I wanted to hate him, but doing that made me hurt more. I couldn’t stop thinking about all of those moments where his love overpowered mine. He’d fought so hard to prove to me, without a doubt, that he wasn’t the same person he used to be. I trusted him so much and yet he’d done exactly what he said he wouldn’t do. How could he go through with that, knowing I was at home waiting for him? He was out fucking the town whore, while I sat at our house, barefoot and pregnant.
Cliché!
I hated what we’d become. I hadn’t just lost my husband, I’d lost my best friend. I wanted to call Van and tell her what went down, but I just couldn’t talk about it, on account of it making it real. I kept thinking I was going to wake up and be okay. Ty was going to be next to me, holding me tight and telling me that it was all in my mind.
I’d been driving for two hours, before I had to stop and relieve my bladder. Unfortunately, I had to wake up Bella to do it. She looked around in her groggy little body and climbed out of the car. “Mommy? Where are we?”
“I have to go potty. Do you need to go?”
She nodded and held my hand as we walked into the public restroom. She let me go first and I waited in the stall for her to take her turn. While she moved her legs back and forth she cocked her head to the side and looked at me. “Why are you still sad, Mommy?”
“I’m not sad. I’m just anxious to see our family. Are you excited?”
She shrugged. “I wish Daddy came too. We never go to Kentucky without Daddy. I just want him to be with us.”
I brushed her hair with my hand. “I know you do, Sweetie. I know you do.”
God, could this hurt anymore? How much more could I take?
Bella finished and we got back in the car. Of course, since she was awake, she insisted on getting something to eat. I stopped at a drive thru and ordered for her. I knew I should eat something, but I would just throw it up. We still had a few hours to drive and I hated that it was already so dark.
Once I got Bella’s food situated, I grabbed my phone and turned it on. Right away the voicemail notifications lit up. I knew who the calls were from and I started to just hit the delete button, but something made me listen. I just wanted to hear his voice.
My shaky hands hit the button to listen to the first message and the tears were already falling down my face.
Hey, Baby, it’s me, your totally awesome, madly in love, husband. I was calling to hear your pretty voice and your southern twang, but got your voicemail instead. Miranda, I love you so much. I can’t even explain how happy you make me. You’ve given me more than I could have ever asked for. There isn’t a second out of the day, where I am not grateful for the life we have. I love you with all of my heart. I love the family we’ve made and look forward to our beautiful future together.
Can’t you just see it? Can’t you see us with gray hair, sitting at those late night football games. I’ll be the dad with one eye on my football playing sons, and the other on our daughter, who if she looks anything like you, I will need to carry a gun to fight off all of those horny teenage boys.
God, I am so glad I have you, Baby. I’m almost to Izzy’s school, so I gotta go. I missed you today and I can’t wait to kiss those lips and see your pretty smile.
I love you.
I dropped the phone to the floor, unable to even breathe. Ty had left me that message before he knew what happened. He didn’t even know that Heather had paid me a visit. His words were too fresh in my head. I picked up the phone and hit repeat.
After the third time, Bella had started to cry in the backseat. She couldn’t hear her father, or what I was doing, she just knew I was devastated about something.
I couldn’t listen anymore and turned my phone back off. That message was from the Ty that I loved with my whole heart. That was the Ty that would lay down and die before someone hurt me. Knowing there was a secret part of him that wasn’t that man, stabbed through every ounce of love I had for him.
He said we’d be forever and our love would never die, but all along I wasn’t enough for him. He was just waiting for an opportunity to be with that fucking whore again. I wished she was dead. She ruined my life and walked out of my house laughing at what she’d done. What kind of person does that?
“Mommy, can I please call Daddy now?”
No! Please stop asking. You’re making me crazy!
Reluctantly, I dialed Ty’s number and handed Bella my phone. “It’s ringing. Listen, I don’t want Daddy knowin’ I’m sad, so just tell him I can’t talk while I’m drivin’. Okay?”
She didn’t get to answer before I heard her talking. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Yeah, we’re driving. Yes. I know. She says she can’t talk when she’s driving. Okay. Yeah, Mommy says I am going to surprise Noah. I will. Okay, Daddy. I love you too.”
I thought she’s hung up, but she started giggling. “I know, I promise. I won’t forget, Daddy. You’re my best friend too. Okay, I’ll tell her. You already said that, silly. Okay, I miss you too.”
I focused on the road, even though the tears were running down my cheeks. I refused to look back at Bella. I was taking her away from her favorite person in the whole world. I wondered how many nights it would take her to stop crying for him; to stop wanting to be around him.
This decision wasn’t about just me. She was old enough for it to change her life. She loved her father, her friends and her life. Bella was the happiest little girl and Ty played a huge role in her life. Taking him out of the equation wasn’t going to be as easy as moving away.
It wasn’t like I was even welcome in Kentucky, in fact, I was pretty sure that most girls my age wished I’d never come back again. How could I raise my kids there knowing that I had such a bad reputation. People in small towns didn’t get over things like that.
“Mommy?”
“Yeah, Sweetie?”
“How come Daddy sounded so sad?”
Please don’t tell me that! Don’t feel sorry for him. He did this to us. This is all his fault. “He’s just sad he couldn’t come with us.”
“Daddy said to tell you that he loves you. He said he wishes we were home with him.”
I needed to be strong and not give my opinion. She didn’t need to know this was happening. This had nothing to do with how much he loved her. I needed to remember that. “I’m sure he does, Sweetie.”
“Have you ever seen Daddy cry, Mommy, cause I think he was crying. He sounded sad too. Can’t we just visit Noah on another day. I think we should go home and hug Daddy instead.”
My throat was burning with sobs I was fighting to keep in. “We’re almost to Uncle Colt and Aunt Van’s house. Daddy will be fine, Bella.”
She started crying. Just what I didn’t want to happen. How could she even know something was wrong. “Did Daddy say he was sad?”
“No. He just said he missed you and sounded sad. I want my Daddy.”
I put both hands on the steering wheel and tried to focus on driving. The tears filled my eyes, faster than I could blink or wipe them away. Part of me wanted to keep driving forward and get to the ranch, but something else inside of me wanted to turn around and go running back to where I left the other half of my heart. I wanted my happy life.
A car started to pass me and they had their high beams on. I flicked mine trying to get them to turn theirs down. In between the bright lights and my watered eyes, I wasn’t able to see the freaking buck jumping in front of my car. I tried to swerve, but suddenly lost control and felt the car diving into the ditch. Unfortunately, we hit a culvert and it forced the car on its side.
My fat belly was stuck in the seat belt, as I frantically reached for my daughter. She was crying, so I knew she was conscious. “Bella, talk to Mommy. Are you hurt, Baby?”
“Mommy, I want to get out of here!” She screamed.
“I know, Baby. Mommy is stuck in her seat belt. Your little brothers made my belly too big.”
I heard voices of the people from the car with the high beams. Thankfu
lly, they had stopped. A young man came to the window and looked in. “Help is coming. We called for an ambulance. Are you hurt?”
It was all happening so suddenly. “Can you get my daughter out? I’m pregnant and I’m stuck in the seatbelt.”
“We’re pretty close to the firehouse. They should be here any second.”
That was good considering, I had no idea where I was. In fact, if these people hadn’t been around, I wouldn’t have even known where to tell the ambulance to come.
“Do we need to call someone for you? A husband or boyfriend?”
Bella was really screaming as the strangers climbed in and freed her of her seatbelt. “It’s okay, Bella. We hit a deer, that’s all. It happens all the time.”
“No it doesn’t, Mommy. I want to go home. I hate surprise visits. I want my Daddy.” As the guys pulled her out, she continued to kick and scream, even after they set her down.
I was shaking so bad that I didn’t even notice the bright lights coming our way. The red lights of the ambulance brightened up the dark road. With Bella out of the car, the paramedics rushed to attend to me.
“Ma’am are you in any pain?”
I shook my head, but honestly, I had no idea if I was in pain. I was freaking out. “Please get me out of here. I’m in my last month of pregnancy and I feel like I can’t breathe. Get me the hell out of here!”
My car was on its side, with probably more damage than it was worth. The paramedics had to wait for a fire truck to come with the necessary tools to cut me out of my seatbelt. As I lay there dangling, I could hear them trying to calm down my freaking out daughter.
“Ma’am do you need us to call your husband? Your daughter keeps crying for her father.”
I opened my mouth to answer, just as the seatbelt was cut free. Two firemen, reached in and caught me from falling. As the seat belt was removed a sharp pain hit me at once. I couldn’t answer about Ty, I could barely breathe. When they got my out of the car and onto a stretcher, all Hell broke loose. Bella was being taken to the ambulance while they were putting me on a stretcher and lifting me up in the back of it.
Things started to get blurry after they closed the door and started calling in my condition.
“Yeah we have a female, approximate early twenties, who appears to be in her last trimester of pregnancy. We’re going to need all maternity staff ready for her when we arrive, she’s bleeding pretty bad. Her B.P. is elevated and she was complaining of being short of breath.”
The realization of what was happening hit me and I knew, without a doubt, what I had to do. This wasn’t about a marriage, this was about our children. Ty needed to be here. He needed to know. I couldn’t have him worrying about us and something really be wrong. I could never live with myself if something bad happened and I prevented him from being there. “Ty………….sir, I need you to call my husband. Please, you have to get my phone out of the car. You have to call him. Please help him get to us.”
“Ma’am just tell me his number and I will try to get him on my phone. We don’t have time to get out and look for your phone, you’re bleeding pretty bad.”
“What does that mean? Are my babies okay? Tell me they are okay?” I was frantically reaching for the man’s arm, hoping he would give me some kind of hope.
“Did you say babies? Is this a multiple pregnancy, Ma’am?”
“Yes! Please call my husband. He has to be here. We need him to get here. Mister, you have to call him.”
He held up his finger. “Just give me a second.” He got back on the radio and after running down once again, who he was and what ambulance number they were, I heard him say, “The woman we’re bringing in is carrying multiples. You need to be prepared and have neonatal on standby.”
A sharp pain started in my abdomen and traveled around to my back. It literally felt like someone shoved a sword into the center of my back and moved it around. My body bucked and I scream out in agony.
The poor paramedic strapped my body down to the stretcher and took out his phone. “What’s your husband’s number?”
I repeated it to him twice, even though I think he heard it the first time. As the pain became even stronger, my thoughts went to Ty. He’d ruined the sanctity of our marriage, but I needed him right now. I wanted him with me, holding my hand and telling me that everything was going to be okay, because I felt like he was the only person that could make that happen.
I looked over to see him looking down at his phone again. Did he dial the right number? Was Ty not answering because he didn’t recognize it? He had to get in touch with him. I just wanted to hear his voice.
Please God, please get Ty to me. Please help him find us. I can’t do this alone.
The equipment in the cab began to shake as the ambulance started to move. The guy was checking my vitals, but I could feel myself starting to black out. My hearing went first, then my sight followed. Blackness took over and I let it happen. The pain in my stomach had spread to my back and it was so severe that I just wanted to scream.
As they rolled me into the hospital, the bright lights made me squint my eyes. Faces of strangers surrounded me as they ran alongside the stretcher. “Bella.” I moaned.
“Your daughter is fine Ma’am. We will keep her safe until someone from your family gets here.”
“Ty?”
The paramedic leaned down so I could hear him. “He’s coming, but you’re pretty far from home. It’s going to take him awhile.”
I started to cry, and it wasn’t from the pain. I was so scared and all alone.
A new wave of pain hit as they transferred me onto a fresh bed. Right away the room was filled with nurses and doctors. My legs went up into stirrups while a middle-aged man slid in between them while slipping on his rubber gloves. I could barely feel what he was doing, from the amount of pain I was feeling. A nurse came wheeling a cart in and soon they were doing an internal sonogram to check on the babies.
“Are they okay? Please tell me they are okay?” I screamed through the pain.
One nurse pointed to something on the screen, but I couldn’t see it. The doctor nodded, but said nothing.
“Please tell me somethin’. What is happenin’?” I cried and cried while they poked and studied my pregnant insides.
The doctor called across the room. “Prep the O.R., we have a placental abruption and need to get the babies out as quickly as possible.” He stood and walked to my side. “Ma’am, the accident caused your placenta to tear. It’s necessary that we get you into surgery right away.”
“We have to wait for my husband. We can’t do this without him.” I grabbed his arm, hoping he would feel sorry for me, enough to wait at least.
“Ma’am, I am sorry to have to say this, but this is a life or death situation. We can’t wait for anyone. Right now you and your babies are in serious danger. We need to get them out and stop the bleeding, before your kidneys and other organs start to shut down.”
I couldn’t speak. All I heard was that it was life threatening.
The nurses were already running around, prepping for the surgery.
It was all happening so fast.
What if I died? What if me and the boys died? How would Bella get through it? I didn’t want her ever losing her father, but now she could possibly lose me instead.
I needed Ty. The last thing I said to him was that I hated him. Those were going to be the last words he ever heard from me. No, please God, just let me tell him that I will always love him, no matter if we were together or not. Let me tell him that he is the only man I would ever love. Don’t take my life without me telling him that. Please don’t let me die.
Chapter 20
Ty
I’d no sooner got off the phone with Van, when my phone rang. I saw the name “wife” appear and answered it without hesitation.
Miranda?
Hi, Daddy. Izzy.
Hey, Sweetie. Are you with Mommy?
Yeah, were driving.
To Uncle Colt’s house?
Yes
She had packed their things and never looked back. It was hard to talk to my daughter when all I wanted to do was break down.
Well, Noah will be excited to see you.
I know.
Can I talk to Mommy, Iz?
She says she can’t talk when she’s driving.
Okay, well, at least tell her that I love her.
Okay
Are you okay, Iz?
Yeah, Mommy says I’m going to surprise Noah.
I started thinking about not being able to see her and I was getting all choked up. The last thing I wanted was to upset Iz. She didn’t need to know what was going on between her mother and I.
Be a good girl for Mommy, okay?
Okay, Daddy.
I love you so much, Iz.
I love you too.
You know you’re Daddy’s favorite little girl, Please don’t ever forget that.
My voice started squeaking and I knew I had to get the hell off the phone.
I know, I promise I won’t forget.
You’re my best friend forever.
You’re my best friend too.
I love you, Iz.
You already said that, silly.
Don’t forget to say your prayers and brush your teeth. I miss you so much already
Okay, I miss you too.
I heard her hang up the phone before I could say goodbye. It was probably a good thing, considering I was such a wreck. I hadn’t just lost Miranda from lying, I had lost my little girl. It hurt so much to hear her say they were going to Kentucky, because I knew Miranda didn’t plan on coming back.
I kept thinking about how difficult it would be for Miranda to explain all of this to our daughter. She wasn’t exactly okay with me not saying goodnight to her, not even for one night. Since she was too young to remember, I had tucked her in at night and made her brush her teeth and say her prayers.
The bottle of liquor was disappearing by the second. I’d hit rock bottom. I cried worse than I’d ever cried in my entire life. Miranda consumed me in every way. I felt like I needed her love to breathe. I needed her in my life, supporting me and guiding me to be the man I knew I wanted to be.
Risking Fate Page 19
