As the haze of released passion descended on them, all questions, answers and doubts were forgotten, replaced by a fog of insatiable desire.
****
It was late when Nedra retrieved her clothing and dressed to go home. Sin lounged on the sofa watching her, the embers still threatening to reignite. He could never get enough of her, but the silence between them was revealing.
“Don’t blame yourself,” he said quietly. “It was my fault. I could have stopped what happened between us. I was selfish. I didn’t want to.”
She looked at him appreciatively. “Thanks for trying to give me a way out, but you know better and so do I. We’re not kids. We’re both responsible for our own actions.” She gave a heavy sigh. “I always thought of myself as a strong woman. I take pride in the fact. But it seems that when it comes to you, I’m weaker than I thought.”
Touched by her words, Sin rose and tried to take her into his arms. She pulled away. He didn’t insist.
“You are an intelligent, strong and beautiful woman, Nedra, three qualities that I love most about you. Never doubt yourself or my love.”
“I have no doubts about you. I did have doubts about the reasons you’ve given me about why you want our relationship to remain secret. After tonight, after this week, I can understand why.”
Sin snapped to attention. After this week? There was something about the way she said those words. A knot began to form in his stomach. “Why do you say that?”
“We were seen in Monterey last weekend. Half of my church knows that I’m seeing someone, and by Sunday the other half will know.”
The knot tightened. “Do they know who?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
He could feel her watching him as he got up from the sofa and crossed the room, putting distance between them. Leaning against the fireplace he tried to appear undisturbed about what she had told him.
She tested the water. “It looks as though our emergence as a couple might be made public sooner than we thought.” She joined him at the fireplace, her eyes never leaving his. “You know I didn’t understand all this secrecy at first, but it’s become clearer. Being with a woman minister isn’t easy. Being a woman minister isn’t easy. There are members of my church who will be all in my business if I brought you around. But that’s inevitable.” She gave a sad smile. “It would have been nice to have enjoyed our privacy a little longer though.”
Sin knew that she was registering his reaction to her words. He had always been a master at controlling his emotions, except when it came to Nedra. It took great effort for him to retain his impassive expression and mask his anxiety. He had hoped against hope that he would have more time to settle the complications in his life. One week certainly wasn’t long enough, Eddie’s unexpected death had helped a bit, but—”
“So, it looks like the jig is up?” He tried to make light of the moment. Returning to the sofa he settled against the plush pillows. Stretching his long legs out before him, he looked up at her and grinned.
Nedra noticed that it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “And you’re not upset that our little secret came out before you wanted it to?”
“Things happen when they’re supposed to happen, Nedra. Some things we just can’t control.”
Eddie Carter was dead. His primary contact in the drug trade was no longer a factor. It was time to get out of this business!
Nedra’s smile was bright as she playfully jabbed him in the ribs. “You’re sounding like a minister now, Mr. Reasoner. I must say that your philosophical evaluation of this event more than meets with my theological approval.”
Sin laughed at her antics, hoping that it didn’t sound forced. Unable to resist touching her any longer he planted a kiss in her hair.
“Everything is going to be fine, baby. You’ll see.” Everything is going to be fine.
****
The Sunday morning headline read: Drug Bust Nabs the Cream of the Crop. But it meant nothing to most Bay Area residents. The authorities were always touting the success of one drug arrest or another. Nothing ever changed.
The authorities claimed that this bust was different, Carla mused as she read the article over her morning cup of coffee. The handsome, brilliant attorney, Jacob Belle, would be handling this case. She knew that meant it was as good as won.
With a satisfied sigh, Carla continued to scan the newspaper article, deeming it more comprehensive than social media. She recognized some of the names mentioned. Eddie Carter was one of the men killed recently in the drug war, and Lynn Trellis was his younger sister. Carla remembered seeing a picture of the attractive young woman in the newspaper not long ago. She had been weeping over her brother’s casket. The names of the others, who had been indicted along with Mrs. Trellis, were less familiar. She suspected that they were mostly young street punks, preying on their community like locusts.
Then there were the names of those under investigation for involvement in various aspects of drug trafficking. There were a couple of judges who had accepted bribes. Their names were familiar in the city’s social circles, but she didn’t know them.. Their names were joined by three prominent attorneys who, reportedly, had sold their souls for a price. Thank goodness that neither she nor Jacob had come in contact with any of them. Then there were the businessmen who were suspected of being involved. Almost every name was known and respected in the Oakland community, except one.
According to the article, he hadn’t been in the Bay Area very long—a little over a year. His business concerns spanned the two coasts, under the name Bayland Imports. His name was Sinclair Reasoner, and he was suspected of laundering drug money.
Carla’s coffee mug froze in midair. Sinclair Reasoner! It couldn’t be! Not Mr. Fine! Immediately, she reached for the telephone.
****
Nedra didn’t hear her cell phone ringing as she darted toward her front door. If she had answered it she would have been even later than she already was. So, her voice mail did its job as she closed the door behind her and headed for church.
At Mount Peter, Esther Costello sat in her usual spot, satisfied that she had done her Christian duty. She didn’t know who this man was that Reverend Davis was cavorting with, but she had informed her fellow parishioners of the goings-on of their precious minister and had been shocked by some of the responses.
The younger members, the ones with loose morals, seemed delighted that the pastor of Mount Peter was sleeping around with some man. Obviously, they thought nothing of their church’s good name. It was important that a minister be a good example to its flock. Nedra Davis certainly was not! Hadn’t she done enough to try and run Mount Peter into the ground? Who was this man anyway?
What did he do for a living? Was he a Christian? Was he a man of good character? Whoever Nedra chose as her mate must meet certain moral criteria, ones that would reflect well on Mount Peter. The mighty Reverend Davis might think she could hide her little affair from some less persistent members of this congregation, but not from Esther Costello! She planned to find out the name of this man, and she planned on finding it out soon!
CHAPTER 19
Sunday had always been Nedra’s favorite day of the week. Only good things happened to her on the Lord’s Day. Today was her first Sunday back in the pulpit. After two weeks off, she was looking forward to it.
Nedra delivered a well-received sermon on love and tolerance. Esther had been on her mind when she wrote it, and she knew that she would need lots of both to continue tolerating that woman. Esther had make it a point to spread the rumor that she had been seen vacationing with some “strange man”. No one in church said anything, directly, to her about the rumor. Most of the reactions were sly, knowing smiles that clearly indicated that it was about time. Nedra was encouraged. Maybe something she had said in her sermons over the years, about judging others, had gotten through.
After visiting a few sick parishioners, she swung over to visit Carla. She had been feeling guilty not having shared her relation
ship with Sin with Sharon and her. Presently, Sharon had so many problems that Nedra felt that her secret was trivial. But she was in love, and she wanted at least one of her best friends to share in her joy.
It was a minor miracle that Carla hadn’t already heard the gossip about her “cavorting” from someone at Mount Peter, but her friend hadn’t attended services today. She couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she told her the news. Nedra loved surprises, especially on Sundays.
****
Sin hadn’t read the Sunday paper, watched TV or checked social media. After his morning run, he returned to the house, showered and then answered the urgent message left on his phone by his secretary.
It was she who told him the news. He soothed Mrs. Cosley’s concerns and thanked her for calling. He then sat in his house waiting for his world to end.
The sun had set, and the evening shadows were filtering into the darkened room when the doorbell rang. On mechanical legs Sin went to answer the summons. He didn’t bother to ask who it was. He knew.
When he opened the door, the look of hope in her eyes was overwhelming. She wanted to believe in him. She needed to believe in him. She wanted and needed to hear the words that would confirm that look.
“Do you have faith in me?” Sin’s words greeted her at the door.
“I have faith in God. I believe in you.” Nedra stepped over the threshold headed into his arms, but they remained at his side. The look of pain on her face was like an arrow straight through his heart.
She followed him into the family room, where they had cuddled together only hours before. She sat on the sofa. He sat on the matching love seat. There were mere inches between them, but it felt like the Grand Canyon.
Carla had reminded her that he was only being investigated. Nedra could hear the concern in her friend’s voice. She knew that Carla was privy to information from Jacob that reporters didn’t know. Nedra had showed up on Sinclair’s doorstep positive that he would soothe her fears and erase all doubt.
Sin knew her expectations. He knew what she wanted. He also knew that he might not be able to give it to her. In time he might have been able to, but time had run out.
From the beginning, his greatest fear had been to have her and then lose her. He would do anything to keep that from happening. She meant too much to him.
She meant a lot to others as well. Nedra Davis had been chosen to smooth the way for those with no hope. He knew this to be true. He had been without hope until she entered his life.
If he lost her, it would destroy him. If she stayed with him, she would be destroyed. He couldn’t let that happen, no matter how great the sacrifice. His voice was one of quiet control.
“I told you once that there were things that I’ve done in my life that I’m not proud of.”
“Is what they’re investigating you for one of them?” Nedra tried to sound in control.
She had hoped that he would deny the allegations. All he had to say was the word no. She would fight heaven and hell to stand by his side. He remained silent.
They stared at each other across the distance that was being created. Even now, their passion for each other permeated the room, filling the quiet spaces.
Sin wanted to memorize everything about her. He never wanted to forget her. He doubted if he ever would. This was the kind of woman any man would die for. With her by his side, there was no battle that he couldn’t win. But, this was one that he wouldn’t ask her to fight. She would lose.
“If you’ll remember, I told you that if there were consequences to loving you, then so be it,” said Nedra.
“Those consequences could bring too high a price. If you love me, I want you to do as I ask.”
Her heart thundered in her chest. “No.”
“Nobody can connect us by name.”
“Carla knows. I told her.”
“I want you to cut your losses, before this gets out of hand.”
“Explain to me if you have a part in this. That’s all I’m asking.”
“We won’t contact each other.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “We’ll never see each other again.”
Nedra was angry. There was no way that he was making this decision as if she had no part in it.
“You’re not listening to me!”
Sin wanted to go to her, take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. But, if he touched her he knew that he would never let her go.
“You’re mistaken. I am listening, but what I hear I won’t accept. I’m being investigated for suspicion of dealing in the drug trade. That’s something your church has fought against for years. Mount Peter is one of the few examples that can be pointed to that has a record of success. Deny it or not, people are following your lead. If there’s even a hint of your being tied to me, everything you’ve done will be suspect.”
“But you were willing for us to be together publicly before all of this happened!”
Nedra hated the way that she sounded, wounded, desperate. She didn’t mean to sound that way, but that’s how she felt.
Sin’s stance didn’t change. “I wasn’t willing. I was resigned, but even then, reluctant. You’ve got enemies, Nedra. Our being together would be all of the ammunition they need to make sure you don’t make any more progress with the things your church has been doing. Tell me I’m wrong?”
She couldn’t and he knew it.
Sin felt sick. His heart constricted in his chest. Why shouldn’t it? It was breaking.
“This was a mistake from the beginning.”
Nedra bit her lip, struggling to maintain control of her emotions. She was determined not to cry. They could get through this.
“God doesn’t make mistakes.”
“If that’s true, then he placed you in the right place, at the right time. You’re there for a purpose.”
She couldn’t argue. Right now she couldn’t think straight. She had to get away. If she didn’t leave, she would collapse. If she could think clearly, she could devise a plan and then return to him. That is, if he let her. From the look on his face, she knew he wouldn’t.
Nedra didn’t recall walking through his front door, or the drive home. She didn’t remember entering her condo. What she did recall was falling to her knees in the bathroom, vomiting and then crawling onto her bed. She also remembered the last words that Sin said to her, “Thank you for stopping the nightmares.”
The only problem was, hers were just beginning.
****
Sin was a zombie. He became one the moment Nedra walked out the door. The tears that followed her departure streamed down his face, soaked his skin and seeped into his heart, but they went unheeded. Tears were foreign to him. So was the pain that invaded every pore of his being, settling in every bone. It rushed through his blood stream like a raging river, but it didn’t matter. He had mastered the skill of not feeling anything, long ago. That is, was until—
The next day, Sin tried to get her out of his head. He had been given a few weeks with her, weeks that he would always cherish. They would be the only memories in his life that he wanted to take to the grave. It was over. That was it. She was safe and protected from what lay ahead.
He had hoped that it would never come to this, that he could get out before he was discovered. Unfortunately, Lady Luck had not been kind. But, at least he was prepared. He knew what to say. He knew what to do. The only thing about it was that he no longer cared. He was the master of not feeling. That was, until—
****
The TV news reporter stood in front of some place called the Bayland Imports office, jabbering away on the evening news. That blasted noise was getting on Esther’s nerves. She turned the sound down as she stood at the kitchen counter preparing the evening meal. Her next door neighbor, Jane, had dropped by to make her miserable day even more miserable. She was chattering about something or another. She was worse than the television set. When would the woman go home?
It was bad enough Esther had to spend her day battlin
g a room full of fourth graders who didn’t want to learn anything; she then had to come home to a worthless husband, too lazy to carry his share of her heavy load. Supposedly, he had a bad heart, but it sure didn’t stop him from running around with other women. How many had it been? She had lost count.
Then there were those ungrateful children of hers. After all of the sacrifices she had made for them, they never appreciated anything. They both lived close enough to visit, but they didn’t come by unless they wanted something! She regretted the day she gave birth!
All she wanted to do was come home to some peace and quiet and here comes big mouth Jane, whining to her about her husband, Marty. That lush! Everybody knew he was a drunk. Jane knew it too. So, what was she yapping about now? Esther turned her attention back to the woman draped around her kitchen chair.
“What did you say, Jane?”
“I said, that’s him!” Her neighbor’s face was flushed with excitement. Esther followed the woman’s gaze to the television screen.
Two impeccably dressed black men were walking hurriedly from a building toward a late model car. A reporter was doggedly pursuing them, trying to stick a mike in the face of one of them. Esther looked back at Jane. “Who are you talking about?”
Jane pointed to one of the two men as they reached the car. He kept his head averted, preventing a good view of his face. “That’s the man I saw with Reverend Davis in Monterey. The one I told you about, remember? The reporter said that the other one is his lawyer.”
Esther drew closer to the small TV set. “Are you sure?”
Jane raised a brow. “Am I sure? Honey, do you think I could forget anybody that fine?”
As she spoke, the man turned his head quickly enough for Esther to see his profile. She gasped. She knew that face! Where had she seen it before?!
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