by Jeff Shelby
I stared across the highway, watching the sun disappear behind the high-rises. Jackson chased after a bird and tumbled onto the grass next to the walk. I thought about Liz.
“Yeah,” I said. “Absolutely.”
EIGHT
“Do you mind if we make a quick stop?” Bella asked. “I promise it’ll just take a minute.”
“Sure,” I said. “No problem.”
We headed west on the highway, back toward Fort Walton Beach, the sky a mixture of pinks and blues as dusk settled in.
She pulled the car into the lot of a small strip mall and parked in front of a laundromat.
She squeezed the wheel with both hands and her shoulders dropped. “Meet my other employer.”
I could see long rows of washer and dryers on the other side of the dirty front window. “Here?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Couple days a week, Jackson and I sit in a tiny office and wait for people to tell me one of the machines ate their quarters.”
“Not a bad gig.”
She made a face. “Doesn’t pay much and it’s boring. I’m trying to find something else to replace it. I also do the bank runs. That’s what I need to do now, grab the bag so I can deposit it tomorrow morning.”
“Okay.”
She glanced in the back seat. “If he wakes up, tell him I’ll be right back.”
I twisted in my seat. Jackson’s head hung to the side, his eyes shut tight, his mouth wide open, sleeping soundly.
I smiled. “Will do.”
She got out and shut the door quietly.
I watched her pull the door to the laundromat open and disappear inside.
I liked Bella. I liked how she treated her son and I liked that she didn’t seem to mind working hard to take care of him. She was clearly anxious over her situation, but she also seemed to possess a confidence and determination that most people in her situation might not have.
Jackson stirred behind me and I turned around. He rolled his head from one side to the other and murmured something that I couldn’t understand. His small hands twitched in his lap and he let out a long sigh before lapsing back into an even sleep. He looked like his mom and for one brief moment, I thought about Liz and what a child of hers might have looked like. A child of ours.
I whipped back around, trying to dislodge the image and thought, trying to focus on the building in front of me.
The door to the laundromat swung open.
And my heart stopped.
NINE
Zip had a white plastic laundry basket tucked under his arm as he exited the laundry mat. The mohawk was a little longer than when I’d last seen him, but the skinny build and ugly face were the same. Dirty cargo shirts hung from his waist and a gray tank top showed off his pipe-cleaner arms.
I froze when I saw him. I should’ve ducked. But he caught me by surprise. I was two-thousand miles away from San Diego and the last thing I expected was to see someone who knew me.
I’d gone to Fort Walton because it was a long way from San Diego and because Carter was able to put me in touch with Ike. I knew no one there and no one knew me. It seemed like a world away from everything I’d left behind.
But apparently it wasn’t.
I sat there, motionless, hoping he wouldn’t glance in my direction. Hoping he wouldn’t recognize me if he did look this way. Hoping he would keep moving to wherever he was headed.
But his eyes swept over the car and I read the recognition in them.
Shit.
He squinted at me, ducking his head to get a better look through the windshield. A weird smile crept over his face and he walked over to my window.
My heart jackhammered in my chest and my stomach dropped.
He held up a hand and waved.
I couldn’t roll down the window so I opened the door and stepped out.
“Noah?” he asked, a little disbelieving. “What’s up, man?”
“Nothing,” I said.
We weren’t friends. In fact, I barely knew him. The last time I’d seen him, Carter was threatening him within an inch of his life for ripping off Liz’s brother. We were barely acquaintances.
But he knew me.
His face clouded over and he peered around me into the car. “Carter’s not here, is he?”
“No. He’s not.”
The cloud lifted and he smiled again. “Oh, cool. So. What gives? Why are you here?”
I hesitated. “Just working a case.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? All the way out here? Thought you stayed pretty local.”
“Not always.”
“That’s cool,” he said, nodding. Then he narrowed his eyes. “I remember hearing some shit went down with you awhile back.”
“What are you doing down here?” I tried to redirect him.
He adjusted the basket under his arm. “Heading for Miami in a few days. Staying with a friend while I get my act together.”
I knew that his act used to involve drugs. I had no reason to assume that had changed.
“Ah, cool,” I said, glancing over his shoulder, looking for Bella.
She was nowhere to be seen.
“That your kid?” Zip asked, nodding at Jackson.
“No. A friend’s.”
He studied me for a long moment. There was something in his eyes that indicated he was trying to figure something out. I wasn’t just being paranoid. I could see it.
His eyes cleared and he nodded. “Ah, okay. Right on.”
We stood there awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what else he wanted from me and I sure as hell wasn’t going to give him any more information about why I was there or what I was doing.
The door to the laundromat opened and Bella emerged, holding a blue leather bag. She stopped when she saw us.
“You ready?” I asked.
She looked at Zip, confused, but nodded.
A dirty smile slithered across Zip’s face and I wanted to slap it away.
But I couldn’t take that chance.
“See you around,” I said, sliding back into the car.
His eyes stayed on Bella as she got behind the wheel, assessing. Finally, they settled back on me.
“Yeah,” he said, backing up. “See you around.”
TEN
“Are you okay?” Bella asked.
I stared out the passenger window as a million things ran through my mind.
I pulled my eyes from the blur of buildings going by and looked straight ahead. “Yeah.”
“You don’t seem okay,” she said, glancing over at me. “Who was that guy?”
“No one.”
“So I just imagined him?”
I didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s none of my business. I’ll shut up.”
I knew I was being rude, but I wasn’t sure what to say to her. Telling her who he was would lead to more questions. Questions I didn’t want asked, questions I knew I wouldn’t answer. I wasn’t even sure I could answer them.
“It’s okay,” I said, finally. “I just…he’s not someone I really know.”
“Well, he didn’t really look like someone you’d hang with,” she said.
That got out a smile out of me. “No?”
“You don’t seem like a mohawk kind of guy. Or a guy who hangs with crack addicts.” She laughed. “Sorry. I’m making assumptions.”
“Probably right ones. At least about the crack addicts.”
“But you do hang with mohawks?”
I thought about Carter and his hair and everything else about him. “You’d be surprised.”
She slowed down for a red light. “I think I would be.”
“What does that mean?”
She tapped her hands on the wheel, glanced in the backseat at her sleeping son then back at me. “I just think you aren’t who you seem to be.”
I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but it once again set off internal warning bells. Did she know more about me than I thought? Or was she just talking to
me, having a conversation? The ever-present paranoia was confusing and exhausting and I wasn’t sure I’d ever learn to live with it.
The light turned green and she pushed the accelerator. “That probably doesn’t even make sense.” She waved a hand in the air. “Just ignore me. I talk too much, anyway.”
“You don’t talk too much,” I said.
She laughed. “Yeah, I do and I know it, so it’s okay. My daddy said I didn’t talk until I was almost four years old, but once I started, I never shut up.”
“It doesn’t bother me,” I said. “Really.”
“I hope not,” she said. “But you can tell me to shut up if you need to.”
I didn’t say it out loud, but it was actually nice to hear someone else’s voice. It seemed like forever since I’d had a real conversation with someone. That was my fault and my choice, but listening to Bella talk reminded me that I wasn’t entirely okay with being alone. Just because I was learning to be alone didn’t mean I was any good at it.
“I don’t remember where to turn,” she said.
“Two more streets,” I said.
“Gotcha.” She nodded her head, her brown ponytail bobbing.
She found the street, turned right, and then we were sitting in front of the house, the car idling in the cul-de-sac.
“Thanks,” I said. “For dinner. And for talking.”
She smiled and raised her eyebrows. “For talking? I’ll bring a sock next time so you can shove it in my mouth.”
“Not necessary.”
The smile softened. “Thank you. Again. For Jackson today and just…you know.”
I pushed on the door and it swung open. I thought of Colin in the parking lot and some of her earlier comments about not having options. “If you need help. With anything. Let me know. I’ll be around.”
I got out of the car and shut the door.
Bella leaned across the passenger seat. “You gonna be around for awhile? In Fort Walton?”
I looked across the top of her car. The sun was gone now, the lights of the condo buildings dotting the darkened shoreline. The heat clung to the evening air and I knew the garage would be stuffy.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t have any plans right now, though.”
She stared at me for a long moment. “So you’ll at least be here tomorrow.”
I laughed, then nodded. “Yeah, pretty sure.”
She smiled again. “Then maybe Jax and I will see you on the beach.” She bounced her eyebrows. “You’ve been warned.”
She made a U-turn in the cul-de-sac and waved a hand out her window as she and Jackson drove off.
ELEVEN
I woke early the next morning, seagulls squawking on the bay behind the house, the humidity already oppressive.
I’d slept restlessly, images of Zip clouding my mind. I’d tossed and turned for most of the night, not knowing what I should do now that someone knew where I was. It was possible that Zip didn’t even know the details of why I’d left San Diego, but I didn’t know if I could take a chance on sticking around to find out.
I washed my face and threw on a pair of shorts. I wondered if it would ever be different. Would I feel this way wherever I was? Always looking over my shoulder, always nervous about who might be around the next corner? I didn’t know how long I could live like that.
But I wasn’t sure how to change it, either.
The concrete guys showed up a little after seven, just as Ike promised, and I showed them what he wanted done. They seemed to understand and went about their business.
I went back in, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, smashed a granola bar into my mouth, pulled my backpack on and headed for the beach.
The humidity in the garage was nothing compared to the humidity outside. Sweat dripped down my back within thirty seconds of starting my walk to the beach, the air wrapping around me like a hot, moist blanket.
The sand was already dotted with chairs and towels as I unlocked the shed and pulled out the umbrellas. People immediately streamed my way and I was happy to be occupied with planting and opening umbrellas along the shoreline, forcing my mind away from places it didn’t want to be.
By ten, my umbrellas were all out and I had only a handful of chairs left to rent. The water was filled with kelp and most of the beach-goers had planted themselves on the sand, shielded from the sun, hoping the tides would clear out the thick bundles of June grass.
I was stretched out in a chair, burying my feet in the sand when Jackson came jogging up the sand, waving at me, closely followed by Bella.
Male heads turned casually, trying to steal a quick glance at her as she walked, her slim body exposed in a skimpy, light brown bikini. She wore giant black sunglasses and her hair was pulled back away from her face. There was no denying she was attractive.
“Hey!” he yelled. “Hi! It’s me! Jackson!”
I held a hand up and waved at him. “Hey, dude.”
He crashed onto his knees next to me, huffing and puffing, his cheeks bright red. He dropped a plastic basket of beach toys and they spilled out next to him.
Bella strode up the sand behind him, a black nylon backpack slung over her shoulder. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Do you just sit here and bake all day?” she asked, wrinkling her nose.
“Pretty much.”
She shook her head. “You aren’t even under an umbrella.”
“I rented all of them.”
“So do you ever sit under one?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so.”
“Can I stay with you?” Jackson asked, grabbing my leg.
“What?” I asked, looking at him.
She frowned at Jackson and sighed. “Jackson.”
He squeezed my shin. “Can I?”
I looked at Bella. “Do you need me to watch him?”
“No,” she said. “Well, yeah. I mean…ugh.” She shifted her feet in the sand. “I need to run a quick errand and he doesn’t wanna go.”
“I wanna build a castle,” he said, digging his hands deep into the sand. “A super big one.”
“He immediately said he wanted to come stay with you. I told him we’d walk down and see what you were doing,” she said. “But I made him no promises because you’re working.”
Jackson twisted his head up to her and squinted. “He’s just sitting here.”
“Jackson. Hush.”
I smiled. “He can stay with me.”
He raised his fists in the air, sand flying everywhere. “Yes!”
“Are you sure?” Bella asked. “I feel like we’re just showing up here and dumping on you.”
“Well. You are.”
Her face flushed.
“I’m kidding,” I said. “Really. It’s fine. He can stay.”
“Are you positive?”
“Yes. Positive.”
She pursed her lips. “I know he doesn’t wanna go and I honestly have no one else to watch him. But…I mean, we barely even know you.”
I shrugged.
“But he asked to come to you,” she said. “He likes you. You were nice to him.”
Jackson already had his hands buried up to his elbows, moving sand around to begin castle construction. I wondered who hadn’t been nice to him.
“I like him, too,” I said.
“I can give you my cell,” she said. “You can call me if you need to?”
“Nah, it’s fine,” I said. “We’ll be right here.”
“Maybe I should get yours?” she said. “Just in case.”
I cleared my throat. “Actually, I don’t have one.”
“You don’t have a phone?”
I shook my head.
“Wow,” she said. “I didn’t know that was allowed anymore.”
It was an inconvenience not having one. It really was. But I knew that getting one would provide a possible route to finding me.
Besides, I had no one to call.
“Okay,” Bella said
, adjusting her sunglasses and adjusting the backpack on her shoulder. “Thirty minutes. I promise.”
“We’ll be here.”
“Jackson, you listen to Noah, alright?” she said. “He’s the boss.”
“He’s the boss,” Jackson said, studying the mountain of sand in front of him. “Okay.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Really. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I watched her as she walked across the sand, away from the water and toward the dunes and wondered where she was heading.
TWELVE
I couldn’t recall if I’d ever babysat, but if I had, I’d never sat for a kid with half the energy of Jackson.
From the moment Bella left, it was like someone plugged him in and set him on high. I helped him dig a hole about three feet deep. Then we dug a moat around the hole. He grabbed the wall and turret-shaped sand molds he’d brought and we worked together, filling them with sand and placing them around the moat, sculpting a castle.
He was a blur of constant motion, constantly jumping up and running to the other side of the hole to inspect or fix something. Then he’d sprint back and collapse into the sand, deciding on the next piece to build.
He chattered constantly, talking about the castle and the water and dogs and his mom and crackers and just about everything else you might find in an encyclopedia. He laughed randomly at his own words and never once asked where his mother was or when she’d be back.
I envied his carefree attitude and joy at nearly every little thing we did.
After I don’t know how long, we walked down to the water to rinse the sand off of our arms and legs. He splashed me and I splashed him back. He giggled and dropped face first into the waves, popping back up and shaking the water off like a dog.
I laughed and shook my head.
“Are you trying to drown him?”
I turned around and Bella was standing behind us.
“No,” I said. “Just rinsing off.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t blame you,” she said, coming down next to me in the ankle deep water. “I’ve thought about it plenty of times.”
