Without the adrenaline to keep me going, my body began to tremble and my voice cracked, “Someone knows where I live, Porter, and they clearly have no qualms about causing physical damage to my home. What if that’s not enough for them? What if they come after me next?”
Tears had welled up in my eyes and I was moments away from falling apart completely.
Porter turned his head and kissed my forehead, “I’ll be here, Holly. I won’t let that happen.”
The first of many tears fell onto his chest.
“I’m scared, Porter.”
He ran his hand up and down my back as I silently cried myself to sleep.
The last thing I remember was his soft whisper.
“So am I, babe. So am I.”
After the incident with her front door, I practically moved into Holly’s house full-time. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her alone any longer than absolutely necessary. I moved half my wardrobe, all of my toiletries, and asked the front desk at my building to hold my mail for me.
I couldn’t take the chance that something else would happen to her while I wasn’t there. There was a part of me that still held onto the anger over letting it happen the first time and I didn’t think I could handle any more self-loathing.
I didn’t tell her this, but I felt somehow responsible for what had happened. If I had been there, I could’ve at least chased down the bastard who did it and beat the shit out of him until the police showed up. Then he’d be off the streets and my girlfriend wouldn’t be terrified of her own shadow and anything that went bump, creak, or groan in the night.
For the first week, she’d hardly slept at all. The sound of the wind blowing outside would wake her up and then she’d sit there all night waiting for someone to come in and chop us up into tiny little pieces.
It got to the point that I’d strongly considered slipping her some sleep aids in her dinner. Nothing I said could comfort her on those nights and, worst of all, sex was off the table. I could barely even touch her without her flinching.
Luckily, things eventually settled down and I didn’t have to drug my girlfriend to get her to sleep. We settled into a routine surprisingly fast and life continued to happen around us.
“You’re going to be late for your meeting,” I urged as I ushered her toward the door, “You should’ve been on the road ten minutes ago.”
“Meet me for lunch today?” she asked as she slung her purse over her shoulder.
“I can’t today, babe,” I caught her and spun her into my chest, “I’ve got a lunch date with a porn star.”
The flash of concern that sparked in her eyes told me that my joke had missed its mark.
“My brother, Holly,” I clarified, “Parker asked me to meet up with him for lunch today. This reconnecting thing between us is still a bit touch-and-go. I don’t want to cancel on him and risk fucking it up.”
“Oh,” I could see the wheels in her head turning as she chastised herself for letting it get to her, “Sorry, I’m a bit flustered lately. Tell Parker I say hello! I have to go. Busy day today! Let’s do dinner tonight!”
“You got it!” I smiled at her and leaned in for a kiss, “And after dinner, can I have you for dessert?”
She laughed, “I’ll have my people call your people and see if we can pencil it in.”
I kissed her one more time and smacked her on the ass, “Get out of here! Speed safely! Oh! And my retirement goes public today!”
“Then tonight we celebrate!” she waved over her shoulder and closed the door behind her.
I moseyed around the house for most of the morning with a cup of coffee and the latest issue of People. I even made the bed and did a load of laundry before I got in the shower and headed out to meet Parker.
As I drove to the restaurant, I planned out a menu in my head for dinner that night. Holly wouldn’t be expecting a home-cooked meal and it had been a while since I’d stretched my culinary legs.
I put the last item on a shopping list in my phone before getting out of the Land Rover and heading for the front door of the place Parker had picked to meet for our lunch.
Once inside, I had no trouble spotting his table. It was the one with half a dozen women standing around it giggling.
Of the three of us, Parker was the one who most loved the spotlight. Preston and I were always more likely to lay low and avoid the attention when we were out just trying to be normal. Not Parker, wherever he went, he soaked up the attention like a sponge. It was like a drug to him.
It was a better option than coke though, so I never gave him shit for it.
“Excuse me ladies,” I slid through Parker’s harem and into the booth beside him, “I’ve got a lunch date with my little brother. Would you guys mind giving us some space?”
Seeing two of the Hale brothers in one place was a rarity outside of industry functions, so fans tended to get a bit excited about it when it happened. We agreed to a few pictures for the sake of getting them the hell away from our table and, after they left, Parker was all smiles from ear-to-ear.
“Six girls, six phone numbers, and all I had to do was sit down at a table,” he bragged, “We’ve seriously got it made.”
I laughed, “Parker, if you had sex on camera as often as you do off camera, then you’d have it made. You’ve gotta stop giving it out for free, man!”
“What can I say?” he grinned, “I’ve got the sex drive of a teenager and no short supply of easy targets. I can’t help myself!”
“I worry about you, Parker,” I shook my head and smiled, “I mean, think about it, how many kids do you have that you don’t even know about?”
He screwed up his face and shook his head, “No way, bro. I’m always safe. You know how I feel about having kids. I’d be a terrible parent. Not a chance in hell, buddy.”
I shrugged my shoulders, “You never know is all I’m saying. There are some shady bitches out there that would do some extreme shit for the chance to give birth to the next Hale. It’s pretty much a golden ticket to the life most of these women can only dream about.”
“Speaking of women,” I could tell he didn’t like the direction the conversation was heading in and let the change in topic slide for the time being, “How’s Holly? You’re pretty much living with her now, right?”
I nodded my head, “Yeah, pretty much. And she’s great. Like, really great. I never saw myself as the domestic type before her, but there’s just something about that woman that makes me want to jump every time she snaps her fingers. Not that she does that, but you get what I’m saying. She’s independent to the point of driving me nuts, so every chance I get to help her with something, I’m all over it. Hell, I got mad at the window installers when they came to fix her front door. I half expected her to demand that they let her do it herself. When she didn’t it was kind of a kick to the ego, ya know?”
“Oh my God, Porter,” he was laughing at me and shaking his head, “You’re in love with her!”
“What?” A feeling of panic reared up in my stomach, “I am not! It’s only been a few months, Parker! Don’t be stupid. I just want to help her out where I can. That’s normal behavior for a boyfriend, isn’t it?”
“Of course it is,” he agreed, “but getting homicidal when someone else gets to do something for her is a little extreme, I think. Face it, Porter, she’s got you by the balls.”
“You’re so full of shit. It’s not like you would know love if it slapped you upside the head with a brick anyway.”
“Oooh,” he quirked an eyebrow, “Getting defensive about it now, are we?”
“I’m not defensive, I’m just saying I can’t possibly be in love with her. You know how we Hale men work. Hell, I’m not even sure we’re capable of actually being in love. Look at our parents! Dad wasn’t exactly a gleaming example of how to treat the people you’re supposed to care about. I’m not a family man, Parker; any more than you or Preston. We’re just not wired for it.”
He scoffed and shook his head, “That’s b
ullshit and you know it. Mom and Dad had their issues, but you can’t deny he loved her with every fiber of his being—In his own, demented, unconventional way—probably. At some point, I’m sure.”
“Maybe,” I glanced around for the waiter, praying for a valid excuse to derail this conversation, “The service here blows!”
“You’re just mad that I’m right about something for once,” he laughed as he waved his hand and nodded at a passing waiter, “Just because our dad fucked up his marriage doesn’t mean we’re doomed to the same fate, Porter. We’re all better people than he was. Mom raised us to be better than him and, for the most part, she did a damn fine job of it.” He turned to the waiter without missing a beat, “I’ll just have water with a lemon.”
“Same for me,” I told him, “and a bottle of your darkest beer, please.”
“You’re a good man, Porter,” he continued after the waiter walked away, “You were the father figure when we were kids, you’re still the father figure now, and it’s time for that to stop. We’re all adults now. I have to accept responsibility for my actions, and Preston is more responsible than both of us put together. It’s time for you to focus on your life. It’s time for you to make yourself happy for once. Holly can help you do that if you’d just quit being a stubborn ass and let her.”
I had nothing to say to him. My brain was completely blank.
“Are you guys ready to order?” the waiter asked as he set our drinks down in front of us.
“Give us just a minute,” Parker said as he picked up his menu.
I followed suit even though I wasn’t really hungry anymore.
“I really like their pastas here. I’ve never ordered the same thing twice and not once have I been disappointed. You could probably throw a dart at the menu and still get something delicious that you didn’t even know you were in the mood for.”
I followed his advice and picked something at random. We placed our orders when the waiter came back and something about the forced interaction kicked my brain back into gear.
“How’s sobriety treating you?” I asked before taking a long sip of my water.
“It’s good so far! I think I’ve got myself back under control. I don’t crave it anymore. That was the hardest part, I think. You know how I am when it comes to being told I can’t have something.”
I laughed, “I think that’s a genetic trait. The men in this family have always gotten what they wanted. It was bred into us.”
“You’d think people would learn not to tell us no, right?”
There was a glimmer in his eye that I hadn’t seen since we were kids. The part of me that had been in charge for the past fifteen years reared it’s ugly head and pointed an ugly, shriveled finger at me.
You let that light die once. Don’t do it again.
“I’m really glad you’re off that stuff, Parker. It was killing you and there was nothing I could do to stop it. You’re looking great and I’m willing to bet your bank account says thank you. What are your long-term plans? We haven’t talked about it in a long time. I remember when you landed your first contract you were all about buying a house and getting your pilot’s license so that you could buy a plane. Is that plan back on the table? Has the dream changed? Who are you now, Parker? I want to know my little brother again.”
One side of his mouth was raised in a gentle smile as he recalled the glory days. We were all practically kids at the time and had the entire world at our feet. Anything had been possible for us.
“You know, I haven’t really though much about it lately. Now that you mention it though, there’s still a part of me that wants that. I’ve spent enough time living the party life and you’re right, it almost killed me. I think it’s probably about time I grow up and remember what was important when I was still myself.”
“What can I do to help?” The prospect of Parker finally getting his shit together kindled something inside me that demanded I do everything in my power to help keep him on that path.
“I think you missed the whole point of the conversation we just had, Porter. It’s not something you should have to help with. My life is something I’m responsible for, not you. You know as well as I do that I have the power to make this happen for myself. It’s just a matter of applying some self-control, right?”
I nodded my head, “It’s easier said than done, Parker. I’ve had my days where I just want to go out and blow all my money. I mean, I have enough of it, right? And there’s always more to be made. But I don’t want to find myself ninety years old and broke. Therefore, I exercise a little bit of restraint when it comes to living the lavish lifestyle I’m perfectly capable of pulling off. At least for the short term.”
“You don’t think I know a little something about restraint at this point?”
There was a smile on his face as he said it, so I knew it was more something he was proud of than him telling me I was being a dick.
“Sorry,” I apologized anyway, “I guess I don’t know how to turn off Big Brother Bot. You’ve managed to get clean without me, I’m sure you can manage to do whatever it is you want to do on your own, too. But just keep me in mind if you ever need help, or a co-pilot, or even just an older brother to bitch to when life doesn’t treat you fair.”
“I do miss having people to talk to,” he smiled over the two plates of food between us as the waiter set them down, “I’ve kind of had to alienate myself from everyone I hung out with while I go through this. I think I’m getting back to the point where I can hang out with them again without getting crazy.”
I didn’t like the idea of him putting himself back in that situation, but I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything. If I was ever going to get used to the idea of him being an adult, I needed to start practicing. If there was one way to test his self-control, a party with his old friends was it.
Besides, don’t they say that relapse is a part of recovery? Addicts are allowed to make mistakes along the bumpy road to sobriety, right?
God, I hoped he didn’t make that mistake.
“Enough heavy shit,” he decreed, “I’m starving to death over here. Let’s eat.”
I smiled at him and tried to shut off the part of my brain that kept telling me to advise against him hanging out with his old friends.
We ate our meal in silence. Not because we had nothing to say or because we were uncomfortable, but because the food was delicious and I couldn’t shovel it down my throat fast enough.
I washed the pasta down with the last swallow of my beer and sat back against the booth with a heavy sigh. It had been a long time since I’d stuffed myself so full of food that I had a hard time breathing and I quickly remembered why I didn’t make it a habit.
“Holy shit,” I groaned, “I think I’m gonna explode.”
“I feel your pain,” Parker rubbed his stomach with his palm, “I need to take a nap while this food baby incubates.”
As soon as the word “nap” left his mouth, I could feel my eyes getting heavy. I couldn’t afford a nap. I had a dinner to make. Napping was not an option.
“Let’s get the hell out of here before I pass out on the table,” he flagged down the waiter again and asked for the check.
Outside in the parking lot, we exchanged an awkward goodbye hug and headed for our cars.
“Be safe!” I yelled across the pavement.
He waved over his shoulder in acknowledgment and I had no choice but to consider it a success that he didn’t flip me off.
I hit the grocery store on my way back to Holly’s house and picked up all the stuff I’d need. I hauled it all into the house in one go and dumped all ten bags on the kitchen floor in a pile.
The need to pee had hit me halfway through the grocery store. By the time I stuck my key in the front door, my teeth had been close to floating out of my head. Groceries could be put away after I answered the call of nature.
I’m a firm believer in the theory of toilet gravity and that day was no different than any other: The closer I got
to the toilet, the closer I got to pissing my pants.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I quickly washed and dried my hands so I could check the message. It was a text from Holly letting me know that she’d be out of the office right at five o’clock. It’d take her half an hour to get home, giving me just under an hour to have dinner cooked, plated, and on the table. It’d be tight, but I could do it.
I was chopping like a mad man a few minutes later when my phone rang on the counter next to me. I answered on the first ring and hit the speaker button.
“Ryan,” I answered as I grabbed an onion and continued chopping, “What’s goin’ on, man?”
“Well, Porter,” I could hear the stress in his voice, “are you sitting down?”
“No, Ryan, I’m not sitting down. I’m trying to make dinner for my girlfriend. Why are you on my phone?”
“With you being a big actor now, I just didn’t want you to faint and break your face or something. A fucked up nose and some black eyes isn’t going to land you any roles, dude.”
“Ryan, I’m fine,” I set the knife down and splayed my palms on the counter, giving all my attention to my cell phone, “Spill it.”
“Well, it’s been an interesting ride, my friend. As of three hours ago, you’re officially retired from the porn industry.” He blew out a long breath, probably waiting for me to respond. I was busy trying to sort out the warring emotions I felt about his announcement though, so he kept talking, “The first few blogs went live as soon as I hit send on the email and they just kept trickling out there. Once the news hit social media, it went viral within an hour. From what I understand, most of the major news stations will be covering it on the five o’clock news here in a few minutes. I wanted to be the one to tell you so that you didn’t have to hear it from the TV.”
“You should’ve insisted that I sit down, Ryan,” I found myself leaning heavily against the counter to keep myself from sliding down the wall and spending the rest of the evening sitting on the kitchen floor.
“I tried, Porter. You, as usual, didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.”
Porter (Dick Dynasty #1) Page 18
