by Tara Wyatt
Just then, she saw Dori, holding a plastic bag and a tray containing two coffees and a tube of what looked like cookie dough. Figuring that she might as well take care of her clothing situation while Theo was in surgery, she’d called Aspen, but she’d forgotten that she was out of town at some kind of shamanic retreat this weekend. So she’d called Dori, who had graciously agreed to lend her some clothes. She pushed her glasses up her nose with the back of her wrist and tipped her head in Lauren’s direction when she spotted her in the waiting room.
“Thank you so much,” she said, standing and taking the bag from Dori. “I owe you one.”
“You can repay me by explaining why you’re in a come fuck me dress at nine in the morning. On a Saturday.” She bounced her eyebrows suggestively, then handed Lauren one of the coffees.
“Okay. Just let me get changed first. I’ll be right back.” She took the bag and sealed herself away in the nearest restroom, grateful as she pulled on the gray yoga pants, beige wrap sweater, socks and sneakers that Dori had provided. The sneakers were a bit tight, probably a half size too small, but they would do. Everything else fit, mostly. And at least she was a lot more covered and comfortable than she’d been in her little dress.
With her cocktail dress stashed in the bag, she sat back down beside Dori, took a sip of her coffee, and then decided to just dive in.
“So…I had sex with Theo.”
Dori made a hilarious expression of mock surprise. “No! I hadn’t put that together at all.” She stared at Lauren expectantly. “And? How was it?”
She sighed and slumped back against her chair, her stomach doing a funny fluttering thing as she remembered the previous night. “It was amazing. He was amazing. We had sex twice, and I stayed over. Then, this morning, his appendix almost burst, and—”
“From the sex?” Dori cut in, an incredulous look on her face. “Because, uh, I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.”
“It wasn’t from the sex. At least, I don’t think so.”
“I mean, and I’m just guessing here, but given that you guys have wanted to do each other for like, ever, there was probably a lot of pent up sexual energy.” She curled her fingers into claws and swiped the air, making a little roaring sound. “You probably ripped each other’s clothes off.”
Lauren felt her cheeks go warm and her stomach bottom out. “Uh, yeah. It was the best sex I’ve ever had. He’s ruined me.” She shook her head, staring off into the distance as she replayed last night again. “It was so freaking hot seeing this other side of him. He was still Theo, but like, a dirty talking, take charge, give you five orgasms in one night Theo.”
Dori’s eyes went wide. “You had five orgasms?” she asked, just a little too loudly. An elderly lady looked up from her knitting and frowned at them.
“Shhh! We don’t need to broadcast that to the entirety of Lincoln Square, okay?”
Dori took a sip of her coffee. “Okay, okay. Jeez.” She paused, a contemplative look on her face. “So what does this mean for you guys?”
Lauren shrugged, taking a sip of her own coffee. “I’m not really sure. We didn’t get the chance to talk about it. Last night we were, um, busy, and then this morning he was in so much pain that I was just focused on helping him.”
Dori set her coffee down and reached for the tube of cookie dough, producing two plastic spoons from her coat pocket. After she’d pried it open, she handed one spoon to Lauren before digging in. “What do you want it to mean?” she asked through a mouthful of sugary goodness.
Lauren scooped up a small bite, her stomach feeling a little unsettled from the excitement of the past twelve hours. “I mean, I want to date him. I want to be a couple and see where this goes, because...” She trailed off, shaking her head. “Last night felt like the start of something real. Something good. And I know all about his family, and his jadedness and all of that, but last night felt...it felt like that stuff wasn’t important. Because it was me and him and that was what mattered. Yeah, we were like, super horny for each other, but it was more than just getting off. At least it was for me. And I think it was for him, but obviously we do have to talk about it.” She glanced over at Dori, who was listening attentively. “Can I ask your advice?”
Dori gestured at the tube of cookie dough. “I’m eating cookie dough before noon. Clearly you’ve come to the right place, grasshopper.”
Lauren laughed. “How should I bring it up? I don’t want him to freak out and—”
“Be Theo about the whole thing?”
She pointed her cookie dough laden spoon at Dori. “Yeah. That.”
“Well, you could ask him how he feels about you while he’s all doped up. That shit’s like truth serum.” When Lauren’s eyes went wide, Dori smiled. “Kidding! But I do think you should ask him how he feels about you. And even if it’s not the answer you want, I think you should still tell him how you feel. It might get a little messy, but you owe it to yourself to be honest with him about your feelings and what you want. Wait until he’s feeling a bit better and then just dive in. There’s no perfect time for a potentially scary conversation. Sometimes you just gotta do it. Not the kind of doing it that you guys did last night, although I’m guessing there will be plenty of that in your future, too.” She sighed and shoved a big spoonful of cookie dough into her mouth.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You okay?”
“Oh, sure. Just thinking about my imaginary boyfriend.” She shook her head. “You know, I kind of want to get a cat, but I don’t want it to eat my eyeballs when I inevitably die alone.”
She looped her arm around Dori’s shoulders. “Maybe a dog would be better.”
Just then, a Black woman in surgical scrubs approached. “Are you here with Theodore Prescott?” Lauren’s lips twitched at hearing his full name and knowing how much he hated it. She stood, swiping her palms over her thighs.
“I am, yeah.”
The woman smiled. “I’m Dr. Robbins, and I performed Mr. Prescott’s surgery. You can rest easy because everything went perfectly. It was a textbook case of appendicitis, and luckily, we caught it before it had the chance to rupture. He’s in recovery now and someone will bring him to his room shortly.”
“Is he going to stay overnight?”
The doctor nodded. “Yes, most likely, but he should be able to go home tomorrow. The surgery was done laparoscopically, so he’ll be back to normal in a week or so. Are you his girlfriend?”
Lauren hesitated before nodding slightly, not entirely sure she was telling the truth.
The doctor seemed unfazed by Lauren’s hesitation. “Make sure he doesn’t overdo it, especially for the first couple of days. No heavy lifting, no driving for at least a week. Showers are fine, just be gentle with the incision when drying off. The nurse will send you home with more information. Oh, and sexual activity is okay if he’s feeling up to it, but nothing strenuous for five days,” she added with a knowing wink before turning and walking quickly away.
“Oh man, five days. You gonna be okay, friend?” asked Dori, laying her hand on Lauren’s shoulder. Lauren laughed and shook her head, her cheeks warm.
“Are you gonna be okay? Do you want me to come over later?” she asked, worried that Dori was lonelier than she was letting on.
“No, it’s okay. Go be with your man. I’m going to go home and eat my feelings. It’s cheaper than therapy and it comes with dip.”
“Okay. But I’m only a text away if you need anything. Thanks again for the clothes and the healthy breakfast. Oh, um, Dori?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we keep this between us for now? I’m not ready for the rest of the group to know. I mean, I’m not even sure if there is anything to know, and I just don’t want—”
Dori cut her off by pressing her finger to Lauren’s lips. “I won’t say a word about your secret lovah.”
“Thank you,” she mumbled against Dori’s finger. Then she hugged her goodbye and went to go find Theo’s room.
When she did,
she wasn’t quite prepared for the sight of him, dozing in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. His color was much better than when they’d first arrived, although the white hospital gown with little gray diamonds on it wasn’t doing him any favors, even with the way the fabric stretched across his broad shoulders.
She set her purse down on the little table by the door and took a second to get her bearings. The room was a standard private room, with a single hospital bed, a narrow window with a view of the Manhattan skyline poking up into a cloudy October sky, and a couple chairs for visitors. A flatscreen TV hung on the far wall beside what looked like a closet and the entrance to a private bathroom.
She pulled up one of the chairs beside his bed, watching his chest rise and fall with slow, steady breaths. When she took his hand, weaving her fingers through his much larger ones, he stirred a little, his head moving on the pillow, his eyes still closed.
“You know whasssa really good song?” he asked in a raspy voice. And then he started softly singing “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” in a high-pitched falsetto, the lyrics slurring together. She bit her lip—hard—to keep from laughing. Poor guy was still stoned out of his gourd. She let him sing, high and off-key, getting at least half the words wrong. When he was finished, she gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
“Hey. How you feeling?”
“You wanna know something?” he asked, his eyes still closed, his voice faraway and dreamy. “It’s a secret, you can’t tell anyone.”
Dori’s comment about pain meds being like truth serum echoed through her brain. “Um, sure. What’s your secret?”
“I had sex with my best friend last night.” An adorable smile pulled up the corner of his mouth. “Twice.”
She bit her lip, holding back a smile. “Oh, yeah?”
“Uh huh.” He sighed, his head moving back and forth slightly on the pillow. “I just…” His voice trailed off and for a second, she thought maybe he’d dozed off, but then he started speaking again, his eyes still closed, his voice still sleepy sounding. “I think I’m in love with her.”
At that admission, Lauren’s heart leaped into her throat, adrenaline surging through her body and making it feel nearly impossible to sit still. But she managed not to move, not wanting to break the spell. Wanting to hear what else drugged up Theo had to say—about her, about them, about anything. She forced herself to take a deep breath, her heart still pounding away, her pulse so loud in her ears she was surprised she was able to hear anything over it.
“No, I don’t think it. I know it. I’m in love with this girl.”
Her eyes widened and her heart danced in her chest. Everything she’d hoped for over the past day came rushing to the front of her mind, feeling more and more real. More and more like an actual possibility. She swallowed against the sudden thickness in her throat, emotions charging through her at his admission.
“But I could never love her, you know? Like really love her. I’m too fucked up—I don’t even know what loving someone the way she deserves would look like. And she knows that. I know she does.”
Oh.
As gently as possible, Lauren untangled her fingers from Theo’s and laid his hand on the bed. Emotions slammed through her, one after the other, the most prevalent being crushing disappointment. It felt like a stone giant had her in its arms and was slowly squeezing her tighter and tighter until she couldn’t catch her breath anymore. She took a deep breath and wiped her palms on her thighs, trying to think. Trying to process. But it was hard to do anything but feel with disappointment warring for space and attention alongside frustration, anger, panic, and embarrassment. Each one tugged at her, pulling her from one emotion to the next until she felt dizzy.
So she sat by Theo’s bed in silence, until finally, after what felt like hours, she knew what to do.
He’d fallen asleep long ago, and she finally stood, careful not to scrape the chair legs over the tiled floor. Then, she bent and kissed his forehead.
“I’m in love with you too, you dummy. And even though you gave up on yourself a long time ago, I’m not giving up on us.” After everything they’d shared last night, after hearing his admission that he was in love with her, she had to believe that they could make this work, despite his baggage.
12
Theo had never been so happy to see his couch. After spending nearly twenty-four hours in the hospital, he’d been discharged and sent home to recover. He was in some discomfort, but it was nothing compared to how he’d been feeling when he’d woken up the morning after...the morning after Lauren.
Fuck. They needed to talk about this. He still hadn’t figured out what to say. He knew they couldn’t go back to the way things had been, but he also didn’t know if he was ready to jump into a relationship with both feet. They’d had amazing sex, and he wanted her even more than he had before now that he knew how good it was between them, but he was terrified that if they kept it up, she’d get her hopes up and expect something he knew he couldn’t give her. In all of this, the only thing he was certain about was that however this conversation went, he was probably going to hurt her in some way, which was why he’d avoided bringing it up. Every time he tried to untangle his thoughts, he just seemed to snarl the knot even more.
He wanted her. He cared about her. Fuck, he was probably in love with her. But he couldn’t be the guy she deserved.
He watched as she disappeared into his bedroom with the little overnight bag holding his clothes, then reappeared with a pillow and the duvet from his bed. Without a word, she grabbed the remote and handed it to him, then sat on the far end of the couch with the pillow in her lap. He laid down carefully, and then she arranged the duvet around them. Her fingers found their way into his hair, massaging his scalp. He almost hummed with pleasure, his eyes flickering shut for a moment.
How had they gone so long without this? The easy intimacy, the physical connection that made him feel even closer to her? Was there a way they could still have this without…God, he was an asshole. Everything he was thinking right now was the very definition of having his cake and eating it too. He wanted Lauren by his side and in his bed. He didn’t want her to date anyone else. But he knew he should find the best way to let her down gently because he couldn’t do this with her. He hadn’t grown up with any positive relationship role models, and he’d gradually accepted the fact that he didn’t know how to be in a relationship. And with Lauren...he was already freaking out about losing her now—what if they dated and then when it inevitably ended, he lost her forever?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“The Office or Community?” he asked, turning carefully so that instead of facing the TV, he was looking up at her. His heart did this funny sputtering kicking thing in his chest, like an engine turning over and then backfiring before shifting into a higher gear. His stupid, stupid heart, who was currently in second place for “Theo Prescott’s Stupidest Organ” right after his dick.
She smiled down at him, her fingers still sifting through his hair. “Or, I don’t know. We could talk about the fact that we had sex.”
He swallowed thickly, aware that the moment of reckoning had arrived. And he still had no idea what to say. None whatsoever. So, he took his time sitting up, pretending to be in more discomfort than he was just to buy himself a few precious seconds. Precious seconds that didn’t help. How did you tell your best friend that you cared deeply about her and wanted to keep having incredible sex with her, but didn’t want to commit to her because commitment would only lead to failure, and failure would mean no more Lauren in his life?
How?
She studied him, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Waiting. Probably full of hope and happiness that he was about to crush. He hesitated, his gaze darting between her eyes and her mouth, and the urge to kiss her was almost overwhelming. The need to taste her one last time before he ruined everything by asking for something he had no right to ask for.
Finally, after what he knew was too long, she shook her head and held up her han
ds. “Okay, so before you freak out—because I can hear you internally freaking out from here—I have an idea. And I want you to hear me out before reacting, okay? Just let me get it all out.”
He nodded, both relieved and worried that he didn’t have to say anything yet. “Okay.”
She licked her lips and nodded, as though psyching herself up to jump off of a cliff. “So, um, obviously the other night meant a lot to me. I’ve wanted that for a long time now, and I don’t regret that it happened.” She paused and took his hand. “It was amazing, Theo. At least, it was amazing for me.”
Unable to help himself, he lifted her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. “It was amazing for me too, Lo.” He didn’t want her thinking he was hitting the brakes because she was bad in bed, because she most definitely was not. “You were incredible.” She blushed a little, and the sight of her pink cheeks made him want to pull her into his arms. But he stayed where he was, savoring the feel of her small fingers woven through his.
“Okay, so it’s safe to say that we both really wanted it, right?”
“I wanted it just as much as you did, yeah. When you told me you wanted me…” He shook his head, his blood heating a little at the memory. “I couldn’t hold back.”
“And I didn’t want you to hold back.”
He opened his mouth to try to find the words to tell her that as amazing as it had been, it probably shouldn’t have happened, but before he could even make a sound, she lifted her free hand.
“I’m not done yet.”
