My body stilled and my mind accepted what he said because I suspected, or feared, Bear was right. “Did you ever consider I’m just holding onto happy while it lasts?” I blew out a breath. “Not everyone even gets a single minute, let alone a lifetime.” I stood, staring down at him until he looked away. “I’m just enjoying the ride because it’s my first, and probably last, moment of happy. I’d be stupid not to take all I can before it’s gone.”
I walked away.
“Hey,” Bear called after me. “Sorry, Mama. I’m out of line.”
I spun to him. “You don’t know me, let alone respect me, so just drop the Mama, okay.” I stormed away to my SUV and back into town, but I didn’t go to work. Instead, I headed to Rachel’s.
I knocked and knocked and knocked on her door until she opened it half awake. “Bitch, get dressed, we’re going out for lunch, maybe all the way to Mars.”
“Give me ten.” She shut the door in my face. I stared at the closed door, laughing. So she still didn’t want to introduce me to her girl toy.
True to her word, she hopped in my vehicle in exactly ten minutes. “So you need grease, salt or sweet stuff?”
“I need a change of scene, so where should we eat in Ardmore?”
We ended up at this hole-in-the-wall Mexican diner with a single woman who spoke barely any English, but Rachel spoke Spanish so it was all good. She ordered us both tamales and then stared at me.
“I’m a fucking idiot. You know that, right?”
She nodded. “Yeah, figured that out first time I met you.”
I flipped her off.
“What’s got you down?”
I told her about Bear, about Dare, and how I’d ridden to the rescue.
“What a jerk. He’s the guy who runs the porn side of the Brotherhood?”
I nodded.
“When you talk to him again, mention me.”
We had this conversation like it was normal talk, which it wasn’t. “You wanna do porn?”
“Only girl on girl.” She gave me a Cheshire cat smile. “But he was a dick for throwing that in your face.”
Tamales arrived and we each unwrapped one and ate in silence for a minute.
“I have died and gone to heaven,” I told her, unwrapping the next one.
After three tamales, I stared up at her. “He’s right and that’s why I’m pissed. No way will this thing with Dare last forever and I’m so in over my head.”
“You love him.”
I nodded. “Not that it matters.”
“Maybe it does. He’s different with you, and you two have this intense vibe that’s not easily thrown away. You should be more optimistic.” She pointed a fork at me.
“Yeah, and you should introduce me to your girl toy.”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “No.”
“Why?”
“She’s nobody, and she’d be like a pain in the ass thinking I’m all after you because, honestly, you’re a million times hotter than her.”
“But I’m not into girls.” I knew Rachel understood that, but suddenly felt compelled to make it clear.
“Don’t I know it.” She sighed. “Which is why I settled for friends, but her, she thinks everyone is into girls, they just don’t know it.”
We both laughed and had great tamales and better conversation. I didn’t answer when Dare called because Bear’s mind fuck had hit me hard, and I needed some space before I spoke to him again.
When I returned home about four, Rock told me to take the whole day off since it was so slow. I headed upstairs and found Dare on the couch asleep with the TV on. Seeing his handsome face relaxed in sleep made all my fears disappear. Only one thing concerned me now, waking him up with his cock in my mouth.
On my third dip to the base of his shaft his fingers found my hair. “Red, that feels so good, but I’m missing your pussy.”
“You better follow me to the bed then, handsome.” He stood and let his jeans fall to the floor before he followed me. In the bedroom, I stripped and we both tumbled into bed together.
“How do you plan to fuck me?” He rested his hands behind his head.
“What?”
“Red, your turn—take control.” His eyes held a lazy ease I’d never witnessed.
“Isn’t it your thing? Control?”
“It’s yours right now.” He chuckled. “Don’t you want it?”
Oh hell yeah. Licking my lips, I let scenarios play through my mind.
“How much can you take?”
“Try me.”
“Fuck me with your mouth.” I scooted up beside him before I straddled him, making sure my front faced his feet.
Dare squeezed my ass. “May have to call you queen.”
His tongue flicked me and I fought to hold still as the pleasure built. I shivered and tensed. Then he tugged me down until I sat against his mouth. His fingers climbed up me until he squeezed my breasts with the bite of pain I loved.
“More,” I demanded.
He sucked my nub.
I burst in intense shudders and he continued his assault even as I climaxed. I fell forward down his torso until I could swallow his cock. He bucked up and I reveled in his instant reaction.
I pushed him with my relentless pace, wanting to test how much he could endure.
“You’re killing me, Red.” He panted. “A great fucking...way to go.”
I scraped my teeth along his length. Then I moved lower to his sac, sucking each side into my mouth.
“That’s...” He groaned.
I lifted off him, turned around and found his mouth, so I could taste myself on him. Heady sensations built in me. Power. Satisfaction. Trust.
“Fuck me. Soon.” He spoke into my lips.
I smirked. “Yeah. We reached your limit?”
He snarled. “Bring it.”
He really couldn’t resist a challenge. Tucking away my discovery, I moved down his body. While he’d ceded control, he’d snatch it back in a second, and I didn’t want to miss my ride.
With deliberate strokes, I unrolled the condom before I sat astride him. Passion played across his face.
I sunk down in one quick thrust before I circled up and back down. He squeezed my hips, watching every movement.
“I need you on top more.” He grinned with that bad-boy smile of his.
“If you can talk, I’m not doing it right.” I plunged down and rode him, leaning forward until my clit rubbed his pubis. The apa dragged along my G-spot pushing me hard toward climax.
“Come with me,” I yelled. My lower back tightened and I came, but I bounced through it.
“Red,” he bellowed, and his body quaked under me. I claimed his lips, lying sprawled on top of him while he still jerked inside me.
“Damn, you might’ve broke me.” He relaxed back into the bed then slid out of me as I shifted, but he stayed still. I removed the condom to drop it in the trash.
“Want a pop?” I stood and headed to the kitchen.
“Sure.” The bed creaked.
“Stay.”
I brought back two drinks, laying the cold can against his neck.
He didn’t even jump, but his hand snatched it from me. I sat beside him, drinking mine. His finger traced the outline of my tropical flower and then moved between my thighs to the spot the vine ended on my labia.
“I’ve never seen a sexier tattoo.” He sipped his drink. “Is there a story?”
I glanced away. Should I tell him? “Trade stories?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Deal.”
“When I ran away, I didn’t have a place to go, so I struggled.” Memories flooded back of nights on the street until I’d found my sanctuary at a home for runaway teens. They helped me find a job at
The Black Line. “I landed at my first tat parlor, seedy as hell. With my third paycheck, I paid next to nothing for this guy, the only decent artist there, to make this flower, and the vine. My sign of triumph. I’d made it out of the dark—it’s so easy to get swallowed there.”
Dare’s jaw ticked with tension, but his eyes held something else.
“You’re so damn tough.” He pulled me down for a kiss.
I could agree as long as tough didn’t mean hard, because I’d have broken on the cement long ago if I’d turned hard. Instead, I learned to be water, finding the smallest path to freedom—it helped me survive.
“Which one will you tell me about?”
“You pick.”
“The reaper on your back.” I’d wondered about it for a while, low and centered in the small of his back, the design screamed defiance.
He tugged me next to him. “Jericho designed it and inked it on Bear and me.” He paused, staring up the ceiling. “Jericho, Bear and I are close, no one, not even the club president comes between us.” He rolled over to face me. “That tat reminds everyone if you fuck with one of us—you get the three of us.” He stared over at me. “No one crosses us more than once.” His voice changed and lowered. This wasn’t the guy I knew, and I hoped I never did anything to see the reaper side of him.
“Does Jericho have it too?”
“I inked three reapers in the center of his back.”
I thought of my conversation with Bear today, and maybe I’d been too rough on him. He’d been trying to tell me what Dare couldn’t, what Dare worried about—either that or Bear was a dick. Honestly, I’d bet money it was all three. In fact, most people felt the same way about Dare that I did Jericho and Bear, but something happened the moment we met that changed everything—had it just been the chemical attraction or something deeper? Whatever started it, I was so mired in us that when he walked away I’d lose more than a bit of myself in the separation.
Worrying about shit I couldn’t control was a stupid way to spend our time together. I should take Rachel’s advice—be positive. I made myself a promise to stop expecting the end, even if I couldn’t expect forever just yet.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Lila
On Friday morning, my cell phone rang and I hurried to get it thinking Dare needed something at the clubhouse, but it quit ringing before I picked it up. Frustrated, I swiped the screen and saw my sister’s number, which confused me since she was three weeks early for the Thanksgiving call. She didn’t leave a message, so I stuffed the phone in my pocket before I started inventory. Just as I finished, my phone rang again. I took it out and my sister’s number flashed across the screen, again. I almost pushed Ignore, but she never called me twice in as many hours.
“Hey, Melody.” I held the phone between my ear and shoulder while I tallied inventory.
“Lila, thank god you answered. I need you.” She broke down in loud sobs.
I held the phone from my ear and waited for her to pull it together. I tried not to hate my sister. She’d left for college, and never looked back, let alone called to check on me, or leave an emergency number for her fourteen-year-old sister.
When Dad died four years ago, I’d gone home to Tulsa to put the monster in the ground and prove he’d never hurt me again. Melody attended, and we’d awkwardly reconnected, even exchanging phone numbers with promises to keep in touch. I didn’t, but surprisingly, she did. We spoke two or three times a year, and I liked our relationship, or lack of one, just the way it was.
“Are you there?” She sniffed into the phone.
“What’s wrong?” I didn’t care much, but it was the obvious question.
“I have cancer.” She wailed the words, but didn’t break down in sobs again. “And I need my sister. Will you come see me?”
“Have you been diagnosed?” I avoided her question.
“The biopsy said early stages of ovarian cancer.” She burst into tears. “If I live, I’ll never be a mother.”
I softened at her words, remembering the way she always played the mommy when we were children. I didn’t know what I could do for her, and wasn’t sure I wanted to help. “It’s terrible. I’m so sorry.” I inhaled a breath. “I don’t know if I can get away, but I’ll see what I can do.”
We talked a few more minutes, and I hung up, torn about what to do. My stomach soured at the thought of spending time with her. All the nights I was alone with our father raced through my mind, all the times she hadn’t been there for me. Yet my conscience whispered about obligations. I walked through the day in a daze, distracted by our conversation.
Around two, Dare walked in the front door and took one look at me before he demanded, “What’s wrong?”
I moved from behind the counter, pacing, trying to sort my thoughts. “My sister called to tell me she has cancer.”
He caught me midstride and folded me into his strong arms. “That sucks. Sorry, Red.”
I relaxed into his hold and let him comfort me. My mind churned and I had no idea what to do.
“Tell me everything.” He spoke over my head.
“I don’t know what I think. Can we talk tonight? I have to think about it.”
He studied me before he nodded. “You got two hours.”
The floodgate of emotion I’d bottled up threatened to burst.
I checked in the two clients and then sat in the office, my head on the desk. Zayn found me like that when he came in a half hour later.
“Mama, you okay?” He squeezed my shoulder.
I shook my head. “I got some bad news in my family. Will you cover for me?” I stood up and headed toward the door. “Tell Dare I’m in the apartment when he’s done.”
“Got it covered.” His words were soft.
I trudged up the stairs and curled up on the couch. Memories hijacked me, and all those dark days swarmed back. Helpless rage burned my chest and desolation weighed me down. I remembered tearing the trailer apart, looking for any clue where Melody had gone, but I didn’t find a scrap of information. I couldn’t remember where she’d gone to college. Grief had clouded my memories. Those first two years after mom died were so hazy, almost like a bad dream. I’d sobbed on the trailer floor when I’d found nothing. It was the day I accepted I was on my own, and began to plan my escape.
Dare found me curled on the couch. He sat close to me and wrapped his arms around me.
“Tell me.”
I repeated my conversation with Melody, and her demand I come to Oklahoma City.
“This is your sister. The one who left you behind?” His grip tightened around me.
“Yeah. We only reconnected at my—at his funeral. I hadn’t seen her in seven years.” I closed my eyes and leaned into him.
“You get close?”
I shook my head. “On good days, I don’t hate her. We talk on the phone a couple times a year.”
“And you feel bad, not wanting to go?” His quiet words pierced my numbness.
Hurt, rage and guilt churned inside me. “Yeah. And if I go, I’m afraid we’ll go head to head.” I released a heavy sigh. “I never told her what he did to me. She never said one word about leaving me.”
Dare’s intense stare held a cold rage, even as he gently picked me up and sat me on his lap, holding me tight.
“Family are who fight for you when the chips are down. The ones who care for you even if you don’t care for yourself.” He met my gaze. “It’s not about genetics, but loyalty.”
I huffed out a hollow laugh. “I’ve been an orphan since I was twelve then.” Tears tried to escape, but I held them back.
“I’m your family, Red.”
His whispered words lodged in my heart, making a happy place in the center of me. I squeezed him tight as a few tears escaped down my cheeks.
He peppered me with soft k
isses while he carried me to bed.
“Relax and sleep.” His huge hands stroked my back in gentle circles. I drifted toward sleep.
* * *
After my conversation with Dare, I’d decided I wasn’t doing anything, including answering calls from my sister. I hadn’t made up my mind about visiting her but was leaning toward not visiting.
I held my resolve and each day it became easier to not answer and to not feel guilty about not answering. On Friday when my phone rang, an unfamiliar number registered on the screen.
“Hello,” a stern female voice said. “This is Janet Winslow, RN on the oncology ward at Oklahoma General. I’m calling for Lila Braham.”
My stomach lurched.
Is she dead?
Regret filled me. “That’s me.” I barely pushed the words out.
“You were listed as your sister’s emergency contact. She’s been admitted after arriving by ambulance.”
“What’s wrong?” Panic threatened, but I pushed everything down.
“We aren’t sure, your sister is going through testing right now, but I wanted to alert you.” The nurse’s calm words only made me feel worse.
“I’m two hours away and leaving now. Please call if anything changes.” I grabbed my purse from the office and locked up the shop. In my SUV, I punched Dare’s number, but he didn’t answer. I clicked off and called Zayn to tell him about my sister and ask him to pass it along to Dare. I hung up right as I passed the Barden town limits. As I ate up the miles between Melody and me, I calmed down and began to feel centered. I was going to her and I needed to get there fast because I would never forgive myself if she died before I’d visited her.
I picked up my phone to try Dare again, but it was dead. Damn. I’d meant to charge it this morning in the shop.
Shit. Shit. Shit. I left my car charger on my kitchen counter, ready for our trip to the lake. No phone. No trip. No Dare.
A couple hours later, I parked in the hospital visitor lot and hurried in the door. The volunteer at the visitor’s desk gave me directions to oncology. I rushed into her room and found her laughing on her phone. She looked fine dressed in khakis and a red top.
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