Jake’s Journal
Table of Contents
Jake’s Journal – The Riverdale Series – Book 3.5
Dear Reader,
Dear Diary,
Yo, what’s up it’s me Jake,
Dear Cancer,
Dear Reader, (I’m running out of ideas and refuse to a use diary)
Dear Dr. Capernick and the Staff of Riverdale Memorial Hospital,
Dear Dad,
My Bucket List:
Dear Cara,
Dear God,
Dear Corinne,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Whoever Reads These Things, ( I really hope I don’t drop dead and some smartass publishes this shit)
Dear Sam,
Dear Ava,
Dear Mom,
Dear Luke,
Dear Pete,
Dear Principal Willis,
Dear Father Gallo,
Dear Nick,
Dear Cara,
Dear Cara,
Dear Cara,
Dear Cara,
Dear Cara I Finally nailed it! ( I bet you thought I was going to say you and not it!)
Dear Sam and Luke,
Dear Mailman,
Dear Nick, you dirty dog!
Dear Luke My Match,
Dear My Beloved Family,
Dear Nick A.K.A Sam’s Chaperone,
Dear Cara,
Dear Mr. Responsible A.K.A. Luke,
Dear Cara’s Mouth,
Dear Cara my Sleeping Beauty,
Dear Cara,
Dear Cara the hair stylist,
Dear Cara my hazel eyed honey,
Dear Cara Sexy as Sin Fiancé,
Dear Luckiest Man in the World,
Dear child with the hazel eyes,
Dear Cara the Love of my Life,
Dear Luke, (It’s game day)
Copyright page
Jake’s Journal – The Riverdale Series – Book 3.5
In honor of the one year Anniversary of the series, you can now read Jake's Journal.
If someone would’ve told Jake Lanza he would have ever kept a journal, he probably would’ve laughed in their face. Journals were for females. His sister had a journal. He would know, being as he stole it once and read all her deepest darkest teenage secrets. Yet, to his surprise when Nick gifted him a blank journal, he decided to give it a try.
Dear Diary,
Fuck. That don’t sound right. In fact, it sounds kind of gay. Why don’t these books come with instructions? You know what? Fuck this.
Jake
(Because I think I’m supposed to sign my name)
During the most the darkest days and most trying times, Jake used his journal to expose the deepest thoughts he wouldn’t allow himself to say out loud. In this journal, you will read the thoughts of a man fighting for his life. Read his letters to Cara as he pours out his heart and soul to her, through his works and drawings he wished to create. Discover the plans he had for his loved ones and the promises he left behind. Enjoy the legacy Jake Lanza left behind.
Dear Reader,
Thank you for taking the time to read The Riverdale Series. I can’t believe it’s been one year since I first published Pieces. It has been such an amazing journey. I am so thankful to everyone who has taken the time to read these books and promote them. The Lanza’s will forever hold a special place in my heart, especially Jake.
I missed the Lanza clan and am very grateful for the opportunity to bring you Jake’s Journal. This companion piece to the series is meant to be a realistic journal. There is no right or wrong way to write a journal so please keep that in mind when you read. I tried to put myself in Jake’s shoes. I tried to get inside his head and write these entries as true to the character as possible. You may find errors and the grammar will not be on point and that is because Jake wasn’t thinking about punctuation when he was dying. He picked up the pen and wrote down the words that he was too afraid to speak out loud.
With that being said, enjoy Jake’s story one last time.
Thank you,
Janine Infante- Bosco
Dear Diary,
Fuck. That don’t sound right. In fact, it sounds kind of gay. Why don’t these books come with instructions? You know what? Fuck this.
Jake
(Because I think, I’m supposed to sign my name)
Yo, what’s up it’s me Jake,
For fuck’s sake that don’t sound right either. I’d give my left nut to see what Nick’s journal looked like. I’d ask the son of a bitch how he ever used one of these but I wouldn’t want to offend him. After all, I kind of owe him a pass. So what if he wrote in a diary? To each his own but I don’t think I will be able to get the hang of this shit.
Peace out diary!
Jake
Dear Cancer,
Fuck you! Fuck you hard!
That’s all,
Jake
Dear Reader, (I’m running out of ideas and refuse to a use diary)
So after the last entry, I started to think a lot about the memories I hold near and dear to my heart. Before you say a word, I’m blaming the sentimental bitch in me on the cancer, because why the fuck not?
Anyway, my dad used to have this pocket watch. His dad had given it to him right before he passed away. I was just a kid when my grandfather died but I remember that watch. I loved it so much. I never could explain my infatuation with the watch. Maybe it was because it wasn’t a traditional wristband watch. You know me I’m not really a traditional kind of guy. Back to the watch, it looked a bit like the sketch I drew on the previous page. Excuse me if it’s not perfect, I hate when my work isn’t on point, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen the watch.
I wonder now as I stare at the drawing that came to me in the late hours of the night, if my obsession with the watch was foreshadowing that my time here on Earth would be cut short? You know as if to say the clock is ticking or that I’m running out of time?
Yours Truly,
The random thoughts inside Jake Lanza’s head
Dear Dr. Capernick and the Staff of Riverdale Memorial Hospital,
I want to start this off by saying, I’ve always hated going to the doctor. It was nothing against the doctor or the office I just hated it. One might say I have no patience but you have to admit the whole routine of a doctor’s visit is a goddamn pain in the ass. I mean, doesn’t it ruffle your feathers too when you, the doctor, or the nurse, have to actually see a doctor? If I live, I’m going to fight diligently to change the way a doctor’s visit operates.
There will be no waiting for an hour, even when you have an appointment. In fact, I think we the patients should be called in five minutes before said scheduled appointment. There shall be absolutely no waiting for the doctor once you are in the exam room, no sir. Instead, the doctor will be waiting in the room for the patient offering them a snack. In a perfect world, a visit to the doctor would be a welcoming experience and not a dreaded one. Then again, in a perfect world, I wouldn’t be writing to you as my body is riddled with cancer. I guess there is no such thing as a perfect anything. Still, maybe you can tweak the whole doctor’s visit thing? I mean at least try to offer snacks.
I’m really not writing this letter to bust your balls, pardon my filthy mouth, but you’ve been caring for me for a couple of weeks now, you’ve heard me say worse. I’m writing because there are things I’d like to get off my chest and maybe I’m too proud to say them out loud. I want to thank you for taking such good care of me. I know I am not the ideal patient and that my case is a perplexing one, but still you greet me and my illnes
s each day with optimism and compassion.
There are days when I don’t feel like smiling, days that I feel sorry for myself and ask why me? Never out loud, though. I can’t bring myself to speak the words of pity, especially in front of Cara and my family. On those days, when the reality of being sick is too much, you see it; you see it in my eyes. I know this because as you are preparing me for my dose of chemo and you’re trying to find my veins for the I.V., you joke around with me. You dig deep into me, peeling away the layers of sorrow, and resurrect my spirit. You remind me that I’m a fighter and that with your knowledge and help I just might beat this.
I came into your office after I had been diagnosed with Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and asked you to save my life. I didn’t know at the time I was asking you to play God. I didn’t know the extent of my illness. I knew that stage four of any kind of cancer was bad, real bad. I didn’t have much hope and pretty much had thought I was destined to meet my maker.
Yet, you had hope. You had determination. You and your entire staff were completely on board to kick this cancer in the ass. Here I was a stranger to you, and you were vowing to do everything in your power to help me. How could I not fight for my life if you all were willing to without hesitation? You didn’t sugarcoat anything and make false promises. You were brutally honest, told me the facts, but you were going to do whatever it took until there was nothing left to do.
I hated you at times. I hated when you said the chemotherapy would cause me to lose my hair. I really hated you when you told me I might never be able to have kids as a result of all this shit. Cara wants kids. How fair would that be to her? Yeah, you weren’t one of my favorite people at that moment. I hated you the most after the first round of chemo was finished and you had the results of my scan. Nothing had changed. Not a damn thing. I was ready to give up. I told myself I couldn’t go through another round that, there was no point. I’d only get sick and feel miserable for it not to work anyway.
You didn’t allow me to give up. I thank you for that. That’s why I’m sitting in the waiting room, writing this letter today waiting, for you to call me and give me my second round of chemotherapy. I have faith that you and your staff have a plan for me if it doesn’t work this time either. I guess it’s true when they say you gotta keep the faith.
Head up, Chin Up,
Jake
Dear Dad,
I always knew that Luke, Sam, and I were beyond blessed to have you and mom as our parents. I don’t think there are three other kids on this planet who have been shown the love we have. But, I hope there is. I hope there are families out there like ours. It seems unfair that not everyone gets to experience the joy of their family like we do.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood and how much fun it was. The best thing you and mom gave us was the ability to just be kids. I don’t remember a time when the struggles of life ever affected my childhood. All I remember is the fun and the laughter. There was so much laughter and mostly because of you.
I’d like to think I get my charming sense of humor from you, dad. I didn’t allow myself to think much about being a father. I wanted kids, but thought I had my whole life for that kind of stuff. But I did hope that when I did have them I’d be the kind of father you are. The kind of dad that laughs with his kids but still guides them. The kind of dad that “knows a guy” when his son is battling cancer and gets him a bag of pot. Never thought I’d see the day.
I know you said it’s our little secret, and I promise I will take it to my grave, but shit its funny. I keep picturing Luke’s eyes bulging out of his head if I told him. I get it that some people might judge the situation but well, if there son was suffering do you think they’d deny their own? I’m going to say no.
Pop, it’s just another quirky way of yours to help. You’re a laid back guy, you roll with the punches but when it’s something you are passionate about you are the first to open your mouth or the first to find a solution. Albeit, your words aren’t always conventional, nor are your actions but you find a way to get your message through in that Joe Lanza kind of way. If you ask me your way is the way to go. I love that about you. You don’t care what anyone thinks, you just act yourself. You’re never trying to abide by a rule book other than the one you’ve made for yourself. You’re my idol dad.
Thanks for the herb and for being you,
Jake
My Bucket List:
Marry Cara.
Open up a custom bike shop that specializes in stunt bikes.
Dance with my mom at my wedding.
Jump out of a plane. (With a parachute of course)
Have a kid.
Tattoo kids name to my chest next to Cara’s tattoo over my heart.
Buy Ava her first car.
Pay Nick back for taking the rap for me. (Not quite sure how I’m going to do that one)
Dance with my sister at her wedding.
Be my brother’s hero.
Trademark Eyebrow wiggling. (Can I even do that?)
Tattoo something on my dad. (I’m thinking “I Love Deb” or “Ask Deb”)
Dear Cara,
I was flipping through the pages of this book and I thought it was crazy how I couldn’t bring myself to write one damn letter to you. I don’t want you to think I forgot about you. I could never forget about you, you are embedded in my heart and soul. The truth is, I can’t find the words that are adequate enough to tell you everything I want to say. I can’t find the words to tell you how much you truly mean to me. You see these words will be the words that are left when I’m gone. The words that I write in this book will be here long after the memories of me begin to fade. The words I say in this book to you, are the words that you’ll remember me by forever.
I’m not ready to say those words. I’m not ready to even find them yet. I’m still here. There are still memories to be made and words to be spoken out loud. We still have time, baby.
I love you.
Love Always & Forever,
Jake
Dear God,
I’m finally caving. Why me? What the hell did I ever do to you? So maybe I wasn’t a boy scout. And Maybe I did a couple of things one might consider bad but I swear it was all for a good reason. What could I have ever done that was so bad, that I pissed you off so much, that you would do this to me?
I’m not a bad person. I’m not. I mean I could probably go to church more often. All right, so haven’t been to church since my confirmation, but really this is how you pay me back? Look I’m ready to make a deal. I’m at your mercy. I’ll do whatever I have to do. Please, just please let the results come back that the chemo is making some sort of difference.
Sincerely,
A Devoted Holy Roller If You Turn This Around
Dear Corinne,
You and I never had the pleasure of meeting one another and although I’ve visited your grave countless times I think it’s time I formally introduce myself to you. I am Jake Lanza. I am the man who is hopelessly in love with your daughter. I’m the man who wants to make her happy, the man who wants to love and cherish her always.
She was just a kid when you passed away, cheating you of the chance to know what an amazing woman she has become. Life is unfair like that. You see just as you missed out on your little girl turning into a teenager, and eventually into a woman, I am going to miss her blossom from the woman I know and love into a mother, one day a grandmother. Like I said, life has a way of being unfair.
Cara remembers you. She can describe your features in great detail. I know that you had a beauty mark on the right side of your mouth. I tried to draw you a bunch of times, simply from her memory alone. I’ve never showed your daughter any of the sketches I’ve done though, afraid they won’t depict you as perfectly as she remembers you. Is that any consolation to missing out on her life? The fact that she remembers you so perfectly? I wonder this because I’m afraid she’ll forget me. Will she be able to describe my features years a
fter I’m gone? I guess these thoughts are somewhat selfish so do you mind if we keep this between us? Just two people who loved Cara more than anything on Earth and two people who will love her for eternity.
It would’ve been nice to have met you. I wonder if you would’ve approved of me for your daughter. I might not be the ideal man you would’ve hoped for her to be with but I can assure you no one loved her more than me and I’m pretty sure no one ever will. Anyway, I would’ve charmed you and I think you would’ve maybe liked me for the simple fact that I always respected Cara.
Corinne can I ask you a favor? Think you can meet me at the gates and maybe show me the ropes? I’ll be looking for you. The beautiful woman with the warmest green eyes. Her brown hair flowing in curls around her face. You’ll be smiling the sweetest smile and I’ll instantly know it’s you because I’ve been told that smile is one I’ll never forget. A smile that even a young girl who barely remembers her childhood, never forgot.
See you soon,
Jake (I’ll be the one wiggling my eyebrows at the gates)
.
Dear Jimmy,
I’m not even sure why I am writing to you. It’s not like I feel the need to make peace with you or anything like that. By no means is this a letter of apology. I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about that night at the trucker’s stop. Maybe it’s because Nick is back in town and every time I see his face, I think of the way he saved my ass that night.
Jake' Journal: The Riverdale Series Companion Page 1
