“I think it could be real pleasurable,” she said, sounding a little breathless.
“I thought you would,” he said, hiding his grin.
* * *
“What happened to the bread?” Mark asked, trying to saw through a piece.
“Tanner made it,” Matt said accusingly.
“I helped,” Kate said, not wanting him to take all the blame. “Didn’t we do it right?”
“It’s okay. Actually it’s quite tasty,” Luke said, tearing off a chunk with his teeth. “Just a little hard in spots.”
“I guess we need more practice,” Tanner said softly, his eyes fixed on hers. “Lots more practice.”
Thinking about that bread making, and the possibility that more would follow, she grew absolutely giddy.
* * *
That night when she’d gone to bed, that feeling still hadn’t left her. She could smell the tangy pine and wood smoke scent of him, feel the strength of his arms around her, his breath warm against her cheek. His hands enfolding hers and the soft dough pressed between their palms, giving her the most erotic sensation she had ever experienced. And when they were finished, he’d wiped the flour from her face and neck. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he intended to kiss her.
Then John burst through the door.
Her face had flamed scarlet and Tanner had looked decidedly uncomfortable. They hadn’t done anything wrong, yet they couldn’t have looked more guilty if they’d been caught rolling on the floor. Thank goodness the child was too young to notice.
But the older boys weren’t. Had they heard Tanner enter her room last night? Was that the reason Matt had put the lock on her door?
The lock. Matt would be insulted if she didn’t use it. She crept out of bed and slid the bolt. Tanner wouldn’t be visiting her room this night. As she climbed back into bed, she didn’t know if that made her sad or happy. But at least she wouldn’t be yielding to temptation.
It seemed Matt might be the wise one, after all.
* * *
A blinding snowstorm hit the next day. And John came down with a fever. Matt had awakened Tanner during the night and together they had watched over the child until morning.
“More than likely it’s only a cold, but I think we should keep him isolated until we find out for sure,” Tanner said.
Kate’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t think it could be....”
“Naw. How could he catch it?”
“Could I have brought him the germs?”
“No. If anybody brought him any germs it was me. I was at the doctor’s office.”
“But you came into town because of me. It would still be my fault.”
“It wouldn’t be your fault. Kate, the boy has a cold, pure and simple. But even with a cold, I think it might be a good idea if we made different sleeping arrangements, for the time being at least.”
“Yes, you’re right. What do we do?”
“If you don’t mind, your bed being the biggest, we could put the three older boys in there. You could take Mark’s room, and John could stay where he is. Is that all right with you?”
“Of course. I’ll move my things right now.”
Tanner took another look at John, then he went into the kitchen where Matt was busy with breakfast. “Maybe some soup might help him. I’ll kill one of those old hens, and you could stew up a pot.”
“You can’t even see the barn. How are you going to find a chicken?” Matt asked.
“What if you get turned around?” Mark said. “You’d freeze before we could find you.”
“You could use that new well rope,” Luke suggested. “Tie it to the porch post and string it to the barn. That way you could find your way back.”
“It’s not long enough, but we could tie that length of clothesline on it,” Matt said thoughtfully. “It might reach then.”
Tanner gazed at Matt. “Yesterday I had the feeling that you wouldn’t care if I froze or not.”
“Hell, Tanner,” Matt said angrily. “You’re my brother. I might want to punch your gizzard out, but I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.”
Tanner grinned. “I’ll remind you of that next time.”
“I’ll go with you,” Mark said. “Need to break the ice so the animals can get water. And that cow is probably bawling her head off to be milked. Besides, with both of us out there, we could get done quicker.”
“I’d appreciate your help. Matt, keep an eye on John, but it might be a good idea if you don’t go in there unless it’s necessary.”
“You don’t think it’s smallpox, do you?”
Tanner didn’t answer. He didn’t know. He did know John had never been this sick before. He put on his coat and hat and followed Mark out the door.
Chapter 14
It had been three days since the storm began. Tanner had hoped it would blow itself out, but instead it had grown in voracity, swallowing the mountain and everything on it in a swirling void of white. The wind intensified the cold, creeping in around the windows and the eves of the house, making it chilly despite the roaring fire. Praying the wood would hold out until the storm was over, he put another log on the fire and went to stare out the window.
The snow piled around the outside walls, mounding over the windowsills, reaching a depth of three feet, some places even more. The isolation he had hoped for had come to pass. Now, with John sick, he would have given his soul if he could exchange it for one bright, sunlit day.
A scent of flowers drifted to his nostrils. He shifted his gaze and found Kate standing by his side. “How is he?”
“No change.” Her eyes were ringed with shadows from two sleepless nights. Like Tanner, she’d refused to leave John’s side in case he might awaken and need her.
Tanner, too, would not leave John, for fear the angel of death would snatch the little boy if nobody was watching.
Even though Tanner hadn’t allowed them to enter the sickroom,Matt, Mark and Luke also held vigil, pacing between the hall and the kitchen.
Matt continued to make meals that remained mostly uneaten. Mark and Luke had taken over the tending of the stock, leaving Tanner free to care for their little brother. The family and Kate talked in hushed tones, moved slowly, quietly, and existed on copious pots of black coffee. It was as though they were locked in a place where time stood still, yet no one was willing to set the pendulum in motion.
Fighting overwhelming exhaustion of mind and spirit, Tanner poured another cup of the bitter brew and returned to the bedroom, setting the coffee on the bedside table, where it, like so many others, would remain until it grew cold.
He took the child’s hand, holding it between his own. With the high fever John’s skin had taken on the appearance of dried parchment paper. Tanner and Kate had bathed him with cool water and had attempted to force minute quantities of herbal teas, broth and other concoctions through the child’s lips. Nothing they had been able to do had made the least difference. The fever raged on. John remained unconscious, hovering on that thin line between life and death, with each faint breath carrying him closer to the hereafter.
Unable to bear it any longer, Tanner lifted his little brother into his arms and held him close. He remembered John’s first baby smile. His first tooth. His first hesitant step. The laughter and the mischief, the joy he had brought into their lives. “Hang on, baby,” he pleaded. But even as he spoke he could feel the child’s life ebbing away.
His body shaking with silent grief, Tanner closed his eyes and bowed his head. It had been a long time since he’d prayed, and he wasn’t sure the Almighty would even listen, particularly after the way he’d been behaving of late. He only knew John’s fate lay with a higher power.
After exhausting every plea and listening for a reply, any hope for this dear little boy, Tanner finally had his answer. He placed John back on the bed and smoothed a lock of hair off the child’s face. Glancing up, he saw Kate standing in the doorway.
“He’s going to die, isn’t he?” she whi
spered, her expression tortured, her face wet with tears.
“No! We won’t let him. While I was praying, I saw my father. He told me what to do.” He took her hand and pulled her into the room.
“What did he say?” she asked.
“He reminded me of a story he used to tell of a miner who had a high fever. His partners had given up on him, left him alone to die. The Indians found him. Instead of scalping him, they cured him by packing him in snow.”
“Snow? You’re going to...”
“I can’t just sit here and watch John die. I am going to either cure him or kill him. The cold might break the fever, or it might give him frostbite or pneumonia. It will be the Lord’s decision whichever way it goes.” He began to remove his brother’s sleeping garment. The child’s skin against his hands seemed hot enough to sear flesh.
John made a feeble attempt to open his eyes, then immediately lapsed back into unconsciousness.
Not even trying to hold back his own tears, Tanner scooped the wasted little body into his arms.
“Tanner?” Eyes wide, Kate stared at him. “I’m coming with you.” She grabbed her coat and followed him from the house.
Instructing Kate to wait on the porch, Tanner waded down the snow-covered steps and a short distance away before he deposited John in an area next to the house where the dwelling would shield them from the cold wind. The snow was feathery light, and the heat of the fever melted it as soon as it touched John’s body.
Tanner gently smoothed a layer over the child’s skin, then added another, and another, until the boy was encased in an icy cocoon.
Please, let it work. Please, don’t let him get any sicker. Scarcely daring to breathe, Tanner watched for a sign that the treatment was having an effect one way or another.
The child’s body twitched as if becoming aware of the icy mound, but other than that there was no response.
What if it didn’t work? What if he caused his brother to freeze to death? How could he ever live with that? Tanner hesitated. His gaze shifted to Kate.
Her face pale and drawn, her lips compressed and blue with cold, she looked at him, and then at the little boy. Her eyes widened. “Look! He’s moving.”
He stared down at his brother.
John jerked, then began to shake. He moaned and cried out.
“Hold on, baby.” His throat tight with emotion, Tanner fought the urge to yank his brother free of the ice and carry him back inside to the warmth. He couldn’t do that, not yet. His own hands stiff with cold, he touched the feverish forehead. Still hot, but whether the fever was as high as before, he couldn’t tell. Tanner was so cold that ice water would feel warm.
“Kate?”
“Yes, Tanner?”
“I need for you to feel his head. See if there is any change.” He pushed his way to the porch and held out his arms. “No sense in you wading through this mess.”
She gripped his shoulders as he hoisted her into his arms and carried her to where John lay. Her face intent, she removed her gloves and pressed the back of her hand against the child’s cheek. “I think it’s working. He doesn’t feel as hot. Can we...?”
“Not yet. But I do have something you can do. Have Matt fill that washtub— tell him to make the water just warm enough to take the chill off.” He carried her to the porch and set her on her feet.
“How much longer?”
He shook his head. “I have the feeling I’ll know when the time is right.”
Kate went into the house, and Tanner returned to watch over his brother.
Slowly but surely the flush of the fever retreated. Tanner still waited.
John coughed, then his eyelids fluttered. He shivered, then raised his arm and stared at the snow. His eyes big, he peered up. “T-Tanner?”
Thank you. Unable to speak, Tanner brushed the snow away and drew the child into his arms.
“W-what am I d-doing out here? Where’s my c-clothes? I’m c-cold.”
“Welcome back, baby.” He carried the shivering child up the steps. His brothers and Kate waited by the door. “He’s awake. I think he’s going to be all right.”
Tanner bathed his little brother, then put him to bed. Even though John seemed better, he and Kate remained at his bedside. “You don’t have to stay up,” Tanner said, noting the dark circles ringing her eyes. “I’ll watch over him.”
“I want to stay. I love him, too,” she said softly. She turned the lamp down to a soft glow, then pulled a chair close to the other side of the bed.
He knew she would stay there until morning. She did love the boy; her actions had proved that. Not even Maggie could have given John better care. He imagined Kate with a child of her own. She needed a child—children. She had so much love to give; she would make a wonderful mother. Yet, the idea of her creating those children with someone else was almost more than he could bear.
If there was any way, any way at all, he would ask her to marry him, to stay there on the mountain. But there wasn’t. He refused to saddle her with his financial burdens. By the time he got his life in order and the boys were out on their own, years would have passed. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, ask her to wait.
* * *
John made it through the night without the fever rising. When dawn came, and the child was sleeping peacefully, Tanner knew the crisis had passed.
He rose, stretched to restore his circulation, then extinguished the lamp. He touched Kate’s shoulder and saw that fatigue had drained the last of her willpower. She had fallen asleep.
Rather than wake her, he lifted her into his arms and carried her into her bedroom, There, he removed her shoes, then her dress, knowing she would be more comfortable without it. She’d lost weight, he noticed, but then they all had eaten very little. In Kate’s case it only emphasized her fragility. He placed her in the bed and gently tucked the covers around her.
Weariness made Tanner’s head reel, yet there was no place he could rest. He knew Matt was up; he’d heard pots rattling in the kitchen. And when he’d carried Kate past their bedroom door, he saw Mark and Luke were still in bed. After they woke, the living room would soon become too noisy for any attempt at sleep.
He ran a hand over his eyes. She looked so comfortable and the bed so tempting. Maybe she wouldn’t care if he stretched out, just for a minute.
He pulled off his boots and lay down beside her. In seconds he was fast asleep.
* * *
“Do you see that?” Mark turned to Matt, whose brow knitted into a frown. “Suppose we ought to wake him up?”
“When he’s that far gone the house could fall on him and he wouldn’t know it.”
“It ain’t exactly proper, him being in her bed like that.”
“Tanner’s in no shape to try anything. Besides, he wouldn’t make love to a woman who’s sound asleep. We’ll just leave them be.” Matt pulled the door shut so that the slumbering couple wouldn’t be disturbed.
He checked on John, then he and Mark returned to the kitchen. Matt loved Kate, but he also knew nothing would ever come of it. Although she appeared fond of him, she treated him no differently than she did the rest of his siblings. It was clear to everybody except his big brother that Tanner was the one who had captured her heart.
But Tanner would never do anything about it. Unless...
* * *
“I thought you agreed we would keep them apart,” Mark declared.
“Do you want Kate to marry somebody else?” Matt asked.
“No. I want her to stay right here. But I also don’t want him to... to...”
“Tanner’s an honorable man, and if he did make love to Kate, he’d consider himself bound to marry her, whether he realizes it or not,” Matt said. “And if he didn’t make the offer, we could shame him into it.”
“I don’t know.” Luke shook his head. “Somehow it don’t seem right.”
“We’re not going to force them into anything,” Matt said with exasperation. “We’ll just give them the opportunity and let nature do
the rest.”
* * *
Lost somewhere between wakefulness and slumber, Tanner became aware of a cold draft on his shoulder. He tugged the covers up, then moved closer to the woman at his side.
With a soft sigh of contentment she shifted position, molding her body against his, until they fit together like a matching pair of spoons.
Savoring the intimacy, he put his arm around her waist, then sliding his hand up her rib cage, he cupped the soft mound of her breast. It seemed so real, he could feel the steady beat of her heart against his palm. Yet, he knew Kate wasn’t really there, “It’s only a dream,” he murmured. It couldn’t be anything else. Burying his face in a tangle of silky hair, he breathed in her fragrance and prayed he’d never awaken.
* * *
Kate, hearing his whisper, knew it wasn’t a dream. She almost wished it was. For if it were a dream, she could control the outcome. The same way she had so many times before. In her fantasy, he would kiss her awake, then he would make slow, delicious love to her. But in reality she knew it would never happen, for when he awoke he would leave her, and later pretend it had never happened.
Tears crept from beneath her eyelids, but she would not allow herself to make a sound. For now she would hold onto the moment, lying next to Tanner, having him hold her, feeling the strength of his arms, the gentleness of his caress.
No, she would not wake him. Neither would she go to sleep, She, too, would lie there, tucking the moment away like a cherished memento, to bring out and examine someday when she was old.
Chapter 15
“Would you like another piece of pie, sweetie?” Kate asked, hovering over John like a mother hen with only one chick. She fluffed his pillow and straightened his covers. He only had to sigh and she would be there by his side.
“I would like a little more snow ice cream,” John said faintly.
Tanner, watching from the doorway, shook his head and grinned. “You’re spoiling him.”
“I’m doing no such thing,” she replied indignantly. “I’m merely trying to make the poor little thing feel better.”
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