He took a drink from his soda. “Honestly, I just wanted to check out your store. Get away from The Lodge for a while.”
I nodded, thinking how hard it would be to stay trapped undercover. “That must be weird, having to hide out all the time.”
He shrugged. “It is, but I’m the one who signed up for this fame gig.” He grinned at me again. “I miss doing stuff like this, though. Just hanging out like a normal person.”
“Right. Hanging out with a boring high school girl; I’m sure you totally miss that.”
He laughed. “You’re not boring. What you’re doing for the senior center is cool.” He spoke around a bite of cookie. “So is it true your mom’s a famous writer?”
“Sort of famous. And yeah, it’s true. But I can’t tell you her name. Secrecy oath.” I smirked. “You understand.”
He nodded, still chewing. “Oh yeah.” He glanced around the kitchen. “This is nice, though. Kind of reminds me of home.”
“Where’s home, anyway?” Jaz would know, but I didn’t share her freakishly encyclopedic knowledge of celebrity bios.
“Minnesota. The frozen tundra. My gran raised me, that’s why she’s with me now. I’m all she’s got.”
That was shockingly sweet. And the frozen tundra thing, that was exactly what Dallas had said about Wisconsin. I studied Fisk’s friendly, beautiful face. I sort of wished Dallas was here; it would be funny to see if he got star struck around Fisk.
“What are you thinking about?” Fisk asked. “You drifted away there for a minute.”
I refocused on Fisk and shrugged. “Just, um…nothing.”
His eyes narrowed. “It’s a guy, isn’t it?”
I laughed nervously, feeling myself blush. “There you go with the psychic thing again.”
He grinned as he fished another cookie out of the package. “Rock star. Psychic. Same thing.” He took another bite. He ate almost as much as Dallas. Fisk pointed a finger at me. “Ah-ha. More blushing. You’re totally thinking about a guy, and I know it’s not me.”
That cracked me up. “How do you know I’m not totally flustered to be hanging out with a famous rock star?”
He shot me a cocky grin. “I can tell these things. I spend half my life surrounded by teenage girls who think they’re in love with me. And that’s definitely not you.” He winked. “So tell me about him.”
My grin faded and I fiddled with the strings on my hoodie. “Not much to tell.” I shrugged, then met his eyes. “It’s like a bad song lyric, you know? Girl meets boy. Girl falls for boy; boy falls for girl. But stupid girl rejects boy because she’s an idiot. Now boy acts like he doesn’t know girl. And girl is very sad.”
He’d leaned back in his chair while I spoke, studying me thoughtfully. “You’re breaking my heart, Vivian. Seriously. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”
I shook my head, horrified to realize a few tears had leaked into my eyes while I’d told him the sarcastic version of my very real pain. “I can’t. He’s moved on to someone else.” I raised my eyes to his. “And this is why I spend most of my time with book boyfriends instead of real boys. I stink at human relationships.”
He stopped chewing. “That sucks. You deserve better. Maybe he’s not worth it if he gave up so easily.”
“No,” I said softly. “He didn’t give up. I did. I pushed him away, told him to move on.” We sat in silence, then I tried to smile. “I wish I was like you, Fisk. I’d write an awesome song about it.”
He nodded. “Yeah. It’s pretty hard to resist a love song apology.”
“Unless it’s a bad song, like Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer.”
Fisk laughed. “Still worked for him, though. He got the girl.”
“It was the Billy Idol effect.”
We laughed together but were interrupted by the bell ringing from out front. “Be right back,” I said, jumping to my feet. I hurried to the door, opened it, then almost slammed it shut when I saw who was standing at the counter. Vivian to Spock: Mayday! I leaned against the door, my stomach doing back flips.
Fisk cocked an eyebrow. “Problem?”
I bit my lip. “It’s him. The guy from my song. I mean, from my life.”
Fisk grabbed another cookie. “So go out there.” He grinned at me. “I can be your Billy Idol back-up. Go out and tell him how you feel.”
My heart thudded in my chest. “No. No way.” I eased the door open a tiny crack... Dallas stood there, hands in his pockets, looking around the store and frowning. Becca stood next to him holding a couple of books. Dallas reached out and tapped the bell again. I couldn’t help but smile. It must be killing him that no one was out there to wait on customers.
I took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m going out there. But just to wait on him. He’s with his little sister, anyway.”
Fisk shrugged. “Okay. You’re probably right. You need to build up to your big apology. You can’t just wing it.”
I didn’t bother to tell him I’d never have the guts to apologize to Dallas, to tell him how I felt. Even my hormones were chickening out, telling me to hide out here with Fisk. But I had to do my job.
Pushing through the door, I pulled at my hair, wondering if I looked like a total train wreck. Not that it mattered. Dallas tensed when he saw me approach, but Becca grinned. “Hi,” I said, not making eye contact as I walked behind the counter. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
He cleared his throat. “That’s okay.” He took the books from Becca and set them on the counter. I rang up the sale without speaking or looking at him, keeping my eyes on the cash register.
“Eleven dollars and thirteen cents, please,” I mumbled, still refusing to make eye contact. He slid a twenty dollar bill across the counter, and I took it, careful to avoid touching his hand. I counted out the change and finally looked at him.
He watched me with his usual McNerdy intensity but didn’t say a word. He turned his hand over, palm up, waiting for the change. I dropped it in his hand.
“Do you want a bag?” I croaked, cursing my rusty voice.
He shook his head, shoving the change in his pocket. Becca grabbed the books off the counter and grinned at me. “Thanks!”
“You’re welcome. Hope you like them.” I smiled at her, grateful to focus on someone other than Dallas. He reached down to take her hand and they turned to leave, but Dallas hesitated, turning back to me.
“I read your articles on the homeless guys. They were…insightful. Thoughtful.” He hesitated. “You did them justice.”
Taken aback, I simply nodded and mumbled a thank you. His gaze stayed on me a beat longer, then he and Becca left.
I rushed back to the kitchen, almost crashing into Fisk when I flung the door open. He jumped back, barely avoiding me.
“Sorry,” I muttered, swiping a tear away. I needed to be alone, not have a breakdown in front of a rock star I barely knew. “Were you spying on me?”
He shrugged, but a guilty flush crept up his neck. “I was curious.” He grinned at me. “Artistic curiosity, in case I write that song.” His grin faded. “So that was him? The guy with the glasses?”
I nodded. Fisk probably thought Dallas was a dork. “He’s a great guy,” I said, unable to keep the defensiveness from my voice. “He’s super smart. And sweet. And just so…” My voice faded away. This was ridiculous, me talking to Fisk like he was Dear Abby.
He rubbed a hand over his chin, watching me almost as intently as Dallas did. “I’m sure he is. He’d have to be to fall for a girl like you.” I couldn’t quite read his expression. I could tell he wasn’t laughing at me, but he looked as if he was hiding something. Probably trying not to laugh at my teenage drama. Then his face bloomed with his rock star grin. “I know it’s stupid to take advice from a weird rock star eating your cookies, but I have to say it again, Vivian. Talk to the guy.”
I gave him a half-hearted smile. “You’re not at all what I expected, Fisk. For a rock star, I mean. You’re almost normal.”
He laughed
. “Almost. But not quite.” He pulled his hoodie over his head and put on his sunglasses. “I’ve gotta get back to my gilded cage. But thanks for the cookies and the conversation. It was just what I needed.”
“Wait. I need to get books for your gran.”
He shook his head. “That was just an excuse for me to leave prison. She should be fine until your next visit.”
“Okay.” I nodded. I couldn’t believe we’d talked about me the whole time. I’d had a rock star all to myself and hadn’t asked him anything. Jaz would kill me if she were here. “So is it true you’re rehearsing for a movie at The Lodge? Getting all buffed? Is The Rock up there, too, training you?”
He grinned, his teeth blindingly white underneath his dark shades. “Top secret, Vivian. You know how it is.”
I returned his grin. “Got it. You were never here.”
He made a goofy clicking noise with his tongue and pointed his finger at me. Suddenly I saw him as he might have been as a teenager, super cute but a little dorky, before he was discovered and famous.
“We always have cookies,” I said. “And soda.”
“Thanks, Vivian. I’ll keep that in mind.”
And then he was gone, slipping out the back door like a shadow, leaving me alone to think about Dallas, and my own Vulcan stupidity.
“I have been, and shall always be, your friend.”
—Spock
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Saturday, October 4
The first weekend in October was foggy and chilly. Mom offered to let me attend the surf competition on Saturday, but I said no. Jaz texted me a few photos, both of which were like a punch to the heart. One was of Toff doing his bicep-curling pose after winning the longboard competition. I missed cheering him on and razzing him about his lack of humility.
The other was a photo of Dallas standing by himself, staring at the ocean. “I bet he’s thinking about you,” Jaz texted. “You should text him. Call him. Plan a sneak kissing attack.”
Jaz. She wasn’t giving up. I smiled sadly and deleted the photo.
Mom disappeared as usual on Sunday, and I opened the store at noon. Not many people were up and around yet, so I put up the “Be right back” sign and hurried to the Bean for a triple-shot mocha. As I hurried back to the bookstore, I nearly collided with Claire.
“Sorry.” I jumped back as if she’d bit me.
Her eyes were red-rimmed, her face pale. “My bad,” she said. Then she blinked her eyes in recognition. “Vivian, thank God. I was looking for you. Are you…do you have a minute?”
That was the last thing I expected her to say, but she looked so miserable I couldn’t say no. “Sure,” I said. “But I need to get back to work.” I nodded toward the bookstore. “You can talk to me in there. We probably won’t have any customers for at least half an hour.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll get a drink and come over.”
As I sipped on my drink and booted up the store’s computer, I wondered why Claire wanted to talk to me, of all people. When Claire entered the store, she looked around nervously, as if worried we weren’t alone.
“Hi,” I said. “Come on in.”
She chewed on her lip, looking like a scared animal, ready to bolt.
“Do you want to sit in the back?” I pointed toward the kitchen. “No one will bother us. If I hear the front door, I can help the customers while you can stay back there.”
Nodding, she nearly sagged with relief. We walked to the kitchen in silence, then took chairs across from each other at the table. Claire sipped from her to-go cup, staring down at the table.
“Are you okay?” I asked, starting to freak out a little bit.
She shook her head, still staring at the table.
“Do you want me to, um, call someone? To come get you?”
She raised her eyes, looking frantic. “No,” she said. “Don’t do that.”
We sat in silence again, until she finally let out a long, shaky sigh. “Can you…will you…” She took another breath. “Will you tell me what happened between you and Jake?”
Adrenaline shot through me, pinning me to the back of my chair. A million questions swirled through my mind. “Why do you want to know?”
She dropped her eyes and a tear slid down her cheek. Oh no. Was she jealous? I could at least reassure her about that. “Not much happened with us. You should ask him. He told me himself we were never really a thing.”
Her face jerked up. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “We just…um…kissed mostly.” I took a deep breath, wondering what he’d said to her. “It was no big deal.” She didn’t need to know that it was a big deal, to me.
Her face seemed to cloud over. “But he said you guys…” Her voice trailed away and her cheeks turned pink. I was suddenly in my bedroom again, watching Toff break a paper clip in frustration when he’d assumed the same thing Claire apparently did.
“Jake said what?” I snapped. If he was telling more people we’d actually done the deed, I’d break my vow never to speak to him so I could kill him.
She took a long drink from her cup and tugged at her dreadlocks. “He said…that you…” A tingle of warning shot up my spine. “He said you, um, didn’t want to…you know. At first. But that you changed your mind.” She barely met my eyes. “He said if um…someone like you…could, you know, that I shouldn’t keep saying no.”
A powerful surge of anger tore through me and I gripped the edge of the table. My pulse pounded in my ears. “No,” I finally managed through gritted teeth. “That’s a lie. A total lie.” I took a steadying breath. “He wanted me to sleep with him, yeah, but I told him no. He basically dumped me when I wouldn’t.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “Really?”
I nodded. “The first day of school…I totally thought it was me he’d be kissing at lunch. Not you.” I shrugged, forcing a smile. “That was the day he officially cut me loose.”
Her mouth formed a small O shape. “Seriously? Oh my God. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
I brushed a tangle of curls behind my ear. “Look, it doesn’t matter. I mean, him dumping me doesn’t matter. Him saying that we had sex—that totally matters. I can’t believe it. I’m going to kill him.”
She shook her head. “He’s not telling everyone. Just me, I think. He was trying to…um…persuade me, I guess.”
Anger surged through me again. “So he basically said if a weirdo bookworm like me was willing, you should be, too?”
She dropped her gaze to the table, nodding. “I don’t think you’re weird, though.” She glanced up. “This place is cool. And I like your blog. And your Hit or Miss column in the school paper.”
It was my turn to look shocked. “You read my blog?”
She smiled hesitantly. “Yeah. I love to read.” She frowned slightly. “Why doesn’t anyone think surfers are smart?”
“I don’t think that,” I said, but part of me wondered if I did. The truth was I hardly knew Claire. Even though our school was fairly small, she was a sophomore and spent all her time with Jake and his posse. For all I knew, she was on the honor roll.
“How’d you hear about it? My blog, I mean?”
She shrugged. “Amy told me. I like your reviews. You’re honest, but you’re never mean even if you don’t like the book.”
“Wow,” I said softly. “Thanks.”
We sat in silence, both of us twisting our hair and staring everywhere but at each other. Then I had a horrifying thought. “Did Jake try to…did he force you…” I couldn’t say the words, terrified of her answer.
She shook her head and a few more tears slid down her cheeks. “No. But I broke up with him last night because he said he was sick of waiting…” She couldn’t finish speaking, but she didn’t need to.
“Asshole.”
Claire nodded. “He is. But I still sort of like him.” She sniffled. “That’s the worst part. Even though I know he’s a jerk. I can’t just turn off my feelings.”
Boy, did I ever know about that. “Yeah.” I sighed. “I went through that, too.”
She leaned across the table, looking hopeful. “So what did you do? To get over him?”
I thought of my RC mission. Of the bad dates. Of Dallas and our kiss, and how I’d pushed away the one guy I wanted to keep close.
I leaned back in my chair and sighed. “Nothing that would help you. I think you just need to tough it out.” As I watched her, my jealousy and resentment faded away. She was a girl just like me, falling in love, then getting her heart broken. “Keep reminding yourself of what a jerk he is. Remember he lied to you to get what he wanted.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything.
“I think you’ll know when you’re ready for sex. And if you feel like you’re being forced, he’s definitely the wrong guy.” Dallas would never force a girl; I knew that deep in my heart. “Your first time should be special with someone you trust and love. Not wasted on somebody like Jake.”
“Maybe,” she finally spoke, giving me a sad smile. “But he’s an awesome kisser.”
I sighed. “Yeah. He is.” I thought of Dallas again and my stomach fluttered as my body remembered our white-hot kiss. “But I’ve had better.”
“You have?” She perked up. “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I took a deep breath. “So you honestly like my blog?”
She grinned, a real one this time. “Go-go boots all the way, baby.” She reached out a hand to fist-bump me and I returned the gesture.
“So,” I said. “You should come here next Saturday. One p.m. Lonely Hearts Book Club.” I scooted my chair away from the table. “Come on. I’ll loan you a copy of the book we’ll be arguing about.”
...
I never would’ve dreamed I’d bond with Claire, but she stayed in the store for another hour talking about books and eating M&Ms from the book club snack stash. We didn’t agree on everything, but she had thoughtful opinions. I told her she’d be a great addition to our club.
When she left with a bag of books, she was smiling. I hoped she’d stay strong in her resolve to ignore Jake and his stupid lies.
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