I hadn’t been able to stop crying since I first saw her. I was a puffy-eyed mess from hormone overload but when Mom and Dad made it to the hospital to meet my child my constant crying went from a steady flow of tears to uncontrollable. Seeing my dad holding Harlowe with a look of great pride on his face was just the cherry on top of an amazing moment.
After three long days in the hospital, I was finally being released. Because of my C-section the hospital made me stay at least seventy-two hours, and I was more than ready to go home and be with Harlowe and Beau. She’d been given a clean bill of health and had been released to come home after forty-eight hours, but Beau didn’t want to spend Harlowe’s first night home without me there. I was very thankful for that. I knew I couldn’t handle it if I had to spend a single night away from her, so Beau had made arrangements for both of them to stay with me one more night. As soon as her discharge papers had been signed, Beau set up the travel bassinet and made sure he had a cot to sleep on so they could be with me until I was able to come home.
While Beau was down making sure the base to Harlowe’s car seat was installed properly, I got dressed and was so ready to get the hell out of the hospital. I was sitting in a glider in the corner of my private room holding Harlowe in my arms. She was sleeping peacefully and she was just so beautiful. I still couldn’t believe she was really mine.
Her eyes were wide open and she was looking around while her tiny hand clung to my finger.
“We’re busting out of here today, Harlowe. Are you as excited to go home as I am?”
She cooed and a few spit bubbles formed in the corner of her tiny mouth. I smiled at her and ran a finger down her soft cheek.
“I can’t wait for you to see our house. You’re going to love it, angel. It’s big and warm and there’s lots of space for you to play and run around when you get older.
“I especially can’t wait for you to see your room. It will be my first time seeing it too and I’m excited.” Harlowe gently squealed and her eyes blinked a few times. “I know, isn’t that crazy? Mommy hasn’t even seen your nursery yet! Your Daddy and I were planning on getting it ready together before you got here but you decided to come early didn’t you?” Her eyes started to droop and I smiled at her sleepy gaze.
“Well, can I tell you something? Even though you were a little bit early and Mommy was scared, I would do it all over again in a second because it meant that I got to have you in my arms. I love you so, so much, Harlowe, and I am very lucky that I get to be your mommy.”
I leaned my face down to hers and kissed her nose gently. She cooed once more before her eyes drooped shut and she was fast asleep. I held my tiny sleeping baby girl in my arms for several more minutes, and I felt so happy that my heart literally hurt from sheer joy.
Watching her sleep and dream, I hadn’t even realized that Beau had come back into the room until I saw his body cast a shadow over Harlowe’s face.
“Aw, she’s dreaming,” he said, kissing her forehead before kissing mine.
“I know I’ve said this a lot in the last three days, but I just can’t get over how beautiful she is.”
“She’s the spitting image of her mother…of course she is.”
I looked up at him and grinned before he said, “Are we ready to go home?”
“I almost hate to wake her up, but I am so ready to get out of this hospital.”
“Here, I’ll take her,” he said, holding his arms out for her. “Daddy wants to hold you before we go home, Jelly Bean.”
I smiled brightly as I attempted to stand up. Beau held Harlowe in one arm and helped me out of the glider with his free hand.
“So, you’re still going to call her Jelly Bean, huh? She has a name now, you know.”
“I know that,” he answered, kissing my forehead once I was on two feet. “I’ve just gotten used to calling her Jelly Bean for the past few months. Do you not want me to call her that anymore?”
I walked over to my bed and picked up Harlowe’s diaper bag, wincing slightly. I watched as Beau held her so carefully in his sculpted, tattooed arms, and I melted again.
“No, I love that you call her that. It’s sweet.”
Beau grinned and bent his head to kiss Harlowe’s cheek.
“Good. Well, what do you say we spring you and Mommy out this place, huh?”
I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as he gently placed Harlowe in her car seat for the first time. I was so lost in watching my husband being so gentle with our daughter that I hadn’t even noticed when the nurse came in to give us the final discharge instructions.
I listened intently as she gave us directions and checked to make sure that Harlowe was secure in her seat. Once she gave us all the information we would need, I signed the discharge papers and sat in the wheelchair that she’d brought in for me. Beau placed Harlowe’s car seat in my lap and as soon as we were both comfortable, he started to push my chair out of my hospital room.
Once we were in the hall, Beau had just rounded the corner when a deep voice said, “Mind if I drive?”
I looked up to see John standing in the hallway, looking like a proud uncle.
“John! It’s so good to see you!” I exclaimed, kissing his cheek when he leaned down to me. “I didn’t know you were back yet.”
The guys had sent John on a well deserved extended vacation, and he’d gone home to Kansas to visit his family. As much as he needed a vacation, I had to admit I’d missed the man and I was so elated to see him here now.
“Well, I got in this afternoon and I didn’t want to miss the big exit today. Sorry I wasn’t here when she was born, Beau,” he said in a sincere tone.
Beau patted him on the arm and answered, “S’alright man. You were on a much needed vacation, we understand.”
“You’re here now so that’s all that matters,” I said.
John looked down at Harlowe and his whole face changed. He’d fallen for her in an instant just like we had.
“So, this is her, huh?” he asked. “She’s gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Listen, are you busy? Can you come to the house? I know she’s strapped in right now but I’d love for you to get to hold her.”
“Oh I don’t know, you’re going home for the first time as a family. I don’t want to intrude on that,” John replied.
“John, you are family to us and we want you there. Besides, I’m sure everyone is already waiting at home for us anyway,” I answered. “Please come?”
John smiled at me. “How can I say no to a beautiful lady? All right, I’ll be there Danni,” he replied, stepping behind my wheelchair and wheeling me down the hall.
Once we made it to the new van, John stayed with me while Beau got Harlowe’s car seat snapped in place.
“Okay, Harlowe’s all ready to go home,” he announced.
He gently shut the door as to not startle her and came back to my chair. He and John both helped me stand and walked me to the passenger side door, which Beau had already opened for me.
“I could have walked on my own, you know,” I laughed as they both practically lifted me into the car. Once I was comfortably inside the van, I smiled at John.
“We’ll see you back at the house, right?”
“I’m right behind you,” he replied.
“See you in a bit, man,” Beau said to him and they embraced quickly before John left us and walked to his car. As soon as Beau was behind the wheel, he cupped my cheek and said, “You ready to head home?”
“Yes, definitely. Get me the hell out of here.”
We drove home for the first time with Harlowe in contented silence. Beau drove ten miles under the speed limit and flipped off several angry drivers that honked their horns at our slow speed. Soon we were pulling into the driveway and I smiled as I saw all of the familiar vehicles parked outside. As soon as we pulled into our spot, Beau shut off the engine and I got out just as John was pulling in behind us.
John got out of the car and gave Beau a nod as he headed t
oward the house. I unbuckled my seat belt and moved slowly so I wouldn’t hurt myself as Beau got out and tended to Harlowe. We walked (well, I barely walked as Beau carried Harlowe’s car seat) to the front door. Beau opened it and I smiled as I walked inside and saw everyone I loved gathered under one roof…Mom, Dad, Everleigh, Ryder, Max, Jessie, Kris, Sadie, Jude, and John, all gathered to welcome Harlowe home properly. There was a huge “Welcome Home Harlowe” banner hanging across the living room wall, a table set up with tons of food, and another table that was piled high with lots of gifts.
“Oh my God, you guys…” I choked out, emotion spilling out in my voice. “You didn’t have to do this.”
Mom walked to me and enveloped me into a gentle hug. “Of course we did, honey. We all love you and Beau and we’re so excited to welcome this new little angel into the family.”
“This is so amazing, thank you everyone.” I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks and Mom wiped them away.
Jessie grinned and moved toward me. “It’s our pleasure, Danni. Here,” she said, leading me to the couch, “why don’t you sit down and I’ll fix you a plate of something to eat.”
“Jess, I’m really okay. I have been in a bed for three days. I need to get up and move around.”
In all of my post-hormonal weepiness I hadn’t noticed that Beau had already taken Harlowe out of her car seat and had moved behind me.
“Jess is right, Danni. You’re going to be sore for a little while and I want you to take it easy. Sit down,” he commanded as Harlowe began to stir in his arms.
She started to cry a little bit and was sucking on her fists. “She’s waking up and she looks hungry. I’ll get something to cover you so you can feed Harlowe and we can get you something to eat.”
Knowing resisting was pointless and that my baby girl was hungry made me give in and I sat down on the couch. Beau gently handed Harlowe to me and I cradled her to my chest.
“You might want to look away Jude, I’m about to whip out one of my girls,” I laughed and Jude cleared his throat.
“Yeah, I’ll just go check and see if we need more ice,” he mumbled, and left the room.
I giggled and pulled my top down as Beau placed a soft pink fleece blanket over my chest. Harlowe instantly found me and latched onto my nipple. I winced at the sting…she must have been really hungry. Beau dropped a kiss to my forehead and asked, “What do you want to eat? Don’t say nothing because you are nursing and you need to eat several times a day so you can keep producing enough milk for Harlowe.”
“Ugh, I can still hear you!” Jude called from the kitchen.
I laughed. “I’ll have whatever you’re having,” I answered, and Beau kissed my lips softly before leaving me to make me something to eat.
The whole afternoon was wonderful as everyone ate, talked, and laughed. Ev and I spent most of the afternoon sitting side by side with our babies and answering all of the pregnancy and labor questions Jessie asked us. Sadie looked bored but still tried to engage in the conversation even thought she had nothing to add to it. I noticed her eyes were glued to Jude almost the entire afternoon. The look of longing in her eyes was getting harder for her to hide. She literally looked like she was aching from somewhere deep and it bothered me to see her holding all of those feelings inside.
Jessie was starting to show a little tiny baby bump and I loved seeing how blissfully happy she was being pregnant. Jessie never liked to talk much about her past with her mother, especially after she got together with Kris. But whatever it was that caused her to avoid the topic, I was sure had something to do with her mother and why it seemed to take so long for her and Kris to conceive. I loved her like a sister and I didn’t want to push her to tell me anything about her past. I just hoped she knew she could talk to me about anything and that I’d be here waiting if she ever decided to let it out.
Eventually, everyone began to leave, and it was finally time to begin our first night at home as a family. Harlowe was sleeping in Beau’s arms as he came to me, where I was still planted on the couch.
“So, you ready to head to bed, Mommy?”
I stifled a yawn and smiled. “I’m really starting to feel this day,” I replied, slowly standing up. “You set up Harlowe’s bassinet in our room, right?”
“Of course,” he answered, nodding down the hall. “I don’t think either of us could be away from her for even an hour or two, let alone a whole night.”
I slowly walked down the hall toward our room but stopped when I saw a big pink bow hanging on the door of Harlowe’s nursery.
“What is this?” I asked, smiling at Beau.
“I promised I’d get it finished,” he answered, winking at me. “You ready to see your new room, Harlowe? I hope you like it because Daddy worked really hard on it with Uncle Ryder, Uncle Kris, Uncle Jude, and Grandpa.”
Tears were burning my eyes as he used his free hand to open the door.
“Take a look,” he encouraged, and I went inside and turned on the light.
I gasped and immediately started crying. Her room looked just like something out of a fairy tale. The whole room was pink except for one wall that was painted to look like a scene right out of a Disney movie, with a castle sitting on top of a hill in a magical kingdom. Huge letters spelling out her name decorated the wall right above her crib and everything Beau and I had bought for her the day we found out she was a girl was unpacked and neatly put away.
“Oh my God…Beau, this is beautiful! When did you have time to get this finished?”
“Like I said, I had help,” he answered, winking at me.
“Not bad for a bunch of rockers and an old man, huh?”
I wiped a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand.
“Not bad at all. I need to buy them all gifts for doing this,” I laughed.
I walked to Beau and he gently placed Harlowe in my arms.
“What do you think, angel? Our boys did a good job, didn’t they?” She cooed softly in my arms before she yawned and smacked her tiny little lips.
“I think she likes it, Daddy.”
Beau pulled me into him and toyed with the ends of my hair with his long fingers. He placed his other hand gently on Harlowe and stroked her hair.
“Good…I’ll do anything I can to make my girls happy. Always,” he answered, kissing my forehead.
“You know, Danni, I’ve been thinking so much over the past few days and it’s really hitting me hard how close I came to losing you and Harlowe.”
“Beau,” I whispered.
“When I came home and found you lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by blood…” he trailed off, clearing his throat, “that was the most horrific and terrifying moment of my life.
“I’ve had bad dreams for as long as I can remember. I’d have them when I was a kid about our mother doing horrible things to me and Sadie, and I had them worse after we signed our deal and I had to leave Sadie behind. But then…they got better when I met you. But when you left me…”
“Beau, it’s okay.” I traced his strong jaw with my fingertips as I cradled Harlowe to my chest.
He shook his head. “The dreams came back when I lost you and they kept getting worse but when I got you back again they left and stayed gone…until three days ago when I’d stepped into not just a bad dream, but my own personal nightmare. Danni, my entire happiness is rooted in you. If you ever left me I’d be lost.”
He had tears clouding his deep brown eyes, and I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. He enveloped me in both arms and kissed me as we cradled our daughter between us.
“Danni, I don’t think you will ever really know just how much I love you and this little girl. When I think about the fact that this could have ended differently and you and Harlowe could have died…” he trailed off, more tears falling from his eyes.
“Beau, we didn’t, we’re right here because of you. You came back here and saved us just in time and I will be forever grateful to you. You are the reason Harlowe is
here for more reasons than one, and you saved me in every single way I needed saving. I’ve loved you longer than I actually knew you. You aren’t just the reason all of my dreams came true…you are my dream.”
He kissed me again but this kiss wasn’t full of fear over losing Harlowe and me, it was his way of letting me feel how much he truly loved me. He kissed me with everything he had, every feeling he’d ever had for me, all the love he had to give. When Harlowe stirred between us, his lips reluctantly left mine and he kissed the tip of my nose lightly before smiling down at her. “Sorry, Jelly Bean. Daddy didn’t forget to kiss his little angel,” he answered, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
“I love you so much, Beau Cavanaugh.”
“I love you more, Danni Cavanaugh. Come on, let’s get some rest.”
He led us out of the nursery and down the hall to our bedroom.
“You look exhausted, baby. Why don’t you go take a nice hot shower and get comfortable? I’ll take the first shift with Harlowe so you can get some sleep.”
I sighed and smiled. “Thank you, I’ve been dying to get a shower since I got home. I’ve missed the giant shower head,” I answered, and he laughed.
I handed Harlowe back to him and got some pajamas out of the dresser.
As I walked to the bathroom he said, “Take your time, Danni. Yell if you need me for anything, okay? The nurse said to be really careful when you clean your incision.”
“I will, I promise. I won’t be long.” As I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, I peeked back out into the bedroom and watched Beau cuddling Harlowe to his broad chest. I felt warmth spreading through me and it sent tingles to my fingertips. It hit me in that moment as I watched my husband lovingly holding our daughter in his strong arms that this was meant to be. All of it. The concert, the wonderful week we had in Muncie, the horrible event in New York, the year without each other, and our reunion…it all led to this. We were married and we had a breathtakingly beautiful baby girl. If we hadn’t gone through all of the bad times we’d never have gotten to the good. I was thankful for all of it but I had learned one lesson that would forever stay with me: when you find that one person that makes you feel different than anyone else ever had, don’t be afraid to take a chance. Because you never know what you might miss out on if you let them slip away.
Reckless Redemption: A Bad Blooded Rebel Novel (Bad Blooded Rebel Series) Page 25
