"Stop it," Brandi moaned. "Don't."
"Brandi!" Kayla said louder. "Wake up!"
"Get off!" Brandi screamed, bolting upright. "Stop it!"
"Brandi! It's just me. Calm down," Kayla said. Brandi looked at her with such fear in her eyes that it broke Kayla's heart. "Calm down," Kayla repeated softly. "It was just a dream. It's ok."
Brandi's eyes filled with tears as she laid back down. She would need another sleeping pill tonight. Hopefully it would keep the nightmares away. She fell back asleep and Kayla continued her homework.
An hour later, Kayla was interrupted by the doorbell. She glanced at Brandi, who was still asleep, and quietly got up to see who was at the door. When she saw Zack standing at the door with flowers, she lost it. Flinging the door open, she pushed Zack away. "Get out of here," she snapped. "Brandi doesn't want to see you ever again."
Zack's eyes widened in surprise. "If Brandi doesn't want to see me then she can tell me herself. Where is she?"
"Sleeping," Kayla answered. "Having nightmares about you raping her."
Zack narrowed his eyes in anger. "That's not what happened. Let me talk to her," he said, pushing past Kayla. She stumbled back and lost her balance, falling down. She looked up at Zack in surprise, who just smiled at her. "You're so clumsy. Brandi!" He yelled, running through the kitchen.
Brandi woke up to the sound of shouting. "Brandi! Brandi, where are you?"
She shrank back on the couch as Zack came in the living room. "Brandi! Oh God, baby, I'm so sorry." Zack kneeled in front of the couch and grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'll get help. I'll get help and I'll never hurt you again. Tell me you forgive me, Brandi."
Brandi stared at him. His eyes were sorrowful and kind. Completely different from the man who had raped her last night.
Kayla came storming into the room. "Get out, you asshole. Get the hell out or I'm calling the police."
Zack looked at Brandi with pleading eyes. "Please, baby. Just talk to me."
Brandi shook her head and pulled her hand away. "Leave me alone, Zack," she whispered. "Just go away."
Zack closed his eyes for a second and nodded. "Ok. I'll go. But I'm not giving up on us. I love you, Brandi."
Brandi ignored him as he left, hating the fact that him saying that he loved her still made her feel something.
"Are you ok?" Kayla asked, rushing to Brandi. "I'm fine," Brandi said. "Why did you let him in?"
"I didn't," Kayla said, clenching her jaw. "He pushed me down and forced his way in. He fucking pushed me then laughed at me."
"I'm sorry," Brandi said softly.
Kayla sighed in frustration. "Don't apologize for him, Brandi. He's crazy."
Brandi didn't answer. She laid back down and put her hands over her face. "I don't feel good," she mumbled. "I need to go to bed."
Kayla helped Brandi upstairs and into bed. "Do you want me to stay?"
Brandi shook her head. "I'll be ok," she mumbled.
"Are you going to school tomorrow?"
Brandi yawned. "I have to. I can't fall that far behind."
"Ok. Then I'll pick you up at 7:30. I'll lock the door after me."
Brandi mumbled a goodbye and immediately fell asleep.
Kayla picked up Brandi the next morning. Brandi was so nervous about seeing Zack that she was shaking. He had texted and called her all night, begging her forgiveness and apologizing. She hadn't responded, but she knew she couldn't avoid him forever.
"You know he's going to be waiting at your locker," Kayla said quietly. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"No," Brandi said with a confidence she didn't feel. "I need to face him alone. He won't do anything in front of that many people."
She was hoping that Zack would have given up on her, but he was standing at her locker as she approached it. His eyes lit up when he saw her. "You're here!" He said happily. "I'm so happy to see you. I'm so sorry, baby. Can we talk before class?"
Brandi ignored him and opened her locker, pulling out her books.
"Brandi, don't ignore me. At least let me explain myself."
Brandi slammed her locker shut and spun around. "Explain what, Zack? How you raped me or how you called me a fat fucking bitch?"
"Shh," he said, looking around. "Baby, please. Just talk to me."
She shook her head. "No, Zack. I can't. It's over. Don't ever talk to me again."
She spun around and headed to history, proud of herself for standing up to Zack. She sat down at her desk and put her head in her hands.
"Brandi, are you ok? You look sick."
She glanced up at Eric and forced a smile. "I'm fine. Thanks."
"Are you sure?"
She nodded.
"Alright. So did you have a good weekend?"
Her head shot up. "What do you mean?"
He furrowed his brow at her. "I just asked if you had a good weekend. Brandi, what's wrong?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm just tired."
Eric frowned at her but thankfully dropped the subject.
Brandi couldn't pay attention all day in school. She felt like a zombie running through the motions of the day. She was relieved that it was finally lunch and she could sit with Kayla and shut her brain off for a few minutes. She looked around nervously for Zack but didn't see him. He technically had lunch her period, but was almost never there. When he was, he usually sat at the stoner table. Brandi had a feeling he spent the period smoking pot.
"Got the fries today, bitch!" Kayla cried, sitting across from Brandi. "Please eat some. I'll feel like a fatty if you don't."
Brandi picked up a fry and nibbled on it. She still couldn't get Zack's hateful comments out of her head. Maybe she was too fat. She definitely wasn't skinny.
"When's the last time you ate?" Kayla asked. Brandi shrugged. "This morning," she mumbled. It wasn't exactly a lie. She had put a little bit of cream in her coffee, and that counted as calories.
"So has Zack bothered you?" Kayla asked, picking at her fries.
"He tried to. He said he wanted to explain himself and I walked away. But I think I'm going to have to talk to him eventually."
"Brandi, you don't owe him anything. If you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to."
"I know I don't have to. But I think I need to. For closure."
Kayla shrugged. "If you really need to. Just don't do it alone."
Brandi made it through the rest of the day only seeing Zack once. She passed him in the hall and felt his eyes on her but ignored him. She wasn't ready to talk yet. She couldn't look at him without wanting to cry.
Kayla dropped her off after school. She offered to stay with her but Brandi needed to be alone. Being in a school full of people was hard when all she wanted to do was crawl under her covers and go to sleep. She was feeling weak from not eating but still had no appetite. She grabbed a piece of celery and reluctantly ate it. It didn't make her feel much better, but it was something. She wanted to take another sleeping pill and pass out, but she had too much homework to do. She sat down and tried to concentrate until the doorbell rang.
"Shit," she muttered, her heart pounding. She knew it was Zack, and she wasn't ready to talk to him at all yet, let alone in her house. "Go away!" She shouted.
"Brandi!" He yelled, pounding on the door. "Let me in!"
"Go away, Zack," she repeated. "I'm not letting you in."
"Brandi, please, just let me explain."
"If you want to talk, do it from outside."
Zack sighed. "Look Brandi, I said I was sorry. I was upset. My dad...well, he kind of went crazy. I told him about you, and he said that you were probably a whore just like my mother. I told him he was wrong and you were sweet and innocent. You'd never be like her. He started shouting and throwing shit at me. Then when I came over and saw you dressed like that..."
Tears fell down Brandi's face. "I'm sorry he did that to you, Zack. But that didn't give you the right to do what you did."
"I kno
w. I know it didn't. Just let me in, Brandi. I promise I won't hurt you."
Brandi put her forehead against the door. "Hold on."
Grabbing a knife from the knife block made her feel a little more in control. She unlocked the door and stepped back slowly. "Don't touch me," she warned. Zack stepped inside and put his hands up. "I won't. I promise."
She sat down warily at the table.
"I'm so sorry, Brandi. I thought that's how you wanted it."
She shook her head. "You thought I wanted my first time to be rape?"
His mouth dropped open. "Your first time? You were a virgin?"
Brandi nodded. "I was," she whispered softly.
Zack put his head in his hands. "Brandi, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I wouldn't have…oh god, Brandi. I'm sorry. I had no idea that was your first time."
Zack looked up at her and Brandi was surprised to see tears in his eyes. "Your first time should have been special. I ruined that for you. I don't even deserve your forgiveness. I'll go, Brandi. I won't bother you anymore. Just know that I'm sorry. And I love you."
Brandi shut her eyes as Zack stood up to leave. "Wait," she whispered.
Zack froze and stared at her.
"Why did you call me names?" She whispered. "If you thought I was into it, why did you hold me down and call me names? Why did you think I would like that?"
"I'm sorry for calling you names. I don't think you're fat, Brandi. I love your curves. And I held you down because…well, I've only been with one girl before.
"Gina?" Brandi asked.
Zack nodded. "That's how she liked it. Rough and dirty like that. She liked me to call her names. That's all I'm really used to. I'm sorry that I hurt you, Brandi. I should have known that you're not like her."
Brandi looked up into his eyes. He looked truly sorry. "I love you, Brandi."
"I love you too, Zack. But…" He kneeled in front of her and grabbed her knife free hand before she had a chance to finish. "Oh baby, I'm so glad you still love me. I'm so sorry. I'll never hurt you again. Please take me back. Please, baby."
She pulled back. "I don't know, Zack. I can't even look at you without seeing the guy who raped me or hearing you call me a fat stupid cow. I still love you. But I don't know if I can ever get over that."
Zack kneeled in front of her. "I swear to God, Brandi, if you take me back I will never make you cry again. I'll spend the rest of my life spoiling you and making you the happiest girl in the world. Please take me back," he pleaded.
She sniffled. "I don't know if I can have sex with you," she whispered.
"I don't care. I don't care about that. I just want you, Brandi."
"I can't…give you an answer right now. There's too much to think about.
"Ok, baby. We can take it slow. I just can't be without you. I love you."
"I love you too," Brandi said quietly.
"Can we cuddle?" Zack asked.
Fat fucking bitch.
Brandi shook her head. "I just need to be alone for awhile. I'll call you later, ok?"
Zack nodded and Brandi walked him to the door. He tried to kiss her and she turned her head to the side. "I can't," she whispered. "Not yet."
Zack watched her sadly. "It's ok, baby. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"
Zack left and Brandi sat back down at the table, putting her head in her hands. She had a massive headache. She thought about Zack and her decision to give him another chance.
He raped you.
He thought I wanted it.
You said no.
Brandi sighed, hating her internal struggle. Did he really think that she wanted it? Why else would he have done that? She was going to have sex with him anyway. Zack said he didn't care about sex now, and he would try to make her happy. She had the upper hand now. If he mistreated her again, she could break up with him for good. She had never loved anybody the way she loved Zack, and she wasn't sure she was ready to let him go. Besides his temper, he was sexy and sweet. Girls looked at her with jealousy when she walked with him down the hall. Even Kayla thought he was hot.
Brandi thought of Kayla and her heart dropped. She would never understand her giving Zack a second chance, and Brandi couldn't figure out a way to explain it to her that made sense. She loved Zack. And you can't help who you fall in love with.
She texted Kayla.
Come over? I need to talk.
Kayla texted her back. Are u ok???
Fine. I just need to talk to you.
Brt.
Brandi waited nervously and ten minutes later, Kayla pulled into her driveway. She ran to the front door. "Brandi!" She exclaimed, bursting into the house. "What happened? Are you ok?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. I just need to talk."
"Oh," Kayla said, sitting down at the table. "What's up?"
Brandi looked down at her hands. "Zack was here."
"Oh, God, Brandi. Did he hurt you? What happened?"
Brandi shook her head. "He didn't touch me. We just talked. He told me some things...that made me understand him a little bit better."
"Oh, Brandi, no," Kayla said softly. "Tell me you didn't believe him."
Brandi looked up. "I don't know, Kayla. He seemed really sorry. And he said that he doesn't care about sex and he just wants me to be happy."
"He RAPED you, Brandi. How can you take him back after that? How can you even stand to look at him?"
"I didn't take him back. Not yet. But he didn't know I was a virgin."
"So what?" Kayla snapped. "So if you weren't a virgin he was allowed to rape you?"
"No!" Brandi cried. "That's not what I meant."
"I can't believe this," Kayla said, shaking her head. "I can't believe you're falling for his pathetic excuses."
"Kayla, you don't understand. I love him. And those feelings don't just go away. He said he's sorry, and I believe him. We're not together. But we're working on things. I need him, Kayla. If he messes up again I'll dump him, ok? But I need to give this another chance."
"No, Brandi, it's not ok. I can't sit here and listen to this. I have to go."
"Kayla, wait." Brandi watched helplessly as Kayla stormed out of her house. She hadn't really expected Kayla to understand, but seeing Kayla so disappointed in her was heartbreaking.
Brandi pulled out her phone to text Zack, then put it away. She didn't want to seem too quick to forgive him. But seeing Kayla storm off made her feel incredibly lonely. She pulled her phone out again and texted Zack.
What are you doing?
He responded right away.
Nothing. What's up?
Can you come over?
Be right there beautiful.
She smiled softly at being called beautiful. She hastily finished her homework before Zack got there. She had just finished when the doorbell rang. She jumped up and opened the door.
"Hi," she said, letting him in. "I just wanted to see you again."
Zack smiled the biggest smile that Brandi had ever seen. "I'm glad. I missed you already."
Brandi slowly wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. He hugged her back and stroked her hair. His touch was loving and gentle. "Did you change your mind about cuddling?"
She nodded against his chest and he picked her up. She wrapped her legs around him as he walked them to the stairs.
"No!" She cried. "Not up there. In the living room."
Zack turned without protest and brought them into the living room. He laid her down on the couch and laid on top of her. He felt her body tense and sat up. "You can lay on top of me," he said softly. Brandi sat up as he laid down and climbed on top of him. "This is nice," he said softly as she snuggled against him. "I could do this all day."
Brandi didn't feel lonely anymore. She felt loved.
"Where's dinner?"
Brandi glared at her mom as she walked in the door. "There's no food here, mom."
"Well why the hell didn't you go food shopping? Doesn't your father load money on your card?"
Brandi
clenched her fists. "I had homework. Why is it my job to go food shopping? Last time I checked you were the mom."
"Brandi, you know how much I work. Maybe you should stop spending so much time with your boyfriend and Kayla and start taking some responsibility."
Responsibility? She had more responsibility than 90% of kids her age. Brandi's chin started quivering.
Don't cry. She's not worth it.
"Oh Christ, Brandi," her mom snapped. "Stop being such a baby. You cry over nothing. One day you'll have real problems and you'll feel stupid for crying over food shopping."
Brandi's mouth dropped open. Her mom's words cut into her like a knife.
"Fuck you," Brandi whispered.
Lynn's face turned purple. "What did you say to me? Think long and hard before you think about repeating yourself."
"FUCK YOU!" Brandi screamed. "You're the worst mom ever! You do nothing for me. NOTHING! All you do is make me feel like a worthless piece of SHIT! I HATE YOU!"
Lynn stared at her daughter, speechless. Brandi grabbed her purse and ran out the door, tears spilling down her face. She jumped in her car and peeled out of the driveway. She was halfway up the street before she realized that she had nowhere to go. Kayla was mad at her and she didn't know where Zack lived. She pulled her car over and texted Zack.
What are you doing?
She waited a minute and when he didn't respond, she decided to look up his address. After all, he had done the same thing to her. There was only one Masterson in Westlake, and it was in the shady part of town. Brandi didn't care. She plugged the address in her GPS and drove to Zack's house.
When she pulled into the small driveway, she was surprised. The house was about the size of a trailer, and the yard was full of garbage and overgrown shrubs. She recognized Zack's car in the driveway though, so she knew she had the right house. She stepped over the garbage and rang the doorbell.
The door opened and a middle aged tall, lanky man opened the door, glaring at her suspiciously. His fingernails were caked in dirt, and Brandi remembered Zack telling her that his father was a mechanic.
She cleared her throat. "Mr. Masterson? I'm Brandi. Is Zack here?"
Zack's father broke into a grin. His teeth were not nearly as white or as nice as Zack's.
Take It Page 5
