Mel let out a sleepy yawn and settled back onto the bed beside me, her hand coming up to rest on my head before her fingers stroked through my hair. The innocent move forced me back in time, to when I had gotten my very first taste of Melanie Livingston’s magical fingers.
When I knew she was the girl for me.
We hadn’t been together long, maybe just a few weeks, but at the time it had felt like forever. Everything we did was new and fresh, exciting and raw. I had convinced her to come to our final game of the season, before we left college and the real world took over. I knew she wanted to be there. She’d been so happy for the team having made it that far. I knew it was a big ask considering what had happened with Lola, and Mel knew they would all be at the game. She was apprehensive, but she came anyway. I watched her watch me from afar as I scored my final goal of the season, a secret smile on her face I knew was for me and me alone. When Taylor scored the winning goal and the crowd erupted, there was only one way I wanted to celebrate, and that was with my girl.
I ran from one side of the pitch to the other, desperate to see her, smell her, breathe her in. When I started to jog the last few feet towards her, Mel jumped down from the stand and ran at me with open arms. My hands flew to the back of her neck, my fingers threading through her hair as I pulled her face to mine and kissed her with so much passion that I could feel it everywhere. Her legs wrapped around my waist as she held on tight. The warmth of her embrace enveloping me in a blanket of comfort. She was all I wanted. All I needed.
I took her home and made love to her that night, and fell asleep with her fingers stroking my hair. It was such an innocent move, but the way it felt to have her in my arms, hearing her soft contented breaths mingling with my own, I knew I’d never feel anything quite like that again. She felt like home. My home. And I never wanted that feeling to end.
Now, with her fingers in my hair and her contented breaths dancing across my chest, I knew that whatever storm awaited us, we would ride it out together. Because as long as we had each other, nothing and no one could tear us apart.
35
Two weeks had passed since I’d walked in on Jake in the shower and we’d ended up in bed together. While I tried to keep a level of calm when I was around him, I was finding it extremely difficult. The last thing I wanted was to rush into something again, especially knowing how capable he was of destroying me. He had done that once before, and whilst in my heart I had already forgiven him for that, in my head I was constantly living with the fear that if he’d done it once, he could do it again. I tried to act casual around him as much as I could. It was so easy to get swept up in a whirlwind of emotions whenever I was around him, despite the neon warning sign that continuously hovered over me, yelling at me to slow things down. Jake was caring and attentive, just like he had been in the beginning. It was easy to forget all the hurt he had made me feel before he went away the last time. But I told myself that I wouldn’t dwell on the past and just enjoy being with someone. Jake had this charming way of making me feel like I was the only girl in the world. He made me feel special, wanted, and horny as hell. It was hard to keep a sane head whenever I was around him. We hadn’t put a label on what we were. I still wasn’t sure if we were seeing each other officially, or just having sex. I knew he’d said he hated the thought of me being with someone else, but that could just have been his selfish side coming into play. One thing was for certain: the very thought of him being with someone else made me sick.
We still snuck around, grabbing any opportunity we could to be around each other without anyone else knowing. It had been great during the first few days. Now, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to keep it a secret any longer. Would it matter if people knew? Frankie would be wary, given our past, but I knew she’d come around to the idea eventually. As long as I was happy, that’s all that mattered. Only, I wasn’t sure how long that happiness would last.
I still couldn’t bring myself to ask about the injury. I found myself avoiding the subject of football altogether. I hated that he didn’t feel like he could tell me. I still wasn’t sure why he kept it a secret. I wondered if he had hidden it from his parents, too. But why would he? It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. I knew I would have to bring it up eventually. The new season would be starting in a few weeks and there was no way he could hide it then. People would be asking why he wasn’t playing and he would have to tell them.
And there was our future hanging in the air. I tried to avoid it because facing it meant leaving Jake. I guess it was what stopped me from repeatedly asking Jake what we were doing. Before Jake had come back into my life I was all set for leaving. Leaving this shitty town far behind me and starting a new life someplace else. I still wanted to. Even if that admission made me sad. Jake wouldn’t be playing next season, which meant he would be staying here in Winslow, and me? I’d be leaving. I knew we couldn’t continue this thing between us without broaching the subject of our future plans. I wanted more for myself. More than life here had to offer. But the thought of living a life without him seemed impossible now. I knew this little bubble of mine was about to burst. The only question was… when?
I’d just walked through the door after work when my phone started ringing. I fished the phone out from the back pocket of my jeans and smiled when I saw it was Jake.
I swiped the screen and lifted the phone to my ear. “Hey.”
Jake’s heavy breaths echoed through the other end as if he was running. “Sorry. Hold on,” he said, and then there was a beep followed by what sounded like a car door slamming. “Hey. Sorry, I’ve just finished at the gym,” he breathed out.
“Working up a sweat?” Grinning, I instantly pictured the sweat dripping from his neck and down his shirtless back. His hair would be stuck up at every angle as a sheen of sweat lined his forehead. The thought made my mouth water and that dull ache in my lower stomach intensified.
“Nah, I went easy.”
I nodded. “How’s your knee?”
“Huh?”
“Your knee? You hurt it, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” I could hear the hesitation in his voice. “It was just a cramp. It’s fine. Anyway, speaking of working up a sweat…” he said, trailing off. All hesitation was now gone. In its place was playful Jake.
“Is that all you want me for?”
“No. I want you for your tickle, too.” I could tell he was grinning, even if I couldn’t see him.
“My what?” I laughed.
Jake was silent for a few moments. “Don’t worry. So, can I see you or not?”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah, tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I promised Frankie I’d see her,” I lied.
“Fine. Tomorrow then?”
“Yeah, maybe, I guess.”
“Mel?”
“Yeah?”
“I will see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I nodded, although he couldn’t see me.
“Goodnight, Mel.”
“Goodnight, Jake,” I whispered, ending the call.
An hour later and I found myself bursting through Frankie’s front door. I threw my bag onto the kitchen island, grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and went in search of her. I didn't have to look far. She was sprawled out on the sofa with a faux fur blanket draped over her and the television remote in her hand.
I slid onto the edge of the couch, pulled her legs onto my lap and released a sigh. Frankie lifted her eyes to mine briefly before they fell back to the screen.
“I thought you were staying in tonight?” she eventually said.
“I was,” I muttered quietly and tore the remote from her hand, switching the television off.
Frankie frowned and shuffled to a seated position. “Don't worry. I wasn't watching that or anything.”
“I need your advice.”
“You burst through my apartment, steal my water from the fridge, turn the movie I’ve just spent the last hour watching off, and now you want my adv
ice?” She smirked playfully.
Unscrewing the cap, I took a swig of the cold water before screwing it back on. “What would you say if I told you I’d been sleeping with Jake?”
Frankie shrugged her shoulders, pulled her knees up to rest against her chin and said, “That depends. Are you talking once? Twice?”
I grimaced. “How about a lot. Like, a whole lot.”
“Once, I could maybe understand. He's hot, you know? Twice, I’d say you were a stupid whore who must've been drunk. Any more and I’d have to call you crazy.”
“Frankie!” I yelled, swatting her legs.
“What? You asked for my advice and I’m giving it to you.” She shrugged again.
“Can you not be a little nicer about it? This is my life we're talking about.”
Frankie rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fine, okay, I’m sorry. But seriously? It wasn't too long ago he was dipping his stick in some other skank. Why would you even want to go there?”
“I didn't plan for it to happen,” I mumbled. Frankie raised her brows and I sighed. “Fine. So maybe I had thought about sleeping with him, but I wasn't actually going to do it. It just happened, that's all. I only went around there to have it out with him. You know, for lying about the injury. I never expected to walk in and see him…”
“See him what?” She frowned.
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “It happened, okay? And do you know what? I’m glad it did.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I don't know. I guess I just…”
“You think he's going to hurt you again and you don't know if you can trust yourself around him?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Look, I know what happened last time and how upset you were over him, and I just don't know if he's the right person to be around, right now.”
“I thought you liked him.”
“I never said I liked him. I said he was hot.” She smirked. “And maybe a month or so ago I would've told you to go for it, but now? He took that chick home from the club. If he was truly into you, it would've been you. Not her he took home that night.”
“Sadie?”
“Yeah, if you say so,” she said in a bored tone.
“Nothing happened between them. He told me so himself.”
Frankie rolled her eyes. “Of course he did.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“He's a guy. Of course he's going to say that. They'll say anything to get what they want. Lying isn't an issue.”
“I believe him.”
“Good for you. Okay, so say he was telling the truth and he didn’t sleep with her. He still left the club with her when he could’ve stayed with you. If he cared about you, Mel, he wouldn’t have left with her. And you've barely looked at another guy since Jake came back.”
“That's not true,” I told her.
“Please. The old Mel would've been out every night, work or no work, on the pull, bringing someone back. When was the last time you hooked up with someone who wasn't Jake?”
I thought her words over for a moment and shook my head. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“You're in love with him.”
“Not this again.” I sighed.
“Yes, this again. You love him. The question is, is he in love with you?”
“Why does love have to come into this? Why can't we just have fun without the complications?”
“It's already complicated. You're in love with him.”
Was she really going to do this again? “I’m not getting into this,” I said, pushing up from the couch. I had enough going on in my life without another Frankie lecture.
“Fine. Say that you're not in love with him.”
“I’m not.”
Frankie rolled her eyes again. “Say you're not in love with him and that this is all just two people having fun…”
“Which it is.”
“Then why the hell are you here asking for my advice?”
I opened my mouth to speak but words failed me.
“Well?” she challenged.
“Do you know what? Forget it! I came here for advice, not a damn lecture. If I wanted one of those I would've gone to my mother.”
“Pretty hard when you don't even know where she is half the time.”
“Wow. That was low, even for you.” I shook my head and stormed through to the kitchen, grabbing my bag on the way to the front door. Frankie's footsteps followed behind me but I didn't look back. Instead, I pulled open the door and blew out a breath.
“Well, forgive me if I’m not sorry, but some of us have some real problems going on in our lives, Mel. I’m sorry that I don't have the time or the energy for your teenage relationship dramas. If you want to be with him, go ahead. But don't come crying to me when he screws you over again.”
Frowning, I turned to face her. “I don't know what's gotten into you lately but this isn't you. This version of you is a spiteful bitch.”
“Funny that, considering you have no other friends for that exact reason.”
Hurt and anger coursed through me as I blinked across at my friend. I’d tried to ignore her lousy attitude because I knew how much Elizabeth's illness had been affecting her, only this was too much even for me. I could always turn to Frankie whenever I was having a bad day and needed her advice. Now, though, I was never certain what Frankie I would be met with, and that left me feeling uneasy.
With a final shake of my head, I turned to leave. I had been stupid to think she would understand me. I wasn’t being naïve like she thought I was. I believed Jake when he said he didn’t sleep with Sadie. She was wrong about him. One thing she was right about, though, was that I really had no idea where my own mother was, or whether she even cared about me.
36
Being with Mel the previous few weeks helped me forget about the impending new season coming up. I knew it wouldn't be long before the questions started and that facing them was something that I needed to do. Only, the more time went by, the harder it was becoming. Dad had called that morning asking why I hadn't heard anything yet. I told him that it would all be sorted and that he didn't need to worry. He insisted on calling Matt himself, which I managed to talk him out of. I knew that I was running out of time and that it wouldn't be long before the truth came out.
I almost brought it up with Riley that afternoon when I’d met up with him for lunch, but one look at his dishevelled face and I knew I couldn't put that on him. He looked like hell and barely managed to say a few words. He’d told Brie everything and it turned out he didn't need to end it at all because she did. It came as no surprise to me. He’d fucked up again; it was bound to end up in disaster. Still, I couldn't help but feel for him. He loved her and I wasn't sure he'd ever get over her. It made me think about Mel and how I’d feel if I lost her again. We weren't even together properly, but the thought of having a life without her sucked. She was the only decent thing I had right now. I thought my life had ended when I’d found out that I wouldn’t be playing football this season, but really, in a strange kind of way, it was just beginning. I never pictured a future with anyone, much less Mel. Now she was all I could think about. I looked forward to seeing her and being with her without worrying where her head was at. I no longer worried whether she was settling with me. Instead, it just felt right. I missed her smile whenever we were apart. The way her eyes lit up whenever I surprised her with a visit, or the way her lips tipped into a shy grin whenever I paid her a compliment. It was the little things that made me miss her. And it was those little things that made me want to be around her every second of every damn day.
“Beer okay?” she asked as she came back in the living room. She had just gotten out of the shower when I arrived. Now she was dressed in black silk pyjamas, her long hair piled on top of her head. She was beautiful without even trying to be.
“Beer’s good,” I said, taking it from her hand. I took a long swig as she curled into my side, her head resting again
st my shoulder. “Did you have a good time with Frankie last night?”
I felt her stiffen beside me. “Not really. We ended up having a huge row and I left.”
“How come?”
“Nothing. Just silly stuff.” She shrugged. “I honestly don't know what's gotten into her lately. It's like she's waiting for me to say something so she can have a dig at me.”
“Hmm… Maybe it's this stuff with her nan that's getting to her. I wouldn't take it personally.”
Mel lifted her eyes to mine and shrugged. “Maybe you're right. She said some really messed up stuff, though. I guess I’m just not used to her speaking that way.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that you were lying about the whole Sadie thing and that you slept with her.”
“Mel…” I started.
“Don't worry. I told her I believed you.”
“And what did she say to that?”
“Not to go crying to her when you screw me over again. Silly, right? I told her it wasn't serious between us so I wouldn't be getting hurt.”
“What did she mean by again?”
“Huh?”
“You said she told you not to come crying to her when I screwed you over again. What did she mean by that?” Mel stayed silent for a while. When I shifted on the couch to face her, I asked her again, “What did she mean, Mel?”
“Last year when we… well, you know.” I nodded and silently urged her to continue. “I was angry at you for leaving without so much as a goodbye. I mean, I get that you had to leave. Football was everything to you. I knew it wouldn't be long before you went pro and I was prepared for that.”
“Mel...”
“No. It's fine. I need to say this.” When I made no attempt to argue, she continued. “I was prepared for you to go. I knew you wouldn't always be around and that was fine. I was happy for you, Jake. I wanted you to do well. You deserve it more than anyone. I guess I just thought that because we’d gotten close, you would've told me that you were leaving. One minute you were there and everything was great and the next, nothing. You were gone. No call. No text. No goodbye. I woke up the next morning to find you gone. I’ve felt used and unwanted before, but nothing compared to how you made me feel that day.”
A Different Game: A Wrong Game Novel Page 22
