by M. Robinson
I felt his heartbeat pounding against my chest. Mimicking my own. They were beating together in a rapid rhythm, dancing with pleasure, mixed with a little bit of pain.
He kissed me one last time. Letting his lips linger for a few seconds longer before pulling away. I instantly felt the loss of our heated kiss when he set his forehead on mine. Our heavy panting was the only thing that could be heard over the waves crashing into the shore as we laid there in the sand, trying to calm our breathing. He pushed the hair away from my face to stare deep into my eyes. Wanting to stay lost in each other's minds.
His hands framed around my face, kissing me again with the same intensity and passion, but slower, more delicate this time. Less frantic and desperate. We stayed like that for I don’t know how long, just kissing. Completely engulfed in one another.
As much as I loved the feeling of his lips, his body, his heart next to mine. There was something deep inside of me that was still hurt and pained. A dreaded, uncomfortable feeling that repeatedly stabbed me right in my core. I desperately tried to push it away, but it was permanently attached to me. As if my heart didn’t even belong to me anymore.
Because it was owned by someone else.
The time we had been waiting for had finally arrived. This was our one and only chance to raid the clubhouse for the missing disc undetected. It was the annual Fourth of July fair weekend in Oak Island where people from all over came to celebrate and enjoy the biggest display of fireworks in the country. Everyone’s attention would be focused on the event and not what’s going down on the outskirts of town. Our MC and other chapters from all over the state of North Carolina rallied up together and made their presence known at the festival for all to see. It had been a tradition for generations, one I knew my old man fucking loved and wouldn’t fucking pass up.
It had been three months since we had a word with Damien at his underground club in Miami. We still hadn’t figured out jack shit about what we needed to know. The pieces of the puzzle were still scattered everywhere, and Damien’s cryptic information made no fucking sense at all. Other than revealing that Martinez was indeed alive, we had nothing to go on. The only place we hadn’t searched for the disc was the one place I left for last.
The compound.
Only problem was we couldn’t do it with Pops around. Hence the reason we waited fucking over ninety whole days for this one night. We knew the motherfucker hid everything conspicuously in his room. There had to be something there. Anything that could point us in the right direction to find the evidence we needed to put an end to everything.
We hid the truck in the woods about a half a mile up the road from the clubhouse, preferring to tread on foot just in case someone showed back up early. We waited, bunkered down in the woods, out of sight until we saw them ride out toward the fair, all sporting their colors with fucking pride. The Prez knew Diesel was with me most of the time since I was technically still in hiding. I needed backup in case more shit hit the fan. Diesel and I breached the property just after eleven at night. Getting in unseen, dodging the fucking security cameras to get to the control panel. I knew how to fuck with the cameras and security system my father had installed after the shootout.
The cheap bastard didn’t get anything high-tech. It was easy to mess with the setup, so we could be undetected. I went in through the back while Diesel walked in through the front, just in case there were any stragglers or club whores left behind. It would look suspicious if he was sneaking in like I was. The brothers knew I couldn’t step foot on the compound, it would be too careless to put the club in jeopardy if for some reason the cops found out.
“Everyone’s gone,” he announced, nodding to me to come in through the sliders. “We got less than a few hours to find what we need. Don’t wanna push our luck, who the fuck knows how long your old man will stay out at the fair. I guess it depends on how much Jack they have.”
I nodded, grabbing the hidden key for his room before making our way down the hall and up a set of stairs to his private quarters. Hoping Christa, Pop’s whore, wasn’t there since we didn’t see her on the back of his bike. We stopped in front of his door and listened for a second, making sure the coast was clear. It didn’t surprise either one of us that the door was fucking locked.
We spent the next two hours searching hell and high water for any sort of clue. From the walls to the floors, even the goddamn ceiling. Rummaging through drawers, cabinets, and shelves, coming up empty. On the verge of tearing the fucking room apart, trashing it just to find where he hid Martinez’s disc. But we didn’t, wanting it to look like no one had been there.
The last thing we needed was for him to figure out we were fucking on to him. It would start new problems we didn’t have time for.
“Fuck!” I yelled, frustrated we weren’t finding what we needed. Sitting my ass in the recliner in his room, trying not to think about how many bitches sucked his cock while he was sitting in it.
I grabbed my phone out from my back pocket and pulled up the picture that Martinez sent me months ago. I had probably looked at the goddamn photo hundreds of fucking times, still feeling as though I was missing something of importance. The photo was aged, worn, and fucked up, so it was hard to make out his face.
“Creed,” Diesel called out, bringing my attention to him. “Since when does your old man listen to classical music?”
“What?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.
He nodded toward his C.D. case in the corner of the room. My eyes narrowed in on the shelf, finding the case he was talking about almost instantly. It stuck out like a fucking sore thumb.
I lunged off the recliner and was over to the shelving unit in three strides. Grabbing ahold of the C.D. in question, opening it before it was even fully in my grasp.
“Hell yes.” I held up the contents, smiling so fucking wide when I realized it was Martinez’s disc.
“Help me grab all the fuckin’ C.D.’s out of the cases. I don’t give a fuck if he notices.”
We grabbed every last one, throwing them in the bag we had with us, noticing several were not music, but possible files. After making sure everything was back in place, we hauled ass out of there just in the nick of time. Hearing the roar of bikes in the distance as we sped away, with hopefully the truth in the bag.
I knew Diesel was trying not to speed on the way back to his house, as anxious as I was to get to the bottom of everything. Have some sort of closure and fucking justice for all parties involved.
He grabbed his laptop off the coffee table, hurrying into the kitchen. Clearing the contents of the counter off with one swipe of his arm. Sending beer bottles clinking to the floor, setting up shop for the long night we had ahead of us. I wouldn’t sleep until I had answers. Laying all the discs out, I inserted Martinez’s first. Never in a million fucking years did I expect what I would find. Each C.D. solved another piece of the puzzle.
Except I never thought it would lead to another road where we all might not make it out...
Alive.
Summer vacation came to an end way too quickly. I missed being able to hang out with Noah all day, every day at the beach, surfing, sunbathing, kissing. There was a lot of kissing. My senior year of high school had started, and my eighteenth birthday had come and gone. I was officially and legally an adult. I think my dad was a little sad about that fact, no longer his little girl. Especially when I joked with him, saying he could no longer tell me what I could and couldn’t do. Earning my mom a control your daughter kind of glare.
We celebrated by having dinner and cake at my house. Surrounded by my family and Noah, only missing Mason who went back overseas to once again fight for our country. Giselle showed up with her new boyfriend, who didn’t seem like her typical type. Polar opposite of my brother. I could tell Uncle Dylan didn’t like the man very much, staring him down with a killer look in his eyes. Waiting for him to make one wrong move.
I immediately wondered if my brother knew what she was up to. Knowing it wasn’t go
ing to go over well if and when he found out. I felt bad for the poor guy, but I also didn’t want to see my brother end up in jail for taking him out. There was definitely a shit storm brewing, and for the first time in a while, I wasn’t the cause. I had to be grateful for the small miracles.
Everyone belted out, singing happy birthday to me, telling me to make a wish and blow out my candles. For some reason, at that exact moment, I thought about a penny, which didn’t make any sense. You’d think that feeling would have become a natural reaction for me by now, but it didn’t. Not even after all this time.
After filling up on my homemade cake my mom made, I opened a ton of gifts. Getting jewelry, a new laptop, some clothes and a bunch of gift cards. I couldn’t wait to go shopping. It was a great way to say goodbye to seventeen and welcome eighteen with open arms. Spending my birthday with all the people I loved and wanted to be with the most.
Noah gave me a beautiful necklace with a heart-shaped pendant made of diamonds. Saying as soon as he saw it, he had to get it for me. That nothing was as pretty as I was but this came close. We were exclusively in a relationship, spending every waking hour together.
The first time he called me his girl was in front of my mom and dad. We were messing around in the pool while my parents’ grilled out. They didn’t say anything, but I did see my dad corner Noah in the kitchen, through the sliding glass door later that evening. It appeared they were having a heated conversation, although I didn’t hear what it was about. I imagined it was his typical threats, which Noah had become more than accustomed to.
Since I turned eighteen, they weren’t on my ass as much as they used to be. I didn’t have a curfew anymore. I could come and go as I pleased. I could stay out at friends’ houses as long as I communicated where I was and what we were doing. I knew they weren’t stupid. I’m sure they assumed I was staying with Noah, but they never called me out. I think a part of them started to like him and possibly even trust him. He kept me safe, and I was happy. Which was ultimately all they ever wanted for me.
Even though my life had changed, my memories had yet to return. It had been almost a year since I was found, and no closer to the truth that was barricaded in my mind. The case of my disappearance was still open but had become stagnant. Creed was still on the run, and my uncle and dad were still chasing him. I knew they’d never stop.
To be honest, the more time that went on, the more I realized my memory might never return. At that point, I think I started to become fine with that intuition.
It was what it was.
My therapist and I began talking about the future, instead of living in the past. I had to start thinking about college and all that came along with that. With my help, Noah passed his GED with flying colors. His ma was so proud, watching her baby receive his certificate. We spent hours upon hours getting him ready for it. He didn’t give himself enough credit, he was extremely bright when he put his mind to something. Most of the time I had to bribe him with pervy favors. Like if he got this answer right I would take off my shirt, or if he got it wrong he wouldn’t be able to kiss me for an hour.
It motivated him in the right direction for the most part, although it just led to us making out more often than not.
We hadn’t had sex yet, and he hadn’t pushed me to do anything I wasn’t ready for or comfortable with. He was being patient with me, and I thought that was super sweet of him. We could spend hours just making out, lying together, letting our hands roam. He’d touch me under my clothes testing my boundaries, but he never took it any further. As far as I knew, it kept him satisfied just being able to feel me and love me in that way for now.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Creed since my prom, over five months ago. That all changed when my phone dinged at midnight on my birthday, scaring the shit out of me. An unknown number lit up my dark room like a beacon in the night, calling for me to answer.
I swiped the screen over, reading his simple message, “Happy birthday, Pippin. Don’t forget to make a wish.”
His words made me smile, but that quickly faded as did the light on my phone. I worked so hard to keep him out of my mind, and every time I thought he was gone, he’d make his way back in. Almost like he sensed I was moving on. Other than that night, it was like he dropped off the face of the earth. I debated on texting him back more often than not, just to know he was alright. Also, resisting the urge several times to ask his ma if she’d heard from him, afraid of the response I’d get.
There were times when I would catch myself thinking about him, hoping he was safe. Praying he was alive. Holding the key he gave me tight in my grasp. Trying to figure out why my mind wouldn’t bring him back, and I had yet to fully grasp that question.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Noah probed, walking back into his living room with popcorn in his hands. Ready to play the movie.
His mom went away for the weekend with some of her girlfriends. Saying something about it being long over do. Noah had suspected that she was seeing someone and just didn’t want him to know. Probably too nervous, thinking about how he would react to the news. Fearing for the guy’s life.
To be honest, I would be, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was dating again, she was beautiful. Inside and out. I knew Noah still held onto the resentment he had toward her, and I’m sure she knew it as well. Even though there was bitterness on his end, I knew he loved her, and she loved him more than anything. Proving that every day. Their relationship was amazing for mother and son. I think over time his anger for what she put him through would fade. I hoped it would be the same for his brother, too.
Noah never talked about Creed, and I never brought him up, either. His mom didn’t even mention him around me. Which made me think she knew more about where he was than she let on.
“You always bite your lip when you’re deep in thought,” he remarked, once again pulling me away from my thoughts.
“Is there anything you don’t notice?”
“Not when it comes to you.”
I smirked, grabbing some popcorn out of the bowl as he took a seat beside me. “I was thinking about my Jeep if you must know. Thanks for picking me up in your mom’s car tonight. My Jeep should be out of the shop tomorrow morning. Can you take me to pick it up?”
He raised an eyebrow, grinning. “That mean you spendin’ the night?”
I shrugged, smiling. “It depends. Did you rent a man movie? If I have to sit through another violent or bloody film, there better be some hot ass guys.”
“Why? You got one sittin’ right here.”
“Really?” I looked around the room and then back to him. “Where?”
He put the popcorn on the coffee table and grabbed my foot, tugging me to him. Making me squeal and giggle all at the same time.
“You’re lucky you’re so fuckin’ pretty,” he rasped, laying on top of me.
“What about my awesome witty comebacks?”
“What about them?”
My mouth dropped open. “That’s not nice.”
“Someone wasn’t bein’ very nice a few minutes ago,” he retorted, kissing along my neck. His facial hair was inflicting all sorts of feelings in my core.
“Don’t hate because you’re not funny!” I giggled, angling my head down so he couldn’t get into the crevice.
“Now I ain’t funny? I’m fuckin’ funny!”
“Oh yeah, fuckin’ hilarious. You ain’t fuckin’ funny,” I mocked him, using the way he talks.
“Don’t say fuckin’... sounds too dirty comin’ out of somethin’ so sweet.”
“Awe! That was so sweet! But you’re not the boss of me! I can say whatever I want! Fuckin’, fuckin’, fuckin’, fuck!”
He chuckled when he realized I wasn’t going to let up and let him at my neck, so he lifted my dress instead. Blowing raspberries all over my belly, causing me to thrash around like a crazy person.
“Who’s fuckin’ funny now?”
“Definitely not you! I’m only laughing cause you’re t
orturing me!” I accidentally kicked the popcorn off the table, sending it flying everywhere.
He continued his assault, tickling my sides for I don’t know how long when he suddenly just stopped, catching me off guard. I caught my breath for a few seconds before I leaned up on my elbows to see what he was doing. Instantly jerking back, realizing his eyes were dead set on my faint C-section scar that could only be seen if you knew it was there.
The same one I still stared at all the time.
I froze in place, not knowing what to say or do. We had yet to breach the subject about the past, pretending as if it never existed to begin with. When he moved his hand, I stopped breathing. Knowing exactly what he was about to do. His fingers lightly touched along the faded memory of the day I was still so terrified and overwhelmed to remember. Although, the tips of his fingers were barely grazing my skin, that didn’t stop me from feeling the sensation all over.
Especially stabbing at my heart.
“Her name was Madison, we were goin’ to call her Maddie for short,” he said so low I could barely hear him. As if he was no longer in the present with me, he was somewhere else entirely stuck in the past. Lost in his own mind. “She was beautiful, Mia. I’d never seen anythin’ more beautiful in all my life.” His eyes filled with tears. It was the first time I saw him so vulnerable since her funeral. So exposed and so raw.
“You got to meet her?” I asked in the same low monotone he was speaking in.
“No. By the time I made it back, she was already gone.” His mind was reeling. I could see it clear as day, the visions playing out in front of him. “She was so fuckin’ tiny. Her body fit right in my palms,” he paused, looking down at his hands like she was still in them. “She had your lips and round face, your complexion, too.” I watched as tears streamed down his cheeks, feeling so helpless. He didn’t bother wiping them away, too consumed with what he was telling me. As if he was there with her and not here with me. “She had my black hair, though. Her skin was so fuckin’ soft, and she smelled like nothin’ I’d ever breathed in before. She was so fuckin’ perfect. I loved her immediately. Didn’t think I could ever love somethin’ so much until that moment. Except, maybe you.”
