by Cara Marsi
“A fake tree’s no fun,” he said. “You miss spending time with all these fine people.” He waved a hand to include the other customers. “You can’t get this pine scent with a fake.” He sniffed the air.
Doriana laughed. “A fake doesn’t scatter pine needles all over my rug or coat our hands with sap.”
“Spoilsport,” Logan said with a teasing grin.
To her surprise, Josh, standing near Logan, laughed. Despite his attempts to look surly, Josh’s eyes had lit with pleasure when they’d arrived at the huge lot filled with trees of all sizes. Josh watched her and Logan now with a mix of confusion and hope on his face.
Doriana separated herself from Logan. She didn’t want to give Josh false hope. She didn’t know how Logan felt about her or if he was capable of staying in one place for long.
Logan grabbed her hand. “Let’s pick out a tree,” he said, pulling her after him. “There are some Douglas firs over there. They have the best aroma of all the trees.” He looked back at Josh. “Come on.” The teen loped after them.
A frostbitten eternity later they still hadn’t selected a tree. Cold seeped into every part of Doriana’s body. She felt too cold to even shiver. But she knew the difference between a Douglas fir, a Fraser fir and a Scotch pine. And her head hurt.
“Notice this Balsam fir has a silvery cast,” Logan said. An enraptured Josh hung on his every word.
“How do you know so much about trees?” Doriana couldn’t quite hide the impatience in her voice.
Logan gave her a smug look. “I worked selling Christmas trees a couple of years when I was in high school.”
“That explains it,” she said. “Please let’s pick a tree. I’ve lost all feeling in my legs.” She stamped her feet, trying to get her blood moving. Her breath spiraled into the night air, wispy testimony to the temperature.
“Mom, it’s not that cold,” Josh said. Both males stared indulgently at her. She glared at them, but hope soared in her heart. Josh and Logan had bonded in their quest for the perfect tree. Maybe Logan would stay, for Josh. But she wanted him to stay for her too.
“How about this one?” she said, pointing to a small, full Scotch pine.
“Too common.” Logan dismissed her choice with a wave of his hand. “We need something tall and majestic. Let’s have another look at those Douglas firs.”
“Yeah,” Josh said. “They’re cool.”
Doriana groaned and Logan laughed. His eyes crinkled at the corners. He looked so gloriously masculine that she could listen to his mind-numbing tree lectures all night. A blast of cold air made her shiver. Maybe not all night.
She scanned Logan’s muscular body. Tall and majestic he’d said. She’d take tall and majestic any time.
“Why don’t you go back to the car and warm up, Dorie?” Logan said. “Josh and I will find the right tree.”
She wanted to tell him that looking at him warmed her, but she couldn’t say that, not here, not with Josh watching them. “I’ll tough it out.”
“Good.” Logan rubbed his gloved hands together. “We need a special tree for a special Christmas.”
Doriana stared at him. A special Christmas?
A mask slipped over Logan’s features, as if he’d revealed too much. And she wondered again where he’d learned to cover his feelings like that.
“There it is,” Josh said, pointing to a full and very tall Douglas.
“Good choice,” Logan said. He and Josh headed for the huge tree that stood apart from the others on the lot. Doriana hurried after them.
“That’s too big,” she said, craning her neck to see to the top of the fir. The lights surrounding the lot reflected on the tree’s bluish-green needles.
“A Christmas tree can never be too big,” Logan said.
“Right,” Josh said.
Doriana rolled her eyes.
In no time they’d bartered the price with the lot’s owner, had the tree bound with netting and were dragging it behind them to the Jeep. Josh and Logan wore self-satisfied grins.
Despite feeling like a five-foot-two-inch Popsicle and smelling like pine cleaner, Doriana felt younger and happier than she had in years.
They bounced along in Logan’s Jeep. He concentrated on driving, his hands gripping the wheel. The huge tree strapped to the roof slowed him down. Doriana studied his strong, chiseled profile. She squelched the urge to laugh out loud from sheer joy. She’d argued good-naturedly with both males over their choice of tree until they won her over. Or maybe she was so cold she would have agreed to anything.
Tonight Josh had looked more animated than he had in a very long time. What would life have been like had Logan not left all those years ago? She shoved the thought aside. It did no good to dwell on the “what-ifs.” But she couldn’t stop another thought from edging into her mind. Logan didn’t trust her enough to tell her where he’d been and why he’d left.
Logan turned on the radio, distracting her from her gloomy meanderings. Christmas tunes filled the car. For the first time in years the songs didn’t overwhelm her with sadness.
As if sensing her stare, Logan glanced at her. His smile heated her to her frozen toes. She settled into her seat. She would ignore her worries and enjoy this holiday season. If Logan left again, she would have these memories. But memories couldn’t hug her, or kiss her, or share her bed. She wanted more than remembrances of Logan. She wanted Logan.
“How will we get this thing in the house?” Doriana asked when they pulled into her driveway. She jumped out of the Jeep and stared up at her townhouse, then back at the too-large tree Logan and Josh insisted they buy.
“Don’t you worry your pretty head about that,” Logan said, leaving the Jeep to stand beside her. He glanced at Josh. “We men will take care of getting this baby into the house. Your job, Doriana, is to make us some hot chocolate. Right, Josh?”
“Right,” Josh said.
Doriana shot both males a look through narrowed eyes. “Do I detect some sexism here?”
“Mom, we’re just having fun with you, but you do make great hot chocolate.” Josh’s grin, so like Logan’s, and the happiness in his voice, made her heart do a crazy little dance.
“Flattery will get you a good cup of hot chocolate,” she said laughing.
* * * *
The tree up at last, the three of them sipped hot chocolate in the living room and stared up at the huge fir that rose to the ceiling. Majestic it was. Doriana glanced at the pile of cut branches lying on the floor. She’d take care of them tomorrow.
“You were right, Logan,” she said. “Once the lights and decorations are on, it will look magnificent.”
“Do I know trees, or do I know trees,” Logan said, grinning.
Josh, next to her on the sofa, lifted his nose and sniffed. “Smells great.”
“I told you the Douglas fir has the best aroma of all the Christmas trees,” Logan said.
Doriana groaned. “Lecture number one, repeated in lecture number twenty-five.”
Logan, relaxing in the wingback chair next to the fireplace, faked a wounded look. Doriana stared at his long, slender fingers wrapped around his mug of chocolate. Memories of the sensual magic his hands worked on her body heated her more than the sweet, hot drink.
She tightened her grip on her mug. She really had to get a handle on her wayward thoughts. Her son sat next to her, for God’s sake. And they were staring at a tree.
The pungent aroma of pine perfumed the room. The hot chocolate tasted richer and smoother than usual. Being with Logan enhanced everything around her.
“Tree’s cool,” Josh said.
“I can’t believe you actually got that thing in the house.” Doriana shook her head.
Logan locked gazes with her. “A person can do anything he sets his mind to. And have anything he wants.”
The room and tree receded into the sensual tension that sparked between her and Logan like short-circuited Christmas lights.
“Mom and I never had a real tree,” J
osh said.
His words diffused the spell Logan cast. Doriana took a quick sip of hot chocolate, burning her tongue. The slight pain mocked her foolish imagination. Setting the mug aside, she turned to Josh with a wry smile. “You poor deprived kid.”
Instead of the laugh she expected, Josh’s face twisted with hurt. His unspoken words hung in the air between them. Josh had had all the creature comforts growing up, but he’d never had a father.
“When should we decorate this beauty?” Logan asked.
Doriana shifted her attention to Logan, wondering if he’d noticed the interplay between her and Josh. But Logan’s eyes were unreadable.
“Maybe we can decorate Christmas Eve,” Josh said.
Doriana shook her head. “Josh, you know Grandmom and Grandpop have their party every Christmas Eve.”
He shrugged. “I forgot.” He turned to Logan. “Can we do it tomorrow?”
“Sure.” Logan nodded at Doriana. “If it’s okay with your mother.”
“I have some Christmas shopping to do.” Doriana scanned the tree. “This is going to take a lot of ornaments. I don’t have nearly enough.”
“Not a problem,” Logan said.
“No problem,” Josh echoed. “We guys can trim this baby. And we’ll buy new decorations. Right, Logan?”
The hope in Josh’s voice made Doriana’s heart thud. Her son had missed a father more than she’d guessed.
“Fine with me,” she said.
“It’s a deal,” Logan said, smiling. “Josh and I decorate while you’re shopping.”
“Cool.” Josh let out a loud yawn.
Logan glanced at his watch, then back to Josh. “It’s late, son. Why don’t you get to bed.”
Doriana’s head snapped up. Josh stared wide-eyed at Logan.
Logan’s face held no expression. Son. A meaningless slip, or something much deeper?
Josh stood slowly, his gaze riveted on Logan. Josh’s eyes held a sheen, as if he fought tears. His mouth twitched in a small smile. Without a word, he set his mug on the table and slouched out of the room.
Words dried in Doriana’s mouth. She turned to Logan.
A challenge stirred in the depths of his gold-flecked eyes. A challenge that said she might have raised Josh but he belonged to Logan too.
Not ready to deal with the implications of this night, Doriana jumped from her seat and began gathering the empty mugs. Needing to keep busy, she headed for the kitchen.
She stood at the sink rinsing cups when she heard Logan’s footsteps behind her. She stilled, her senses on alert. Logan stood so close. The warmth of his body reached out to her. Her breath hitched.
He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her against him. She dropped the cup she held. It clattered onto the counter. But she didn’t care. Not with Logan’s body pressed so close.
With his free hand, he pushed aside her hair, exposing her nape to him. His warm breath caressed her skin and his lips brushed against the back of her neck. He smelled like pine and outdoors. The searing heat of desire spiked through her.
“Tonight was nice,” he said. He nibbled on her earlobe.
“Um-mm,” she said. “Very nice.”
He slipped his hands under her sweater and massaged her ribcage. Sighing softly, she melted into him. He trailed long, slender fingers up her ribcage to unhook her bra. She gasped when his hands closed around her breasts, swollen and aching for him.
“I never knew buying a tree could be so sexy,” he said in a husky whisper. He pulled her tight until she felt his hard arousal. He caressed her breasts slowly, gently. She thought she would die from the exquisite torture.
“Very sexy.” She molded her body to his and rubbed against him. She felt weightless, floating in a sensual bubble where only she and Logan existed.
“Do you know how much I want you?” he whispered. “Do you know how difficult it is working with you every day? Sleeping down the hall from you every night?”
Joy and bittersweet sadness twined around her heart. He wanted her. No argument there. But he never said he loved her.
“That morning after Thanksgiving,” she said. “You refused.” Humiliation stung her at the memory.
Logan drew a deep breath. “I wanted you badly then. But you were scared. And reaching out for security. Reaching out for the past. We’re not kids anymore. We can’t go back.”
She turned in his arms and cupped his face between her hands. “I know that. I don’t want the past.”
He grasped her wrists. “What do you want?”
“I’m not sure,” she whispered.
His eyes darkened. “I want your body, Dorie. But I want something else. Something you never gave me before.”
She swallowed. “What’s that?”
He took her chin between his fingers and tilted her face toward his. “Your trust.”
She jerked free of him and scooted to the other end of the counter, putting distance between them. She hooked her bra and smoothed her sweater, her gaze never leaving his. “The past won’t go away, will it? You talk about trust. Tell me why you left me.”
He stiffened. “I had my reasons. Don’t ask. Not now.”
Hurt settled around her heart, closing out the heat and the love. “You don’t trust me enough to tell me, but you demand my trust.”
He was beside her in two strides. He gripped her shoulders. “I can’t talk about it. Give me time. Trust me.”
A tear slipped down her face. “You ask too much.”
Their gazes locked. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she couldn’t give him that weapon. “Will you leave again?”
His haunted eyes and his silence spoke louder than words.
She turned away, hiding her hurt.
“Doriana.” He grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. “Do you want me to stay?”
His penetrating gaze demanded the truth. She wanted to shout, “Yes, yes.” But she couldn’t. He had to want her enough to stay. He had to love her.
“You have to decide,” she said.
The pain that flashed in his eyes made her want to throw herself in his arms and beg him to stay. She held herself rigid. Outside a dog barked and a horn blared. But inside, the house itself seemed to hold its breath, waiting.
A loud crash came from the living room. They jumped.
“What the hell.” Logan dashed for the other room, Doriana close behind. She heard Josh’s heavy footsteps on the stairs.
Logan stopped suddenly when he reached the living room. Doriana collided into his back.
“What a mess,” Logan said.
They gaped at the large fir lying across the coffee table and sofa. The top of the tree pressed against the wall. The crystal bowl that had rested on the table lay shattered.
A downed tree. A metaphor for her life. Get too happy and everything comes crashing down. Was the tenuous connection she and Logan made tonight as fragile as the shattered bowl?
Logan rubbed a hand over his face. “How the hell did this happen?”
Josh stood on the other side of the fallen tree. His features were tight with worry. “Maybe I didn’t secure it enough to the stand.” Doriana wanted to console him, but the tree blocked her way.
Logan inspected the bottom of the tree trunk. “It’s not your fault, Josh. I didn’t cut it evenly. I usually do a better job. Hand me the saw.”
At Josh’s look of relief, Doriana wanted to hug Logan in gratitude.
Josh fetched the saw and handed it to Logan.
Once Logan sawed a perfect cut, Doriana and Josh helped him to right the tree and held it while he attached it to the stand. Doriana’s arms shook from the effort and her hands were sticky with sap.
A phone chirped somewhere and she started. The tree swayed and she held on tighter.
“Damn it all to hell,” Logan said.
“Is that your phone?” Doriana nodded to Logan.
“Yes,” he rasped. “It’s in my pocket and I can’t do anything about it. Wish the damn thin
g would shut up.” The chirping stopped and they secured the tree. Logan backed away to stare up at it. “I think it’ll stay this time.”
“You think?” Doriana said. “You don’t know?”
“It’s okay, Dorie. Trust me.”
His words brought their earlier conversation rushing back to her. “Another thing to trust you on?” she said softly.
“Yes.”
“I’m going to bed,” Josh said.
They both looked at him. Doriana had forgotten he was there. Her face warmed. A tired-looking Josh walked out of the room.
“I’d better get to bed too.” Doriana headed for the stairs.
Logan grabbed her arm. His fingers stuck to her sweater. “Damn sap.”
“Told you about that sap,” Doriana said.
He pulled his arm free. “We need to talk. Soon.”
She bit down on her lip. “I know.”
Doriana felt Logan’s hot gaze on her as she walked away. She knew he wanted her. His searing looks and hard arousal told her how much. She wanted him too. But for what? One night? Or a future together? She couldn’t ask him to stay. He had to want to stay for her. Heart heavy and steps slow, she headed up the stairs.
~~~~
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Logan paced the kitchen, nervous energy making sleep impossible. He’d returned the call from his second in command, Jo, but she wasn’t in and he’d had to leave a message. He plopped his cell phone on the center counter, pulled out one of the high stools and sat down. Unable to remain still, he jumped up and resumed pacing.
Jo must have found something important. And leave it to the tough little redhead to call at the worst time. She sure as hell would have gotten a good chuckle if she could have seen him hoisting a huge fir tree with sap all over his hands. And seeing him shop for a Christmas tree would have sent her into an uncontrollable laughing fit.
Christmas trees. Doriana and Josh. His family? He leaned against the hard edge of the counter, letting the evening play out in his mind. Tonight had opened his eyes to the life he could have had. He’d fathered Josh but he wasn’t a dad. The thought twisted his gut with regret. He’d always vowed to be a better father than the one he’d been saddled with, but he’d never gotten a chance with Josh.
