Exhaustion tugged at his eyelids. Keeping up with Paige and their verbal sparring had taken a toll. Being anywhere in her proximity revved him up, and the effort to stay one step ahead of her razor wit took everything he had. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his face with both hands. A few minutes. A short break, and then he’d finish the sketch.
The distant rumble of thunder and a sudden rise in the wind were their only warnings. When they’d set out for the Antelope Hills, the day had been clear and sunny. The storm came out of nowhere, approaching fast, and Ryan’s horse danced with tension beneath him. No big deal. He’d ridden through worse, but Theresa was inexperienced. “Turn around and take the lead. We’re heading home, honey. Keep a tight rein on the mare.”
“All right.” Her brow furrowed with worry, and she tensed up, making the mare even more skittish.
“I’m right here, babe. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Clouds rolled in, and the day took on a greenish cast. The ozone-tinged scent on the wind raised the fine hairs on his neck. The mare neighed and reared, and he caught a glimpse of the panic on Theresa’s face. “Whoa. Let me get in front of you, Theresa.”
Ryan urged his gelding forward to pass her just as lightning split the air, striking a ponderosa pine to the left of the trail. The tree split with a loud crack, followed by thunder loud enough to shake the ground.
Theresa’s horse bolted. “Hold on!” he shouted as he kicked his horse into a gallop.
This was not the kind of trail to take at a run. Too many boulders and exposed roots, too many steep drops into rocky ravines. Keeping Theresa in his sights, he leaned forward and let his gelding eat up the distance between them. He had to catch her. She’d lost the reins and clung to the horse’s mane, bending low over its neck. Another lightning bolt hit the ground somewhere ahead of the mare, and she went into a stiff four-legged stop, her haunches almost hitting the ground. Everything went into slow motion. Theresa lost her hold and somersaulted over the horse’s head. Ryan watched in horror, helpless to do anything but try to get to her as she hit the boulders headfirst and tumbled over the edge. His heart seized. He leaped off his horse and scrambled down the rocky slope after her.
Ryan’s head jerked up. God, he knew where that dream led, and he didn’t want to go there. He reached for the whisky and took a long pull. His eyes burned. He and Theresa had been so happy. They’d just finalized their wedding plans and sent the invitations. They’d been excited about their future together and deeply in love. His throat constricted, and his chest ached. He took another drink and then another.
Theresa hadn’t wanted to go riding that morning. He’d teased and cajoled her into it. “You’re marrying into a ranching family, darlin’. You’re going to have to get used to being in the saddle. My family will expect our help with the spring roundup.” That’s what he’d told her. Why the hell hadn’t he just let her be?
Letter. Pictures. Gun. Bottle.
Ryan took another pull. He didn’t deserve happiness. Hell, he didn’t deserve to live. The ghosts came then. Starting with Jackson and followed by the other four soldiers who had made the ultimate sacrifice that day. Bloody, missing body parts, they circled him with their accusatory stares. Why hadn’t he fired that round into the insurgent’s payload? Why hadn’t he let Theresa off the hook? It was all his fault. He lacked judgment. Hell, he didn’t make decisions. He made mistakes. Mistakes that cost lives.
Eyeing the .357, Ryan took another drink and another. He drank until the hell he was in turned to a fuzzy haze. He drank until the faces of the dead were indiscernible and the bottle was empty. When had this night taken such a nasty turn? He glimpsed the sketch of Sweet Pea lying on the floor. He slipped down the couch onto his side and tucked himself into a fetal position. Grateful for the reprieve, Ryan let J.W. take him away to a place without dreams—to a place without memories.
Paige sat in one of L&L’s second-floor offices with her laptop opened to an employment site and clicked through the postings. She found a few that fit in with her plans and shot off a round of résumés. Her phone began to play her mother’s ringtone. “Crap.” She fished her cell out of her back pocket and considered the merits of letting it ring until her mom gave up and left a message. No. Better come up with something fast. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
“I wondered if you’re free for lunch today. I haven’t seen or heard from you in almost a week.”
“I can’t.” Paige’s stomach flipped. “I’m out of town on business. I’ll call as soon as I get home, and we’ll do lunch and maybe some shopping.”
Noah rounded the corner with a frown on his face, and her heart joined in with the flipping thing her stomach had started. “I gotta go, Mom. I’ll call you later.”
“Paige—”
She hit End Call—Oh my God, I just hung up on my mother!—and faced her brother.
“Out of town on business?” He scowled down at her. “Since when do you lie? Mom and Dad don’t know you’re here, do they?” He widened his stance, crossed his arms in front of him, and did his commander stare.
Man, she hated that.
“What’s going on? What kind of ‘business trip’ is this?”
“I…I just need some time to figure a few things out,” she stammered, closing her laptop so he couldn’t see the employment site.
“Call Mom and Dad. At least let them know you’re here, or I will.”
“No! Don’t call them. You took time off to figure out your life. Why can’t I do the same without getting the first degree?” She lifted her chin. “I’m an adult, not a child.”
“Because we love you, that’s why. We’re family. You can count on family.”
Her throat tightened, and she had to blink back the sting in her eyes. “I know that, but you know how Dad is. I don’t measure up.”
“That’s not true. He—”
“He thinks I’m fluff with my own designer pair of rose-tinted glasses.” She blew out an exasperated breath. “I heard him tell you, so you can’t act like it’s not true.”
“Paige—”
“Did Ryan ever show up? I’ve chosen a few magazines.” She rose from her chair. “We need to get started on those ads.”
“What’s going on? What happened with that guy who ‘dented’ your heart?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. If you don’t want me here, just say so, and I’ll leave.” The tears started in earnest now. She swiped at her cheeks, hating her own lack of control when it came to anything emotional. Fluff. Noah wrapped her up in his arms, and she was five years old again, being comforted by her adored big brother. Her hero.
“All right. No more inquisition. You can stay here forever, as far as I’m concerned. You know that, right?”
She nodded against his shoulder and sniffed. “That’s good to know.”
“I think you’re brilliant. So do Mom and Dad.”
If you only knew…“Promise me you won’t call them.” She backed out of the hug and wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“On one condition.” Noah ran his hand over the back of his skull. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“I will…eventually. Not now.”
“You’re not pregnant, are you?”
Now that really did bring her back from the brink. She choked out a laugh, grabbed her laptop, and passed him, heading for the hallway. “Let’s get to work.”
“Paige…You’re not pregnant, are you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s nothing like that. Let it go for now.” They rode the freight elevator down to the first floor in silence. She could almost hear the hamster wheel squeak away in her brother’s head as he tried to work it all out. Once she got over the shame and had a few interviews lined up, then she’d tell him the whole mortifying story of how she’d been played like a second grader’s recorder.
Ted glanced at them over his shoulder as they left the lift. “You do realize Ryan hasn’t made it in to work on time since the day you two stopped carpooling, right?”
True. Her first day had been Monday, and it was Thursday already. Ryan had come in late three days in a row, looking haggard. He hadn’t had time to talk about the ads she wanted to do, and he’d worked late to make up for the missed time. Something ate at the guy, and it broke her heart to see him looking so troubled.
“I know.” Noah sat on the stool in front of his workspace and started tracing a pattern onto a piece of wood. “I’ll talk to him.”
Ted shook his head and turned her way. “You interested in seeing a movie or something tomorrow night?”
“I can’t. I promised Ceejay I’d babysit so she and my brother can have a date night,” she replied. “That reminds me, Noah, I won’t be in tomorrow. I also promised I’d watch Toby so Ceejay can run errands and get her hair done without dragging the little guy with her.”
“Not a problem. Thanks for helping out.” Noah smiled at her, then turned back to his task.
“How about I pick up a couple of pizzas and bring a few movies over?” Ted came to stand beside her. “One for the kids and one we can watch after they go to bed.”
“That would be wonderful.” She grinned. “Does Toby eat pizza yet?”
“Heck, yeah. He’ll eat anything but peas.” Noah grunted in amusement. “He hates peas.”
“So do you, as I recall. Like father, like son.” She laughed, relieved that the mood had lightened. Ryan walked through the door then, and all her attention shifted. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in…three days.
He glared back at the three faces turned to him. Paige’s heart skipped a beat. Clearly the demons tormenting him were winning. She wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him tight until the light came back into his eyes.
“Let’s go upstairs for a minute.” Noah headed for the elevator and hit the up button.
“Sure.” Ryan jammed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and followed.
Paige watched them go. Her brother was a stickler for self-discipline and punctuality. Ryan was about to get an ear beating. She sighed. There was nothing she could do about it.
Turning to the small space she’d made for herself next to Ryan’s workstation, she picked up the magazines she’d purchased at the grocery store. Evansville Living and Evansville City View were the perfect publications to test their ad campaign. Hopefully, the ads would bring customers to their showroom. If they discounted the samples, they’d make a sweet little profit. She opened her laptop, closed the employment search, and brought up the copy she’d been working on for their campaign. A list of possible hashtags she’d created came up.
What was Noah saying to Ryan right now? She couldn’t imagine what kind of hell kept the cowboy up at night. Half an hour later, the two men exited the elevator. Both wore solemn expressions, and neither was talking. Ryan took his place without a word and booted up his computer.
“Are you all right?” she whispered.
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes. “Define all right.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I just did. What do you think we were doing upstairs?” he snapped as he brought up a photo of one of their upstairs bedrooms decked out like a nursery. “Let’s get to work. You got some idea what kind of typeface you want to use?”
“Jerk.”
“I’m not familiar with that particular typeface.” He raised an eyebrow. “Are you name-calling again, Spoiled Little Rich Girl?”
“I might be, Hick in a Stetson.” She raised an eyebrow and made a show of looking over the shag carpeting he wore on his face. “Or should I say Sasquatch in a Cowboy Hat?” His attempt to squelch the grin that fought to break free fascinated her. Her heart warmed. “Make that Yeti in a Stetson.”
“You know what this is, don’t you, darlin’?”
Ryan turned those gorgeous eyes her way like they were lethal weapons aimed straight for her heart. She almost slipped right off her stool. “No. Why don’t you tell me what this is?”
“Foreplay.”
She gasped and fought the urge to pick up one of the magazines to fan her face. “Let’s start with Book Antiqua and see how it looks.” She swiveled her laptop his way. “I’ve come up with a list of possible log lines. Take a look while I go get a soda. Do you want anything?”
“Make that Chickenshit Spoiled Little Rich Girl.”
“You wish, Malloy. Be afraid. Be very afraid.” She adjusted her posture and strode away, purposefully swaying her hips a little more. Gratified, she took in the sound of his chuckle. The first she’d heard. She wanted more.
Paige snatched a piece of the red pepper she was chopping for their salad and popped it into her mouth. “I love how you two remodeled this kitchen, Ceejay.”
Her sister-in-law glanced around her with an expression of satisfaction, her gaze settling on Toby, who banged his sippy cup on the tray of his high chair. “Thanks. I love it too.” She went back to chopping onions. “Are you going to tell me what’s up? It’s driving Noah crazy.”
“I know.” She shrugged while her heart raced. Fired. Sleeping with the worm who sabotaged me. Not really something she wanted to admit. “I just…I’m not ready.”
“I love having you here.” Ceejay moved closer and bumped her with a shoulder. “You know that, right? You can stay as long as you need to.”
“Thanks. I love being here.” Paige nudged back. “You have no idea how great it is to see Noah so happy, and…” Tears stung her eyes. Sheesh, her emotional pendulum was swinging out of control these days. Losing her job had yanked the rug of self-confidence right out from under her. She’d lost the steam propelling her toward her ultimate goal, and that loss had left her shaky inside. “I love Lucinda and Toby so much. You and Noah are such great parents.”
“We try.” Ceejay glanced at her. “Do you want a family?”
“I do. I really do.” Where had that come from? When had she come to such a momentous decision? She wanted to take over the family empire. “Someday.” She peered out the new patio doors Noah had put in where the kitchen’s back door used to be. Her brother stood by the grill with an iced tea in his hand. “I think the grill is almost ready. We’d better make those burger patties.”
“I’ll make them. I want you to go to the carriage house and tell Ryan he’s joining us for dinner.”
Paige frowned. “Can’t you just call him on his cell?”
“He doesn’t have one—or a landline either.”
“What?” She shook her head. “No phone at all? I can’t even imagine.”
“I know, huh? Noah says it’s another way for Ryan to isolate.”
“Sad.” The image of Ryan’s rare smile flashed into her mind, along with the way she’d managed to coax that smile out of him. Her heart ached. She wanted to pull him from the isolation he worked so hard to create for himself. It was almost as if he didn’t believe he deserved to be happy.
Ceejay sighed. “Yeah, it is. Go get him, and don’t take no for an answer. Jenny and Harlen will be here in about fifteen minutes, and the Offermeyers are staying too, since they’re bringing Lucinda home. Tell Ryan if he doesn’t come up to the big house for dinner, we’re going to have our gathering in his living room.”
“All right. I’ll do my best.” Paige rinsed her hands, dried them on a kitchen towel, and took off her apron, draping it over a kitchen chair. “Wish me luck.”
Ceejay gave her a thumbs-up, and Paige slid the patio door open. Sweet Pea sat by the grill, a hopeful expression on his big wrinkled face. She patted him on the head and grinned at her brother. “Ceejay sent me to fetch Ryan.”
“If he gives you any trouble, tell him I’ll come drag him out by the hair of his chinny-chin-chin.”
“Read to the kids much?” She crossed the backyard and around the corner to the carriage house door. She knocked and stepped back. Nothing. She rapped louder. “Ryan, answer the door.”
“What?” The door swung open. He glared down at her.
He w
ore nothing but a pair of cutoff sweatpants, and her eyes were immediately drawn to his bare chest. Not an ounce of fat on the guy, and the sparse, golden chest hair led her on a path straight down to the scar visible above the elastic waistband on his right hip. She stuffed her hands into her back pockets to keep from reaching out to trace that scar to wherever it might lead. “I’m supposed to bring you to the big house for grilled burgers.”
“Not interested.” He started to shut the door.
She jammed the door open with her foot. “Come anyway.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
He huffed out a breath. “It’s a one-syllable word, darlin’. Not too hard to understand if you try real hard. No.”
She could smell alcohol on his breath from where she stood. Not good. “This too has only one syllable. Yes.” She glared back. “I’m to inform you that if you don’t come to dinner, Ceejay is bringing the whole clan into your living room to eat here.” She raised an eyebrow. “If that doesn’t sway you, Noah says if you give me any trouble, he’s going to come down here and drag you out by your beard.”
He threw his head back and let out a growling sound. “What is it with you people? I just want to be left alone.”
“No, you don’t. Not really.”
“What do you know about it?” His head snapped down. His brow furrowed, and his expression turned inward. “What do you know about anything?”
“It doesn’t matter what you think I know or don’t know. You’re going to go put on a shirt and a real pair of pants, and then you’re coming to share a meal with us.” She flashed him her best haughty look. “And tomorrow you’re going to get yourself a cell phone.”
She could see she’d gotten to him. He fought hard, but the flicker of a smile broke free.
“Is that so, little girl?”
“It is. I’m going to help you pick it out.” She gestured toward the interior of his apartment. “Go. Get dressed. I’ll be right here waiting.” She took her foot away from the door, expecting him to close it. Jenny was right. Ryan Malloy was in a world of pain. Isolating. Drinking alone. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Some instinct she didn’t even know she had kicked in. She knew if Ryan didn’t turn a corner soon, he’d be lost for good.
The Difference a Day Makes (Perfect, Indiana: Book Two) Page 5
