by V. Moody
I looked around but couldn’t see any dogs. I believed him, though. And in any case you should never turn down a free meal. You never know when it might be your last.
13. Dinner With The Devil
“I should probably introduce myself,” said the small and frightening man. “I am Gullen Santan, Administrator in charge of Road Maintenance and Planning. A general dogsbody, if you will, to Her Highness Queen Zarigold. But please, call me Gullen.”
He made it sound like he had a lowly clerical position operating out of some back office. I didn’t believe it for a second.
He raised his hand high over his head a twirled a finger. A large carriage pulled by four horses came thundering out of the gates towards us. The driver appeared to be a child in a black velvet coat and a top hat.
“All aboard,” said Gullen Santan cheerfully. “Tomorrow you can explore the city and find yourselves suitable accommodations and whatnot, but for tonight, at least, you will be my guests. The best food, the softest beds and a hot bath. Chop, chop.”
He held open the carriage door and we all filed in. Possibly to our deaths, but he made it all sound so appealing none of us would have cared if he’d said, “Come along children. Lollipops, ice cream, chocolates. All free today,” while ringing a small bell.
He closed the door after us.
“Aren’t you coming with us?” I asked through the small window in the door.
“The life of a minor bureaucrat is ever-busy. I shall join you later. Until then, Biadet will see to all your needs. Biadet!”
There was the crack of a whip and we were thrown into our seats as the carriage set off. You might think seven in a carriage would be a tight fit, but we had four on one side, three on the other and still plenty of space to bounce around as we thundered through the streets.
“Did he say his name was Santan or Satan?” asked Maurice over the clatter of hooves.
“I’m not sure it makes much of a difference,” I shouted back.
We got a rather hasty tour of the city with us all squeezing our heads together to get a look out of the twelve by twelve opening on either side of the carriage. The streets were cobbled, like the ones in Fengarad, but the sidewalks were paved and full of people in much fancier clothes. And the buildings were much more colourful.
Streaks of bright reds and yellows flashed by. Pink and blue and green. Someone had invented the paint grenade and tossed them around liberally.
We also got to see the castle in the centre of the city, but only through the gaps between buildings. It turned out not to be built on top of a hill after all. It was built on top of a pyramid. Or a ziggurat—one of those pyramids with stepped terraces. The kind ancient civilisations would drag sacrificial victims to the top of to be beheaded.
It took us ten minutes to get to a more suburban part of the city with beautiful tree-lined boulevards. A few minutes later we were spraying small stones on a long gravel drive that led up to a large mansion. Quite a swanky residence for someone in road planning and maintenance. We came to a skittering stop and the carriage door was flung open.
We clambered out, still a bit wobbly from the bone-rattling journey, to find ourselves alone. The driver had disappeared and the horses were unattended. We looked at each other, wondering what we should do.
“Maybe someone should knock on the door?” suggested Claire. Everyone agreed this was a good idea. Nobody actually moved towards the door though.
Before I could take my usual role of meat shield, the door to the mansion opened and a small maid stood there. “This way, please.” She was petite, about the same size as the driver. Did Gullen only employ children?
There was thirty seconds of oohs and ahs after we entered the house. The huge winding staircase, the chandelier, the enormous paintings that filled the walls—it was all very impressive.
“I will show you to your rooms.” The maid headed up the stairs with us in line behind her.
“What’s your name, by the way?” I thought it was only polite to ask.
The maid stopped halfway up, making everyone bump into each other. She turned, her bobbed hair swishing like curtains, and gave me a quizzical look. “Biadet.”
“Oh,” I said. “The same as the driver.”
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “Obviously.”
She set off again. It took me a moment to realise she was the driver and, apparently, a quick change artist.
Biadet led us down a long, portrait lined corridor. The paintings were all of incredibly austere-looking men in uniform. The type who never approved of anything, certainly not wasting time sitting for a portrait.
We stopped at a door and Biadet indicated who was to go on in by pointing and saying, “You. You. In.” She seemed to know our arrangements. Flossie and Dudley were in one room, Maurice and Claire in another. Jenny got stuck with Mandy. Which left me.
We came to the last door. “This is you. I will come collect you when it is time to eat. You may clean up and relax until then. Or not. I don’t care.” She turned around and sauntered off.
I entered the biggest bedroom I’d ever been in. The bed was a four-poster the size of a small country. The windows were floor-to-ceiling and led out onto a balcony overlooking a manicured lawn with shrubbery in the shape of animals.
But the award for most amazing sight of the day went to the bathroom. A sunken bath that could have fitted four people easily, and a toilet. A proper toilet with a flush. I ran a bath, stripped off, and took a massive naked dump. Heaven.
After I finished bathing—I would have stayed in there longer but my skin was beginning to change texture to corrugated iron—I returned to the bedroom to find a set of clothes laid out on the bed. They looked like black silk pyjamas, but a little more sturdy. It was something a James Bond villain might wear for a Netflix binge.
I was happy to wear something other than my dusty leathers, and put them on. Comfy. It was hard to resist sliding my hands all over myself. Things could have got quite steamy, but there was a knock on the door. Couldn’t even get lucky with myself.
Biadet was at the door, alone. She indicated for me to follow her. At first, I thought we were going to pick up the others, but we were headed in a completely different direction. Down some stairs, through a hallway and into a dining room with a gigantic table that seated at least twenty.
Gullen was sitting at the head of the table. I was shown to a seat on his right. He was dressed in an identical outfit to me. I don’t know if you’ve ever had dinner with someone who’s dressed exactly the same as you, but it’s odd.
“You must be ravenous. Biadet, serve the soup, please.”
“What about the others?” I asked.
“Oh, they’ve already started. They’re in the main dining room. I thought it would be nice for us to have a little cosy get together on our own.” His voice echoed around the ‘cosy’ little room. “Get to know each other a bit better.” He smiled.
Most people, the more time you spend with them, the more comfortable you feel around them. This was the opposite.
Biadet appeared with a bowl of soup which she placed on the table in front of me. It took me a second to realise she had changed outfits again. She was now in a tux with tails and looked like a bijou butler.
She leaned across me, picked up a spoon and used it to ladle some soup. I thought she was going to feed me but the spoon went in her own mouth.
Slurp!
She produced a cloth from a pocket and wiped the spoon before placing it back on the table. Then she fetched a carafe and poured some wine into the glass, which she proceeded to drink.
“Ahh. Nice.” She wiped the rim of the glass and then refilled it.
“What is she doing?” I asked.
“Biadet always tastes the food and drink to assure guests that they aren’t poisoned,” said Gullen. “We’ve had some… unfortunate incidents in the past. Please, enjoy.”
I picked up the spoon. I was starting to understand Sonny’s reluctance to attend.
Which reminded me he was invited to this soiree too. Was he with the others? Not that I had time to worry about it now. I tasted the soup; it was pretty good. I left the wine alone. I had a feeling I’d need to keep my wits about me.
I noticed that Gullen didn’t have any food in front of him. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
“Oh, no. I never eat in public. Far too risky. Now, Colin, I must tell you I’ve been keeping an eye on all the Visitors in this latest batch, but you are by far the most intriguing.”
“Fanksh,” I said through a mouthful of bread. The bread roll already had a chunk missing before it was placed in front of me.
“I would have put money on you not making it past the first week, but you really surprised me.”
Fair comment. I’d have made the same bet myself.
“The vast majority of Visitors never even make it out of Probet. It’s a harsh introduction to our world, but it’s effectiveness at separating the wheat from the chaff is beyond question. The true heroes always come through. And then there was you.”
Was I being insulted? Hard to tell. I didn’t really mind. The roast chicken (I’m guessing that’s what it was) in front of me was too delicious to worry about minor things like backhanded compliments. Just a shame it was such a small portion. I did try to block Biadet from getting a forkful, but she faked me with a right before stabbing herself a juicy slice from the left.
“Nouvelle cuisine,” said Gullen. “We had French Visitors before the Australians. Some rather delicious culinary ideas were their only contributions to our culture before they all sadly perished.” He shook his head, although I wasn’t sure if he was mourning the loss of the French guys or the dishes he would never taste.
“And then there was the Mouse King, of course. Even though you caught him in his refractory period, it’s still an impressive achievement. And using it to win the favour of Fengarad was a masterstroke. All by simply refusing to take the glory for yourself. Wonderful. Quite Wonderful.”
“How do you know about the Mouse King?” There didn’t seem any point denying it, he clearly already knew the truth.
“It is my business to know these things. You can’t plan and maintain roads without knowing where they lead. Although, maybe you can. You have a talent, Colin. A talent for finding your way out of trouble, even when the odds are stacked against you.”
“I just look at things from a slightly different perspective,” I said.
“Yes. Yes, you do. Which is why I’m so keen to pick your brain.” He squinted at my head, like he was considering where to make the first incision. “I want you to come work for me.”
I kept eating. Chewing slowly. You don’t turn down a guy like this without facing a few repercussions. I didn’t like repercussions. They probably involved dogs. “What’s the pay like?”
Gullen laughed. “Ah, you’re a shrewd one. You would be amply rewarded, of course. A very attractive benefits package. And the freedom of the city. That would put two keys in your pocket. Not many can say that.”
I put down my knife and fork. “You know, I’m not really a frontline kind of guy. I’m not big or strong, and I don’t enjoy stabbing things.”
“I am the same as you.” God, I hoped that wasn’t true. “It must appear like a world full of savages to you, everyone running around ‘stabbing things’, but we have fighters to fight, and thinkers to think. Someone like your friend Sonny is an excellent warrior. On the battlefield he is a sight to behold. Coming here enabled him to unlock potential he would never have known even existed back in your world. But you are not a fighter. You are very much a thinker. It is the job of men such you and I to look at the bigger picture and decide how best to use men like Sonny.”
“And what if men like Sonny don’t want to be used?”
“Then we have them publicly flayed and all the other Sonnys become that much more obedient. Win-win.”
Scary dude. But some of his ideas weren’t bad.
14. No Deal Or Deal
Despite the casual and friendly way the offer had been made, I was under no illusions as to what would happen if I said no to working for Gullen Santan, Road Planner.
“What about the others?” I asked him.
“I’m sure we could find them something to do in Dargot. Or, they could carry on their adventures without you. It’s a big world with lots of interesting things in it.”
Yeah, that could kill you. But I could see them all settling down. Maurice opening a small bicycle shop. Dudley and Flossie running a karaoke bar. None of them bothering me anymore. It could be quite nice.
Biadet placed a small bowl of creme brulee on the table and narrowed her eyes like a gunfighter. I leaned back and let her take the first bite.
“Under normal circumstances, I would encourage you to roam around a bit, too, but these are troubled times, I’m afraid,” said Gullen. “As you know, Fengarad is under siege at the moment. The lizardman are encamped on their doorstep with more arriving daily. It’s quite a worry.”
“I did wonder about that. I thought our army supposed to be keeping the monsters at bay. Were they defeated?”
“We don’t know. We stopped receiving reports weeks ago, and the people we sent to investigate never returned. It’s a bit of a mystery. We are, as you would expect, preparing a counterstrike, but it’s going to take some time raising the troops and calling in reinforcements. We’ll just have to hope Fengarad can hold out until then. Lizardmen don’t take prisoners.”
It was grim news, but there wasn’t much I could do to help. And if there was, I wasn’t doing it.
“That’s where someone like you comes in useful. Who better to unravel a mystery. With your ability to look at things from a different perspective, I’m sure you could spot things we’ve missed. ”
I started eating quickly. I hadn’t lost my appetite yet, but I could feel I was about to.
“Not that I would send someone like you to border.”
“You wouldn’t?” My eating slowed.
“Oh no. You’re far too valuable a resource to place at risk. Not only did you vanquish the Mouse King, you avoided capture by the lizardmen and escaped the clutches of the trolls. Something no one has ever managed to do before. I look forward to hearing the details. Boys like you don’t come along very often.”
He really had been keeping tabs on us. I guessed he didn’t know exactly how we’d managed to faff our way through those predicaments, but he was happy to lavish me with praise and admiration. Don’t worry, I know when I’m being buttered up. That’s how people get you to do things you would never normally do. Horrible things.
That outfit looks great on you. Try this hat on. Amazing. That colour really suits you. Now, let’s go out, have a good time, round up some Jews, then back to mine for drinks. Sound good?
“In any case,” continued Gullen, “we’ve already dispatched a team of specialists to gather information for us. You know them of course. Gideon and his party.”
I stared at him blankly. Who the fuck was Gideon? “I’m sorry, I don’t think I know anyone called Gideon.”
“Really? They arrived with you. He’s a handsome boy with a tattoo down one arm.”
“Oh. Right.” He meant the Cool Kids. I’d wondered what had happened to them. “That’s great, then. I’m sure they’ll bring you the answers you’re looking for.”
“Yes,” said Gullen, “I have every confidence in them. But it will take time as these things always do. And you have only just got here, so, please, get used to the city, make yourself at home, and if you have any questions…”
I was relieved he wasn’t pressing me into service straight away. “Actually, yes I did want to ask you something. On our way here two soldiers attacked us. They were dressed in your city’s uniform.”
Gullen looked surprised. “Are you sure?”
I told him what had happened. He listened intently, asking questions about where it happened, what armour they wore, what kind of weapons they used. I reduced Mandy’s injur
ies to being knocked unconscious since the true severity of her wound would only raise awkward questions.
“That is very strange. We should have no patrols in that area at the moment.”
“The really weird thing is that it was only when she mentioned we’d been captured by trolls that they freaked out. It made me wonder if maybe they were trolls.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, because trolls can change their appearance to look like humans.”
Gullen jumped to his feet. “What!?”
“You didn’t know? I’ve seen them do it. They can mould their bodies like clay, taking on any appearance. Would make them excellent spies.”
