by Liza Cody
‘Stoat?’ I said. ‘Wasn’t my fault. It was you gave me the knife, and Mandy clattered him with her handbag.’
‘You knew him?’
‘Do me a favour!’ I said. ‘Would I know a deformed pile of parts like that? He tried to talk to me in the street once.’
‘What did he want?’ Justin asked. And I looked at him. He still had his hands in his pockets, and the wind from the river was blowing his curls around like an angel’s halo. But his face had gone white and tight.
‘What did he want?’ Justin asked again.
‘Dunno,’ I said. ‘Something about taking over half the gym.’
‘The gym?’
‘But I soon told him where to stuff his partnership.’
‘Oh Christ,’ Justin said. ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’
‘Tell who?’ I said. ‘Tell who what?’
‘About him wanting a partnership.’
‘Why should I? He wasn’t horning in on my gym.’
‘Oh Eva,’ Justin said. ‘It wasn’t the gym he wanted. It was the women. He thought they were paying you for protection and he wanted half.’
‘He what?’ I said. ‘The dirty stinking bastard – he thought I was a whores’ minder?’
‘I suppose he must have.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because Bella talked to Stef and Mandy. Stef couldn’t say much – she could hardly talk. But Mandy was there, remember, with her friend. And Mandy said.’
‘What did Mandy say?’
‘She said that he and the other man did what they did to Stef to prove that the women needed their protection. Mandy said they kept shouting, “You work for us or you don’t work at all.”’
I looked up at St Thomas’s – all the glass, all the concrete. Stoat was in there somewhere. And Stef.
Justin said, ‘You should’ve cut his throat.’
I said nothing. What could I say? I didn’t even know what to think. If the polizei found out they’d blame me for slicing his face. And here was Justin blaming me for not slicing his throat. Buggered every which way. And me not knowing which end was up.
There was only one thing to do. A rhyme came into my head – if you’re in doubt, get the fuck out. I was quite pleased with it because it saved me from thinking other thoughts. If you’re in doubt, get the fuck out. If you’re in doubt …
I started off up the Embankment. I was going back home to the Static, back to Ramses and Lineker who didn’t lie to me and didn’t try to get me to do things I didn’t want to do. I was going back to Sam’s Gym and I was going to heave those weights till the sweat poured off me. I was going to sweat. Till all the poison poured out of me like a filthy river.
St Thomas’s, Stoat and Stef. Bella, Mandy, Justin, and Crystal – most specially Crystal – could all crumble into the Thames and float out to sea with the rest of the sewage. I didn’t want to know.
So I started off, and I was stepping out nicely when Justin hopped round in front of me saying, ‘No … wait, Eva, you don’t understand.’
‘No,’ I said, striding on, ‘you don’t understand.’ And I walked right through him.
But up he popped again right under my nose.
‘Wait, Eva,’ he said. ‘It’s Dawn. You haven’t got it yet. The men who hurt Stef killed Dawn.’
I kept going. Buzz-buzz-buzz, he went. He was a fly on sugar, buzz-buzz.
Justin went, ‘Eva, please. Think about it. Two men took Dawn out of the Full Moon. Two men hurt Stef. Crystal says it’s the same two. She says they want all the women in Mandala Street working for them or giving them a cut. Crystal says
Crystal says. Fucking Crystal says. Says, says, says. Buzz-buzz-buzz. In my face. In my ears. Up my nose.
I swatted the fly.
Well, no. Not swatted exactly.
I nutted him.
It was his own fault – buzzing in my face like that.
It was only a little nut. But it hurt my forehead and it made him sit down a bit swiftish.
You can’t blame me. A woman can only take so much.
But I was sorry. Soon as I done it, I was sorry. After all, he did cook a lovely steak and mushrooms for my dinner. It wasn’t his fault I sicked it up after.
My eyes were watering but I squatted down to pick him up. It looked as if his eyes were watering too, and he had a bloody nose.
‘Oh Eva,’ he said.
‘Get up,’ I said. ‘You ain’t hurt.’
But he sat there looking sick. I pulled the tail of my shirt out of my jeans to help mop the blood. But he pushed me away.
‘Don’t get it on you,’ he said. ‘I’ve got a handkerchief.’
‘Be like that,’ I said. ‘I’m only trying to help.’
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘It’s all right.’ And he sat on the pavement mopping his nose till it stopped bleeding.
The funny thing was, although he didn’t want my help, he didn’t seem too pissed off with me. I’d of thrown him in the Thames if he’d put the nut on me. But he didn’t seem that put out. Maybe he was used to people bopping him.
Well, that’s the way of the world, ain’t it? You got to get used to people bopping you when you’re young and weak. Till you’re all grown up and it’s your turn to do the bopping.
What really hit me was how bad I felt about it. I don’t often say this, because it doesn’t happen much, but I felt I’d done something wrong.
’Cos Justin was such a harmless little git. He was pretty and he spoke nice. Well, more than spoke nice – he was nice. He never had a hard word to say about me. Everyone else does. But he didn’t, and I wondered why I hadn’t noticed before.
I s’pose he had been buzz-buzz-buzzing at me but that was Crystal’s fault. He wasn’t out to get me. He wasn’t trying to make my life a misery like she was. So, really, when you think about it, I shouldn’t have head-butted him.
I should have head-butted Crystal instead. But she’s so little I’d have had to kneel down to do it.
I felt blue, and I wanted to borrow a car to take him home to Mandala Street. But he wouldn’t let me. He said it was a risk in broad daylight. And he didn’t want trouble with the polizei any more than me.
Nutting Justin made me feel sort of peaceful – peaceful but very blue and I couldn’t understand it.
So I said, ‘You shouldn’t of buzzed in my face.’
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I can see that.’
He was so understanding, I said, ‘I ain’t killing no one for her.’
‘Who?’
‘What?’
‘Who aren’t you killing?’ he asked, but he knew what I meant.
‘Stoat,’ I said. ‘Crystal says I promised. But I never.’
We were walking slowly because he was still wobbly.
‘It’s all balled up,’ I said. ‘Everything. I ain’t got me own routine no more.’
And I told him about training, and fighting, and the yard, and the dogs.
‘It’s my life the way I made it,’ I said. ‘But everybody, ’specially Crystal, screwed it up. Taking advantage of my sunny nature, see. I want to be heavyweight champion. I got a life. I got ambitions. I ain’t topping no Stoat for Crystal.’
I couldn’t explain and I was beginning to feel all prickles and aches again.
‘I can’t top no one,’ I said. ‘It’d put me right back where I started. I’ve come a long way from where I started. You don’t understand.’
‘It’s okay,’Justin said. ‘I do understand.’
And maybe he was talking for true.
He said, ‘Perhaps Crystal didn’t realise you had so much to lose.’
‘Not much to lose!’ I said. ‘I got everything to lose.’
‘I know that,’ he said.
‘Everyone’s got something to lose.’
‘Well,’ he said, ‘nearly everyone. I’ll talk to her, shall I?’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘You talk to her.’
Maybe he was the only one who could. But there’s not many
people can talk to a monkey wrench when it’s got its jaws clamped round your throat.
But it was a weight off my mind. Crystal wanted straightening out, and Justin was going to do it. Bingo! I was free. No worries.
I could jump back into my own life same way I could jump into a warm bath. I could wash the dirt off and ease the aches. Screw Mandala Street. Screw the Premises. I was going back to Sam’s Gym where they had proper equipment, proper mats, proper showers and lavvies. Where they had proper professionals training. People like me – in my business. My business. Not a bagful of tarts who don’t know an armlock from a padlock, or a forearm smash from bangers and mash, or a body press from a trouser press.
’Cos those slags, well, they ain’t my kind. You can’t buy me for the price of a drink. I came a long way to hide from all that.
‘I can’t keep up,’ Justin said. Puff, puff, puff.
See what I mean? He ain’t my kind neither. He didn’t have a proper hard body. He didn’t have no control. Maybe he couldn’t keep up – but believe me, I wasn’t going to let him hold me back.
‘Bye,’ I said. ‘I’m off.’
And I went.
Chapter 21
Things don’t never happen the way you plan. There’s days when I ask myself why I bother planning. It’s not like I don’t think, ’cos I do. I think and think about what ought to happen. I think till steam shoots out me ears. And then – splat – it’s like I built a house in my head and the bricks start dropping off one by one, till there’s nothing left – all that thinking in a heap of rubble.
I hardly got to Sam’s Gym when the first thing went wrong. I was going up the steps when I saw Bella going up too.
I said, ‘What the fuck you doing here?’ Because she oughtn’t to be there. It wasn’t in my plan. In my plan I’d never see bitch Bella ever again. I wouldn’t see her on the stairs up to my gym all painted and powdered and pouting, all ready for work in a tiny little skirt which practically showed her knickers – if she was wearing any.
She said, ‘The trouble with you, Eva, is you’re just too warm and cuddly for your own good.’
‘Screw you!’ I said. ‘What you want here? You looking for me?’
‘Yeah,’ Bella said. ‘I need the name of the charm school you graduated from so I can take lessons.’
‘Shit worms,’ I said. ‘What you want?’
‘Nothing from you,’ she said. ‘But your mate Pete owes me money. He thinks I’ve forgotten but I ain’t.’
I would’ve laughed if I hadn’t been so peed-off seeing her where she didn’t ought to be. I thought Bella would’ve grabbed the dosh up front. It didn’t seem like her to make a mistake like that.
I said, ‘I didn’t know you worked cash on delivery.’
‘I don’t,’ she said, ‘but the bastard nicked it back when Stef started screaming.’
‘Can’t trust anyone these days,’ I said. ‘You should pick your punters more careful.’
‘Like your mother did?’ she said. And she showed her sharp little fox teeth.
‘What you know about my ma?’
‘Hah!’ she crowed, and grinned even wider. ‘I thought so!’
I started to see spots. I shouted, ‘What you saying about my ma?’
‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘I never met your ma. I only know her daughter.’
‘Then shut yer dirty little mouth!’
‘All right,’ she said, and she went on up the stairs. I stood where I was, breathing hard.
My ma is not like Bella. She isn’t! Bella’s a dirty, filthy, shitty liar. My ma has a hard life and she gets by as best she can, but she is not like Bella. I won’t stand for it! And if you believe she is, you believe lies.
I went up the stairs slowly. I felt like I was choking. I felt like someone put a blanket on my head and I couldn’t breathe proper. I had to stand outside the swing doors waiting for my lungs to work regular.
The doors swung open and Flying Phil and old Mr Julio came out like they’d finished work and were going home. It was later than I thought. The Julios looked at me but they didn’t say nothing.
‘What you looking at?’ I said. But they went on down stairs without saying bugger all.
A bit later Harsh came out. He said, ‘Go home, Eva.’
‘What?’
‘Take a week’s holiday,’ Harsh said. ‘When the time is unfavourable, every action brings misfortune.’
‘Eh?’
‘The dog who crosses a flooded stream gets its tail wet,’ Harsh said. ‘Now is not the time, Eva. Go home.’
And he was gone before I could draw enough breath to ask him what he meant.
I went into the gym.
I was hardly through the doors when Mr Deeds came running. He was all strawberry coloured. He said, ‘I’m surprised you’ve got the nerve to show your face round here. But now you’re here you can collect your evil-minded little friend and take a long walk off a short pier.’
I looked, but I couldn’t see Bella. I said, ‘She ain’t no friend of mine, Mr Deeds.’
‘You’ve brought this business into disrepute,’ he said. ‘You’re finished.’
‘Don’t give me that,’ I said. ‘I ain’t done nothing. I’ve come to train, same as always. I done a good show for you last night, Mr Deeds, and I want my money.’
‘Get knotted!’ he said. ‘You got the neck to talk to me about last night after the way you behaved to me. I don’t allow anyone to shove me around like you did last night. And never a woman!’
‘You was going to stand me down,’ I said. ‘But you didn’t, and I done a stone brill show. You should thank me.’
‘Thank you!’ he said. ‘You’re through. You’re barred. You’re out!’
‘You can’t do that,’ I said. ‘You owe me my purse for last night.’
‘You’re fined too,’ he said. ‘Now fucking hop it. And don’t come back – not now, not next week, not next year. Not ever.’
I was boggled – strapped for words. The only thing I could think of to do was jump up and down on his throat.
But I didn’t, because that’s when Bella started screaming.
‘What the fuck?’ said Mr Deeds, and he made for the men’s changing room.
‘I want my money,’ I said, and I went after him.
‘Gruff!’ yelled Mr Deeds. ‘Gruff. What the fuck’s going on in there.’
Gruff Gordon came out of the men’s changing room and stood with his back to the door. He looked like someone pulled him through a briar patch backwards and he had a silly limp grin on his pan. Bella was shrieking behind the door.
‘What’re you boys up to in there?’ Mr Deeds said. ‘Keep it down, for Christ’s sake. I can’t hear myself think.’
‘Just a bit of fun,’ Gruff said.
‘Give me my money!’ I said.
‘The girl can’t take a joke,’ Gruff said.
Bella screamed.
‘She shouldn’t be in there anyway,’ Mr Deeds said. ‘Get her out.’
‘Eva!’ screamed Bella. ‘Eva!’
It made my teeth ache hearing her scream my name. I said, ‘You give me my money, Mr Deeds. You owe me.’
‘Shut up!’ he yelled. ‘Where’s Pete? Where’s Carl?’
Gruff said, ‘Don’t go in.’
But I kneed his knob and hit the door with my shoulder.
My whole face hurt with Bella’s shrieking and I had to shut her up.
‘Watch out!’ Gruff said. ‘Carl’s let the snake out!’
The poxy python. Carl hadn’t just let it out. He had it in his hand.
Pete had Bella spread on a bench.
Carl was trying to ram Bella with the python’s head. She was kicking, twisting, screaming. And who could blame her?
I never seen anything so disgusting in all my life.
Carl trying to stuff Bella with a six foot python.
Even Mr Deeds was floored.
‘Oy!’ he said. ‘Oy, Pete! What in hell d’you think you’re playing at?�
��
Pete let Bella go.
He said, ‘Oh. Sorry Mr Deeds. Just having a bit of a giggle.’
Mr Deeds said, ‘Just …?’
But I wasn’t looking at Pete. I was looking at Carl. Because the man was badly off his head. He was serious. He was foaming. He’d boiled over.
He went, ‘You want it. You want it. You-want-it-you-want-it. Split-your-slit-split-your-slit…’ On and on. Over and over. And he looked at me the way he looked at Bella.
I grabbed Bella. Bella grabbed her knickers and her bag. We ran.
I ain’t afraid of much. You know I ain’t.
But running out of Sam’s Gym then I was almost wetting myself. I couldn’t run fast enough. And neither could Bella. She was gripping my hand like she wanted to break my fingers off. I was dragging her. And she was dragging me.
Because Carl was barking mad. He was a total freak.
And that is frightening.
Never mind the python. I’m not scared of snakes.
But I was scared of Carl.
I stiff-armed the swing doors and we sprinted through. We ran and tumbled down the stairs. Bella broke the heel off her shoe but we kept on running till we were out on the pavement, and then we huffed and puffed all the way to the tube station.
‘Stop,’ I yelled. ‘I’m not going down there.’
‘Well I am!’ Bella said. ‘You go where you like. I’m getting out of here.’ She was shaking and hopping around on her one good shoe.
‘Typical,’ I said. ‘Fucking typical. You only think of your cowing self. You’ve done me up like sliced sausage. You’ve got me booted. And now it’s “fuck you, bye-bye”. No wonder the blokes rough you up.’
‘Shut up,’ Bella screamed. She was stood there on the kerb with her knickers in one hand and her handbag in the other.
‘Shut your stupid fucking mouth,’ she screamed. ‘You just don’t get it, do you? You think you’re so wonderful. You think, ’cos you got a couple of muscles, you’re above it all. You think you’re one of the boys.’
‘You’re raving,’ I said. ‘You’re disgusting.’
‘Oh yeah?’
‘Yeah!’
‘Well, let me tell you Mr High and Mighty Eva Fucking Wylie. You ain’t one of the boys. You piss sitting down like I do.’ She was spitting in my face. She was shouting so loud I could see her tonsils waggle.
