by Josh Lacey
I was planning to go as Frankenstein’s monster, but I can’t find any bolts for my neck.
Emily wants to be a ghost, but that just means wearing a sheet and going “Whoooo, whoooo” and she’s never going to win anything for that.
Could we borrow your dragons?
With them we’d be sure to win first place.
We would only actually need Ziggy and Arthur for one night, but Mom says you are welcome to stay for the whole week, as long as you don’t mind sleeping on the sofa.
Granny is staying for fall break, and I bet she would really like to see you, too.
Love from your favorite nephew,
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 25
Subject: Re: Halloween
Attachments: I Oregon
Dear Eddie,
I would have loved to join you for Halloween. There are few things that I like more than tricks and treats. Sadly, though, I must stay here in Scotland because I am hard at work preparing for my trip to Oregon in search of Bigfoot.
However, Gordon has kindly volunteered to come in my place. I think he just wants an excuse to see your mother. He is always complaining about how much he misses her.
As you will see for yourself, Arthur is going through a growth spurt at the moment and hasn’t quite mastered the art of breathing fire. You may want to keep an extinguisher handy.
Thank you for the picture of your costumes. You both look lovely, but I can see why you need a little help. I’m sure the dragons will be just the ticket. If they aren’t, perhaps you could persuade your mother to buy you a new computer? Or a second-hand one? Surely they aren’t too expensive these days.
What a pity that I will not get to see my own mother. But please do send Granny my best wishes.
With love from your affectionate uncle,
Morton
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Thursday, October 26
Subject: Thank you!
Dear Uncle Morton,
Thank you very much for sending the dragons with Gordon.
I promise we will take very good care of them.
I know we’ve had a few disasters before, but this time will be different.
I just hope we win first place. The computer isn’t going to live much longer. It keeps moaning and groaning, and the screen has gone wobbly.
I asked Mom if she could buy us a new one, but she said single-parent families can’t afford luxuries like brand-new computers.
She said even a second-hand one would be too much for us in the current economic climate.
I asked what the current economic climate was, and she said gloomy.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: They’ve arrived
Attachments: Tams; Basket
Dear Uncle Morton,
Do you like our tam-o’-shanters?
Gordon gave them to me and Emily. He says we look like proper wee Scots.
He also brought lots of presents for Mom. We just ate some of the smoked salmon with our scrambled eggs.
Mom said it was the most delicious breakfast of her entire life, and I think it might have been mine, too.
I see what you mean about Arthur breathing fire. He’s already had a few accidents. But Mom said it didn’t matter.
I think she’s just happy to see Gordon.
Also, he peed on the carpet. (Arthur, I mean, not Gordon.) But you can’t blame him for that. He must have been desperate after driving all the way from Scotland.
When everyone has recovered, we’re going to make our costumes.
I’ve changed my mind about Frankenstein’s monster. I’m going to be an Egyptian mummy instead.
Emily is still planning to go as a ghost, and the dragons can just be themselves.
I’ll send you lots of pictures.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: HELP!!!!!!!!
Attachments: The proposal
Dear Uncle Morton,
We have a big problem, and we need your help.
This afternoon, Gordon asked Mom to marry him.
Obviously that’s not the problem. We all really like Gordon. Especially Mom.
The problem is he got down on one knee and pulled a ring from his pocket.
Then he said, “Will you marry me?”
Mom literally couldn’t speak.
If only she had said “yes” right away.
Then Gordon could have put the ring on her finger and everything would have been fine.
Unfortunately, Mom just stood there with her mouth open, staring at the ring as if she’d never seen anything like it before.
Which gave Arthur enough time to fly across the room and snatch it out of Gordon’s hand.
I don’t know why he did that. I’ve never eaten a ring myself, but I can’t imagine it’s very tasty.
Even so, he swallowed it quicker than you could say “I do.”
Mom and Gordon tried to force Arthur’s mouth open and pull the ring right out again, which wasn’t exactly smart.
Gordon is very upset. Not just about his burned fingers, but also about the ring.
It belonged to his great-aunt Isla. She wore it every day for sixty-seven years.
Now it’s inside Arthur’s tummy, and we don’t know how to get it out.
Do you have any brilliant ideas?
Love,
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: Re: HELP!!!!!!!!
Attachments: A toast
Dear Eddie,
I’m terribly sorry to hear about Gordon’s great-aunt’s ring.
Unfortunately, I can’t imagine any way to extract it from Arthur’s stomachs. (As you will remember from reading my book, dragons have three.)
If I were you, I would simply keep Arthur indoors for the next couple of days. The ring is sure to progress steadily through his guts and emerge eventually in his poop. Make sure you check them thoroughly. Once you have washed the ring, it will be as good as new, if not even better.
To speed up the process, you could feed him some dried fruit. Figs or apricots would be perfect.
Don’t forget to keep all your doors and windows firmly closed. All would be lost if Arthur was allowed to leave the house and take flight. You would never find the ring again if he pooped in midair.
On a quite different subject, please share my congratulations with Gordon and your mother.
I hope they don’t mind, but I have already announced the good news to Gordon’s uncle, Mr. McDougall. Tonight we had drink together in celebration.
Is Gordon planning to move south? Or are you all going to come and live in Scotland? I hope you do. I couldn’t imagine having nicer neighbors than you and Emily.
With love from your affectionate uncle,
Morton
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: The oven
Attachments: Our lunch
Dear Uncle Morton,
I asked Mom if we were moving to Scotland or staying here, and she said she hasn’t had a moment to think about the wedding, let alone where we’re going to live.
Mostly she’s been worrying about how to get the ring out of Arthur.
She said she was going to kill him. I am almost sure she was joking. Even so, I locked him in the oven.
He didn’t seem to mind. He just curled up and went to sleep.
I think he must have known it was for his own safety.
I would have liked to have kept him in there until he
pooped, but we’re having baked potatoes for lunch.
Mom said turning the oven on would be fine, Arthur or no Arthur, but Gordon wasn’t sure that was such a good idea.
I don’t think he was too concerned about Arthur’s personal safety. He just thought Arthur might explode, taking the ring with him.
So now he’s in a cardboard box on the kitchen floor.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Sunday, October 29
Subject: The point
Dear Uncle Morton,
Mom says we can’t go to the Halloween Parade unless we get the ring out of Arthur.
I asked why not, and she said we have to understand that actions have consequences.
I said that’s not fair because it wasn’t me and Emily who swallowed the ring, but she said that’s not the point.
I asked what was the point, and she said I should think about it.
I have been thinking about it. A lot. But I still don’t know.
All I do know is this: if we are going to win that new computer, we have to get the ring out of Arthur.
About the Author and Illustrator
JOSH LACEY is the author of many books for children, including The Island of Thieves, Bearkeeper, and the Grk series. He worked as a journalist, a teacher, and a screenwriter before writing his first book, A Dog Called Grk. Josh lives in London with his wife and daughters.
GARRY PARSONS has illustrated several books for children and is the author and illustrator of Krong!, winner of the Perth and Kinross Picture Book Award. Garry lives in London.
