by Lisa Ferrari
But before he gets the towel around his waist, I catch a glimpse of his round, muscled, perfect ass.
Wow.
I hold my towel around me with one hand and shimmy out of my wet bra and undies and hurry inside where it’s warm.
Inside, Kellan makes microwave popcorn and protein shakes. He has several flavors of protein powder and he lets me choose. I choose Pina Colada.
Kellan pours the popcorn into a big bowl and we stand in the kitchen, munching the warm, crunchy popcorn and sipping our shakes.
There is a moment of silence.
We stare at one another.
It reminds me of the near kiss in the pool.
But then the moment passes.
I can’t tell if he’s into me and is trying to make the first move. Was inviting me here and suggesting we swim his first move?
I acknowledge the fact that I could make the first move.
Except, how desperate would that be?
Plus, what if he isn’t interested in me like that? Kind of like how I am at work with Chris. How mortifying if I shoved my tongue in Kellan’s mouth and he didn’t kiss me back.
I decide to wait for Kellan to initiate anything physical.
WE TAKE OUR shakes to the big, plush sectional sofa and Kellan fires up Conan the Barbarian.
“I hear this is really violent,” I say.
“Some parts are, yeah. But it’s no worse than Game of Thrones. Ned Stark? The Red Wedding. Hello! That was some crazy stuff. But yeah, this movie is no worse than that.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Kellan settles onto the sofa beside me. He’s close, but we’re not touching. He’s naked under his towel.
Wow.
But then, so am I.
“I’ll do my best to keep my mouth shut,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“I could ramble on and on throughout the whole movie, pointing out my favorite scenes and saying the lines before the characters do. But I don’t want to affect your viewing experience. This is your first time. I want you to enjoy it.”
Kellan presses Play and the movie rolls.
After a voice-over introduction, there’s a cool scene of a sword being forged, along with some beautiful, epic fantasy music. I like the movie immediately.
But Denise is soon proved right. Ten minutes in, there’s a massacre.
Yikes.
Kellan falls asleep. I watch the movie all the way through and positively love it.
The scenery, the music, the action… just like Kellan said at Mel’s.
I get really turned on by the first sex scene. I find myself wanting to someday recreate it in front of Kellan’s fireplace. I’m both aroused and horrified by the orgy scene Denise mentioned. The green soup gives me the creeps. But Kellan was right about Sandahl Bergman. She looks so hot in her sexy leather outfit.
After the movie, Kellan is still sound asleep. I’m not sure what to do. I should probably wake him up.
I notice that his towel has come loose on his waist and I can see the top of his pubic hair. It’s dark brown.
In a highly un-Claire-like move, I reach over and lift up the towel and peek underneath.
I get a good look.
He’s flaccid, but big.
Thick.
And nice.
Oh my.
It makes my stomach clench.
God, I’ve never seen a man, or a penis, and wanted it so badly. Every time I’ve seen a magazine or pictures or video online of naked men, some of the guys are cute and some of their penises are a turn-on, but none of them has ever made me feel… like this.
What would happen if Kellan woke up just now while I was checking him out?
Would he get angry and cover himself?
Would he ask me if I like what I see?
Would he begin stroking it for me? (I would like that.)
Would he take my hand and place it on him?
Would he reach up and gently guide my head down so I could feel him get hard in my mouth?
Lord, what if he got angry?
I carefully replace the towel.
Kellan is deep asleep so I quietly put on my gym clothes, let myself out, and drive home.
Once I am clear of the guard house and I’m driving down the dark road, the only car in sight, I realize how horny I am.
My heart is beating fast.
I’m full of adrenaline.
I feel as if I’ve just had a most amazing adventure.
I can’t get the picture of Kellan’s naked body out of my mind.
I push my fingers into my workout pants and start touching myself.
ONCE I REACH my apartment, I strip and climb into bed.
I forego showering because I like the way my body feels after swimming in Kellan’s pool. My skin feels smooth and clean and I can smell the water on my skin.
I want to pretend I’m still there.
With him.
I grab my phone and search online for the Conan the Barbarian soundtrack. It comes up on YouTube. It’s an hour and forty-two minutes. By Basil Poledouris. I press Play.
I begin touching myself again, to properly enjoy what I began in the car on the way home.
Finally, after several minutes of debate, and after several minutes of fantasizing about what I saw under Kellan’s towel, I get out of bed and dig around in my closet. I have to stand naked on a chair to reach the top shelf, and I nearly fall off the chair.
I succeed at last in extricating the black shoe box from all the crap stacked haphazardly on the top shelf. The box is covered in dust.
Just like my vagina.
I blow the dust off the top and it goes in my face and makes me cough. Inside is my old black Jane’s Addiction tee shirt I got at their Cal Expo concert, with the Ritual de lo Habitual artwork Perry Ferrell aka Simon Bernstein made for the album cover.
I unwrap the shirt. Inside are my sex toys. A strap-on and two accompanying dildos, both big and fleshy. I bought them several years ago with the notion of using them on Warcraft Tommy but after the Taco Bell incident it became obvious that he wasn’t interested.
But I’ve always liked the idea of being in control and of using my cock on a guy, provided the guy was willing.
In lots of pornos, I’ve usually watched the guy and how he did the woman, more so than identifying with the woman being done.
Maybe it was the icky guy in the video.
And in that movie with Will Ferrell where he lives on his front lawn, he catches his neighbors in such an act. I saw that movie in the theater with my sister Beth. On the drive home, we chatted about the movie. When that scene came up, Beth said it was totally, one hundred-percent disgusting. I pretended to agree with her.
I went home that evening and went online and ordered a harness and the matching phallus. When they came in the mail a week later, I put them on and looked at myself in the mirror.
It really turned me on.
I stroked my big member and liked it.
I tried on clothes to hide the harness: a bikini, underwear, a skirt (that was hot, the way the cock lifted up the front of the skirt), and a pair of jeans. I left the zipper open with my new toy sticking out and buttoned the jeans. It looked hot in the mirror. You couldn’t see the harness straps at all, and it simply looked like I had a big, thick erection sticking out of my skinny jeans.
When I stroked it, it pushed against my clit just right. I masturbated like that and had a powerful orgasm in under a minute. It was so new and thrilling.
Then I climbed onto my bed and got in missionary position and made love to my pillow. I fantasized it was a sexy albeit faceless but totally willing guy. His legs were around my waist, with me deep inside him, and I imagined him having orgasm after orgasm from feeling me going in and out, and then we climaxed at the same time.
But then I figured no guy would ever in a million years let me actually do that. So I removed my new toy and wrapped them up in my Jane’s Addiction tee shirt and stashed them in my closet.
; And that’s where they’ve been.
Until tonight.
With images of Kellan dancing in my mind, I take one of them to the bathroom and quickly wash it with soap and warm water. I dry it with a towel and it gets a bunch of white lint all over it. So I have to wash it again and shake it dry. It looks kind of funny in the mirror, a thick penis in my hand flopping about.
I climb into bed and close my eyes. I think about Kellan. About what was under that towel. And my entire body shudders with ecstasy as it slides inside me.
The powerful musical concerto accompanies the insertion.
It doesn’t take long for a powerful orgasm to build and build and build, with Basil Poledouris cheering me on.
When I come, I’m almost afraid my head is going to explode. I keep the toy inside me as everything squeezes with wave after wave of ecstasy.
I actually say Kellan’s name aloud, and imagine him erupting inside me at the same time. Then we kiss and hold each other and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
WHEN I WAKE up a few hours later to pee, I cry out in pain as I collapse on the toilet. My ass and leg muscles are in agony. Especially my ass. Holy canoli. Kellan wasn’t kidding.
But in a weird way, it does feel good.
I can feel the muscles in my butt being smooshed by the toilet seat. Kellan called them glutes.
And when I wipe, I’m a bit sore from the big dildo, which I also attribute to Kellan. I like it and I’m glad I bought them and haven’t used them until now, when I have a man with whom I can associate them. I’m glad I’ve had them stashed in the closet all this time and never used them on anyone or told anyone about them. Not even Denise.
When I’m done peeing, I have to use my hands to push on the counter top to get off the toilet.
I hobble back to bed.
I collapse on the mattress. I have to disgorge the sex toy from under the blankets.
My legs and butt are tender. I wonder how I’ll be able to carry trays tomorrow if I can barely walk. But maybe it’ll be a buffet so I won’t have to carry anything.
I check my phone. It’s freakin 9:30 a.m. There is a text from Denise:
Meet me at Pluto’s
at 11:30!!!!
Lunch.
And more exclamation points than are necessary.
But lunch sounds good. It’ll give me time to get to work by 1:00.
K
I put my phone in airplane mode, set the alarm for 11:00, and go back to sleep.
I WALK INTO Pluto’s 15 minutes late and find Denise standing by the door with her arms folded.
“What the frick? I’ve been calling you.”
I check my phone. “It’s still in airplane mode. Oops.”
“Oh, my little Clarice. Come on, I’m hungry.”
We go to the counter and get build-to-order salads. I get a spinach salad with a bunch of steak on top, and I pass on the bread or French fries.
Denise looks at me strangely. “You? Steak? And no bread or fries?”
“I’m craving meat.”
“I’ll bet you are. I want to hear all about last night. But first, I made partner!”
“That’s so great!”
Denise and I hug and go crazy, jumping up and down while the people with the big silver bowls of our salads look on.
We take our food to a table and dig in.
Denise tells me how great the meeting went and all about the big fat raise she’s getting.
She wants to commemorate her huge advancement by going car shopping. The partners suggested that she needed a more upscale vehicle. Her one-year-old Lexus, loaded with leather and bells and whistles though it is, is no longer sufficient. She wants me to come with her to help her choose a car.
While we eat, Denise begins browsing BMWs on her phone.
“What do you think of this one?” She texts me a pic.
I don’t’ get it. “Oh, wait, I’m still in airplane mode.” I toggle it off.
The car pic comes in. It’s a Z4 roadster. A little red convertible. Nice.
Another pic comes in and I almost choke on my food.
Denise is startled. “What’s wrong?”
I’m staring at a pic of my sports bra and purple thong spread out neatly on a fluffy white towel on a chaise lounge beside a pool. There is a Pina Colada protein shake with a wedge of pineapple and even a little drink umbrella.
I show it to Denise.
We’re both speechless.
Finally, she asks, “What is that?”
“Well, it looks like I forgot my undies at Kellan’s last night.”
“You slut! You totally screwed him, didn’t you?”
I look all around, hoping no one heard that. Denise is oblivious.
“Shh! I did not.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy getting made partner and shopping for a car that I’m being a totally shitty friend. I totally neglected to ask you about your big night with Mister Universe. You totally banged, didn’t you?”
“No, we did not totally bang.”
I tell Denise all about swimming in our underwear and the Pina Colada protein shakes and the popcorn and how Kellan fell asleep so I let myself out.
I leave out the part where we almost kissed but I chickened out.
I also leave out the part where I peeked under his towel and was treated to the Full Monty.
“Did you suck his dick in the pool?”
“No.”
“Did he go down on you?”
I recall Kellan swimming between my legs, when I thought he was going to do that to me. “No.”
“Did you kiss?”
“Almost.”
“What? Two adults swimming, mostly naked, in a warm pool under a starry night and you didn’t even kiss?”
“No. We didn’t. I don’t know if he was waiting for me to make the first move or if I was waiting for him to make the first move. But I think it’s nice that we didn’t. It seems like people are always in such a rush to have sex. You meet someone, you have sex, and then what? All the mystery is gone. The thrill of the chase is pretty much over. If you like the person, I guess you can have sex again.”
“I never do.”
“And why is that?”
“I’m not sure. I guess it’s the whole Mister Right versus Mister Right Now thing.”
“But if you like someone enough to go back to their place or to bring them home and into your bed, where you sleep, which is an intimate, private place, then shouldn’t it also be that you like them enough to get to know them? With Kellan, I feel like I know him somehow. Which is completely ridiculous because we just met. We’ve known each other two days. But last night at Mel’s, for example, it was so effortless. No awkward uncomfortable silences. I never felt like I needed to struggle to find something to talk about. I wasn’t nervous or embarrassed about eating in front of him, either.”
“What did you eat?”
“An omelet and oatmeal. We both wolfed them down because we were hungry after training. The only thing that was kinda weird was all the people who kept stopping by the table to say hi to Kellan and get a selfie with him. But he was so sweet about it. He was in the middle of his meal, like he literally had food in his mouth, and he stopped and slid out of the booth and stood up and did this thing where he flexed his arm and pointed and made it look like he was totally best friends with the person. It was amazing. And he always introduced me. Every time. It was so considerate. Like I wasn’t just some groupie sitting there waiting to suck his dick in the bathroom. I felt like… I don’t know… like he appreciated me. It was like something a husband would do for his wife.”
“Oh Jesus, Clarice, please tell me you’re not getting your hopes up that you will actually marry this guy. You just met. You have no idea what his intentions are.”
“I know what they’re not. He didn’t sleep with me and never call me again. Although that would’ve been a mind-altering experience. God, you should’ve seen his muscles when he took off his clothes and jumped
in the pool.”
“Oh, I know. I saw him at the body fat testing place. Remember? Did you get to see his wiener?”
“Sorta. When he got out of the pool, he walked up the steps like a Greek god and his boxers were all stuck to his body. His legs are huge. They’re perfect. Perfect abs. Perfect chest. Oh my God, his chest. But right between those amazing legs was the outline of his penis.”
“What did it look like?”
“Long and thick.”
“Oh, Claire. You have to sleep with this guy. As soon as possible. He could stop calling you at any moment and stop working out with you and stop coaching you or whatever it is he’s doing. If you don’t sleep with him and he stops calling, you will always regret it. For the rest of your life. Trust me, I know.”
“What do you mean?”
“There have been a few guys I didn’t pursue. I let them get away. I’ve always regretted it. One guy was so gorgeous and so amazing. I thought he was the one. I was convinced he was the one, that it was just a matter of time. He was a pediatrician and a volunteer firefighter. He seemed to like me, too, but I never really showed any interest. I guess he figured I wasn’t. I’m not sure if I was playing hard to get or what. I think maybe I was intimidated, that I didn’t feel… worthy. But I’ve always wondered what would’ve happened if I’d just asked him to coffee. I could be birthing his little pediatrician firefighter babies right now, happy as a pig in shit. So, since then, if I see a guy I like, I go for it. Whatever happens… happens.”
This is a revelation. Denise has never mentioned any of this before. It certainly explains her coquettish tendencies.
“You really think I should sleep with Kellan?”
“As soon as possible.”
“I guess I could.”
“You guys are spending a lot of time together.”
“I know.”
“You met, what, two days ago?”
“Yeah.”
“You really didn’t get to see his dick?”
“No,” I lie.
“So, no tiny pee-pee and shriveled balls?” Denise holds up two garbanzo beans from her salad.
“No!”
“I’d still eat them,” she says, “even if they were tiny and nonfunctioning.”
Amidst our laughter, my phone pings. It’s a text from Kellan.
Aren’t you going to comment
