Sky didn’t answer. Instead she pulled the helmet on and snapped the visor closed.
Instinct told him to let it go. For now.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Rain lashed them, freezing her to the bone.
Sky didn’t care. In fact she was glad of it. It seemed just punishment for the shame she carried. Dark memories from Cadogan danced along the motorway behind them, threatening to drag her back and consume her.
The wind battered at the bike. Overhead information panels flashed speed limits and warnings. Rory was working hard, trying to get her home in time for some rest before her midday shift the next day. The knowledge of his efforts only seemed to mock her, twisting her emotions, making her even more confused. I’m not meant to be happy, and I shouldn’t be relying on anyone.
The gusts grew fiercer, and Rory signaled to turn off at the next slip road.
When he pulled in to park and she peeled off the bike, she realized they were under a sheltered bike stand at the service station. She stared at Rory, emotionally raw and afraid to say the wrong thing, wishing she was on the train. Stepping out into the rain, she turned her face up and into it, willing the sting to wake her up from her nightmares.
“Hey, what’s up?” Rory drew her back inside the cover of the shelter.
“I just want to get away from Cadogan.”
“I don’t get it.” He jerked his head back along the motorway toward the small town they’d left behind. “That was some real affection between you and your family, why freak out at the end?”
Bristling, she narrowed her eyes at him, warning him off, or attempting to.
He stood his ground.
“I do love them, especially Nan. She was the one who really brought me up. Long before you guys turned up I was living with Nan.”
“I didn’t know that.” He held her by the shoulders, but she broke free.
“You have no idea what it’s like growing up in a small town where everybody knows your business and throws it in your face just to make you feel small and dirty.” She almost mentioned the reason why, and she never spoke about that, not to anyone, not even Nan. If Rowan ever tried to talk about it, she left the room. It was right there, and if he probed, she wouldn’t be able to fasten up the lock on it.
Anger flared to the surface.
She turned away from him and kicked at the motorbike shelter.
Pain shot through her foot, making her cry out.
He snatched at her, grasping her hand and drawing her in against him quickly.
“Hey,” it was a whisper close against her hair, close against her ear. “Nobody’s allowed to hurt you, least of all you.”
“Don’t be nice to me, please.” Tears were pricking at her eyes.
“I’m just trying to understand you.” He cupped her face and studied it for a long time.
The look in his eyes made her feel tender and vulnerable. The need to explain herself battled with her vow of silence, squeezing the breath from her lungs. She couldn’t afford to cast her shadows over him. She didn’t want him to turn away, or to think she was lying, but she didn’t really want to tell him what it was that made her life at home the stuff of nightmares, nightmares that still haunted her even though she was attempting to build a new life for herself in London. Besides, her mother had forbidden her. She’d vowed them all to silence, closed the door on the past. It wasn’t that easy for Sky, no matter how hard she tried, it haunted her still.
When she tried to speak— to give Rory something he’d accept—she couldn’t get any words out. Instead she clutched at his jacket, looking up at him pleadingly. The wind whipped up around them, rain lashing the side of her face.
“Tell me,” he said, forcing her to look up at him with his knuckles beneath her chin.
The distress she felt increased. Her reaction should be to walk away, but the need to hang onto him was chipping away at the walls she’d had to build around herself. Fear gripped her heart. What if she told him and lost him? She stared at his leather jacket, unable to meet his fierce stare. “I don’t know if I can.”
When her comment was met with silence, she risked a glance.
The frown on his forehead was deep. The flickering service station lights cast them in shadows, making his face seem stark and gaunt. He sighed and glanced away. “The rain isn’t letting up. Change of plans. We get a room at the service lodge for a few hours.”
They’d be alone, really alone. Now.
She caught the determined set to his jaw. Her heart sank. They’d be alone, and he was going to keep questioning her. She could take off and leave him here, or give in and talk.
She glanced at the slip road that led back onto the motorway, saw two dark figures hitching a ride as cars left the service station. Right at that moment she couldn’t predict whether she’d be joining them, or staying where she longed to stay.
With Rory.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Rory put the helmets and his bike bag down on the floor and scanned the room to get his bearings. It was a basic road lodge and had seen many travelers too tired to go on, too tired to notice how rundown the rooms were, but right now it was the refuge they needed. Tossing off his jacket, he helped Sky out of hers and pulled a chair close to the radiator.
She sat down.
“Are you hungry?”
She shook her head.
It unnerved him that she wouldn’t make eye contact. “What happened back there? Why did you react like that?”
She gestured with both hands. “I can’t do this relationship thing. It was good but I’m too fucked up for this and it’s making me crazy.”
It was a lie, a knee jerk reaction—he could see it a mile off. It stunned him though. He realized how little he understood her, deep down.
“Besides,” she added, “you’re only here ‘cos you think you have to be, because you’re my stepbrother.”
Anger lit the blood in his veins, but he quashed it down. Speaking through gritted teeth, he denied it as strongly as he could “That’s about as far from the truth as you could possibly get.”
She studied him from under her lashes for a moment then glanced away again. She was attempting to push him away, and he wasn’t having any of it. He’d been so cocksure about it, about what they needed to do and why, and now he saw the reality of the situation. Sky was fragile, more fragile than he could ever have guessed. This thing with her Nan had unnerved her, and as a result she was fretting about everything, including their relationship.
Calmly, he vowed to get to the bottom of it.
“I’ll make us a hot drink.” He crossed to the hospitality tray and unplugged the kettle taking it the bathroom. As he filled it, he glanced back over his shoulder.
He wanted to comfort her, to tell her he knew and understood, but he couldn’t do that. Not unless she revealed what was on her mind. He willed her to open up and let him in. There was something missing and he needed to know. He cared for her too much to ignore the obvious signs.
Sky got up and paced about, then sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. She was restless, alternately gripping the covers with her hands before folding them across her chest defensively.
While the kettle creaked into life and began to boil, he stared over at her and wondered why he felt the way he did. He had to know what made her tick, and if he didn’t find out he’d go crazy. He’d also at some point realized he’d taken her to Wales without a single thought about the delay on sorting Jackson, and now, when he studied the slight hunched figure on the bed, he knew what he had to do.
She took the cup of sugary tea from his hand, wrapping her own around it.
“Did something happen to you in Cadogan after I’d gone, something that made you leave?” Squatting down in front of her, forcing her to acknowledge him.
“It wasn’t Cadogan. It was being in the hospital.”
“Nan’s going to be okay. Was there something else?”
She lifted one shoulder, a feeble attempt at a shrug.
<
br /> “Sky, I want to know because I need to understand you. We’ve grown close since we hitched up...” He stumbled on the words and paused, not sure of how to express the way he felt for her, and afraid to alienate her any more than he already had.
She looked at him directly for the first time since they walked into the room. “Promise you won’t hate me.”
“Promise.” He answered inside a heartbeat and he meant it unconditionally. “I could never hate you.” Inevitably, the nature of what she was about to reveal flip-flopped through his mind, presenting difficult scenarios. Had she been attacked? Abused? Would he be able to say the right thing? All he could do was try.
“My mum nearly died of a heroin overdose when I was five years old.”
The words stunned him. Sure, he knew both of their parents had experimented, it was part of their lifestyle, but he never knew it had gone that far with Shelly, or that Sky had been so badly affected.
Before he had time to speak, to utter a single word, she continued—as if she wanted it over with. “I was alone with her at the time. Rowan and Draco had already moved in with Nan, but she held onto me, her baby. So I was the one who found her. I had to run to a neighbor and beg for help. In a small town some people forgive but others don’t forget and they’re ready to pull it out to use as a weapon to hurt you.”
She sipped from her tea cup then put it down on the floor.
He took the opportunity to take her hands in his.
“By the time I was in high school, I was far too ready to fight back.”
“Oh Christ, Sky. I wish I’d known about this a long time ago.”
“I’m glad you didn’t know,” she declared in a way that seemed much more like the Sky he knew. “I was terrified you’d find out. When you took off for London, part of me thought that was why, you’d found out, Draco had told you.”
“No.” He drew her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers. Now he understood why she’d freaked in the hospital. “It wouldn’t have mattered to me, her faults are not yours.”
“Doesn’t feel that way, not most days. I couldn’t escape it. When I was little, it was just part of my life but even then I knew we were treated differently because of what she did.” She shivered. “They treated me as if we were unclean and they were right. By the time I was four and a half years old she’d trained me to wrap her a hit. When I was good enough she’d show me off to her friends, get me to make them a hit too, like some sort of circus freak child.”
The sorrow in her eyes caused him pain.
It felt like an anvil had lodged in his breastbone.
She made a sound like she was attempting to swallow it down. “I’m dirty, just like they said.”
“You’re not. You’re a beautiful fun, adorable, crazy woman.”
She gave a slight smile, looking at him gratefully. “The shame won’t ever go away.”
“It’s not your shame to bear.”
She stared at him, as if confused. It turned him inside out to see her so upset. “You’re torturing yourself with memories.”
“Because it’s there all the time, it’s part of me.”
“You’ll leave it behind, eventually. You won’t feel obliged to carry it any more.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I carried my father’s burden for too long. I’m finally freeing myself of it.”
“His burden?”
“Me and Sean, we took his fists for years. He put his burden onto us, or tried to. It’s only now, years later, I realized he probably wasn’t any the lighter for it.”
She nodded, grasping his hand.
“It’s the same with you. It’ll always be a part of you, it makes you who you are, and you...” Unable to resist, he cupped her face in his hands. “…you’re so lovable.”
She gave a half smile, but didn’t look totally convinced. “She swore us to silence when she hitched up with your dad. She doesn’t want him to ever find out. God it’s been such a burden, I was so afraid it’d slip at some point.”
“I don’t think he knew, not back then. But maybe she’s ‘fessed up now that they’re alone together and away from it all.”
“Your dad’s good for her. She lightened up when he came along. Considerably.” A choked laugh escaped her.
“My dad tried drugs too, but nothing heavy. It kind of makes sense though, of why they were drawn to each other, doesn’t it?” He moved his hand, stroking her hair where it lay over her shoulder in a damp tangled plait.
“What about Rowan and Draco?” Draco never referenced drugs, and steered well clear when they were on offer. Now Rory knew why. Rowan was definitely more grounded than Sky. Was this why?
“They’d already moved in with Nan. I had to go too, once Mum wasn’t there to argue about it. Child protection took me off her. We could have gone back once she got clean, but she didn’t fight for us, not for a couple of years. Then she expected us all to act like nothing ever happened.”
It stunned him to think this was under the surface of the odd untied family they’d had for a few months there, back in Wales. Perhaps some of the tension in the house was from the pressure of the secret, not just the odd set up. For some reason, it took a weight off him.
“By the time we went back to her,” she continued, “there were other scandals to gossip about and it took the spotlight off of us. Then I went to college in Bangor. One of the tutors had gone to school with my mum though, so he knew all about it. When I answered him back over something petty, he told me I was like her and would never come to anything. I lashed out at him, gave him a pretty good black eye for an eighteen year old nearly a foot shorter than him.” Her lips quirked. “They chucked me out.” She shrugged. “Once I turned nineteen I made the decision to get away, really get away, and make myself a new life.” She blinked, and sighed, then looked deep into my eyes. “But now I’ve told you and its here with us, all that stuff I tried to leave behind….are you shocked?”
“You expect it, but I’m not. I’m glad you shared. You let me see Sky Vaughn and now I understand this tough independent girl a bit more.”
“I’m all those things because I had to be.”
“Of course. I understand.”
“I’m ashamed.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your shame to bear.”
She didn’t look convinced.
“Sky, my dad used to beat us. He was so angry about mum’s disease he took it out on us. I have shame in my past too, but we’re our own people now, and we’re stronger because of it.” He was just about to move away and grab his tea cup when she reached out and grabbed his hand.
“Is this what they call a heart-to-heart?” She gave him a hopeful smile.
Her fingers meshed with his as she asked the question.
He stared at her upturned face and for a moment he couldn’t respond. The physical contact was too good, and the question was almost too direct—but it hit him oddly. A sense of identification had grown between them, that’s what it was. He’d said a little about his secret before, just enough, now more. Hers had now been uncovered. He was pleased, but he was also scared he’d say the wrong thing. Then she smiled that gorgeous smile of hers and the tension in his gut began to unravel.
“I guess it is.” He felt so close to her, and this time it didn’t make him want to back off. Far from it. He drew her fingers to his mouth, kissed them, and then leaned down to kiss her mouth. Her soft lips parted under his, inviting him in, and when she wrapped her free hand around the back of his head and drew him closer still, physical need built quickly inside me.
“Don’t hate me,” she said as we drew apart.
“Not possible.” He wanted her too much, and being this close to her was driving him mad. He’d thought her trouble, and in some ways she was, but he wanted to care for her, to help her manage that and protect her when she teetered too near the edge of danger. She was also a sexy, expressive girl with a playful personality. He realized now that’s what had drawn him to her
again, right from the moment she’d looked up at him in the tube train and invited him to flirt with her.
She closed her eyes, as if she was biting back tears.
That wasn’t helping. He was having a hard time expressing himself, and this was important. He had to show her he was serious.
As if she knew what he was thinking, she wiped her eyes and gave a mischievous smile. “I’m not embarrassing you, am I?”
A suggestive look took up residence on her face and her lips glistened.
She turned her face into the palm of his hand, kissing it.
He grabbed her to him, pushing her back onto the surface of the bed.
Their kisses were raw and needy while they grappled each other with eager hands. The first time was hard and fast, both of them fully dressed and damp from the storm. She welcomed him physically, holding him tight, digging in her nails as he pulled back and lunged inside her. As they got closer to climax, she latched her legs over his shoulders, sucking him ever deeper. His balls ached, his spine needling with tension.
He came in a wild rush, grunting, and she followed fast.
Something unstoppable had been set in motion between them.
He laughed softly when she begged him for more.
“Food first. I’ll grab something from the service station.”
He straightened his clothes and put the TV on for her. He picked up burgers and Cokes. After they ate, they took a hot shower together and made love again.
“You make this so good,” she whispered.
He ached with pleasure at her words, but made light of it. “I know you better than you think.”
Tangling her hands together around the back of his neck she nodded. “You certainly do.”
He tapped his chest with one finger, and she rolled in against him as he lay down, resting her head on his chest.
Rory wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.
It felt good.
It felt right.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Rory Page 13
