by Mia Malone
“I was scared,” I said, felt my throat clog up and started crying silently. “They said they'd kill me, but there wasn’t any connection for their phones up on the mountain. One of them was driving down to see someone, and it would take two hours, they said. When he got back, they'd drive further away from home, and kill me.” His arms tightened around me, but the words kept pouring out of me. “Martin was furious, but they left him behind, so I made him uncuff me.”
“He must have known you’d try to get away,” Paddy murmured.
“I told him I needed to poop.”
“What?”
“Said I needed to use the bathroom, asked if he’d wipe me because I wasn’t going to pee.”
His chest moved a little with silent laughter.
“Quick thinking.”
“Desperate.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, and his chest stopped moving.
“Then I whacked him on the head with a skillet and ran. I didn't think they'd outrun me, but it was scary, Pad. It was dark, and I couldn't go very fast when I got into the forest. It was a lot denser than I thought it would be and there was this huffing sound. That's when I texted you…”
I thought he’d say something about loving me, but he locked on to what I’d heard.
“Huffing sound?”
“I didn’t think it was a wolf. Moose maybe?”
I tried to imitate the short throaty huffs.
“What did you do?”
He sounded hoarse suddenly. I told him how I’d shouted and run away.
“Oh, God.”
“What?”
“That sound you heard? It would be either deer or bear.”
Oh.
He burrowed his face in my neck and murmured against my throat, “In a dense forest, baby-girl… it probably wouldn’t be deer.”
Oh.
I started giggling.
“Jenny?”
“Well I’m safe now, and you have to admit it’s a pretty cool thing to have done.”
“I can’t believe how calm you are about the whole thing.”
I didn't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a fool, but I was calm. I'd been frightened, but in the middle of it all, he'd told me he loved me, and that had made me want to keep fighting. Because of his words, I’d kept pushing and had made it out of that forest.
“I made it back to safety,” I mumbled. “Made it back to you.”
“Oh, honey,” he said. “Swear to God, you’ll always be safe. I won’t ever –”
“No,” I cut him off. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. It isn’t your responsibility to keep me safe.” He started speaking again, but I squeezed him. “No,” I repeated. “Please don’t take this on, Paddy. Don’t let this change our lives into something neither of us wants. I’m safe now, and if something like this happens again, I’ll be safe then too.”
He was silent for a few seconds but then he sighed.
“God, you’re strong.”
I laughed then and snuggled into his side.
“Not really,” I murmured. “I do what has to be done, and I deal with whatever shit life throws at me. I’d say I’m more stubborn than strong.”
“Well, you are stubborn,” he agreed.
We lay in silence, and slowly I drifted off to sleep. I didn’t know that Paddy stayed awake most of the night, or that he went up twice to check the doors and windows.
I also didn’t hear him on the phone, so I didn’t know about the fire down by the border to the Wolves MC’s territory, or how a group of hard-faced men stood in the shadows around the Muerta compound, watching while Federal agents arrested the men who hadn’t been quick enough to get away. And the next day when my brother said he’d burned his hand on Gibson’s grill, I didn’t know he lied.
Chapter Fifteen
Padraig
Paddy packed another picnic basket and texted Jenny. This time she answered immediately, saying that he could pick her up at Gibson and Lee's place whenever he was ready. He'd dragged himself out of bed with her that morning and walked her to the diner, saying he wanted to get an early start in the office. She saw right through him, mostly because he didn't try to hide that he wasn't comfortable with her being alone anywhere. She did in no way hide the fact that this annoyed her, so he'd have to get over it, and he would. Probably.
Since he’d been in his office at an ungodly hour, he figured he could ignore the remaining paperwork on his desk, so he asked Eddie to lock up and left the office early to go and pick up Jenny.
Mac turned off the road down to Gibson’s house right behind him. A rental car stood just outside the door, and Paddy knew it was Beth and her friend's car. They were on some kind of road trip and had stopped by on their way to the west coast. He nodded at Mac and Day as they got out of Mac’s car, but turned toward the door when it was opened, and a brunette walked out. She looked tired, and a little sad, but she smiled at them. Paddy guessed this was Beth Johnson.
“Hello,” she said in a soft voice.
“You’re Elizabeth Johnson,” Mac blurted out.
There was a stunned silence during which Beth’s face went hard.
“Yes. I am,” she snapped. “Do I have the word widow carved into my forehead?”
Then she spun around, marched over to the car, got in and slammed the door.
“What the hell?” Mac murmured.
Another woman walked out, and Paddy blinked. She was tall, curvy and absolutely stunning. Her red hair fell over her shoulders in soft waves, and he couldn't help thinking that she looked exactly like the pin-ups his grandfather had had pictures of in the small workshop where he’d started Callaghan construction when Paddy was a little boy.
The woman glanced at the men and froze.
“Well, hello there darlin’,” Day said smoothly and smiled as he moved toward her. “Where have you been all my life?”
She turned toward him and took a step forward.
Then she raised a fist and punched Day straight in the face. He stumbled backward a few steps, so it had apparently not been a soft, girly punch.
“What the fuck?” Day growled.
“Asshole,” the woman hissed.
Then she marched over to the rental, got into the passenger seat and slammed her own door with the same force Beth had used on her side just seconds earlier. The car sped out of there, and as they turned right from Gibson’s driveway, the red-head stretched a hand out the window and flipped them the bird.
“What the hell did you do?” Lee asked.
“Nothing,” Mac said. “I asked if she was Elizabeth Johnson and she snapped at me.”
“Maybe it’s not so fun to be known as the pitiful widow,” Jenny murmured.
“Of all people, do you not think I’m the one who would know that?” Mac barked. “She’s a lawyer in Chicago. I've read some of the articles she's written, but I didn't make the connection to Lee’s friend Bethie. Recognized her when she walked out and was about to tell her I admire her work when she snapped at me and walked off.”
Paddy started laughing.
“And what did you do?” Lee asked, glaring at Day.
“I have no bloody clue.”
“You flirted with her.”
“Of course, I did,” Day said. “She was gorgeous.”
“Have you met her before?” Paddy asked, although he suspected he knew the answer.
“I think I would have remembered.”
“You think?” Lee asked sarcastically. “Jesus, you guys and your dicks.”
She turned and walked back inside.
“Day,” Gibson rumbled. “Try to remember if you’ve fucked her.”
“I haven’t.”
“You sure?”
“Mostly.”
Mac moved toward his car and shouted at Day that if he wanted a ride home, he should get his ass in the car or else he'd have to walk. Since Day lived outside of town, he got his ass in the passenger seat quickly.
“He totally fucked her,”
Paddy said when the car had disappeared.
“Of course,” Gib agreed.
“Let’s go,” Paddy said to Jenny. “Gibson probably wants some time alone with Lee to make excuses for his idiot friends.”
“Fuck you,” Gibson said, but he did it grinning.
***
The look on Jenny’s face when they walked into the clearing worried Paddy. She’d been happy when he suggested a picnic, but her smile had faded when he stopped the car, and now she was frowning.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
She shook her head and looked at him in silence as he spread out a blanket.
“Sit with me for a while?”
“Okay.” She sat down and looked out at the lake. “Haven’t been here in years. I’d forgotten how pretty it is out here.”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
He hadn’t been there in a long time either. The path following the lake away from the campground was where every boy growing up in Wilhelmine took their girls, to sit and hold hands, or kiss. Or more. He’d done all of it as a teenager and had wanted to have that memory with Jenny.
“You okay?” he asked quietly, wondering if it had been a stupid idea to take her there.
“Of course,” she said, smiling in a way he didn’t like.
“I…” Shit. He sounded weird and felt even weirder all of a sudden. “We’ve been, uh, seeing each other for a few weeks now, Jenny. And I want you to know I’ve loved every second of those weeks.”
He got a sinking feeling in his stomach when she turned her face away from him, swallowed and watched the water again.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s something, Jenny.”
She brushed her hand over the cheek turned away from him. Was she crying?
“God, I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought we’d have a little more time, that’s all.” She sighed and straightened her back. “I’ll be fine, Paddy. It’ll be okay.”
He blinked. Then it hit him.
“You think I’m breaking up with you?”
“It’s okay, Pad –”
“What the hell?”
Her head whipped around, and she stared at him.
“Are you angry?”
“Hell, yes, I’m angry,” he barked. “Have I for one second given you reason to think that you are anything but special to me? I told you I love you for fuck’s sake. And when did I ever treat you like the man-whore you still think I am?”
“Pad –”
“Shut up, Jenny.”
She closed the mouth again, and he fought to rein in his temper.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again.
“You should be,” he growled. “If I didn’t love you so much, I’d just give up and walk back to the car. I don’t deserve that title, and that was the last fucking time I’ll let you throw my past in my face.”
He glared at her, but then the tears in her eyes spilled over and ran silently down her cheeks. All anger drained out of him immediately, and he felt like an idiot.
“Ah, Jenny, don't cry,” he murmured. “I didn't mean to… I didn't –” He swallowed and re-started. “Can you please be quiet and just listen for a little while?”
She opened her mouth but closed it again and nodded. Paddy watched her a few seconds, trying to gather his thoughts, so he'd say what needed to be said in a way that got through to her.
“I love you.” He raised a hand when she started speaking. “There’s more.”
She mouthed a silent, “Okay,” and he smiled because the happiness seeping into his every cell was also beginning to show right there in her eyes.
Suddenly it wasn’t so scary to lay himself open to her, so he did.
“I always loved you, Jenny. Like a child at first, but then as a stupid, cocky young man. I wanted you, and thought we had all the time in the world. Wasn’t ready to settle. Wanted to give you some time. And when it all went to hell, I made myself step back. Marybeth played her stupid games and you got married, so I told myself that being friends was good too.” He smiled softly and reached out to caress her cheek softly. “And it was, Jenny. We always had that, at least. After Marybeth, I needed time. And then I got stuck. Time passed by so fast and I didn’t do what I should have done. I should have asked you out then, and I didn’t.” She had tears in her eyes again, but this time, she didn't look away. “I might have been a little bit scared, baby-girl,” he admitted.
“Pad –”
“And, yeah. I always called the women I dated baby.” She made a sound, but he wanted to get it all out, so he kept talking. “And you were right. It was so I wouldn’t say the wrong name in the heat of the moment, but you were also wrong. Because the name I was so damned afraid I’d blurt out was yours.”
“Oh, Paddy,” she said and looked down on her lap.
“I love you, Jenny. Always did. Always will.” When she didn’t say anything, he smiled a little, and added, “So, no, baby-girl. I’m not breaking up with you.”
“Can I say something?” she asked quietly. He nodded, and she did too. “If you’d asked me out directly after Martin left, I would have said no. You needed time, but I needed it even more.” He wanted to protest, but she raised her head again and smiled a sad smile. “I married Martin because I thought I’d lost you.”
“What?”
“It was always you. For as long as I can remember I wanted you to want me and I thought you were in love with Marybeth. Why else would you make a baby with her? I should have stopped to think, but I just broke. Told Martin I didn’t love him but that I might learn how to, and that I wanted a family.”
“Oh, Jen.”
“It was pretty stupid of me,” she admitted. “I loved you, and when I couldn’t have you, I just wanted… someone. I didn’t want to be alone, but that’s where I ended up anyway. Until a few weeks ago, when you barged into my kitchen and started shouting at me.”
They looked at each other in silence and then Paddy squeezed her hand gently.
“I know I look good,” he murmured, and added with a wry smile, “It would be stupid to pretend I don't when I've heard it all my life. But there's more to me than that damned angel-face, Jenny. Please stay with me, and I'll show you, swear to God I will.”
“You think I don’t know that?” she asked. “I know who you are, Padraig.”
“Yeah, but… This’ll sound a little pathetic, baby,” he said and tried to smile. “The last fifteen years have not been the orgy you seem to think, but I've dated some, and I’ve slept with women. But unless you count the fucked-up shit Marybeth orchestrated, I've never been in a real relationship. When I look back at the women in my life, it’s my sister, who I lost way too early, my daughter… and you. Never even let a woman into my bedroom, except you. I’m pretty sure I’ll mess things up, and you should –”
“Paddy, please. I’m not exactly a grand price on the relationship arena, you know. I love you. We’ll figure it out.”
They sat in silence for a while, just looking at each other, and he tried to swallow around the tight knot in his throat. She’d wanted him, and he hadn’t –
“Paddy?”
“If I hadn’t been such a fool, we could have made a child together.”
“Oh, Padraig, no. Don't go there. Maybe we could have, but most likely I wouldn't have been able carry a child. And in a way, I had a daughter.”
His throat closed up because it was such a sweet thing of her to say but he still felt the way she’d helped him raise Annie from a distance hadn’t been nearly enough.
“Yeah, but –”
“Lee said something,” she cut him off. “She said I could look back on my life and whine about how good it would have been if everything had lined up just right, or enjoy the life I have here and now, while I have it.”
The tightness in his chest loosened and he wondered if Gibson would mind if he kissed Lee.
“I don’t want to be that woman who whines about what could have be
en, Paddy,” Jenny said. “I could have asked you out or made it clear that I wanted to be more than friends, but I got stuck too. And scared. Too afraid I’d destroy what we had. Not ready to take a chance.”
“Are you ready now?”
“Yes.”
The answer came immediately. He leaned forward to pull her into his lap and used a hand to tilt her head back so he could kiss her.
“We’re still fucking morons,” he mumbled against her lips.
“Totally,” she agreed, “You made mistakes. I made mistakes. And here we are.” She put a hand gently on his cheek. “Can we look forward instead?”
He looked into her soft, green eyes and it felt like he was drowning in them.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “Oh, Jenny. I love you so.”
He felt her echo the words to him against his lips as he kissed her.
***
Jenny
The kiss started gentle but went hard and demanding almost immediately. Part of that was because Paddy pushed me backward and shifted us until I was on my back and he leaned over me, but part of it was me wrapping my arms around his neck and holding on tight.
He loved me. Padraig Callaghan loved me, and not in a desperate oh-God-you-got-kidnapped way. For real. And he had loved me for as long as I’d loved him, which meant I was an idiot, but also that he was one too, and it didn’t matter. Not right then when we were together.
He moved his strong hands up my ribs, taking the shirt with them and I let my own slide in under his long-sleeved tee. He was hard and warm, and I smiled into our kiss.
“I love you,” he murmured again against my lips and my smile widened. “Gonna fuck you, baby. Right now.”
“I love you too,” I said. “And I think you should.”
Since I got away from Martin and the Muerta assholes, he’d been so sweet. His hands had been sliding over me, tenderly as if I was made out of porcelain. His kisses had been the same, and I loved it when he took me slow and gentle, but I wasn’t fragile. Right then, after hearing him tell me he loved me, I wanted him to take me hard. I wanted to fuck in a way he lost a little of his control and let go.
We were naked on the blanket, and I moved down to take him in my mouth. He immediately grabbed hold of my hips, and I thought he'd stop me, but he shifted me around until I was on top of him. His mouth was between my legs immediately, and I gasped.
