Libby, who was perched on his desk, felt the happy bubble she was floating on deflate on his behalf. ‘I’m such a selfish cow,’ she said, jumping off the desk and going over to him. ‘I was so excited to see you that I never stopped to think just how hard this—’
‘It’s fine,’ he interrupted. There was no need for an apology and he told her another truth. ‘Despite how things are, I was looking forward to seeing you, too.’
For Libby, his open admission was unexpected.
It felt like opening the kitchen cupboard and finding a bar of chocolate when you were quite sure that you didn’t have any.
And then Daniil elaborated on why he was dreading tonight and that, too, was unexpected. ‘I’d better give you some background.’
‘You don’t have to,’ she said, because she could sense his reluctance. ‘I’m very good at winging it.’
‘I’m going to be making a speech tonight so you will hear some of it anyway and I want you to know, before we arrive, why the evening might not be an easy one,’ he said. ‘As you know, I’m adopted.’
Libby nodded.
‘I lived in an orphanage until I was twelve years old. Apparently my parents had tried for a very long time to have a baby and eventually they did—they had a son and his name was Daniel. He was their only child but he died when he was twelve and they missed him so much...’
Libby bit her tongue.
‘They had hoped I would be like him. The trouble was, not only did I not speak the language—’ he gave an extremely uncomfortable shrug ‘—I was very institutionalised when I arrived in England. I liked routines. Even though I was used to sharing a room, we all had our privacy. No one really touched anybody else’s things. If someone was quiet, that was respected. It was very different when I came here. My parents felt they could come uninvited into my space, that they, or their maids, could touch my things. I wanted my meals at a certain time, that was all I knew. I didn’t want their lavish food and to be grateful for the nice things they gave me. I didn’t want to play tennis...’
He had wanted to box; that had been all he had wanted to do. If they had taken in Roman, he would have picked up a racket and shone at tennis, he would have been the perfect Daniel—but that part was too hard to share. And so, leaving his twin aside, as he had been forced to do for close to two-thirds of his life, Daniil told her a little more.
‘I think that within a couple of days of me arriving they understood the mistake they had made. They wanted to love me but they couldn’t and I don’t blame them for that...’
Libby had kept hold of her mounting horror till now, but, as she had freely admitted, she had no self-control where Daniil was concerned. That someone could do that to him had her blood boil, and her voice was harsh when she spoke. ‘They were never going to love you, no matter what you did. Instead of working through their grief and facing it, they did this to you.’
‘I made their lives hell,’ Daniil said. ‘They simply couldn’t understand how I wasn’t grateful for all the opportunities they gave me. Earlier this year we had a major falling out when I told them I wanted to change back to my birth name.’
‘Of course you did,’ Libby said. ‘After all they did—’
But he interrupted her, and when he did so Daniil nearly blindsided her with something she had never considered.
‘I think they think that I changed my name to spite them—it wasn’t about that, though. I changed my name in the hope that my past could find me.’
‘And has it?’
‘No.’
‘I feel even worse now that I tried to persuade you to go.’
‘Libby, you could never have persuaded me to do this. Believe me, I have my own reasons for going tonight.’ He had revealed more than he ever had and certainly more than he had expected to, but her acceptance was soothing and that she was angry with his parents on his behalf helped. So a couple of hours before he would enter the house that should have been home, he told her a little of his real one.
‘There were four of us,’ he explained. ‘We were the bad kids. By the time you get to be six or so you know that you are unlikely to be adopted. We never wanted to be anyway. We were going to make our own way in the world. Sev—Sevastyan—would read all the time, and he was clever with numbers. Then there was Nikolai and he wanted to work on the ships. I’d love to know if he ever did.’
‘Who was the fourth one?’ Libby asked innocently.
‘Roman.’
It hurt even to say his name out loud.
‘And what was he going to do?’ Libby asked, but Daniil just gave the same shake of his head that he did when things were off limits, and finally his phone bleeped a text and they could head to the roof.
But Libby halted him.
‘You can still change your mind about going tonight.’
Not going was no longer an option. ‘I have a question for them,’ he said. ‘I hope that if I do the right thing by them tonight they will give me an honest answer.’
‘Isn’t there a risk that they won’t?’
‘There are always risks,’ he said. ‘I only take them if I am prepared to weather the consequences, and tonight I am.’
He was.
He wanted to know what had happened to the letters he had sent, and if attending tonight gave him a chance to find out, it was a price he was willing to pay.
Even if killed him to do so.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LIBBY KNEW THAT the view from the helicopter would be amazing but as it lifted into the sky she found that she was holding her breath. It was nerve-racking, dizzying and very unsettling. The buildings were getting smaller but, for a moment, she felt as if the ground was slamming upwards towards them. As the helicopter lurched a touch, so, too, did her stomach, and Libby discovered that possibly she wasn’t suited to helicopters at all.
She swallowed the gathering saliva and then dragged in air and closed her eyes, appalled that she might be sick, but then Daniil placed his hand over hers and when next she opened her eyes the ground was back where it should be. The houses and flats were tiny and the landscape was becoming a deep gorgeous green as the helicopter headed towards Oxford. Libby looked over at Daniil and he mouthed that she would fine and she gave him a nod of thanks.
Would he be fine, though?
She was somehow trying to get her head around all that Daniil had told her. She tried to imagine arriving here, not knowing anything about the country and being unable to speak the language. She tried to understand how he must have felt, being sent in as some sort of replacement for a deceased child. For all her family’s faults, for all the problems they might have, their love for each other had never been brought into question.
Through the headphones Libby heard the pilot announce their imminent arrival and saw Daniil staring out of the window, looking down to the vast expanse of land that held his home. His face was unreadable and her hand had been long forgotten. She glanced down and saw that he had clenched fists.
He was so closed off now that she might, Libby thought, just as well not be here.
Daniil couldn’t really process that she was with him—till now he had always taken this journey alone. Yes, his new parents had sat beside him in the car the first time that his new home had come into view but they had been strangers then.
They still were.
For family occasions, his cousin’s weddings included, he had never considered bringing a date. Through his teenage years and university not once had he thought of bringing somebody to the family home.
The sinking feeling he felt had nothing to do with the helicopter that was now hovering just before landing. He looked at the familiar red-brick mansion and the immaculate grounds that could all be his.
No, thank you.
He’d never once wanted to be here.
&n
bsp; Daniil was almost tempted to ask the helicopter pilot to return them to London—in fact, he was seriously considering it—but just then he felt Libby’s hand close over the top of his fingers and as he had sensed her nervousness earlier and reassured her, now she did the same to him. Daniil turned to smiling blue eyes that told him she was there, and that in a few short hours it would all be over and duty would be done.
It was he who nodded his thanks now.
They disembarked and the grass was so thick and lush that Libby wished she’d had the foresight to wear flats. Instead, she sank into the green carpet with each and every step till she gave in and took her heels off.
‘Next time—’ she started, but Daniil offered a swift retort.
‘There won’t be a next time.’
She tried to tell herself he was referring to the fact that they wouldn’t come back to his parents’ home but his comment still jarred. Daniil could be so brusque with his words that she never quite knew how they applied to her, or even if they did.
He didn’t hold her hand as they walked up the stone steps, which she took as an affront, but Daniil was so tense he knew that if he did he might well crush her fingers. Everything about the place made him feel ill, from the growling stone lions to the fountain.
There was one familiar face that drew a pale smile from him—Marcus, the old butler who had been with the family since before his parents had married, opened the door. ‘It’s good to see you here, sir.’
‘It’s...’ Yes, Daniil’s response was initially sparse, he could hardly say that it was good to be here, but, determined to keep to his side of the deal, he pushed on. ‘It’s good to see you again, Marcus.’
‘I’ll have your luggage taken to your room,’ Marcus said, and Daniil felt his stomach clench.
‘I’d prefer—’
‘Naturally, I’ll leave it for you and your guest to unpack.’
Daniil gave a small nod of thanks, grateful that there was one person in this place who had, over the years, listened to his repeated requests that his belongings be left alone.
The entrance hall was as uninviting as it had been his first time here. At twelve he had been used to being surrounded by people and sparse furnishings. He would never forget first seeing this vast, imposing space, the walls lined with tapestries and portraits and the daunting Jacobean oak staircase. Most confusing of all had been that there were so few people.
‘Daniel!’
Libby turned when she heard the wrong name and saw a small, busy-looking woman, with wiry hair and cold blue eyes, approach. She was wearing a deep red dress, which did nothing for her flushed complexion.
‘Finally!’
Libby watched as she forced a smile, even though her lips seemed to disappear as she did so, and then a tall bearded man with a glass in his hand came and joined them.
‘This is Libby,’ Daniil said. ‘Libby, this is my mother, Katherine, and my father, Richard.’
‘It’s lovely to meet you.’ Libby beamed as they were introduced and no one, not even Daniil, could have guessed just how well she was acting right now, because from everything he had told her about them, there was no reason to smile.
Katherine ran her eyes over Libby, from head to toe and back again, and to Libby it felt as if she was being checked for lice. ‘Libby?’ Katherine frowned. ‘Short for...?’
‘Elizabeth.’ She beamed again and when they just stood and openly stared she attempted conversation. ‘We had a wonderful helicopter ride here. Your home is beautiful from the sky.’
Daniil watched as his mother fought not to step back from the warmth of Libby as she carried on with her observations. She dazzled and smiled when he was unable to and she filled the strained silence that usually ensued whenever he and his parents were together.
‘Mind you, I should have worn flat shoes,’ Libby continued. ‘I’ll be able to find my way in the dark—just follow the holes in the lawn—’
‘Yes, well, guests are already arriving,’ Katherine interrupted. ‘Daniel, why don’t you take Elizabeth to freshen up, but don’t take too long. You’ve kept us waiting for quite long enough already.’ A bell rang and Katherine looked around. ‘Where the hell is Marcus?’
‘He’s taking our luggage up,’ Daniil replied.
‘Well, that’s him gone for a week,’ Katherine huffed, as she realised she might have to greet guests herself for a few moments. ‘Why I offered to keep him on after retirement is beyond me. Go on, you two, get ready.’
Oh, she was completely awful, Libby thought as they went up the stairs. Her father only ever called her Elizabeth when he was telling her off.
They walked up the imposing staircase just as Marcus limped down, and Libby stiffened on the turn as a huge photograph came into sight. There, standing with the family, was a young Daniil, and it just about broke her heart to look at it. He was wearing a private school uniform and his eyes were hostile and it looked as if the effort of smiling for the camera might just be killing him.
Daniil refused to give it a glance.
‘Daniel...’ They both turned and there was Katherine, who, Libby thought, looked a little like a fox terrier with her clipped hair and solid body. ‘Charlotte just arrived.’
‘And?’
‘I’m just letting you know.’
He said nothing, just turned and carried on walking, but Katherine didn’t leave things there. ‘You’ll be delivering a speech.’
‘Of course.’
‘It might be better if I skim through it...’
‘No need,’ he responded.
She had the tenacity of a terrier, too, Libby thought, as his mother followed them up the stairs.
‘There’s every need,’ Katherine said. ‘Daniel, our guests tonight, well, they’re important...’
‘Then, you’d better get back to them,’ Daniil said, and taking Libby’s arm he guided her down a corridor. Finally Katherine gave up and slunk back down the stairs.
‘Tupa shmara,’ Daniil cursed, as the bedroom door closed.
‘I’m going to assume that you just said something terribly rude,’ Libby said.
‘Just the truth,’ he responded, and looked around. Their cases sat closed, waiting to be unpacked, and he was grateful to Marcus for that.
To most the space would be inviting. The room was light and airy, the panelled walls were cream and offset by the dark wooden floor and door. The bay windows offered magnificent views of the estate and the furnishings, though antique, were peppered with modern touches. Daniil could well recall lying on the vast bed, watching television and not understanding more than a few words.
‘It’s beautiful,’ Libby said, looking up at the plasterwork on the ceiling.
‘If you like museums.’ Daniil shrugged. She looked at the photos on the mantelpiece over a fireplace of Daniil holding a tennis racket and another of him sitting, scowling, on a horse. ‘I was a poor replica of Daniel.’
‘He’d have been a poor replica of you,’ Libby said. ‘I’m sure the guests would be terribly disappointed if I stepped into my sister’s restaurant tonight and took over the kitchen. It would be like asking her to be my understudy—unthinkable! And we’ve got the same genes.’
She went over and wrapped her arms behind his neck as he looked around the bedroom he hated so much.
‘Did you bring a lot of girls home?’ Libby asked.
‘I’ve never brought anyone here.’
‘Till now,’ Libby said, and she watched his eyes shutter, but she refused to be closed out and she stretched to reach his mouth, but he pulled back.
‘Libby...’ She could almost see the keep-out signs he held up.
‘No.’ She would not. She would enter at her own risk because that was where her heart led.
His jaw was like marble, his lips like i
ce, and one hand came up and went to unwrap her from his neck but she simply ignored him, pressing into those lips that she craved.
He was tense and reluctant yet she refused to be perturbed but then, just then, it was like cracking a safe, because she felt him give in to her mouth and he was pulling her closer, letting her in to a deep kiss.
Yes, she may not have his number but his mouth was familiar now, the way he led their kiss, the feeling that nothing and no one could reach them. His hands felt like silk, wrapping them tighter in the delicious cocoon they made.
‘Not here,’ he said, which was contrary to his actions, for his hand was pulling at the hem of her dress while at the same time pulling her in.
‘Yes, here...’ she breathed, disengaging her hand from around his neck and moving it down to between them, feeling the hard outline of him and running her palm over the swollen tip.
Yes, here, Daniil thought, for he was back in his old bedroom but he felt different this time, and his kiss was rough now, leading her to the bed. But suddenly there was a knock at the door and without waiting for a response it was opened.
Now she understood why he loathed people knocking at the door so much—it meant nothing, because, completely uninvited, in walked his father. Libby jumped back, embarrassed and shocked, ridiculously grateful that Daniil held one of her hands as the other smoothed her dress.
‘Se’bis,’ Daniil said.
‘Se’bis,’ Richard said, and a very flushed Libby frowned at the slight smirk on Daniil’s face at his father’s response. ‘I’ve just been speaking with your mother about your speech,’ Richard said. Daniil released Libby from his arms and she stood there, breathless, embarrassed and very, very angry at the intrusion, but she tried not to show it as Richard spoke on.
‘I thought I might just take a quick look through it,’ Richard said, but Daniil shook his head.
‘There is no need for that.’
But his father was insistent. ‘I just want to check that you’ve covered all bases.’
‘I have.’ Daniil refused to give in to him.
The Price of His Redemption Page 10
