by Bella Andre
As far as she was concerned, there was no choice to make. She needed him—all of him—and wouldn’t accept anything less.
His groans of pleasure reverberated through her small cottage. It was her favorite sound ever, one she’d never get tired of hearing. Heat coursed through her veins, pulsing hottest at her breasts and between her thighs. She wanted to rub herself all over him, wanted to drive herself high and then tease them both by lingering at the edge before they tumbled over together.
But first, she wanted Justin to let himself be wholly lost in her, the way she was utterly lost in him.
Wrapping one hand around the base of his shaft, she reached up to thread the fingers of her free hand with his. Her intimate kisses were no longer soft now, her pace no longer slow. Not when she could feel him pulsing with need and knew how close he was to ecstasy.
There were so many things she wanted, but none more in that moment than being the one to take him so high that he forgot about ever coming down.
And as she poured every ounce of her love into him, he finally let himself go, with her name falling from his lips again and again, as he told her how beautiful, how perfect she was, how much he loved her, that he’d never stop loving her.
Just the way she’d never stop loving him.
* * *
This was heaven. It had to be.
After Taylor had rocked his world to the core, Justin carried her into her bedroom and stripped her bare. She’d just driven him over the edge with her mouth, and he should be sated, but he wasn’t. Not even close. Fortunately, given the way she pushed him back onto the bed and prowled up his body, her hands, her mouth roaming with abandon over him, she was nowhere near sated either.
And yet, at the same time, he was terrified that he’d forget to be careful with her, that the force of his desire would accidentally hurt her.
“I love you.” She straddled him as she spoke, her hips restlessly moving over his, making him ache with wanting her again mere minutes after release. She took his face in her hands. “I’ve always loved you.”
For so many years, he’d loved her from afar, even when he was sitting right next to her, because he thought she loved her boyfriend. At long last, he knew that just because she’d been physically faithful to her ex, that didn’t mean her heart hadn’t been Justin’s all along.
“From the first moment we met,” he told her as he stroked her bare curves, “I wanted you. Craved you. Loved you.” He wanted her to understand that no one else had ever touched his heart. “Only you.” Regret over their lost years seized him again. “I should have fought for you. I shouldn’t have stood on the sidelines and let you be with anyone else.”
“Can’t you see?” Her voice was gentle. Passionate. “That’s one of the reasons I love you. Because you let me make mistakes. You let me go down the wrong path—lots of wrong paths—and then figure out for myself what the right path might be. Everyone else in my life has always kept me inside a safe little box, but you never have.” She brought her hands over his at her hips and threaded their fingers together. “Even now, you’re trusting me to know my own limits, instead of telling me what my limitations are.”
He understood why her family wanted to protect her, why they would never want any harm to come to their bright and utterly beautiful daughter, especially after losing a child. When they added in her diagnosis, that urge to insulate, to shelter, would be nearly irrepressible.
But no one thrived inside a cage, even one built with the best intentions. He couldn’t do that to her, couldn’t say he was only looking out for her while locking her up in a bubble where nothing could ever touch her. So he needed to start now, by trusting her to know her own body, her passion, her physical limits. He couldn’t make those decisions for her by holding back.
Tugging her hands, he pulled her up his body, swiftly enough that he heard air rush from her lungs. “Justin?” Her hips were over his chest now, and she was looking down at him with an expression of surprise…and what looked like heady anticipation.
“A little higher,” he said. “That’s where I need you.” He scooted down the bed beneath her, and then he did what he knew they both wanted: He lifted his mouth to her core, covering her hot, slick flesh and letting himself take a long, delicious taste of her.
Her hands tightened over his. “Justin.” His name was a moan instead of a question this time as he used their linked hands on her hips to rock her over his mouth as he alternately teased her arousal with the tip of his tongue, then went deep. Again and again, he brought her to the edge, then forced himself to slow down and draw out her pleasure.
He could have played like that all night, her spicy-sweet taste on his tongue, her lithe body molten over him, but soon, she was dictating the pace, her gasps coming faster and faster until she finally broke apart in a trembling climax.
Rational thought was nearly out of reach when he slid her back down his body a short while later. All he knew was that he needed to be inside of her more than he needed to breathe. Only at the last second did he remember protection, and thank God, tonight the little packet was waiting in the night table beside the bed.
Moments later, Taylor was lowering herself onto him. If he’d been in heaven earlier, now he was in a nirvana that only one woman on earth could show him.
Together, they moved in a fluid dance of love and mind-blowing pleasure. Her eyes were closed, her head flung back as she used his hands, his arms, for leverage while she rode him with sweet abandon, chasing her pleasure, and his too.
He’d never seen anything so breathtaking in his entire life as Taylor giving herself to him, and when she finally crested her second peak, he had to kiss her as her release spun out into his.
For long moments afterward, they lay panting in each other’s arms. She was sprawled over him, and he’d never felt so content. So happy. Or so amazed.
His soft laughter had her lifting her head from his chest. “Let me in on the joke.”
“No joke,” he said as he kissed her again. “It’s just that I can hardly believe so many of the fantasies I’ve had about you are actually coming true.”
She raised an eyebrow. “How many fantasies have you had about me?”
“Hundreds.” No, that wasn’t even close. “Thousands.” Even that wasn’t true. “Millions.”
She laughed, a sound that covered him with as much warmth as her body over his. “Promise me you’ll tell me all of them. Promise me we’ll do all of them.”
“Starting tonight?”
She gave him a naughty little smile that got his motor revving again in an instant. “We’ve wasted enough time, don’t you think?”
“Not anymore,” he said, then began to kiss every beautiful inch of her, the way he’d always longed to in his fantasies.
Only to find out that the reality was so much better.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Last night had been pure fantasy. This morning felt closer to a nightmare.
So far today, they’d both had a dozen vials of blood drawn at the UC Davis transplant center, and then Justin had been taken into his donor-evaluation meetings. But before he left, he’d given Taylor a kiss so hot it was clearly meant to wipe her mind clean of everything except memories of their breathless lovemaking.
But though her body heated up all over, she couldn’t shake her rampantly conflicted thoughts about Justin offering to donate a kidney to her.
Too antsy to sit still on one of the padded blue chairs in the waiting room, she headed outside into the sunny, slightly crisp air. The weather had only recently started to turn cooler, but thankfully, Justin had grabbed her coat when they’d left this morning. Nervous about their visit to the transplant center, she’d gotten ready on autopilot—she could barely remember taking a shower and getting dressed. Even seeing Justin’s sister Maddie again after so many years had hardly registered. Under any other circumstances, Taylor would have wanted a big catch-up. Thankfully, Maddie had seemed to understand, giving Taylor a warm hug and sayin
g, “Don’t worry about a thing, I’ve got your B&B covered for as long as you need me.” The next thing Taylor knew, she was in the passenger seat of Justin’s rental car and they were on their way to Davis.
During the hour-long drive, he’d told her stories about his childhood, about scrapes he and his siblings had gotten into, about adventures they’d had together. She’d laughed in the right places, but she hadn’t really been present, something he must have been aware of. It was, she assumed, why he’d kept up a running one-sided conversation—so that she would only be able to freak out with half a brain, rather than letting nerves take her over completely.
The sun warmed her while she walked through campus, and she unzipped her coat halfway. She’d been to UC Davis before—she’d met with doctors all over the Bay Area since her diagnosis—but she’d never been in any state of mind to appreciate how lovely the campus was. Looking up at the thick canopy of walnut branches, she forced herself to stop, to breathe, to notice the way the leaves were just starting to turn color, the green threaded with faint hints of red and orange and yellow.
Soon, the trees would be vibrant with fall color. She’d always loved autumn in California, the way the sky was almost always clear, which meant you could still hike and bike and have picnics outside, but then in the evening when the temperature dropped, you could light a fire and sit, warm and toasty, beside it with a mug of hot chocolate.
As she walked, she realized that somewhere along the way in these past few months, she had started to dread the coming of fall. She’d started to hate the passage of time, simply because she was afraid that time was the very last thing she had.
She’d always tried to be hopeful. Even when it had felt as though she was living a life that someone else had scripted, even after Justin had left for Germany, she’d never wanted to pull the covers over her head and not get up. She couldn’t let herself fall to pieces now, not when she finally had the kind of love she’d never dared believe could be hers.
Just days ago, she’d told Justin how working on renovating her grandfather’s home and turning it into a B&B had shown her that as long as she didn’t give up, she could do anything she set her mind to. He’d seemed surprised that she hadn’t already known that about herself, had acted as though she’d been foolish not to give herself credit for being strong.
This morning, she needed to hold on to that belief. Needed to hold on to her determination to never give up, never stop fighting for a long and healthy life!
Turning back, she headed toward the hospital, so she’d be waiting for Justin with a smile, with a hug, with a kiss when he emerged from his evaluation meetings. Yes, she was still deeply conflicted about him being her donor, but since they didn’t even know yet if he would be a match, she wouldn’t let herself borrow trouble.
One day at a time. That was how she needed to take things. And she was going to do her darnedest to appreciate each and every day that came, without letting herself sink into the trap of dreading potential problems that might, or might not, come.
She was about to step inside the hospital’s double doors when her phone buzzed with her mother’s ring tone. Knowing better than to ignore her mom’s calls two days in a row, she picked up.
“I had a dream that you were in the hospital,” her mother said with no preamble. “Please tell me it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.”
Wow, talk about mother’s intuition. Taylor had never lied to her mom before, but over the past few months, she’d learned that oversharing wasn’t a great idea either. She didn’t want to keep her in the dark, but at the same time, it often seemed better to carefully and slowly dole out test results and prognoses. She could only imagine how distressed she’d be if she were in her mother’s position.
“I’m actually at UC Davis right now—”
“Oh God, what’s happened?”
“I just needed to get some blood work done.”
She couldn’t say that she was there because Justin wanted to donate a kidney to her. Regardless of the way her mother felt about him, Caroline would have no compunction about Taylor accepting his kidney. First and foremost, Taylor didn’t want to get her mother’s hopes up that Justin would be a match, when the odds were long against it. And if he did end up being compatible with her—her mom would probably hold him hostage until he was under the knife.
Still, Taylor knew better than to keep news of Justin’s arrival in St. Helena to herself for any longer than she already had. It would only end up looking suspicious, as though she had something to hide. She’d already hidden her feelings for him for too many years. She couldn’t stand the thought of hiding them another second.
“I’m not here alone,” she said. “Justin is with me. He’s actually staying in St. Helena this week, at my B&B.”
“Justin Morrison is staying at your bed-and-breakfast?” Her mother sounded stunned. “I thought he was in Germany.” Where Caroline had clearly hoped he’d stay forever, five thousand miles away from her daughter.
“He’s in town for his brother’s wedding this coming weekend,” Taylor explained. But before she could say how wonderful it was to see him again—and that they weren’t just friends anymore—her mother cut in.
“I thought you’d barely heard from him.”
“That wasn’t his fault, Mom, it was both of us. But we’ve talked everything through, and we’re good again. Better than good, actually.” Reminding herself that she was twenty-seven, not seventeen, she barreled on before her mother could interrupt again. “We’re together now. As a couple.”
“Together? A couple?” Horror rang out in her mother’s voice. “Have you forgotten what he was like in college?”
“Of course not. He was my best friend.”
“Who toyed with countless girls,” her mother countered. “But even more than that, he loved stringing you along.”
“That’s not fair,” Taylor protested. “Not any of it.” Okay, so Justin had never lacked for female company. And she couldn’t keep her gut from twisting when she thought about all the years she’d watched him go out with other people, even though she’d had a boyfriend the whole time.
Love, it turned out, wasn’t always rational. Which was a large part of the reason she knew her mother didn’t mean to hurt her. It was simply that love—and remembered loss—made her mother hold on a little too tightly sometimes.
Taylor suddenly found herself thinking about what Justin had said in the garden, how his mom was always after them to speak up, even if they were scared. If only Taylor could talk to her mother about the sister she’d never known—maybe then she could find a way to reassure her that Taylor would do everything in her power to ensure she wouldn’t lose her too.
“He’s why you broke up with Bruce, isn’t he?” Caroline’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Not because you wanted to start fresh in Napa with a new house and career, but because you could never get over your crush on him!”
“I broke up with Bruce because we never should have been together in the first place.” Taylor was trying to remain calm, but it hurt to have these accusations thrown at her. Especially when there was at least a tiny thread of truth to them. Particularly the part where she’d never gotten over her college crush on Justin.
“You and Bruce were perfect together,” her mother insisted. “Just perfect!”
“No, we weren’t. We were settled and boring.” She hated to hurt her mom in any way, but Taylor refused to feel guilty, and wouldn’t apologize, for wanting breathless and sexy and exciting. Especially now, when it would be all too easy to see nothing but struggles ahead if she wasn’t so damned determined to hold on to hope and appreciate the beauty around her. “I’m in love with Justin. And he’s in love with me.”
Her mother was silent for a moment, obviously regrouping after her initial panicked responses. “Taylor, please,” she cajoled, “you have to see this isn’t what you need right now. That he isn’t what you need. More than ever, you need to have a stable life. Your new busine
ss is already enough stress on your plate—you need to be surrounded by people who love you, who have always loved you, who will take care of you no matter what. You need someone you can trust at your side, not someone who comes and goes when it suits him.”
Taylor tried to be understanding—this wasn’t just about her, it was also about the daughter her parents had lost so many years ago. Her mother would do anything to keep Taylor and her brother safe.
“You don’t have to worry about Justin hurting me,” she said in a voice that she hoped came across as gentle but also firm. “I promise you that he would never hurt me in a million years.” It was exactly the opposite, in fact—Justin had made it abundantly clear that he’d choose hurting himself over hurting her.
Just then, he walked out of the transplant center. He looked confident and handsome. Every eye turned to watch him as he covered the distance between them.
A shiver went through Taylor as she realized that he was hers now.
“I have to go now, Mom. I’ll give you a call tomorrow. And don’t worry,” she added, making sure to say the mantra she ended every call with. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
She barely had time to shove the phone back into her pocket before Justin pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
“Damn, you taste good,” he said against her lips. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get enough of you.”
Despite her nerves having returned with a vengeance during her mom’s call, she couldn’t help but say in a breathless voice, “I won’t ever be able to get enough of you either.”
He nuzzled her neck, making every last part of her melt against him. But though it would be easier just to focus on how much they wanted each other, there was no point in hiding from reality.
“How was your meeting?” she asked.
He didn’t lift his mouth from where he was nibbling at her earlobe. “Great.”
