I felt my heart deflate. “Never the same? What does that mean?”
“We don’t know yet, Semantha.”
“Well, what does Dr. Moffet say to do?”
“He’s put her on some tranquilizers, so she’ll seem sort of out there to you right now. Ignore it. Don’t try too hard to get her to be talkative and energetic.”
“Does Daddy know all this?”
“Of course. He was here, too, and he and I and Dr. Moffet had a conference afterward. Is that my schoolwork?” she asked, nodding at the packet in my hands.
“Oh, yes.”
She took it. “It will amuse me for a while,” she said.
“Should I go up to her now?”
“Why not? There’s no nurse telling you when you can see your mother anymore.”
She walked off toward Daddy’s office. I watched her for a moment and then started up the stairs. I really didn’t understand everything Cassie was saying. How does someone who is psychologically ill get better? Surely not by simply taking tranquilizers. We had to find ways to get Mother to think about other things now. We had to bring joy back into her life somehow. We—
I stopped dead in my tracks and stared.
The door of the refurbished and redecorated nursery, the door that Cassie had made sure would be locked so Mother wouldn’t be reminded often of what she had lost, was slightly ajar. It had been opened. But why? Why? And why had it been left open?
I went on to Mother’s bedroom. She looked as if she hadn’t moved an inch from where she had been when I had visited her in the morning. Her eyes were closed, and she wore an expression of utter sorrow, the sort of expression someone has moments before she begins to cry. I went right to her and took her hand.
“I’m home, Mother,” I said.
Her eyelids fluttered and then opened, but not fully. “Oh, Semantha. Was I asleep?”
“I think so.”
“Is it morning?”
“No, Mother. It’s afternoon. I just returned from school.”
“Yes,” she said. “School. I must have been dreaming, then, dreaming I could hear Asa crying.”
I was still holding her hand, but I froze. How could she dream that? He had never been born. I didn’t know what to say.
“It came from right across the hall, from the nursery, the beautiful new nursery.”
“Like you said, it was just a dream, Mother. Don’t think about it.”
“Yes, don’t think about it,” she repeated. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, it was as though she thought I had just entered. “Oh, Semantha. I just realized what you said. You’re home from school.”
“I’m home, Mother. What can I get you?”
“Nothing. I’m resting. Dr. Moffet says I should rest. How’s your father?”
“He’s at work, Mother. Remember, the new store opening?”
“Yes, at work … the new …”
She closed her eyes again and blew air through her lips. The way she was behaving frightened me. I put her hand down gently and quietly left the room, walking to the stairway with my head down, my tears stuck in my throat. Then I hurried down to Cassie, who was reading from a cookbook in the kitchen.
“Cassie, she’s acting so strange.”
She kept reading as if I hadn’t spoken and then put the cookbook down slowly and turned to me.
“Didn’t I tell you, warn you, that she was on tranquilizers? I told you she would be that way. Don’t you listen when I speak?”
“Yes, but …”
“It has to be this way for a while,” she said, and reached for the cookbook again.
“But … the nursery,” I blurted.
“What about it?”
“The door was open. It was unlocked.”
She sighed and nodded and then sat at the kitchenette table.
“Why?” I pursued. “I thought you wanted to keep it locked so—”
“There was a bad situation earlier,” she began. “Now, don’t get all soapy and stupid on me, Semantha,” she warned, “or I won’t tell you things.”
“I won’t.”
“I heard her screaming and practically flew up those stairs a few hours ago. When I got to her and Daddy’s bedroom, I found her out of bed. She was actually crawling on the floor.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yes. She wouldn’t get back into bed. She believed she heard Asa crying in the nursery. Can you imagine? No matter what I said, she wouldn’t believe me. The only way I could prove to her that it was just a dream was to take her to the nursery and show her there was no baby. It was so disturbing that I must have neglected to relock the door. It was not very pleasant, but once I got her back in bed, she calmed down and fell asleep again. She had a decent lunch, however,” Cassie added. “Now, I’m studying this recipe for clam cakes with lemon sauce. Daddy loves it. I remember Mother made it for him about six months ago but not since. I’ve already made a chocolate angel-food cake for dessert. He loves that, you know.”
“But Cassie, isn’t this … I mean, what you said happened. Isn’t that very serious? How could she think she heard a baby’s cry?”
“No. I’ve read a great deal about it during my spare time. Some women have phantom pregnancies and births, swearing they have a child when there is none, for example. I told you her problems are psychological now.”
“But shouldn’t we call Dr. Moffet?”
“If we call him for every little thing, he’ll think we can’t take care of her, Semantha and he’ll recommend putting her in the mental ward or something. Would you like that?”
“Of course not.”
“Then just relax. I’ve taken care of it, and I can handle it. Go do your homework or gossip on the phone or something. I’ll need you in about an hour to help with dinner. Oh, I think we should work on the living room tonight.”
“Didn’t we just do that?”
“No, we didn’t just do it. I think I know when we should concentrate on one of the rooms in the Heavenstone house and when we need not.” She looked past me and softened her lips. “It’s as if the house speaks to me sometimes.” Then she caught herself and returned to her firm look. “Go on. You’re going to be busy tonight. And you should leave her alone for a while. The more rest she gets, the faster she’ll make something of a recuperation.”
She returned to her cookbook. I went upstairs to my room. I did have homework, and now that I knew I’d have to do housework, I thought I had better get right to the assignments. I wasn’t into them twenty minutes before I received my first phone call from one of the girls, Susie Cohen. She was very excited, because Eddie Morris had asked her to the movies.
“Maybe you can double-date with us. You know, you and Kent,” she said.
“Maybe.”
I had no intention of ever telling any of my newfound best friends anything about Mother and what was happening now. Susie, like the others, was persistent, though.
“Why maybe?”
“My father is preparing the opening of a new store.”
“Yes, I know. It’s big news.”
“I might have to do things with him,” I said, making myself sound important. It worked.
“Oh. Yes, I guess you would. Well, maybe you’ll have some time off to go on a date. Call me as soon as you know.”
Not a half-hour later, Bobbi called to reinforce everything Susie had told me. “Noel and I will be going. We can all have a great time, Semantha. Break out.”
I told her I would try. Just before Cassie called me down to help with dinner, Kent called. It felt like a small conspiracy.
“Are you trying hard?” he asked.
“Yes, but there’s a lot going on here with my father’s new store and all, Kent. I’m not trying to avoid you,” I promised.
“That’s good news,” he said. I knew what his first question would be when I arrived at school the next day.
I joined Cassie in the kitchen and began to set the table.
“Maybe Daddy wil
l want to eat with Mother again,” I suggested.
“No. I’m going to feed her much earlier. He won’t eat well if he has to eat in that bedroom with her half in and half out of it. I won’t allow it,” she added, as if she had truly taken over our home. When I looked at her with surprise, she said, “I’m just trying to do what’s best for all of us.”
I nodded. She projected such strength and authority, it did feel as if I was talking to my mother or father and not my two-years-older sister. I felt I had to get her permission for everything now.
“I want to go to the movies Friday,” I blurted. “You think that will be all right?”
She paused and studied me. “Don’t tell me that Kent Pearson asked you.”
“All my friends are going, Cassie.”
“All your friends? Oh, so now you are one of the gang?”
“You said that would happen. You were right,” I added, hoping that by giving her a compliment, she would be nicer about it.
“I suppose you should get out of here. Right now, this is Casa Depression. We’ll run it by Daddy.”
“Thank you, Cassie.”
“I know what I told you, but I didn’t mean that you should jump right in with them. Be careful. Remember all the things I told you and warned you about, Semantha. You are destined for bigger and better things. You’re a Heavenstone.”
I nodded, even though I didn’t feel that way. I never felt I would have as special a future as Cassie would have. My grades weren’t outstanding. I had no unique talents. When I had been in a school play two years ago, I had had a minor part, so minor, in fact, that I had been ashamed to go out on the stage when I knew Cassie was sitting with my parents in the audience. I hated calling myself just average, but I didn’t know how to change it. Most other students were like me but didn’t seem to care. Maybe that was because they didn’t have as exceptional an older sister or older brother and didn’t come from a family that was as famous and successful as ours. Sometimes, I wished I had been born into an ordinary family in which no one put too much pressure on anyone or expected any of them to be in Who’s Who.
“Finish setting the table,” she said, and I hurried off, thinking I had somehow slipped out of Cassie’s chains of disapproval and control. It cheered me up enough to have an appetite.
When Daddy came home from work this time, I could easily see he wasn’t as happy and was quite worried about Mother. Whatever Dr. Moffet had told him and Cassie weighed on him. It was almost as if he carried pounds and pounds of iron on his shoulders. He looked like someone suffering from a terrible migraine, too. He barely smiled at me and didn’t even ask how my school day had gone. He always asked that. This time, he nodded, mumbled something I didn’t hear, and then went quickly up the stairs to see Mother.
From the look on Cassie’s face, I knew she was even more concerned than I was.
“This is all too much, even for him,” she muttered. “You know, a man of his age is a prime candidate for a heart attack.”
“Why? He’s always been so healthy, Cassie. I can’t remember him being too sick to go to work.”
“This kind of sickness doesn’t show itself, Semantha. It wears at him inside, and he won’t talk about it. Don’t ask him, either, or tell him he looks bad. That would only make things worse. When he tells you he’s worried about Mother, just tell him she’ll be all right. Tell him to give her time. Understand? Especially, don’t break out in tears or even look like you will.”
“I’ll try not to, Cassie.”
“I hate that expression, ‘I’ll try,’” she mimicked. “People use it to anticipate failure and provide an excuse. ‘Well, I tried, didn’t I?’ What good is that if you fail? Imagine a doctor, a surgeon, coming out of the operating room to tell the man’s wife that he tried. The man is dead. That’s all that really matters.”
I didn’t say anything. I supposed she was right. When was she ever wrong?
Later, she brought Mother her dinner. I went up with her. Daddy was still in the bedroom, sitting there looking almost as dazed as Mother. She still seemed dopey to me. How much medicine had she taken? Was it supposed to be this strong?
“Oh, good,” Daddy said brightening when he saw Cassie holding the tray. “Maybe food will give her some energy.”
Cassie set the tray down on a bed table and propped Mother up using her big pillows. She opened her eyes and looked at all of us as if she didn’t know us.
“You have to eat something now, Mother,” Cassie said. “I made you some hot oatmeal and some toast. I put some fruit in the oatmeal and honey, just the way you always make it for us.”
Cassie moved the table over the bed and handed Mother the spoon. She took it and just stared at the oatmeal.
“C’mon, Arianna,” Daddy urged, moving to the bed. “Eat something.”
She looked at him, took a deep breath, and started to eat. Daddy smiled at Cassie. She flashed me a look of satisfaction and pride.
“Why don’t you go change and relax for a little while before dinner, Daddy?” she told him. “I’ll stay with Mother. I made one of your favorite meals tonight. It’s a surprise.”
Daddy shook his head. “You’re a wonder, Cassie.” He watched Mother eat for a few more moments and then nodded. “I’ll step back in before going down to dinner.”
When he turned to leave, he seemed to just then realize I was there, too.
“Hey, Semantha, how was your day?”
“Very good, Daddy. Everything’s fine.”
“Great. Uncle Perry will visit this weekend. I told him it would be all right. Might do her some good, too. She’s very fond of Perry,” he said, and left.
I looked at Cassie. She wasn’t smiling anymore.
She pushed the toast on the tray to remind Mother it was there. Mother ate but didn’t look at us or say anything. Suddenly, she stopped. Her face looked as if it was shattering.
“Look at me,” she said. “Look what’s happened to me.”
“Oh Mother, you’ll get better,” I said quickly. “You’ll get stronger and better very soon.”
“Of course, she will,” Cassie said, looking at her. “She wouldn’t want to live if she would be like this forever.”
Mother looked up at her and nodded.
I knew Cassie was saying that to make Mother eat and try, but the way she said it made me shudder inside. It was as if the two of them had made some hellish bargain, some pact. Cassie smiled at me and winked.
Later, after Mother had eaten and I was carrying the tray out, Cassie walked beside me.
“That’s tough love,” she said. “See? She ate it all. You just don’t stand moaning and crying and making a pool of pity around her bed. You let her know that she can’t wallow in this ‘Oh, woe is me’ attitude too long. Understand?”
“Yes,” I said. I really didn’t, but I knew she wanted to hear that.
“Good. At dinner, we’ll ask Daddy about your Friday night date. I wouldn’t want you to get too serious with that boy, but you need to get out of here for a while and have some normal fun with people your age. It will help you deal with all of this more easily, and that will help me.”
I nodded, happy about that but also feeling as if I, too, had made some sort of hellish bargain.
The Accident
MOTHER MADE ONLY small improvements by Friday. She was up and about but apparently, from what Cassie told us, got tired quickly. Her disposition didn’t seem to improve much, either. It wasn’t that she was wallowing in self-pity so much as she looked lost, confused. Even when she looked at me, I had the creepy feeling she didn’t know who I was. I wanted to say something to Daddy. Perhaps her medicine was too strong. When I suggested that to Cassie, she got very angry.
“That’s all you have to do now is worry him. Did you see him yesterday? He wasn’t even able to eat dinner with all that’s happening. People are calling him constantly. We’re three days away from the gala opening. Besides, she’s only taking what the doctor prescribed.”
&n
bsp; “I’m worried, that’s all,” I said.
“And what am I, some moron?”
“No, but …”
“Go get ready for your hot movie date, Semantha.”
“You really think I should go?”
“You should go, but don’t come home pregnant.”
“What?”
“You heard me, Semantha. Keep your legs crossed, and if I hear you were doing any drinking or any drugs, I’ll turn you in to the police myself.”
“I don’t do that,” I said.
“Like you’ve had so many opportunities to demonstrate your self-control. Remember, you are very vulnerable. Boys can tell. Be alert. Make sure no one slips anything into anything you drink, and if your boyfriend gets too aggressive, get out and call me. I’ll come get you. Okay?”
I didn’t answer.
“Okay?”
“Okay, Cassie, but you make me feel like I’m going into a war and not on a date.”
“Believe me, it’s a war,” she said.
During the day in school, Bobbi, Susie, and I decided to pressure the boys to take us for pizza before the movie. When I told Cassie that I wouldn’t be there for dinner, she did not have the reaction I was anticipating. She actually looked pleased.
“But I can still help set the table and —”
“No. It will be only Daddy and me. Uncle Perry isn’t making his duty call until tomorrow, thank heavens,” she said.
“I don’t think it’s a duty call for him, Cassie. He really likes Mother.”
“I’m not saying he doesn’t or didn’t, but no one would enjoy seeing someone in the condition she is in right now, least of all a dandy like Uncle Perry. He gets hysterical if a pimple breaks out on his face.”
“He doesn’t get pimples anymore.”
“Never mind. Just mind what I tell you,” she said, and walked off.
Despite the things Cassie had said, I could barely contain the excitement of going on a real date now, which meant no adults driving us to and from the mall, because Eddie had a car and a license. He had an SUV that would hold all six of us. I was the last one to be picked up and ran out to the car as soon as I saw them coming up the driveway. Aside from Kent, none of them had been this close to the Heavenstone house. Their awe at the sight of it and our grounds embarrassed me. I had been so happy finally to be thought of as one of them, and with only one look at my home, that “aura of royalty,” as Cassie referred to it, instantly returned.
The Heavenstone Secrets Page 17
