“They are coming back. That is good.”
A well of dread flooded over me. “No…It is not good at all.”
“What…” Ashton caught the look on my face, and his reassuring expression fell. “What is it?”
“I think I may have done something terrible, Ash,” I said and bit back the tremor of my lower lip.
~*~
Ashton flew the Stygian low over the dark waves, nearly skimming the frenetic waters in his attempt to keep us out of sight of Arecibo’s aero ships. I sat silently next to him at the helm nursing a cup of warm tea and nibbling on a scone. The gentle sway of the large craft soothed my frayed mind, and I watched Ashton’s jaw work as he adjusted the controls. Long, elegant fingers on a brass lever, he shook his head.
“It was likely only a dream, Charlie.”
“It was real,” I assured him as I flexed my stiffening fingers. Another round of shivers warbled along my legs, and the tea in my hand sloshed in the delicate cup. “What I did was real.”
“You cannot know that.”
I held his gaze as I showed him the scars marring my wrist. “You know that I can.”
Letting out a breath, Ashton turned, glaring out of the large windows of the train car. The Stygian, fashioned from an old luxury liner passenger compartment, creaked as it dangled below the giant balloon ballasts holding us aloft. Twin rotors, fore and aft, spun evenly underneath the carriage. Dawn emerged at the horizon as a faint light amid the dark mist covering the sea like a shroud. Hopefully, the cloying vapor that swirled above the waters hid us as well.
“The attack, yes, perhaps it happened, but if you have no recollection of what came afterwards, then you cannot know for sure what was in that case.”
“But I am sure it was a memory of importance—”
“How can you be sure of anything?” Ashton snapped. “Please, just…rest for now.” His jaw worked, and he whipped the curtain of hair from his eyes in an irritated gesture.
Scooting the scone around the dish with my finger, I watched him. “You are angry,” I said quietly.
Ashton’s body stiffened, his expression hardening. “I am.”
“At me?”
“Yes.” He hit a lever with his palm, and the gears beneath the counter of the helm ground in protest. Ashton’s tongue darted out near his injured lip, but he said nothing.
“I am sorry that I hit you.” I reached for Ashton, but he pulled away.
He turned, incredulity on his face. “Do you really think that’s why I’m mad?”
“I guess…not?” I blinked, at a loss.
Lips pressed thin, he drummed his long fingers on the console, his gaze dark. “Do you honestly not know?” Ashton asked, his low voice vibrating between us.
“Apparently, I do not,” I answered. Heat rose in my neck and cheeks at his scolding tone.
“How can you be so reckless?”
“Which time?” I frowned. “Trusting you? Following you amid gunfire? Agreeing to leap off the city into the abyss?” I ticked the moments off on my fingers. “You will have to clarify, Ash.”
“You promised to go about searching for those who are missing with caution. With strategy. And instead, not five minutes after you gave me your word to do so, you agree to a trade with Arecibo for the sole purpose of exacting revenge.”
“Revenge?” I stared at him, shocked. “I was thinking of all those possibly hurting people.” I threw my hands up, feigning surrender. “How dare I.”
He shook his head, his hair falling into his dark eyes. “No, you weren’t. Not in that moment. The best course of action for anyone Arecibo may or may not have is a properly planned and executed extraction. You know that. What you want is to cut a swath through his facility.”
“And what of it?” I leapt to my feet, heart ramming. “He deserves my wrath. He took…” my voice cracked as sobs threatened to heave out. “So much from me.”
“That is not how you get it back!” He took my shoulders in his hands, making me face him. “That is not how you get yourself back. Not by allowing rage to tear away what is left of who you are.”
“I have every right to be furious.” I pulled away from him. “How could I not be?”
“Fury is how Arecibo controls you. All the pain and the confusion feeds into it until all you know is to hunt…to battle.”
A flash of that night on the roof hit me. The pain drowned everything out. Took all choice away until all I wanted was to obey to relieve it. My hands went to my eyes, trying to block out the memory. I’d let him fall. The scientist. I’d let him die.
“That darkness,” Ashton’s voice went eerily calm, his gaze beseeching. “It is what nearly swallowed you whole before we got you away from him. You cannot go back to that. To Arecibo, without figuring out how to break his grip on you. It is too dangerous for you, and…” he swallowed hard before finishing. “And for us.”
“For…” my gaze went to Ashton’s chest. And then, I understood. “Because I have turned on you before.” Stunned, I sat back down, defeat and shame flooding through me. “Oh.”
Ashton leaned against the helm’s counter and rubbed his face with both hands. When he looked back at me it was with a reassuring smile, but the tinge of desperation edged his tired expression.
I realized then, that Ashton would know what it was to be used by the Order. As an orphan, he was raised from a young age to serve them, to do their bidding without question. He had escaped their grip. He would know the way out of this dark confusion that left me untethered to who I once was and who I should be. But to follow Ashton meant to trust him. Something I did not know if I could do after all the secrets and omissions that had nearly driven us apart. I loved him, yes, but I also half expected him to break my heart again. As for Ashton’s risk in trusting me…well, he had the scars to prove it was perilous.
“This place you helped Hunley find,” I said, eyeing the churning waters through the front windows. A geyser of lava spurted in the distance, going black as it hissed back into the sea. I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. “Under the waves? How is that possible?”
“When Arecibo first took you, I used the All-Key to try to find you. It was the only thing able to get me into the secure records of The Order, but I had no luck. Knowing how tangled The Order is with The Peaceful Union I began to seek out and search their secret files…what was left of them, anyway, in the aftermath of the Reaper invasion. I came across information about a defunct research and mining facility in the North. Most of the details were lost. The file was one of hundreds burned in a fire, but what I could make out detailed a facility abandoned after the subterranean levels kept flooding.”
“Under the water,” I said, understanding. Rubbing my temples, I hissed at the faint tone from my dream still echoing in the back of my head “He used some sort of sound. It was painful…overwhelming.”
Ashton nodded. “Yes. He implemented that just a few days before White Cliff. I am not sure how Arecibo does it. Hunley thinks it has to do with the noise. She believes it is a tone emitted at a certain frequency. However, I got her out of his grasp before she could find out more.”
My hand went to the glass and metal on my skin. “And she is who we hope to find?” An insidious thread of hope wound its way into my heart. I did not think I could survive it if it snapped. “Is she a doctor?”
“An engineer, actually,” Ashton said. “But she has dedicated herself to studying The Trembling Sickness. That is why she needed a facility after I freed her. It is my hope she can help, yes.”
“Do you think she will know what is wrong with me?”
“I-I do not know.” Ashton’s Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, his voice uncertain. “But she is our best chance without exposing you or giving away your location.” He adjusted the dials and gripped the helm’s wheel, taking us down further. He turned, trying for a reassuring smile, but it did not reach his eyes. His gaze was worried. “For now, until we ascertain the reason for your weakness, you must c
onserve yourself. The Solenium disperses when needed for flight or battle, but from what I understood, recirculates. It is not supposed to…deplete. If we are cautious, you should be fine until we discover the problem.”
“Where had you planned on taking me before?”
Ashton nodded to the map on the wall of the cabin. “I meant for us to journey to a safe house in the Texiana Dome, but now…”
He had not anticipated traveling with someone who was falling apart, quite literally, it seemed. Although I knew from experience, Ashton thrived in the twists and turns of a mission. A true knight of The Order, mystery and danger throbbed in every fiber of his being. I endeavored to put my trust in his training. His instincts. Even if I was not sure if I could trust him with my heart again.
As the dream or memory of that rooftop faded, I struggled with the desire to know what I had been doing for Arecibo and the fear that I was not ready to face it. So low were my spirits that definitive proof of my dark deeds might prove too much for me to bear. Especially, I reasoned as I rubbed my shaking legs, in this weakened state. Deep down I knew I was giving myself an excuse I did not deserve, but for now…for now I would not think about it.
“So tell me what has happened to our Peaceful Union. Do the governors still rule the city-states? Are there still city-states left?” I tapped the map, wondering how much of the geography I had memorized as a child no longer meant anything. “The Texas-Lousiana dome withstood the Reaper invasion?”
So much occurred in my country after I was taken that I did not know about. I had heard some domes fell while others remained. Some were overtaken by the invading Reaper clan and others were infested with the Tremblers attracted to the fires the massive battle had caused. My country, The Peaceful Union, seemed to be falling apart at the seams once again. Chaos and death, much like we’d suffered after the quakes of The Great Calamity, only this time from our own hands.
“No, Texiana fought off the invasion,” Ashton said. “Its well-armed citizens did not take kindly to the attack. It is one of the few domes that still operates as before. Unfortunately, the governor has declared it a sovereign state. They no longer want to be part of the Union.”
“Hence, the safe house there.” I nodded, understanding. With the Peaceful Union government fighting with Europe’s Coalition of Khent over keeping refugees in the city-states, no wonder they closed ranks. Outer City was considered a wild frontier territory separate from the governor-ruled city-states under the domes, which likely mattered little to Europe. All they knew for sure was that people from North America afflicted with the Trembling Sickness were arriving on their shores.
The sudden drop of the airship sent my stomach tumbling. Something was off with the way we flew.
“Should we try to get a signal to this Hunley?” I glanced at the aethergraph mounted on the wall. “Can she receive messages where she is? What do you mean by under the waves? Is she in some sort of cave?”
“Actually, it would be better if she does not know we are coming.” Ashton’s gaze slid from mine, and he busied himself with the controls.
“Why, Ash?” I asked as I stood to face him. “What are you not telling me?”
“She may have pledged murderous intent if she ever set eyes on you again.”
“What?” A trill of alarm shot through me, and I stood, tugging on his sleeve to make him face me. “What did I do?”
“You broke her leg.” Ashton said, wincing.
“Oh, well, that’s not too—”
“And then threw her from an airship.”
“Onto a soft patch of grass?” I asked hopefully.
“Well, she hit the ground.”
Hands to the sides of my face, I stared at him horrified. “Why…why would I do that?”
“The Dark Wrath,” Ashton said quietly. “That’s what they called you. Arecibo’s hand of destruction to anyone who got in his way.”
“That’s what they call me?” My whole chest ached with the thought of what I had been. What I was capable of. Did I even deserve a second chance? I swallowed against the tightness of my aching throat, trying to hide the sorrow in my voice. “And now, this woman whom I’ve hurt and wronged. You think she will help me?”
“I am not sure what she will do.” Ashton intoned, his brows furrowed. “But we have no other choice.”
17
Day bled into night as we continued north along the coast. The purple glow of the Tesla dome’s grid pulsed weakly against the mottled atmosphere as we passed Pennsylvania city-state. Alone at the helm, I took in the charred craters on the ground that had once housed mining facilities and refineries before a battle between the Peaceful Union and Defiance turned them to rubble. I remembered running across the wasteland sands, desperate to stop the clockwork device that would spread the Trembling Sickness in a deadly vapor for thousands of miles. I had stopped the affliction, but not the explosion. It had cost me months of my life, and I’d lost Ashton for the first time to circumstance and threat of death…to my own anger and his desperate decisions.
Again, in the wastelands when I had tried to stop the Reaper invasion of the city-states, I had not been successful. The domes still fell. People died. Over and over, it seemed, I’d failed those who needed me. I lost more and more of myself. First against one man, Rothfair, and then the Order and Arecibo. Now, it seemed the entirety of Europe and the Coalition of Khent bore down, and I could do nothing but watch it happen. And to what end? My suffering had borne no fruit and now they call me the Dark Wrath…was there a reason for all of this? For my pain?
Shaking my head, I rubbed my palms against clenched eyes. Back then, I was just a girl. A lost debutante. A frightened fugitive. But now, I was more than that. Yet the hollow fear that carved me out and made each breath painful remained. How could I do this having failed so many times before? Remember, Charlie, what it felt like not to know doubt…
Ashton’s words to me, faith filled and full of his assurance that I was able and had always been.
“‘I will serve You. As my mother before me.’” The words fell from my lips as if spoken by another, but they were mine. They had been the cry of my heart as I fought for my life beneath Arecibo’s blade. They’d given me strength and purpose. I glanced at the blue tinge at my fingertips, the pad of my thumb finding the smooth glass of the mechanica. Maiden or monster. Which was I? Was one part of me still enough to save the other?
We traveled on, skirting the New-York dome with its dissipating energy flickering along the now badly broken grid. All along our route, the scars of the past years’ destruction passed beneath the vessel.
Ashton dove into Hunley’s notebook, charting our course from her scribbled notes, muttering to himself.
I took to one of the dining car’s overstuffed chairs. It faced the observation window, and I curled onto its soft center and tried to sleep.
Hours later, as the sun rose and crimson spires stabbed at the lightening skies from the rising sun, Ashton climbed out onto the roof of the air ship’s cabin to the coal chute to feed the dying steam engines powering the rotors.
His footsteps overhead pulled me to my feet. I took in a shivering breath, startled to see my exhale in a cold vapor. Worried, I flexed my fingers, testing for the tell-tale shocks of the mechanica that occurred when my body readied to fight. Weakness still weighed my muscles. Tremors slithered up my legs. No, I had not renewed or healed. Not since my encounter with the Trembler Knights.
A gust rattled loudly against the makeshift barrier I put over the broken window of the cabin. The sound of pebbles on glass seemed strange, and I walked over to inspect the noise. Pea-sized chunks of hail littered the counter and floor. Frost crept inward from the outside along the windows in the cabin’s door. An ice storm.
“You said this Hunley was under the sea?” I consulted the navigation panel on the helm. We were farther east than I’d realized. Near the coast, in fact. With the mists hovering all around us, I had not noticed. “Where are we going exactly?”
>
“New Maine,” Ashton said from the rear of the cabin. “In a manner of speaking.”
“I do not understand. I thought the Northern domes fell?” A root of panic drove up from the pit of my stomach. A misgiving that I knew I should heed. I trusted him too readily. Followed too willingly. And yet I did not have much of a choice. Not now, anyway. Not yet. “No more games, Ash.”
“We’re crossing over into northern territory near New Maine’s dome, but it is uninhabitable, unnamed.” Ashton said from the rear of the cabin. He stomped the sleet from his boots and shook the snow from his hair. Peeling off his long, thick coat, he peered at me through the fogged lenses of his goggles.
“We should go nowhere near a government area at all.” I shook my head. “We are both wanted, Ashton. We cannot go there.”
“We will be far from civilization, Charlie.” Ashton pulled at the finger of one glove with his teeth while shoving the other glove in his pocket. “Our destination is well outside the Peaceful Union’s reach.”
“What destination? As you just said, there is nothing out here but frozen, windswept cliffs. I doubt any vestige of the forest even exists anymore. Not after this eternal winter.” I tried to peer out of the windows but what I could make out through the increasingly thick frost was nothing but shifting white mist.
“There is something out there, I promise.” Ashton chuckled, rubbed his hands together and blew warm breath into his cupped palms. “Before the quakes of the Great Calamity, there was plenty out there. Iron-ore mines, a harbor with rigorous trade, forests for fur traders…”
“Yes, that was then.” A peculiar rumbling beneath us drew my attention. “Now…there is hail blowing in, Ash.” The counter beneath the broken window shone slick with ice. Frost flowers bloomed along the sill and in the crack of the doorway. I took in the purple at his lips and the shaking of his hands and worry spiked through. “You will freeze out here.”
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