by GS Rhodes
“You are not staying here,” Zoe said as she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. She stared at him from across the room, like she could hypnotise him and force him away from his computer. “Ben, come on, you solved a case today, you had a member of your family kidnapped, I don’t mean to sound like a broken record here, but take a fucking break!”
“You’re not,” Kidd said. “I’m on a roll. I want to keep going.”
“Bullshit, you’re on a roll,” she snapped. “What’s happening? Why don’t you want to leave? What happened last night?”
Now that everyone was out of the office, now that the case was pretty much closed, he felt like he could talk about things with Zoe. He told her everything that had happened between him and John last night, making sure not to skip over just how much he had fucked things up. It didn’t feel good rehashing it, churning up all the feelings he’d had when he’d tried to get to sleep the night before.
“At least you were honest with him,” she said. “I’m not in any sort of position to tell you what to do, or tell you how to make it better, but it sounds like he just needs some time.”
“Do you think it’s over?” Kidd asked, his heart aching with the thought of it.
Zoe opened her mouth to respond, unsure of what to say. “It sounds like it might be,” she said honestly. “But, like I said, I don’t know what he’s thinking or what he’s feeling. He might want to talk about it more, you never know. Look, I was thinking of getting an early night, but do you want to maybe go out for a drink? You look like you could use one.”
“It would probably knock me out,” Kidd said with a laugh. “I’m knackered.”
“All I’m saying is, that the company might do you good and I’d rather you were out having a drink with me, than sitting in here all by yourself, half in the dark because the motion activated lights turn off in the rest of the office,” she replied. “It’s too sad. Come on.”
Kidd considered it for a moment. It might not be so bad. And after the week they’d had with this case and the last, along with all the other things in his personal life, maybe he could do with relaxing a little.
“Sure,” he said. “Sounds good. Thanks, Zoe.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” she said. “You just need to buy the first round.”
He shut down his computer, grabbed his jacket, and made his way to the door. He checked his phone one more time, finding a message from Liz thanking him again for bringing Tilly back that he quickly replied to, and absolutely nothing from John. He would try to forget about it for tonight. It wouldn’t do to dwell. Also, Zoe would verbally beat the absolute shit out of him if he sat there moping and checking his phone like some sort of lovesick teenager.
They made their way out of the Incident Room, saying goodnight to the unfamiliar receptionist before making their way out into the warm evening. The sun was setting, casting the sky in oranges and purples, and the air seemed a little crisp.
Zoe stopped dead in her tracks.
“What?” he asked stopping beside her.
“Looks like you might not have to wait all that long after all,” she said, nodding to a spot just by the river where a familiar face was standing.
John McAdams.
How long he had been there, Kidd had no idea. If he’d come down to the station and asked them if he was still there, perhaps they had given him the correct answer this time around, and he had decided to wait. Or maybe he was here to end it once and for all. It was impossible to tell simply by looking at him. Of all the things Kidd had to do that day, walking over to John and facing whatever he had to say to him was the hardest.
“Go talk to him,” Zoe said, nudging him. “I’ll meet you in the Druids. I’ll get the first round in.”
She walked away, heading across the road, waving to John on her way past. Kidd took a heavy breath and walked over to him, joining him in looking out over the small inlet, the sound of the water rushing by, the soundtrack to whatever it was John was about to say.
“You alright?” Kidd said, unable to take the silence any longer.
“I’ve been better,” he said. “Last night was a lot to take in.”
“Sorry about that,” Kidd said. “About all of it. I know I’ve already apologised, but I…I don’t know what else I can say. I feel terrible.”
“Don’t feel terrible,” John said. “I mean, you can if you want, and maybe you should a little bit, I don’t know, but I…I feel bad for you. I get that you’ve gone through an awful lot. You thought you lost a partner and that can be pretty traumatic, especially if a body is never recovered or anything. You must have spent so much time wondering if he was still alive.”
It was true. There wasn’t really a single moment that Kidd could point to and say that’s where he’d started looking for Craig. He’d just decided that it couldn’t be possible, that Craig couldn’t be dead. There was a lot he didn’t know about what had happened. A lot that he still needed to uncover.
He’d given up after a time because he didn’t know where else there was to look, but when Andrea came to him with that photograph it seemed like an opportunity he couldn’t pass up.
“I wish you’d told me,” John said. “I know I said that already, and I know it must have been so hard to start something new while all of this was going on. Maybe you thought I’d get jealous and run a mile or something.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“I almost did when I met him, you know,” he said. “When he told me who he was, I nearly just walked away. I didn’t want to stick around and talk to you about it, but I didn’t think it could be true.”
“What do you mean?”
John laughed. “First off, I thought that there was no way you would keep something like that from me, like, not at all,” he said. “And then I thought, if it was true, then there had to be a reasonable explanation for it.” He shook his head. “I think I like you enough that I was at least willing to hear you out about it. That has to mean something, right?”
Kidd really hoped so.
“And the fact that I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it all day,” he continued. “That I’ve not managed to get anything done, and my boss is probably going to come down on me for not getting this edit back to him by Monday, it’s got to mean something. Right?”
Kidd really hoped that it meant something. He hoped against hope that it meant that John was about to give him another chance. And he wouldn’t mess it up this time, he wouldn’t keep anything from him, he would be better. He would have to be better. He didn’t want to see John hurt like that again, not if he could help it.
“I think so,” Kidd said. “I’m still sorry. And I’m sorry that he’s here, but I…you understand that I couldn’t just let him walk away, right?”
Johns body seemed to deflate a little.
“I get it,” he said. “I don’t love it, and I’m not sure it’s what I would be doing, but you have unfinished business with Craig. A lot of unfinished business, it seems like, and you’ve been given what feels like a second chance to have some kind of closure. I can appreciate that.” He swallowed. “I don’t love that he’s here, or that he’s still here, or going to be here for a while longer. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but there is a small part of me that’s worried that he came back, not for your help, but for you.” He chuckled. “I think that’s the paranoid part of my brain talking.”
“I think he’s in some kind of trouble,” Kidd said. “I don’t think he’s back here for me, I think he’s back here because he needs my help and he’s…I don’t know. I think he’s waiting for the right moment to tell me what’s going on. He’s tired of running from whatever it was he was running from, and at some point, I’m going to have to help him.”
John nodded. “Of course, you are. It’s…it’s what you do. I can’t say that it’s not one of the reasons I l…I like you,” he quickly seemed to right himself. “I’ll be here, okay? I’m not done with you, Benjamin Kidd.”
It was
nice to hear. It seemed to lift a weight off Kidd’s shoulders, making him feel like he could float away. John wasn’t done with him. It was enough to pull his tired face into a smile.
Kidd took hold of John’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze. They stayed like that for a moment longer, staring out at the water, content in each other’s company. Kidd was silently thanking his lucky stars that maybe he hadn’t ended up fucking this whole thing up. But there would be no third chances with John, that much he was certain of. And with that in mind, he needed to get to the bottom of whatever it was that Craig was hiding.
There were a lot of questions hanging over Kidd at that moment, a lot of unanswered things that definitely needed to be brought to light. But for now, he would wait.
He had John, his family was safe, and things seemed almost good. He wanted to savour this moment, because he knew better than most that destiny could turn on a dime. And he had no idea what was waiting around the next corner.
DI BENJAMIN KIDD WILL RETURN IN
HAND ON HEART
Coming soon...
Acknowledgements
Thank you so much, dear reader, for getting to the end of another one of DI Kidd's adventures. It means the world to me that there are people out there reading and enjoying these stories. I cannot thank you enough for your kind words and support. Hopefully there are still more adventures to come.
Thank you again to the writing support group for the endless wisdom and insight. My wonderful editor Hanna who knows how to ease my mind when I am panicking about the state of these books when I send them to her, and for your ever so thoughtful notes and edits. And huge thanks once again to Meg Jolly for another gorgeous cover.
If you have enjoyed this book, feel free to leave a review or even just a rating as it really hekps me out. Hopefully I will see you for the next one. Until then...
GS
About The Author
GS Rhodes has been writing for as long as he can remember, scribbling stories on spare bits of paper and hoping to one day share those stories with the world. The DI Benjamin Kidd series is GS Rhodes first foray into crime writing, combining a love of where he has lived for a lot of his life with his love of a good mystery. For more information and updates on GS Rhodes, you can follow him on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook. Or to stay updated with blog posts and more, visit www.gsrhodes.co.uk
