“Well, it didn’t look like it to me. I saw you kissing him.”
“No, you are mistaken, he kissed me. And it’s not like I even asked him to do it. If you have a problem with that then you need to take it up with him. Now get off me.” I yelled, as I pushed her away from me. The door to the bathroom flew open and a group of girls stepped in staring at us. Ambi stepped closer to me and said, “Stay away from him or else.”
Before I could respond she had already pushed passed the group of girls and ran out of the bathroom. The girls stood there looking at my bloody arm. Embarrassed, I locked myself back inside the bathroom stall. Tears filled my eyes and began to run down my cheeks. I sat in the bathroom patiently waiting for the bells to ring and for everyone to go to their classes. I would make a break for my car once I knew the halls were empty. I had to get out of there. There was no way I was going to face Odin or Ambi again today.
After waiting ten minutes both bells rang, and I knew the halls were empty enough for me to make my way too my car. Relief washed over me after I made it out of the building without being seen. Halfway to my car the relief vanished, and dread took its place when I saw Odin standing next to my car. Why was he here? How did he even know I was going to leave? I was so ashamed of how far I let things go with him in the library. I wasn’t in the mood to face him.
Ambi made it very clear that I needed to stay away from Odin and I knew that if I didn’t she would make good on her promise to hurt me. I knew I had to stay away from him, but yet, there he is leaning up against my car.
“What do you want Odin?” I asked, as I fumbled for my keys. I tried my best not to make eye contact, so he wouldn’t notice my puffy eyes or red nose.
“Well for starters I would like to know why you ran out on me yet again?” he said with irritation in his voice.
“Odin I can’t do this, whatever this is,” I said, trying to pretend that I couldn’t find my keys, so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “Two days ago, I was perfectly content with being by myself. I was doing just fine with being a loner. And then out of nowhere, you and Ambi have to come in and ruin everything. I like you Odin, I really do, but not at the cost of being attacked. I am going home and since I brought you here I will take you back to your house, but after that, I cut all ties with you. I’m done after today.” By this point, I had forgotten about my puffy eyes and red nose and I looked him in the eye. “We can act like none of this ever happened. You can go back to acting like I never existed, and I will go back to being the loner that I was. We can pretend like there was never a dinner or a kiss.” As I turned to get in my car, tears streamed down my face and I tried my best to keep him from seeing.
Odin quickly noticed I was crying, and he grabbed my face between both of his hands, sending that familiar spark of electricity through my body. “What’s wrong? Who attacked you?”
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just please can we go? I need to get away from here,” I said, as I started to cry even harder. “Please Odin, can we just go?” I begged.
“Sure, but would you like me to drive since you are upset?” Without saying a word, I handed him my keys and headed over to the passenger side of the car. I hadn’t noticed he followed me until he opened my door for me. “I’m sorry I upset you Lilith.”
I turned the radio on and turned the volume up a little louder than normal so there would be no room for conversation between us. I guess Odin could sense that I just needed my space because the whole ride home he didn’t say anything, he sat quietly in the driver seat staring out the front window, focusing on the road ahead. Odin pulled into my driveway and without any final words he walked off toward his house.
Chapter Four
Upon returning home from school my aunt was waiting for me in the doorway. “And just what do you think you are doing here?” she asked with pursed lips.
“I don’t feel well,” I lied, as I pushed pass her before she could ask any more questions. I quickly made my way to my room and locked myself inside. I laid across my bed and tears streamed down my face as I recalled everything that happened today. I had so many questions about Ambi but no one to ask. And then there was Odin, the kiss we shared was magical and his touch was more powerful than anything I have ever felt before. I realized the taste of mint still lingered in my mouth as I ran my fingers across my lips. I could see myself falling hard for him, but that is out of the question.
Heat began to flood through my body as I thought about his touch and the way his lips tasted as he pressed them against mine. I wanted to be with him so bad, but I know I couldn’t let that happen. As the memories of the past two days flooded through my mind, the heat I was feeling dispersed and tears filled my eyes again. After the tears came, regret took over and then rage filled my entire body. I was filled with rage against Ambi for forcing me to leave Odin alone after he finally noticed me. I regret that I wasn’t strong enough to fight back.
I hate that for once a boy actually liked me, and I wasn’t brave enough to go after him because a crazy, jealous ex-girlfriend told me not to. Too many emotions were swirling around inside of me at once. I need a release from them. I sat on my floor beside my bed opposite the door and found the razor I had tucked under my mattress. I pulled up my sleeves and began to release the pain the only way I knew how. Relief came with each new cut I made.
Lost in my own ecstasy, I didn’t realize I had cut myself too many times and blood was pouring onto the floor. When I finally realized what I had done, I tried very quietly to clean up the mess. I was too weak from the blood loss and was becoming very dizzy, I could tell I was about to pass out. I heard a knock at my door and as I tried to stand to answer, I saw who I thought was Odin standing in my doorway, but my vision was too blurry to make out who it was. As I stood, I lost all control of myself and blacked out as I hit the floor with a loud thud.
****
When I finally came to I was lying in my bed and Odin was sitting next to me with a worried look in his eyes. “Hi,” I whispered.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, sounding very concerned.
“Tired. Weak.”
“I bet, after all of the blood you lost. I guess it’s a good thing I got here when I did.”
“Why did you come back?”
“I just needed to make sure you were okay. What were you thinking Lilith?” he asked, sounding not only perturbed, but also stressed.
I didn’t have a response for him. I knew he wouldn’t understand. No one would. I looked away from him, but he grabbed my chin and made me look at him and I could do nothing but cry. I felt so vulnerable and ashamed. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was truly grateful when without saying another word he laid on the bed and pulled me close to him and let me cry on his chest. I was so thankful for the silence he was letting me have. I wasn’t ready to explain anything to him and I appreciated that he wasn’t trying to make me just yet. We laid there together in each other’s arms until we both fell asleep.
Freezing, I woke up and noticed it was now three a.m. Odin looked so sweet asleep I didn’t want to disturb him. Before waking him up so I could grab some covers, I stepped into my closet to change out of the blood-stained clothes. Once my pjs were on, I slowly walked back over to the bed, so I could take in a little more of Odin’s beauty. Once I reached the bed, I nudged him softly and asked him if I could get the blanket out from under him.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep here,” he said, as he rubbed his eyes. “I guess I better get going.” I called out his name just before he left my room.
“Yeah?” he asked, as he turned to look at me.
“Will you stay with me?” I asked. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to be alone. Without answering he kicked off his shoes and cuddled in behind me. I grabbed his arm and wrapped it around my waist. The feel of his skin sent heat flooding through my body. He leaned up and kissed me on the ear before whispering goodnight to me.
At that moment, I knew I wasn’t g
oing to let Ambi bully me into not going after Odin. He wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with him. There is no reason why we shouldn’t be together. And I wasn’t about to let her jealousy stop us from seeing each other. Feeling self-sufficient, I snuggled closer to Odin and drifted off to a blissful sleep again.
When I woke up again, I watched Odin sleep for a few minutes and I decided I was going to let him know everything. I was going to let him know why I have been running from him and why I wouldn’t let myself get involved. I let him sleep in while I quietly snuck to the bathroom. One look in the mirror at myself and I was so thankful that Odin hadn’t woken up yet. My hair was a wreck and I still had dried blood on me from last night. Not to mention the puffy bags under my eyes from crying. I quickly brushed my teeth and jumped in the shower. Once yesterday’s troubles were washed away, I wrapped myself in a towel and tip-toed back to my room as quietly as I could. I wanted to let Odin sleep, he deserved it after spending all night taking care of me.
I stepped into my closet and got dressed. I snuck downstairs and made Odin and myself some breakfast. While making our plates I wondered if Odin even liked bacon and eggs. As I grabbed the orange juice from the fridge, my aunt walked into the kitchen, “Think you have enough food there?” she asked.
Being a little snappier than I meant to be, I responded, “I didn’t eat supper remember.” I know my aunt doesn’t like me. She only took me in for my money. When my parents died they left me everything they had which means when I turn eighteen I will have a little bit of money to live off of. I’m not sure how much was left to me though. I hope my aunt knows that she will never see a penny of my money. The day I turn eighteen I am leaving this place. I still have no idea where I will be going, I just know I won’t be staying here with her.
When I entered my bedroom, Odin was sitting on the side of the bed. “Good morning,” I said with a smile on my face. I was happy to see that he didn’t sneak out while I was cooking. “Hope you’re hungry.”
“Bathroom?” he asked with squinted eyes. I pointed him in the direction of the bathroom and asked him to be as quiet as possible, so my aunt wouldn’t hear him. Luckily, her room was downstairs, so she never came up here. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t if she heard a guy up here with me.
When he came back into the bedroom he gave me a soft kiss on the lips sending butterflies into motion in the pit of my stomach and heart racing through my body. The taste of fresh toothpaste lingered on my lips and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had used my toothbrush. “Yum, bacon and eggs,” he said, as he grabbed a plate from the tray.
“I wasn’t sure if you ate breakfast.”
“I love bacon,” he said with a smile. We sat in silence and stole glances of each other while we ate. I couldn’t help but imagine that it could be this way every day. Worry started to take over, I knew I had to explain myself to Odin. He needed to know why I have been pushing him away.
Finishing his plate Odin said, “What do you want to do today?”
“I think we should start off with a conversation. Don’t you?”
“Are you feeling up to it?” he asked, looking a little concerned.
“Look Odin, don’t treat me like I am a fragile china doll. What you walked in on last night wasn’t me trying to kill myself. I was self-harming. When I get stressed or upset, I cut myself for relief. And I don’t know if you noticed when you were cleaning me up last night, but I do it often. I was just very upset yesterday and I cut myself too many times. It was an accident.”
“Why do you do it?”
“It’s a form of therapy for me. A release for all of the emotions that I feel. It’s a way for me to cope with things.”
“What happened yesterday to make you have to do that?”
“Well this is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you sure there was nothing more going on between you and Ambi?”
“What do you mean?” That was pretty much all I needed to hear to know that it was more than he had led me to believe.
“You told me that it was basically elementary between the two of you. Are you sure that is all that happened? Now would be the time to tell me the truth Odin. If I have to fight for you then I deserve to know the truth.”
“What do you mean fight for me?”
“I will explain all of that later. What really happened between y’all?”
“Okay, it was a little more than elementary.”
“A little more how?”
He pondered for a moment before answering me, “Well actually, to tell you the truth we had sex, three times. When I saw she was starting to get real feelings for me I broke it off with her.”
Now I know why she was so mad and taking it out on me. “So, you just used her for sex and then dumped her?”
“No. I am not like that. We both made it very clear in the beginning that it was just going to be dating and sex, no real relationship, no feelings. I began to notice her start to have feelings for me even though she kept saying she didn’t. I didn’t want her to get hurt so I broke it off. We were just using each other for company, that was the deal we made. She wasn’t supposed to fall for me, but she did, and I can’t help that.”
“So, is this what this is between us?”
“No Lilith. Look I have never been in a relationship before. I have never loved a girl. I have never even gotten close to a girl before. All they were to me was just sex. Every other girl has just been a hookup. I have never wanted a real relationship. Not until you anyways. I want something real with you. Something more than sex.”
“So, what is this between us?”
“Hopefully, the start of a relationship,” he said, before leaning over and kissing me softly on the cheek. “What else would you like to talk about?”
“Do you remember when I pulled away from you yesterday in the library?”
“Yeah.”
“I want to explain what that was about. This is really hard for me, and to be honest, I don’t know why I am telling you in the first place. I just know I need you to understand. See at my old school, the one I transferred from, I was “dating” a guy there named Cody and he hung out with the popular kids. I wasn’t one of them, but I wasn’t unpopular either. I had tons of friends and a lot of guys wanted to date me, but I always said no up until Cody asked me out. Our relationship was a secret, hence the air quotations. Although, I didn’t know at the time that we were supposed to be a secret. I walked up to him one day in the lunch room and gave him a kiss on the cheek and he pushed me down and made fun of me in front of the entire school. He acted like he didn’t even know me. So, me being embarrassed, I left school early.” The tears now flood my eyes and steam down my cheeks.
“Later on, that night he called me and wanted to pick me, so we could talk and he could explain what happened. He picked me up and drove us to an abandoned parking lot in the middle of nowhere.” I had to pause a moment, the pain of the memory was becoming too much. Odin noticed the tears and scooted closer to me and put his arm around my waist.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“No Odin, I need to tell you this.” After cleaning the tears from my face, I continued, “Once we got to the parking lot, I sat there and waited for him to explain himself to me. After a few minutes of waiting I asked why he did those things to me and why he acted like that in front of everyone. Something changed in his eyes. They became dark and it looked like pure evil took over him. Before I knew it, he backhanded me and asked me what my problem was. He said I should be lucky that he was even giving me the time of day. He then made it known how pissed he was that I hadn’t had sex with him yet.”
Tears streaming down more rapidly I said, “That’s when he grabbed me out of the front seat and threw me into the backseat of his car. He pulled up my skirt, then ripped off my panties. I begged him not to do it, but he wouldn’t listen. He tore my shirt open and c
ut my bra off with a knife. I hadn’t even realized he had the knife the whole time. He put the knife up to my throat and forced himself inside of me. When he finally finished, he kicked me out of his car, naked. Before pulling off he threw my jacket out of his window into a mud puddle. I had to walk all the way home naked with just a muddy, wet jacket that didn’t even cover me all the way.”
I think Odin knew there was nothing he could say to comfort me. He just leaned in closer to me and held me until I was ready to continue. Once I got myself together I said, “He is the reason I self-harm. He is the reason I am a loner. He is the reason I wouldn’t allow myself to get closer to you. And he is the reason I pulled away from you in the library.”
“So, what happened to this Cody guy? Did he go to jail?”
“No. I have never told anyone. You are the only other person that knows. I was too ashamed to tell.” Our morning went from being a very peaceful one to now being a very heavy and dark one. I felt bad that I had ruined the morning, but I needed Odin to know that I had issues. “I know I come with a lot of baggage and before this gets any further between the two of us, I need to know that you can handle a broken person like me and if you can’t I completely understand.”
He took my face into his hands and pulled me closer to him. He kissed me on the forehead and said, “You are not broken Lilith, you’re just hurt. I need you to promise me something. Please promise me that you will never harm yourself again. If you need an outlet you can come to me. I’ll always be here for you.” At those words I leaned in and kissed his sweet lips. The taste of toothpaste was gone and replaced with the familiar taste of mint. His lips were soft against mine. Electricity surged through my body and I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt it too. I leaned in closer to him letting him know that I wanted him. I ran my fingers along his back feeling his toned muscles. He lowered me onto the bed and rolled on top of me. Our breathing started to heavy, and I knew we were about to lose ourselves in each other if I didn’t break away from him.
Corruption of the Heart (The Corruption Series Book 1) Page 3
