by Jimmy Barnes
I stepped outside and thought about what had happened. Who was she? How was I going to get to talk to her? Would she want to talk to someone as horrible as me? Not a chance. Girls like her weren’t meant to be with guys like me.
I went back into the room, just as Buzz Bidstrup, The Angels’ drummer, said, ‘Hey Jimmy, we’re going to head down to the gig soon. Oh, by the way, this is Victoria and Jane, some friends of ours. Jane’s come down from Sydney to see the show. And this is Jimmy. Jimmy sings with Cold Chisel.’
One of the girls was laughing and chatting and looking confidently around the room as if she owned the place. She might have, for all I knew at the time. She stopped and looked at me and smiled. ‘Hi, I’m Victoria Pollock.’ She seemed to be a nice girl. I liked her then and we are still friends to this day.
‘Hi. How are you?’
The other girl, the one that I couldn’t take my eyes off, sat in the corner and said nothing. Her name must be Jane, I quickly worked out. She didn’t look like a Jane. She was exotic-looking, from Asia or somewhere I hadn’t been.
‘We’re just going to throw the Frisbee around a bit then head to the gig,’ Buzz announced and they all got up. I was hungover and the last thing I wanted to do was run around throwing a Frisbee. Cold Chisel didn’t throw Frisbees. The Angels did.
‘Do you mind if I join you?’ I was suddenly interested in exercise.
‘Sure man, come on.’ Buzz was always friendly with everyone. I liked him. So out we went and threw a small plastic disk around the hotel carpark for a short while.
Jane never spoke to me at all. I don’t think she even noticed me. I thought to myself, ‘Maybe she doesn’t speak English.’
I was smitten. I wanted to be nice and happy and maybe catch her attention but it never happened. It wasn’t long until I’d had enough of Frisbee and went back to my room. But I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about her.
Then I heard a car start up and I jumped up and looked out of the window, just in time to see her get into the car and drive off. My heart sank. Would I see her again? Would she be at the show? I could only hope.
I’D MET A LOT of girls in my life but no one had ever stopped me in my tracks like that girl, that day. Her name was Jane Mahoney, not a very exotic name for a girl so mysterious. I later found out that she was born in Thailand. Her real name, her Thai name, was Ratana Dejakaisaya and she moved to Canberra when she was five years old. The first book she read in English was Fun with Dick and Jane so she picked the name Jane for her English name. She was brought up by her mother, Kusumphorn, a strikingly beautiful woman in her own right and her stepfather John, who was a diplomat and a gentleman. Not only did she speak five languages but she spoke better English than I did. She was way out of my class but I loved her from the minute I saw her. Jane would change my life.
THAT NIGHT WE PLAYED at the Canberra Showground Pavilion. On the tour, The Angels and Cold Chisel shared the top billing, so we played last one night, they played last the next and so on. This particular night we went on before them as fate would have it.
So, after our show, I was standing side of stage watching The Angels when suddenly there she was. The girl from the room, the one who didn’t speak to me or look at me. Now she was standing right next to me. I tried to be cool. This wasn’t something I was good at. I’d never been cool.
I looked over and she was looking straight at me.
‘Hi.’
She smiled at me. That was cool. I wondered what to say next.
‘Did you like the show?’
The music was screaming so loud off the stage she could hardly speak. She nodded her head.
Had I really said that? I had to get it together, quickly. ‘Do you go out with one of these guys?’ I was shouting just as the song abruptly finished. ‘Sorry.’ I lowered my voice and motioned towards The Angels. Why had I asked that? I was digging a hole.
‘No,’ she said in a matter of fact way.
‘Great, ah sorry, I mean, oh.’ I was fumbling for words. I took a deep breath and quickly removed both my feet from my mouth. ‘What are you doing after the show?’ Oh my God, that was dumb.
Luckily for me she seemed a lot more confident than I was. She looked at me and said, ‘We’re having a few drinks later at my friend’s house, would you like to come?’ It appeared she spoke perfect English. I felt stupid for thinking she didn’t. How dumb was I?
‘Ah. Yeah, um sure. Yeah, that would be nice. Ah, just me or should I bring the others?’ I asked awkwardly. By this point, I was the one who was having trouble speaking English. In fact, I was having trouble speaking at all.
‘Yes. You can bring your friends. You can all come. Follow us if you like. We’re all going straight after the show. It will be fun.’ She smiled at me. I almost melted.
I stopped drinking so that I wouldn’t get too out of control. I didn’t want to scare her away. I had to make her like me. She was so beautiful. Inside I was saying to myself, ‘Now stay cool, don’t look too excited or too keen. Play a bit hard to get. Stay calm.’ But outside I quickly said, ‘Sure, that’d be great.’
What a smooth talker I was.
So we all went back to her friend Victoria’s mum and dad’s house. I thought this was a little strange. We didn’t get invited anywhere that someone’s parents lived. Parents didn’t seem to like us. We weren’t parent material, I don’t think.
From that first minute I saw Jane, I put myself under pressure. I wanted to be the best I could be. I wanted to be someone that she liked. I wanted to be better than I thought I really was. So I tried and I tried, but the other me, the wild one, kept shining through.
BEFORE WE ARRIVED IN Canberra, Steve had broken his wrist in a stupid and avoidable accident.
His replacement was a bloke called Trevor Young. Trevor was a wild boy. He was a good man but he didn’t care or need to care what other people thought of him. My life revolved around people liking me. This night I was out of my depth.
Jane was from a different world, a place where everything was as it seemed. People didn’t play games or dive in out of their depth. She had to see that I was a fraud.
The whole night I was pretending to be normal. To be nice. To be likable even if I wasn’t. She was so special. She was smart. She was confident, she was full of life. I tried. I thought I had her believing that I was someone she could like.
I sat listening to Jane talk. I thought it was all going well. I was being as charming as I could. Not breaking things or threatening any of the other blokes who were talking to Jane.
Out of the blue Jane smiled at me and asked, ‘Shall I play a song for you?’
‘I would love that. I didn’t know you sang or played music.’
I was intrigued. Jane picked up an acoustic guitar and sat in front of me and began to play and sing ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’.
I sat staring at her. I could see Trevor, out of the corner of my eye, getting wound up. But he stayed out of the way and caused trouble in the other room so I thought I was all right. Jane finished the song and I clapped. ‘That was great.’
No one had ever played a song like that to me before. She was so cute. Everything seemed perfect as I sat as close to her as I could, watching her every move. The way her lips curled as she laughed.
Suddenly Trevor shattered the moment. I looked up just in time to see him fall through a window, spilling beer all over the nice white carpet.
‘Fuck, that was lucky,’ he yelled in the kind of booming working-class Melbourne accent that would make Paul Hogan sound like Prince Charles. The whole room turned and looked at him. ‘Fuck, I only spilled my fucking beer. Luckily I didn’t waste any scotch, that would have been a real fucking mess.’
He was looking around the room, hoping someone would tell him to slow down a bit so he could smash them in the face. But everyone just looked away. Everyone but me. I looked up to the heavens, wondering, ‘Why me?’
Then Trevor roared again. ‘Oh fuck. Oops. Sorry about that. Ha
ha ha.’ His voice carried through the whole house. This time he’d broken a glass.
Victoria scowled at him.
‘What are you fucking looking at? What’s your problem?’ He laughed, spitting beer from his mouth.
‘You are my problem.’ Vicki’s tongue was like acid when she spoke to him.
‘It was only a fucking glass. I told you to give me a plastic one. I’m useless when I’m this fucking pissed.’
He was out of control and I could see Jane wanted him out of her friend’s house before he wrecked it. She was right, he would have wrecked it. The Angels and the rest of Chisel were too scared to say a word. Trevor was a loose cannon. On any other night so might I have been, but tonight she was there.
I jumped up and tried to cover for him. He knew me and knew I wasn’t scared of him. He wasn’t really violent, just loud. But he was way too far out of it for everybody else to cope with. He had to go. And to get rid of him, so did I.
‘Give me a chance. I’m not that bad. Look at me, I’m all right. I know you like me.’ This is what was going through my head but I couldn’t say any of it to her. Meanwhile Jane had figured out what she had to do to stop the damage. And I was part of that damage. I had to go. She disappeared.
Five minutes later she was back. ‘Your taxi is here.’ Her voice was sympathetic but stern. She wanted me to leave.
‘I never called a cab,’ I pleaded with her. I was shattered. I had nothing left. There was nothing else I could try or say that would change her mind.
‘Well, there is a taxi here with your name on the booking.’
I walked to the already open door. It was too late for any more excuses. But as I walked out, she gave me a piece of paper. I stopped, right in front of her.
‘Here’s my phone number,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll come and see you off at the airport tomorrow.’
I looked at her in disbelief. ‘Yeah, all right. It was nice to meet you.’
I glared at Trevor. I wanted to kill him. It was over. Probably just as well. This girl couldn’t have liked me once she got to know me.
‘See you tomorrow then.’ She half smiled at me.
‘Yeah, sure. Thanks for having us over.’
The door was shut.
‘Why me, God?’ I thought. ‘Why did Steve break his wrist right now? Why did I meet such a great girl when Trevor Young was playing drums with me?’
Why was I asking God? There was nothing he could do. By the way, speaking of God, the first time I ever saw Trevor Young play drums, he was playing with Lobby Loyde and the Coloured Balls. They had a hit song called ‘God’ and were playing to a sea of swastika-tattooed, bald-headed skinheads, recently released from or soon to visit prison, somewhere in the suburbs of Melbourne.
But this was different. Trevor didn’t fit in here and neither did I.
I turned around and there was Trevor, looking like a slightly rabid Rottweiler on methamphetamines, pulling on a leash, looking right at me.
‘Let’s find a fuckin’ bar with some real filthy chicks and have some real fun, eh? Ha ha ha.’
‘No. I think I’ll go home.’
I went to the motel. I don’t think I had ever felt so low. It was probably for the best. I wasn’t any better than Trevor. I didn’t belong with someone so beautiful. Canberra was a cold, cold, lonely place. Did I tell you that already? Colder that night than I had ever felt it before.
I fell asleep in the Motel 7. When I woke up it all seemed like a bad dream.
WE GOT TO THE airport to move on to the next town. There was something heavy in my heart and I couldn’t get rid of it. I wasn’t used to feeling like this. In fact, I wasn’t used to feeling at all.
As I walked into the airport I saw her. I couldn’t believe it. There she was, just like she’d said she would be. I had never been so happy to see anybody in my life. She looked like an angel. A beautiful smiling angel. I almost couldn’t breathe. I knew she liked me. I could tell. I was filled with a sense of hope and a sense of hopelessness at the same time. My life changed that day.
I CALLED HER AS soon as I got back to Sydney, a few days later. By this time I’d moved into a house in Kensington. I wasn’t confident of the outcome but I called her. I had to. ‘Hi, it’s me, Jimmy. Remember, you gave me your number in Canberra.’
‘Oh yes. How are you?’ She sounded warm and friendly.
‘I was wondering if you wanted to catch up some time. You said you might.’
‘Yes. All right. That would be nice.’
‘I’m having a bit of a party at my place at Kensington. I was hoping you might want to come. You know, you said you wanted to catch up. Say hello.’
I was nervous. What if she really didn’t want to? What if she’d changed her mind and didn’t like me after all? I could understand that. I mean, I didn’t like me much.
‘Yes, that would be nice. When is it?’
Jane didn’t sound like other girls I knew. She was well mannered. She sounded like she came from overseas somewhere. Not English, definitely not English but not Australian either – but whatever it was, it sounded good to me.
‘When is the party? I need to know when it is happening.’
I was so rattled that I hadn’t even given her the time or date. ‘Er, sorry. Yeah, it’s this Saturday. We have a day off and I thought I might be able to see you.’
‘That’s all right. I’d love to come. I’ll see you about eight or so.’
That was the time normal people had parties. But I wanted to see her before anyone else turned up.
‘Why not come a little earlier and we can sit and talk. If you like. But you don’t have to. I was just saying it would be nice.’
‘I’ll see you then.’
She was gone. Shit, I couldn’t believe it. She was going to come. This was fantastic. Suddenly I was excited. I was going to see her. I’d better clean up my room.
I was sharing the house with Bernadette. I had gone out with Bernadette for a short time but it hadn’t really worked out. The problem was, I hadn’t really told her that it hadn’t worked out and I wasn’t sure she understood that we weren’t still going out. I mean, we lived in the same house, but that didn’t necessarily mean we were still going out, did it?
I started to worry. Maybe she didn’t know we weren’t still going out. The more I thought about it, the more it worried me. That night in bed I tried to bring it up and that’s when it dawned on me. We were still sharing a room. A bed. Shit, she doesn’t know. How could she? She was a girl. She wasn’t the same as me. I was going to have to talk it over with her before Saturday.
Bernadette took the news well. I think she was relieved in fact. I was too wild for her. She moved into the spare room as soon as we spoke. Things seemed to get a little better between us from then on. She looked happy again. It was nice. So that made me relax. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody and I was so glad that things went well. That’s when the phone rang.
‘Hi.’ It was Jan, the girl who shared the Punt Road house where we shot our EP cover. I had been seeing her on and off for a long time.
‘Er, hi.’ I didn’t think that Jan thought we were going steady either. So that wasn’t a problem.
‘I’m in town for a few days and I thought I’d stay with you.’
‘Ah, yeah, sure. That’s cool.’
‘Only if you want me to. If it’s a hassle just tell me.’
‘No-no-no, that would be great. When are you getting here?’ I was slowly starting to panic.
‘I arrive Saturday afternoon. I heard you guys were having a party and I thought I’d surprise you.’ Jan often surprised me.
‘Terrific. That’s great. Yeah, I can’t wait to see you.’
‘Okay then, I’ll see you Saturday. I’ll wear something special.’
‘Great, see you then.’
I was in trouble. How had I got this all so wrong? I really wanted to see Jane but I hadn’t counted on all this confusion. I had only had a drink with Jane one night. It wasn’t like
we were going steady. In fact, I wasn’t going steady with anyone as far as I knew. It would work itself out, or so I hoped.
I was getting more nervous the more I thought about it. What would Jane think of me? Would she even care? But I cared, so I had to try to sort it out.
‘Hi, it’s Jimmy,’ I mumbled.
‘Oh hi, Jimmy.’ Jan sounded happy to hear from me. I didn’t call that often.
‘Listen, I was thinking about Saturday,’ I said.
‘Yes. What about it?’ She sounded worried.
‘Maybe you should just stay in Melbourne and I’ll see you when I’m down there next week?’ I tried to sound as casual as I could. After all, this was just a casual relationship. Shit, there was that word. Relationship. It always made me nervous.
‘No, it’s cool. I want to come up and see some friends anyway. As long as you don’t mind me staying with you.’
‘No-no-no, of course not. I’ll see you then.’ I was stuttering.
‘Great. Can’t wait. Bye.’
‘Yeah bye.’
Oh shit. What was I going to do? I thought I could explain all this to Jane before anyone arrived. That’s what I’d do. I’d deal with it when I had to.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON I WAS sitting on the front porch with my two dogs. Spike was a Staffordshire bull terrier and Duke was a German shepherd. I was also looking after a Great Dane for a friend of mine. All three dogs looked like they shouldn’t be messed with, but they were all very friendly. I looked down the street and saw a car pull up. Jane was driving. She drove a Mini Cooper S. She looked very stylish and I smiled and waved as she parked her car. I walked to the gate to greet her.
