by Cliff Hicks
“Yeah, well, I’m a funny Cherub,” Bob interjected.
“So there aren’t records of who brings up who?”
Bob shook his head. “We destroy all of those after we get you back to Heaven.”
“What about the people who are still walking around Earth?”
Bob shrugged slightly. “What can I say, kid? Shit happens. Sometimes the soul doesn’t want to come to Heaven. Sometimes they run from the Cherubim in fright. Sometimes they even attack us. If they really piss us off, sometimes we’ll tell the Taggers about them, but most of them, we just forget we ever saw them.”
“I think I’ve got a plan, but I’d have to give up my sword and my halo. I don’t give a damn about the halo but I don’t know that I want to give up the sword,” he said with a sigh. “It’d leave us defenseless.”
“We can use mine,” James interrupted. “I haven’t taken mine out with you around, Jake, but I have one with me as well.” He turned to the other two angels, and nodded at them apologetically. “Sorry. I just kept it on me from when I was a Tagger. I didn’t think it was particularly relevant.”
“You shouldn’t have to give yours up either. Ideally, we should all have one.”
The Cherubim smirked. “Kid,” he said with a mildly offended tone. “I can get you a hundred swords, if that’s all. Look at who you’re talking to. What do you have in mind?”
“Okay then… here’s the plan…”
* * * * *
As Jake and the angels headed back to the Rockies to pick up his halo, Bob headed back to Heaven. Jake’s plan was sound, although it required a little bit of luck. Of course, as Jake pointed out, every plan did.
Bob wandered back into the Cherubim barracks and tried his best to look a little shaken. He walked through the corridors and over to a door he knew rather well. The door was open, but he knocked on the doorframe anyway. He tried to do it as timidly as possible.
“Hey, uh, Lenny? You in?” Bob asked.
Lenny was at his desk, chipping slightly at a statue he was working on. Lenny wasn’t a bad sculptor, but he certainly wasn’t good, and it seemed no matter how many years he spent working on it, he wasn’t going to get much better. So people generally told him they thought his work was “nice” but they didn’t tend to display it anywhere prominent.
Despite their squabble in front of Jake, Lenny and Bob were fairly decent friends. They simply had a very brassy friendship, and tended to razz each other a lot. The fact that Bob was being timid was enough to make Lenny nervous to start.
“Sure thing, dirtbag,” he said, trying to take the edge off. “C’mon in. What’s on your mind?”
Bob groaned. “I’m a in pickle, Len.”
Lenny chuckled slightly. “Something you can’t handle? I doubt that.”
“I think I can handle it, but I need a favor.”
“A favor? How big a favor?”
“You remember that thing with the guy and the monkey I covered for you on?”
“It was an orangutan,” Lenny winced. “Oof. Yeah.”
“We’ll be square.”
“Heaven’s sake, Bob, what happened?”
Bob moved into the dorm room and sat down on Lenny’s bunk. “So I was escorting a couple of souls up to Heaven, and I’m about to drop these two guys off in their line, right?”
“Sure sure.”
“And then a doorway opens up.”
Lenny swiveled his chair around to look straight at Bob. “A what?”
“A doorway! One of ours! And this Tagger comes running right through it!”
“A Tagger? Running through a doorway?”
“I know!”
“You’re sure it was a Tagger?”
Bob frowned. “Lenny, I know a Tagger when I see one. The guy had a flaming sword and a halo. If that isn’t a Tagger, I don’t know what it is. He was sprinting at a dead run.”
“A Tagger running into Heaven through a doorway in the lines? That’s surreal.”
“Not as surreal as what happened next.”
“Why, what happened next? What did you do?”
“I didn’t know what to do, so I went over and looked at the door.”
“And what happened?”
“Another Tagger came running right through and plowed into me!” Bob said.
“Jesus!”
“Exactly! And the two of us fell to the ground and we fell on top of his compass, then he took off running a minute later after the angel who came through the door in the first place.”
“A Tagger chasing another Tagger? That’s crazy. That doesn’t make any sense!”
“I know! I can’t make heads or tails of it either!
Lenny looked at him for a moment. “So what’s the problem? How are you in trouble?”
Bob groaned again. “I blocked the guy, Len. And I shattered the compass!”
“That’s not your fault, Bob!” Lenny said, patting Bob’s knee reassuringly. “How were you to know?”
“Still, I feel like shit about it. And I got this little bit of cloth from the wreckage,” Bob said as he pulled out the swatch of cloth from his pocket. “I want to give it back to the Taggers, but I don’t want them to know it was me. I don’t want to stick out, y’know? Hopefully he’s forgotten what I look like at all, and the less he thinks about me, the less likely he is to report me to Control. I was hoping…”
“What, Bob?”
“I was hoping you could take it to them for me, and tell them you saw the Tagger bump into me, and saw the compass shatter, and after he left and I left, you picked up the cloth and thought they might want it back, rather than it getting thrown out.”
“Why me?”
“Lenny,” Bob pleaded. “If you tell them you just saw the whole thing, then they’ll know I was just being a clumsy idiot, and won’t think I had something to do with that first Tagger getting away from the second one!”
“Jeez… Bob, I dunno.”
Bob pointed a finger at him. “You want me telling Control about the guy and the monkey?”
Lenny raised his hands in surrender. “Okay! Okay! I’ll do it. How am I gonna recognize the Tagger who bumped into you?”
The Cherubim rolled his eyes. “You can’t miss him, Lenny. He’s got ‘BORN TO KILL’ carved into his halo.”
It was Lenny’s turn to groan. “Max. I should’ve figured.”
“You know the guy?”
“I know of the guy. Hell, I’m more surprised you haven’t heard of him. He thinks he’s Billy Badass up here,” Lenny grunted. “I know where to find him, too.” Lenny closed his fingers on the scrap, but didn’t take it from him yet. “And after this we’re square about the guy and the monkey?” He closed his eyes and scrunched his face. “I mean the guy and the orangutan?”
“We’re square. Consider it the biggest debt in my favor bank paid in full.”
Lenny nodded then took the cloth from Bob as he stood up. “Okay. I’ll go do it now.”
“Thanks,” Bob said, getting up with him, rushing to hug the other Cherubim. “You’re the best, man.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… now get off me,” Lenny said with a laugh. He walked to the doorway as he pocketed the scrap of cloth. “Worry about it no more. It’ll be done faster than you know.” Then Lenny left, heading towards Max’s barracks.
Bob sighed a deep breath, shaking his head, muttering to himself. “Sure hope you know what you’re doing, Jake.”
* * * * *
Jake sat in the empty apartment, looking at his hands, trying not to look at the halo over his head or the sword hilt lying in front of him. It was Kelly’s apartment, but she had gone to stay with her family for a few days, leaving the place empty, and silent. The light from the streetlights outside of the apartment complex glowed quietly in through the window, and the only sound in the apartment was the sound of Kelly’s refrigerator humming in a low, ominous rumble.
The toga itched, and the tunic wasn’t much better. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to wait he
re. He didn’t much care for waiting. He certainly hadn’t when he was alive. He’d been an impatient man, with a wicked temper if he was rubbed the wrong way.
But this was what had to happen.
Or so everyone said.
He picked up the sword hilt, examining it, pushing his thumb over the gem to let the blade spring to life. He swept it through the air a bit, getting familiar with it in his hands. It seemed such a strange thing, but here it was, a sword of fire.
His thumb moved off the gem and the blade disappeared. He set the hilt down then his left hand lifted up to feel the halo hovering over his head. It didn’t feel like metal. In fact, it almost felt alive. It had no sense of temperature to it, but it almost crackled to the touch, the sense of presence imbued in it. He smoothed a fingertip along its surface, and it occurred to him that he didn’t have any idea what the thing was made of. It wasn’t gold. It wasn’t any kind of metal at all. It wasn’t stone or rock. It wasn’t flesh. Perhaps it was wood, Jake thought, underneath some kind of lacquer. But it didn’t do anything. It didn’t serve any purpose. It just… hung there.
There was a roll of thunder outside of the apartment, and Jake scooped up the sword hilt quickly, more out of reflex than anything, and rushed to the window. The sky was filled with Heavenly light, a hundred doors open in a ring around the apartment building, and Jake looked up at the sky with wide eyes, his left hand raised to shield his eyes from the overwhelming flood of luminescence.
The doors didn’t close, as they were supposed to after several seconds, as the angels had left blockers in them. The doors were designed not to close while anything was passing through, and so if something was halfway through, they stayed open until they were clear. The upshot of this was that the light from all the doors was continuously pouring onto the ground below, almost blinding Jake, who was franticly glancing from door to door to door, as Taggers poured out of them.
Without warning, three Taggers plowed into the back of him, knocking his intangible form through the wall and out into the parking lot outside of the apartment complex. The angels didn’t let go, tumbling with him, clinging to his body and his arms, knocking the sword from his hands with a forcible wrenching of his arm.
As the four celestial forms fell three stories from Kelly’s apartment, even more Taggers descended from the sky, dogpiling upon the mass of bodies, Max flying down to kick the sword hilt away. All of the Taggers were watching as Max and his team closed in around Jake as he struggled and twisted, trying to wrench free of the two burly angels who were trapping him by his arms. Jake felt like if he turned or twisted any more, he might pull his arms out of his sockets, but maybe that would be better than this. He continued to struggle as Max walked up to him.
“This is for making me have to come after you a second time, Jake,” Max said as he balled his hand up into a fist and punched Jake in the face.
Jake groaned as he took the punch then turned to look back and Max, who punched him in the face again. “This is for cutting Maria with a sword.” Again. “And Nhalha.” Again. “Polydorous.”
Around that point, the angels stopped waiting for Max, and a dozen or so of them circled around him and just starting punching and kicking him. Jake fell to the ground, screaming in pain and agony, trying to shield himself from the relentless assault of blows the angels were raining down upon him.
For once in his life, Jake Ragar was truly miserable, and for the life of him, he didn’t know why the angels were so mad at him.
* * * * *
From the field across from the apartment’s parking lot, hidden under the shade of a tree and beneath a tarp designed to camouflage their position, Jake Altford winced as he watched the man they had set up to take the fall for him come plummeting out of the window and onto the black top of the parking area.
The angels had surrounded the apartment complex with a small force before they opened all the doors in a shock and awe tactic designed to draw him to the window, which it had done. Once they knew exactly where he was, they struck from behind with speed and ferocity so he wouldn’t have a chance to get away.
Jake flinched as he saw Max punch him the first time, muttering beneath his breath. “Quit showboating, Tagger,” he whispered to himself. “Just do it already.” Max punched him again and again and eventually the angels crowded around and started pummeling the guy they had gotten to take the fall for him, and Jake couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “Why can’t you just use the sword? Send him back.” The man collapsed into a pile on the ground, and they were still thundering blows down upon him, taking bits and pieces out of his celestial form, but not doing enough damage to send him back yet, simply inflicting as much pain as they could. Jake clenched his hand into a fist and tensed up.
Bob, who was beneath the tarp with Jake and James, grabbed Jake’s shoulder, holding him still. “Forget it, Jake,” he whispered quietly. “It’s Heaven.”
The angels took their sweet time, beating Jake Ragar for almost ten minutes before one of the angels descended from the sky, a man of some importance it seemed. Wings unfurled from his back, white and majestic, although they seemed to be more for show than anything, as Jake knew the angels could fly without them.
The Erelim, Diogenes, closed his wings in behind him, walked over towards the mound of angels and then whistled sharply. The angels backed away although two of them remained, each holding a gnarled mass that had once been one of Jake Ragar’s arms.
Diogenes looked at the man, who was bleeding Heavenly smoke, no actual blood shed, but it made him look like his body was on fire from the inside. The Captain shook his head. “I wish it hadn’t come to this, but examples have to be made, and I can’t have other people getting ideas in their heads,” he said, matter-of-factly. “We’ll see you in Heaven, Jake, and you can stay there.” His hand brought his sword hilt out, his thumb moving onto the gem with one fluid motion as his arms whipped around, the blade springing to life midswing. The flaming weapon came down in the center of Jake Ragar’s head and cleaved him in half, as the body collapsed into white dust and began to swirl into a void before popping as it disappeared. Diogenes looked at Max intently. “You and your team are going to be there when he gets to the reformation chamber, and you’re going to make sure he’s so doped up, he can’t even so much as spell escape, much less plan and execute one.”
Max nodded, offering a salute. “Yes sir.”
Diogenese looked up at the angels, shouting out in a massive voice. “Okay! Everyone back to Heaven! Show’s over!”
One member of each team began cutting doorways in space, and as quickly as they had arrived, all 77 groups of 7 angels, plus the five Erelim that had come with them, returned back to Heaven. The doors closed behind them one after another, until the entire area was dark once more, with the only light in the area coming from the streetlights in the parking lot, and some various lights on the side of the apartment building.
The group beneath the tarp remained still for a good fifteen minutes or so after the angels were gone before they pulled the tarp back and rose to their feet, walking out to the parking lot.
Jake was dressed in civilian clothes, as were Bob and James. With the exception of their slightly glowing auras, they looked like three normal people. Bob had taken a collection of clothes in their sizes from the lockup in Heaven and brought them down. It was nice not to be in togas and tunics, Jake thought, and these clothes had the distinct advantage of turning tangible when they did.
Bob and James kept in step with Jake, who walked to the area of the parking lot where the angels had beaten the other Jake for what seemed like ages. “And you’re sure the guy was scum, Bob?”
Bob nodded, raising his hands. “I can assure you, Jake. It was the worst guy I could find with the same first name as you on such short notice, but he was horrific. He thought he was entitled to everything in the world, so he beat anyone who disagreed with him, he harassed every woman he could find, even raped one…” Bob said with a shiver. “You ask me,
he deserved it.”
Jake sighed softly, crouching down at the area where the other Jake’s form had lain as the angels had kicked it, running his fingertips over the blacktop, unable to take his eyes off of that spot. “I hope so, because they beat that man to death a dozen times over and didn’t let him die.”
James placed his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “A rapist deserves even worse.”
Jake nodded. “You’re right.”
Thirteen hours earlier, Bob had picked up Jake Ragar, a horrific man who just happened to die at a convenient time and share a first name with Jake Altford. Bob had given the man Jake’s toga and tunic, as well as his halo and sword. While halos could not be taken from a person after they’d been placed on someone’s head, they could be given freely, so Jake had given the halo to Bob, and Bob had given it to the other Jake. Then Bob and James had brought Jake Ragar to Kelly’s empty apartment, and told him to wait.
Bob had to run some other errands, the Cherub had told the new Jake, and angels would come and get him soon to take him up to Heaven. The loathsome man seemed more bothered by the fact that he had to wait, seeing nothing wrong with his actions over the years. They insisted that he had to wait, otherwise there would be problems, and the man reluctantly accepted this. They had chosen Kelly’s empty apartment to help sell the story just a little bit more. It would give the Taggers the kind of thing they were expecting to see.
The Cherubim had then taken a bit of cloth from Jake Ragar’s old clothing and given it to Lenny, who had taken it to the Taggers. The Taggers had plugged the scrap into a compass, and eight hours later, they had Jake’s location, simply the wrong Jake, not that they would ever know that.
Jake had hoped they would consider him so dangerous that they would send him to Heaven and then drug him up so massively, there would never be a chance for Ragar to tell anyone there had been a mistake, because the Taggers considered him too much of a liability in any other state. And he’d been right. The only part Jake hadn’t foreseen was the vicious beating, and he didn’t like how the aftertaste of the violence lingered on him, no matter how much the man had deserved it. The Taggers had been as cruel as they could, lashing out at Ragar with a ferocity that even disturbed James, who had seen more than his share of brutality over the millennia.
