Thai'ing the Knot

by Sedonia Guillone

  “Touching? Arms around each other?”

  Chuek looked down.

  Nat pulled in a breath. He was getting another agent into trouble.

  “Yes. But that doesn’t prove they were having a sexual—”

  “That will be all, Agent Chuek. Thank you. Please step down.”

  Nat watched his fellow agent stand up and turn. Chuek’s eyes showed distress even though he avoided Nat’s gaze. Nat swallowed down another surge of anger. He’d thought this was an inquest into Tongmee’s suicide, but it was turning out to be a criminal trial.

  More time dragged on with the questioning of Nat’s other agents who were asked to recount practically every moment of that assignment, right up until the day they went to Tongmee’s home to capture him when he’d fled Phuket back to Bangkok after delivering Ryu into the hands of Taro Suzuki. Finally, with the sun’s descent making shadows on the wall of the tribunal room, Wattana announced the finish.

  “This concludes the proceedings,” Wattana said. “We will reconvene in two days’ time with our decision. In the meantime, Agent Phoenix will remain in custody of the Thai Border Police Patrol here in the General Staffing facilities.” He rapped a gavel and the tribunal stood and filed out of the room.

  Nat rose from his seat.

  “I’m sorry, Agent Phoenix…Nat.” Chuek stood in front of him, lines creasing his brow.

  “You don’t need to apologise for anything.”

  Chuek hesitated then gestured for Nat to step away from the chair and begin his return to his cell.

  “When can I call Tokyo?” he asked when they were moving along the corridor.

  “After six in the evening,” Chuek said. “I’m not sure why they chose that time, but that’s when you’re permitted to make phone calls.”

  “All right.” Judging by the slant of the sun through the high windows lining the corridor, Nat guess it was mid-afternoon. He should have been starving after all these hours with nothing but a sip of water from a glass on the table in the hearing room, but he couldn’t even stomach the thought of food.

  Back in Nat’s cell, Chuek held the door open for him. “If you need anything at all, I’ll be here. I asked to be assigned to you, to make sure you’re all right and get anything you might need.”

  Nat sat heavily down on his cot, elbows on his knees. Every cell in his body felt wrung out, as did his soul. “Aside from making my phone calls, there’s only one thing I need.”

  “What’s that?”

  “In two more days, I need to have a television set with ESPN 3. Ryu has a fight.”

  A tiny smile spread on Chuek’s face, but didn’t reach his eyes. He nodded. “I’ll make sure there’s one available. Anything else?”

  Nat shook his head. “No, thanks.”

  “All right. I’ll let you rest.” Again however, he hesitated, as if there were something he wanted to say but was afraid to.

  “Agent Chuek, did you need to tell me something?”

  Chuek sighed. “I just feel terrible about all this.”

  “So do I.”

  “I don’t want to pry. It’s none of my business.”

  “You mean about Ryu?”

  Chuek nodded. “I…have questions about…the situation.”

  “You can ask anything you want.”

  Chuek closed the cell door and leant against it. “Agent Phoenix, I’ve known you for years now and I never expected you just to leave. I mean, your career and everything. He must be…special if you’ve risked so much. Is that what it is?”

  Energy rippled down Nat’s back. Special. That word didn’t even begin to describe Ryu. He nodded. “Yes. He’s very important to me.” So important I want to marry him. Nat thought of the ring. He’d left it tucked in the drawer between a couple of shirts he hadn’t brought with him. He’d been afraid to bring it to Bangkok, knowing that once he got here, his belongings would be confiscated. Leaving it there also gave him hope that he’d be back to slip it onto Ryu’s finger.

  Now he wasn’t so sure.

  Chuek nodded. “Thank you for answering.”

  “No problem.”

  “I’ll come to check on you in a little while,” Chuek said and opened the door.

  “Thank you.”

  Chuek looked at him a moment longer, his eyes mournful, then closed it behind them.

  The sound of the key bolting the door echoed through Nat’s very soul with an eerie finality.

  What if he never went back to Tokyo?

  Leaning against the wall, Nat closed his eyes. Ryu’s face rose again in his mind, the way it had earlier in the lavatory. No way could he subject Ryu to a life of partnership with a man in prison, a man shamed and guilty of the charges named in the tribunal today. Ryu was a prince, a beautiful being who deserved nothing less than worship.

  That thought led to others. What if he could never come back and Ryu decided he would give his heart back to Kiku after all? Kiku was the man who’d originally rescued Ryu from Taro Suzuki, who’d brought Ryu to live with him so he’d be safe and had become Ryu’s first lover to help him heal from the trauma. Though Ryu and Kiku hadn’t been lovers for years and Kiku had a steady partner, Ryu had remained loyal to him, body and soul. Even four months ago in Thailand, Ryu had still carried a torch for the other man. Nat remembered briefly the night he’d left Ryu in Deena’s bungalow so he could go after Tongmee. Kiku had flown down from Tokyo to help Ryu and Nat had returned to find Ryu curled up in the man’s embrace.

  In spite of the passion he and Ryu shared, that image had stayed in Nat’s mind. Ryu had come to him starved for affection and sex—hard to believe considering he lived in this place, surrounded by hot men. But it was true. Knowing all that, was Ryu simply substituting him for Kiku? And if so, Nat could never expect Ryu to stay faithful to a prisoner, a man who’d shamed himself and let down his country.

  Nat raked one hand roughly through his hair. Perhaps it was this place, the iron bars, the cold metal, the white walls that made his mind go in directions it shouldn’t. He’d barely been inside this building a whole twenty-four hours and yet he already felt the world shrinking down to a place occupied only by his thoughts and feelings, leaving him unable to distinguish which were real and which were the fancy of his inner demons.

  No surprise to him now how Tongmee, already unstable, could have gone over the edge in here, spilled all the facts he’d previously kept quiet out of a shred of loyalty to Nat and to his unit, and then used his own shirt to hang himself.

  Slipping off his shoes, Nat lay on his back, hands clasped behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling. If he could just hold on for three days…

  * * * *

  Ryu stayed under the hot shower spray only a few minutes. He usually lingered much longer but he didn’t want to risk missing Nat’s call. Sometimes, he showered at the gym before coming back, but today, he’d just wanted to get back to the White Tiger, to escape to his room where he and Nat spent so much time together these past four months. He rinsed the soap off his body and shut off the spray. Opening the glass door, he glanced at the phone on the bathroom counter for the thousandth time, but it lay silent.

  “Shimatta,” he muttered and yanked a fluffy white towel off the bar. Quickly, he rubbed himself dry, wrapped the towel around his hips and picked up his phone, staring at it while he walked back into the bedroom.

  Where was Nat now? He’d probably been in trial most of the day but it was mid-afternoon there and it would be awful for him to be in court all these hours. Nat wasn’t answering his cell phone and Kiku reminded him that morning at breakfast that Nat’s belongings would have been confiscated when he went into custody.

  Ryu couldn’t help the stab of guilt that nearly sent him leaning against the wall for support. He was partially responsible for what had happened, wasn’t he? Even though Nat and Kiku both insisted he’d done nothing wrong, that Tongmee was a sick man who would have made Ryu target of his hatred no matter whether Nat was having sex with him or not. But
that wasn’t the point. Nat had forgotten to lock the door because he was so intoxicated by the sex. They both were. Which normally wouldn’t have been a problem, but Nat had been in charge of a mission to protect him and had been careless. At least that’s how Nat felt about it. Ryu didn’t care. Nat was a good man no matter what. People were human. They made mistakes. At least it had worked out. Until now.

  Shoulders sagging, Ryu sighed and sank down onto the bed, the phone on the covers beside him. Now was the time of day he and Nat both showered then lay down together for a little while before meditation and supper. The days had been sweet these past four months, with their schedule of training in the mornings until lunch when they’d come back here to shower, loll around on the bed for a while then get ready for the evening schedule. Nat’s absence screamed at him, the way it had last night. Nat’s empty side of the bed had made Ryu feel as if the world were again a cold, thankless place. For years, he’d slept in this room alone while pining away for Kiku next door and watching all the men around him find their soul mates while he lived in fear of Taro Suzuki. Then there was Nat and that seemingly endless period of his life had suddenly, gloriously ended.

  What if it began again? It would be even worse now, after having been with Nat. The only good thing to happen in the last couple of days was that Hamura-san seemed to be past his health crisis.

  Ryu’s chest ached as if an invisible fist squeezed his heart. He rose from the bed and went to the drawer in the wall closet where Nat kept his clothes. Nat didn’t have much but Ryu was sure he’d left a couple of things in the drawer when he packed the day before.

  He pulled open the drawer and breathed relief. Nat had left a couple of things there, like a silent promise which backed up his verbal promise to return. Ryu reached in and lifted a t-shirt out. A navy cotton shirt Nat often wore when he coached Ryu at the gym. He held the shirt up to his face and breathed. No scent of Nat’s skin on it as the shirt had been laundered. Ryu inhaled it anyway and rubbed the soft material against his lips. Something caught his eye as he did. Something in the drawer. A small box that had been between the t-shirts.

  Nande? Reaching in, he retrieved the box. It was one of those maroon velvet boxes one got from a…jeweller? Why would Nat have a piece of jewellery? He was one of the most unmaterialistic people Ryu had ever met. Ryu could just imagine Nat’s apartment back in Bangkok, probably empty except for a bed. No pictures or anything on the walls. Nat didn’t seem to care about material objects.

  Ryu’s heartbeat sped up. He was being nosey. If Nat had wanted him to see this box, he would have already shown it to him. But Nat wasn’t here and maybe never would be again, depending on the results of this damn trial.

  Screw it. He had to see what was in that box. He lifted the lid on its tiny hinges. And pulled in a breath.

  Nestled in the satiny folds was a ring. A man’s ring by the look of it, gold with a small diamond set into the band. Ryu caught his breath. Rising quickly, he slid his door open and went to Kiku’s room. Voices murmured behind the soji door. A man laughed. Yuzo, Kiku’s lover. The two of them took time each afternoon together the way Ryu and Nat did. He hated to bother them, but this was damned important.

  “Kiku?”

  The voices went silent. After a moment, the door slid open and Kiku stood there, his tattooed skin damp from a shower, a towel around his hips, like Ryu. Behind him, Yuzo stood by the bed, his slim body also naked except for a towel around the hips. He waved at Ryu.

  “Are you all right, Ryu-chan?” Kiku frowned.

  “I’m sorry to bother you.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I found this in Nat’s drawer.” He held up the box with the ring. “I didn’t mean to be prying. I was…smelling his shirt. This was in the drawer.” He opened the box and showed it to Kiku.

  Recognition lit Kiku’s dark eyes and he nodded. “Yes, Nat told me about this ring. He bought it for you. Last month.”

  “Last month? Why didn’t he tell me?”

  Kiku sighed. A smile flashed across his lips. “He’s been waiting for the right time to…” Kiku paused. “I hate telling on him at a time like this.”

  “What do you mean? The right time to—” Understanding hit him. He stared at the ring then up at Kiku. “You mean he wanted to—“

  “Propose to you.”

  “Propose? Marry?” Yuzo’s voice cut in. In the next second, he was right behind Kiku, his pop-star beautiful face shining. “Oh, that’s so romantic.”

  “Yuzo-chan, hush.” Kiku’s eyes darkened. “Be considerate.”

  Shame clouded Yuzo’s eyes and he looked down. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right.” Ryu closed the box and held it to his chest. His other hand braced his sagging weight on the door frame. “I can’t believe it.” He shook his head, once then again. “I can’t believe it. It’ll never happen now.”

  Kiku’s hand came out and squeezed his shoulder. “You know that expression, Ryu-chan. Never say never.”

  Ryu looked down. “You don’t know Thai culture.” His mother was Thai and he spoke the language, and even though he’d not spent any real time in Thailand, just growing up with his mother and knowing her relatives peripherally, he knew Thai people were taken heavily to task for what they did wrong, maybe even overly so. Nat did, in fact, make a terrible mistake on his shift and wouldn’t get away with it for sure. “The best case scenario is he’ll do time in prison.” Ryu’s heart lurched. “Because of me.”

  “Not because of you,” Yuzo said softly. Guilt clouded his eyes. He blamed himself for Ryu’s having had to hide in Thailand from Suzuki in the first place. All because Yuzo had been Suzuki’s toy and had come here to escape Suzuki’s sadistic ways. It was like a crazy chain that had no real beginning and no end. Ridiculous to blame anyone. When it came to madmen like Suzuki and Tongmee, there was no blame, just their madness.

  Ryu looked at him and nodded. “Thank you, Yuzo-chan.”

  Yuzo smiled at him, a shy smile meant to comfort.

  “Yuzo’s right. It’s not because of you. Put that to rest. And put the ring back in the drawer. Don’t tell Nat you found it.” Kiku’s eyes darkened again with the look he got when he meant to impart discipline. “Just let it give you a reason to win your fight.”

  Ryu looked up at him. This was one of those moments he saw the passion in Kiku that made him the charismatic man he’d always been, both as a yakuza and as a teacher, lover and friend. He squeezed the tiny velvet box in his hand. “Yes, Kiku. I will.”

  Kiku smoothed back Ryu’s hair, a gesture that always made Ryu feel the other man’s affection for him. Nat’s presence in his life had gone the longest way towards softening the romantic rejection Ryu had suffered from Kiku. “Now, Ryu-chan, go back and put the ring where you found it.”

  He nodded. “All right.” Kiku’s door slid shut in his wake. Back in his room, he knelt at the drawer and carefully set the little velvet box back on the shirt, covering it with the other shirt. For what felt like a long time, he sat there and stared into the drawer. “Please come back, Nat,” he whispered. He felt little, like a boy lost, not a man nearly twenty-eight years old about to fight in front of hundreds of people.

  After returning from Thailand four months ago, he’d been about to drop out of the sport completely. His former coach had wanted to take him back but Ryu’d had enough, especially after what had happened with Suzuki. He’d killed the man with his bare hands, using that pressure point Kiku had shown him nearly eleven years ago after Suzuki had raped him in his bed. It had been so ironic, Ryu under the protection of an elite unit of the Royal Thai Police, one agent of which had turned him over to Suzuki, only to be in Suzuki’s bed, his legs around Suzuki’s hips, in the man’s sadistic clutches where he ended Suzuki’s life with the mere press of his fingertips in the right spots. A near lifetime of fear at Suzuki’s hands, ended in seconds. Ryu hadn’t been prepared for the depression that followed.

  But when Nat showed up out of the blue
on the sidewalk in front of the White Tiger, however, offering to be his partner, his coach, whatever he wanted, Ryu had felt a new beginning offered to him. He was getting his dream guy. That would have been enough. He hadn’t even cared about boxing, but had only wanted to please Nat, to be the champion Nat could make of him. Only that could honour the sacrifice Nat was making of an exalted career in the Thai Royal Police.

  For four glorious months, Ryu had one of the sexiest men in the world for a lover and a boxing coach all at once. The dream of a thousand lifetimes.

  And now this.

  Ryu forced himself to close the drawer, get up, dress and meditate so he could have supper with the others, help clean up the kitchen and be ready for Nat’s call.

  If and when it came.

  Finally, a few minutes after eight, Ryu’s phone rang. The strange number on the ID window showed the call was coming in from an international source. He pressed the button. “Nat, is that you?”

  “Yes. Hi, Ryu.”

  Ryu’s heart thumped. He waved to the Naoto and Koji who were looking at him hopefully and headed out of the kitchen to find a quieter space to talk. “Hi. How are you, Nat? What’s going on?”

  “I’m all right, Ryu.” Nat’s voice sounded eerily calm, as if he were feeling crazy and trying not to let it show. “My trial was today.”

  “And?” Ryu pressed the phone hard to his ear.

  “The verdict isn’t for another two days. The day of your fight, actually.”

  Ryu exhaled and leaned against the wall for support. “You mean you have to sit around and wait for a decision? That’s bullshit!”

  “I know, but that’s the way it is. Listen, I can’t stay on more than a few minutes. That’s all I’m allowed.”

  “Okay.”

  “Please tell me about you. How’d your training go today?”

  “Fine. I feel good. I feel…ready.” Ryu thought of the ring in the drawer. He forced himself not to mention it.

  “You are ready.” A moment of silence passed before Nat spoke again. “How is Mr. Hamura?”