As he lay there with Ellie in his arms, his bare skin pressed against hers, he allowed himself to think of all the things he’d banished to the deepest recesses of his heart long ago—things like being a part of a family, holding his own child, committing to be with them no matter what happened in their future. Family was forever.
The day his mother had left, he’d vowed to never be vulnerable to love again. And yet the woman in his arms made him wonder if he could take that chance, no matter the consequences.
Ellie came awake with someone tracing slow, scorching circles around her breasts. She opened her eyes and looked up into Connor’s bright-green gaze.
“Morning, sunshine.”
Her heart pounded not only at his touch but at the warmth in his voice. He dipped his head and kissed the side of her neck below her ear. He nibbled her neck, her chin, until his lips found hers.
When he drew back for a breath, she asked, “Should we be doing this now?”
“It’s Saturday morning. There’ll be no workers today.” He pushed his thigh between her legs, opening her.
Her cheeks flushed. Sex in the morning was something new for her. “My Birthday Project is today.”
He smiled down at her as he drove his sheathed erection inside her moist folds. “What time?”
Passion flared, then burned. “One o’clock.” She barely managed the words.
He drove inside her. “We’ve got all morning to play.”
She wrapped her legs around his and savored each long stroke. “Is that what you’re doing with me? Playing?”
She sensed him shudder. “You know what they say about work and play. Unless you’d rather get back to work . . .”
“No,” she breathed as he filled her body and her senses with delight and mind-melting pleasure. “Play is just fine.” She tightened around him, seeking to hold, to caress, to heighten his pleasure and her own.
He dragged in a huge, broken breath. And release swept him, then her. A cascade of pleasure broke over her, bright and sharp, and spread through her in a flood of sensation more intense than it had last night.
He stared down at her before he captured her lips for another scorching kiss. His tongue taunted and teased in a possessive way that left her breathless and wanting more.
When he pulled back, he asked, “What is it about you that I can’t resist?”
Her heart skipped a beat. “Last night I would say it was my skintight costume.”
“I’d say it’s a lot more than your leather pants.” Laughing, he kissed her nose, then got out of bed. She feasted on the sight of his bare backside as he made his way to the shower. “I’ll warm the water. Come join me.”
She remained in bed, reveling in the scent of him that clung to her skin for a few moments more. It made her feel as if she belonged to him, even though she knew she never would. Not in the way she wanted. Their agreement would allow for nothing more. And yet, in the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would take to make him change his mind.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The last Saturday of every month, Ellie put her event-planning skills into action for Seattle’s homeless community. Her Birthday Project brought children, their families, and anyone else who wanted to celebrate a child’s birthday to Freeway Park. The park was a green oasis in the heart of the city. She’d chosen the location for accessibility to the many homeless shelters and camps in the city.
The afternoon sky was a mix of sunshine and clouds. Filtered sunlight limned the fall leaves still hanging from the trees in hues of brilliant red and gold. The park’s many water features added a soothing cadence to the hum of I-5 traffic as it flowed below the park through the city.
Connor had come to help her carry all her party supplies from the truck they’d rented. As if thoughts of him had conjured him up, he came around a concrete pillar, carrying several bags. Ellie’s heart swelled at the sight. If she’d thought him sexy last night clad in black, then he was heartbreakingly handsome today dressed in jeans and a green flannel shirt that brought out the color of his eyes.
“Where do you want these gifts?” he asked, looking slightly unsure of himself.
“I’ll take them,” she said, stepping forward to receive the bags. His hands brushed against hers. A shiver of awareness rippled through her before he turned and left, ready to bring back another load of goods.
Ellie made her way over to the party area. Between forty and fifty people joined her each month, including eight to ten kids whose birthdays had passed without much fanfare or notice. Today she would change all that for those born in October with gifts, cake, games, and gift cards for the families who needed extra help.
Thanks to Connor and the $500 he’d given her on the night they married, this celebration would be extra special.
“Where do you want the cake?” he asked, carrying the big sheet cake they’d picked up an hour ago from the Macrina Bakery at the Belltown Café. The bakery had donated the cake, as well as paper plates and utensils.
“Put it on the table under the rental tent,” Ellie directed.
“This cake is huge,” he said, watching her as he had all morning with warmth in his gaze, his mouth poised on the brink of a smile.
“All of it will be gone by the time this event is over.”
He looked around at the empty park. “When will they arrive?”
“Give it ten minutes,” she said, checking her watch, noting the time: 12:45 p.m. “There’ll be a park full of people. In the meantime, can you help me hang this poster with the names of the birthday children on it?”
“No problem,” Connor replied, taking the duct tape she offered and following her to the concrete wall nearest the cake. In no time at all, the decorations were ready.
It warmed her heart every month to see so many local businesses come together to help. Local restaurants donated fruit, coffee for the adults, and milk for the kids. Stores donated either gifts of clothing for the kids or money that would be used to purchase the things they needed.
Each birthday child would receive a new coat and a new pair of shoes. The younger kids would receive a toy, while the older ones would get a refurbished iPod Touch with a gift card, to help them feel they fit in with their peers who had cell phones and all kinds of other electronics that the homeless families lived without.
Ellie had used Connor’s donation for the iPods this month, as well as the bags they’d made up earlier containing tangerines, granola bars, and packets of air-activated hand warmers.
“Why do you do this?” Connor asked as he set the last of the bags out on a rented table. “Is there something in your past I don’t know about?”
She laughed. “I was never homeless, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Then why? It obviously takes a lot of your time and effort to get all these donations from the community.”
Her laughter faded. “Kids like Kevin deserve to feel special. I still remember the look on his face as he sang to himself in that alley near Pike Place Market. It didn’t take much to make his face shine with happiness. Every kid deserves that—one day a year when they’re the star. Even for homeless kids, such a moment helps their self-esteem and gives them hope for a better future.”
“None of it is permanent. They’ll grow out of the clothes, and they might lose their gifts or have them stolen in the shelters.”
“No one can take away their memories. Those will be theirs forever,” Ellie said, her voice breaking with emotion. “The people who come today are hanging on to each other. Despite losing everything, they still have the one thing that matters—a family. That’s all those individual families have at night when they break up to go to different shelters.”
Something close to pain flashed in his eyes before it was gone. Ellie considered that unspoken emotion for a moment. “Did your family celebrate your birthday?”
“My mom left us on my birthday. Every year after that, it was too painful to celebrate.”
Unable to f
ight her own emotions anymore, tears came to her eyes. “Do you know why she left?”
He looked at her then. “You mean, did she leave a note? No. I always assumed it was because she no longer loved us.”
A deep-rooted sadness reflected in his eyes. She studied him, trying to imagine what he would have been like as a boy. Then her thoughts strayed, and she thought about what he’d be like as a father to his own child.
Her heart fluttered. “Connor, I—”
Her words were interrupted by the sound of happy voices and running feet. Exactly as she’d predicted, the central area of the park filled with children and their families and friends, as well as those who wanted either company or something to eat.
She was about to start the party when she turned to Connor. That haunted look had returned to his eyes. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
He plunged a hand through his blond hair while she waited. He remained silent, simply studying her with an unsettling intensity.
“Connor?”
The moment spilled out, lengthening in an odd way that made her heart speed up. He reached out and grazed her cheek with his knuckles. “It’s nothing that can’t wait,” he finally said, breaking the tension.
She felt suddenly as though they’d missed out on something special—a moment that might never come again. Ellie’s eyes teared up once more, but she forced her emotions back. She needed to focus on the party, not the man who distracted her at every turn.
Jordan had stopped by to help. Grateful for another pair of hands, Ellie put her to work cutting and passing out the cake after they sang a birthday song to all eight of the children who’d had birthdays that month.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. She’d received so many thank-yous from the adults and hugs from the kids that she’d lost count. Their happy faces made all her efforts worthwhile, and explained why she would use much of the money Viola had given her for her work at Grayson House to continue these parties into next year.
It was comforting to know she didn’t need to worry about the Birthday Project anymore when there were so many other things to worry about—like the way Jordan’s gaze narrowed on her. Ellie knew that look. It was the one Jordan got when she’d figured something out.
Ellie didn’t have to remain in suspense for long as Jordan finished cleaning up the cake mess before coming to join her. She pitched in, helping separate the garbage from the recycling. Once that task was complete, they’d leave them in a designated place for the city to haul away.
“What’s up between the two of you?” Jordan asked.
Ellie glanced back to where Connor was disassembling the rental tent before returning her gaze to her friend. “What are you talking about?”
Jordan crossed her arms. “You’re upset about something.”
A chill went over Ellie as she wondered if she could hide anything from Jordan. She and Olivia had always laughed about Jordan’s perception. They’d called it a superpower that must have come down along with her Irish heritage. Now that this perception was turned on Ellie, it wasn’t so funny. “Oh, that?” she tried to brush her off. “That was just me getting emotional over the kids.”
“No, it’s more than that.”
Ellie concentrated on tying the trash bags. “You’re imagining things.”
“To me it looked like you were mourning for something you should have but don’t.” Jordan waited until Ellie looked up. “Why would a newly married woman gaze at her very own husband that way unless there’s something wrong in the marriage?”
“I’m fine,” Ellie whispered. “We’re fine.” It was happening already. They were sowing the seeds of their eventual breakup. She should have been happy, because she wanted to confide in her friend. But that couldn’t happen. They had to maintain the illusion of a happy marriage for another four weeks. “Please trust me on this.”
“Okay,” Jordan groused. “But if that weepy look continues next time I see you, I’m going to dig deeper—understood?”
Ellie nodded, grateful that Jordan’s interference was through for today.
Connor returned a few minutes later after packing the equipment back in the rental truck.
“Thanks for all your help,” she told him.
“It was inspiring to see you in action.” He lifted his hand and ran his finger down her jawline.
She knew he wanted to kiss her, and she was amazed at how much she wanted to kiss him. The air between them all but crackled with mutual desire and need.
Yet he continued to stare at her with dark, hungry eyes. Maybe he hesitated because of Jordan’s nearness. Or was it something more?
When she was sure he would kiss her the way a husband kisses his wife, he disappointed her by pulling away. “I’ll return the rental truck and supplies. After that I have an errand to run. I’ll be home later.”
She nodded and, with her heart pounding, watched him go.
Beside her, Jordan groaned. “There’s that look again. Come on, Ellie. What’s going on? He wanted to kiss you. That much was obvious to a stranger, yet he didn’t. You wanted to kiss him, and yet you remained still. That’s not normal behavior between two married people. So start talking.”
“We aren’t two normal married people.”
Jordan frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
It was time to tell someone the truth. “I want to tell you something, but you have to promise this will stay between us. You can’t even tell Olivia.”
Jordan crossed her heart with her finger. “I promise.”
“Connor and I ended up married by mistake, and we’re staying together only until his grandmother improves enough to handle the news that we’re getting a divorce.”
Jordan shook her head. “You might have married by mistake, but that is definitely heat I saw passing between the two of you.”
“That’s just it. Connor and I have an agreement. Sex only. No commitments. Once we finish transforming Grayson House back to her original glory for the Holiday Street of Dreams, we’re done.”
“But you’re not really done, are you?” Jordan laughed. “You talk about Grayson House like it’s a labor of love, not a business project. And as for Connor . . . there’s a lot more going on between you two than just sex, whether either of you wants to admit it or not.”
Ellie frowned. “How do you know what I want?”
Jordan gave her a sad smile. “Because I’ve known you for thirteen years, and from what I see, you’re not just fixing up a house with Connor—you’re making a home.”
Ellie shook her head, denying the truth. “I’m making the house livable and sprucing it up so it’ll be the best old Victorian in the holiday show.”
“Delusions of Ellie.”
“What?” Ellie gave a nervous laugh.
Jordan crossed her arms over her chest. An all-knowing smile tugged at her lips. “You’re falling in love with him.”
Ellie stood in silence as the words echoed inside her. “What do you know about love?”
Jordan bristled. “I know it when I stare it straight in the eye. You love Connor.”
Ellie drew in a breath. “No, you’re wrong,” she said, even though she knew the words were a lie. “I like him a lot. I’m obviously crazy enough to play along with his let’s-be-married-for-Viola scheme.”
“It’s more than that,” Jordan said in a determined tone.
“I used to love him.”
Jordan rolled her eyes. “You still do.”
The truth washed over her in a cold, cleansing sweep. “Oh heavens. You’re right. I still love him. I think I always have.” Finally admitting her feelings was not a joyous thing like she’d always imagined. There was a twist of pain. Connor had made his feelings clear from the beginning. There was no room in his life for her. He’d told her before that he was married to his job.
“Have you told Connor that you love him?” Jordan asked, pulling her back to the moment.
“No,” she said with a soft sigh of regret. “A
nd I’m not sure I should. There is no commitment between us except the house, and in four weeks even that will be over.”
“Four weeks?” Jordan asked. “That’s plenty of time.”
“For what?”
“To make him fall in love with you.” Jordan fixed Ellie with a look that dared her to argue.
It was Ellie’s turn to roll her eyes. “You can’t just make someone fall in love with you.”
Jordan frowned. “That man is already halfway there. He just needs a little push. Do you want to do the pushing, or should I?”
Ellie gasped. “There will be no pushing from anyone. Understand? If that’s what’s supposed to happen between us, then it will happen.”
“You believe in destiny now?” Jordan snorted.
“Hey.” Ellie bristled with indignation. “There’s no need to get testy.”
“You and Connor will both be so much happier if you’d accept your true feelings and not try so hard to fight them.”
“This coming from a healer who tries not to get emotionally attached to her patients,” Ellie grumbled. “Aren’t you fighting your true nature, too?”
Jordan smiled. “Perhaps you’re right. You and I would both be happier if we stopped trying to hide what we truly are.”
Ellie returned her friend’s smile. “Now that is something about which we can both agree.”
Connor cursed himself for a fool with every step he took away from the downtown park and Ellie. He should have kissed her.
No, he’d done the right thing. Kissing her would have been a mistake, because with her, one kiss was never enough. He could feel himself growing closer to Ellie every day they spent together. Since they’d come back to Seattle, his thoughts had been shifting away from his job at the lab to the woman he wanted in his bed. And his work was suffering. He had to do something to help shift his focus back to his car.
Even as he walked away from the park, he couldn’t resist looking back. Ellie stared after him with concern in her bright-brown eyes. His stomach tightened; then he turned a corner, and she disappeared from view. Immediately he felt the loss.
Connor walked faster. He and Ellie had been married only a week, and yet in one week’s time, she’d turned his whole life upside down. He hated needing her so much. Hated the way she made him want to be a better man.
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