I know. But it’s true. He’s just a kid.”
Allen nodded. “Y
eah. I guess I’m just a bit disappointed that it won’t be the two of us responding to calls. I have to admit, I had a good time.”
I was surprised to hear Allen being so open. It had taken a long time for us to get to this point, and it was something I never thought I’d pull off. Allen was always so introverted and quiet. I never imagined I’d think of him as a friend.
But I did. He was a great friend.
“I had a good time too,” I said.
Allen grinned. “Good. Maybe you can tell the chief that every now and then, you’ll run some shifts in the box with me. How about it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’d be up for that.”
I’d be up for more than just a couple shifts if I was being honest with myself.
30
Katie
I stared at my phone in my hand as it rang. And rang. And rang.
It was the first time Derek had called me since I saw him that day in front of Brian Nickels’s house. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other since. It had been hard. But it was for the best.
Now, his name flashing across the screen of my phone was making me feel sick. Should I answer? Was I ready to talk to him?
No. I wasn’t.
I was still just as confused as I had been when this all went down. So, I let it ring and walked away from it. I dropped onto my sofa and closed my eyes until it went silent. Then twenty seconds later, my phone chimed.
He’d left me a voicemail.
I should just delete it and not listen. That would be the rational thing to do. But my curiosity was too strong. I needed to know what he had to say. If he even had anything to say. What defense could he have? He had lost control, and that was the biggest problem for me in all of this. A man who wasn’t in control of his strength at all times was a man who, at some point in the future, could hurt me.
I wouldn’t risk it.
I just wouldn’t.
But I could listen to a little voicemail.
I got up and padded back to my kitchen counter. I dialed into my voicemail and put it on speaker. Derek’s voice filled my kitchen and brought back a rush of feelings. My stomach tightened.
Set the Night on Fire: A Bad Boy Firefighter Novel Page 17
