by Rae Brooks
Aela just grinned at both of them, and then she nodded her head. So she knew that Taeru was with someone, and that someone was not the prince of Telandus. For some reason, she felt relieved by this. After all, the way that book had used its words, the hero that it spoke of could very well be in grave danger. She really didn’t want her brother to be that person. So, perhaps the book was being written for another time period, for one soon to come. “So you’re new in town, Aelic? How do you like Telandus?” Calis asked, with more charm than Aela had expected.
She thought for a moment, and then she decided on the safest answer. “It is a city where I can rest without fear of bandits for a while.”
“I wouldn’t feel too safe,” Calis warned. “Telandus is filled with people who want to exploit those who cannot defend themselves. The nobles form the Shining District like to come here and make trouble—so try to stay safe.”
Taeru offered a very serious nod. “He’s being serious. Things can get nasty around here,” he said. “You don’t want to be caught without someone who will help you.”
This procured a heated glance from Calis, though not heated in the way the other ones had been. This one was pointed, concerned, and a little frustrated, as he observed Taeru—who refused to glance at him. “I will keep that in mind,” she said.
By the Light, she felt like she may as well have been standing in the room while they made love. This had to be the strangest, most awkward situation that she’d ever been in. They were so positively enthralled by one another, and neither of them knew how to hide it. It was horrible, and it wasn’t helped by the way Calis seemed so anxious to share his story with Taeru.
They finally arrived at the small stall, with an old lady tending it. The books were piled behind her, and Aela wondered how she’d gotten all of them out there. Admittedly, she was a little relieved to know that she could excuse herself without fear of Taeru refusing now. Not to mention, she had done a pretty fair job of getting to know Taeru enough to see him again—and she knew where he resided. “Oh, this is a larger selection than I expected,” she said. Then, she turned briefly to Taeru.
His eyes were on her. There was an undercurrent of emotion in them, and she thought that he might suspect who she was. After all, the comment about her mother was still left unexplained. But Calis looked as though he might combust if he wasn’t given Taeru alone soon, so she just smiled. “I really appreciate your help, Kilik. Juliet was right about you—you are very kind. It was nice to meet you, and you, Calis. I hope to see you both again soon.” She hoped her tone conveyed how much she meant that.
She did want to see them again, though maybe only once Calis wasn’t looking intense enough to start a fire. Taeru nodded his head to her. “I’m sure we will see you. Remember to come to Juliet if you feel ill, and remember to stay safe.”
“I will,” she said. With a quick bow, she turned to the bookstore, watching out of the corner of her eye as Calis grabbed Taeru by the hand and pulled him quickly towards an alleyway where they could be alone.
“The hero had tricked Aleia. She had been beaten at her own game, by a mortal, and her need for revenge was endless.”
-A Hero’s Peace, v.i
Chapter xxx
Taeru Lassau
Taeru could scarcely pretend that his hand didn’t tingle as Calis pulled him, and he could scarcely pretend that he didn’t feel the mild soreness that had yet to leave his body—only, this was the only pain that he had ever smiled upon feeling.
What was more was that Calis had returned even after whatever had happened with that abomination in the grove. That moment had not left Taeru’s mind, nor had the moon before it. He tried to close his eyes to block out the feelings. They shouldn’t be coming so freely, and he ought to be trying to figure out what the black thing was. It was very clearly a threat to any and everything, and he hadn’t any idea what to do about it.
“Where are we going, Calis?” he said, as they kept walking purposefully.
“I need to talk to you, I… can we go? I don’t mean as long as last time. I just… this is a conversation I need to be able to have freely.”
Leaving the city walls again so soon was not anything Taeru had anticipated. The thrill of being outside of them had been terrifying and exhilarating. But Calis’s eyes were desperate, and Taeru didn’t seem to be having any trouble trusting the blond anymore. Calis legitimately wanted to talk to him, and he wanted to do it without the possibility of guards or nobles. With a swift nod, Taeru let Calis lead him along the same path that they had taken before.
The wall to Dark District had been one that Taeru had climbed numerous times to try and get a look into the life of the nobles—truth be told, he’d wanted to find a way to talk to Lavus, or anyone relevant, about the war. Unfortunately, he’d yet to find an opportunity, and the one time he had been caught on the other side of the wall had been the most painful experience of his life. That had been before he’d gotten to know Alyx or Juliet, so he’d ended up being beaten in the dungeon for a cycle, and he had been very surprised that they had not removed him from the city.
However, the wall to the field outside Telandus seemed to be very specific to Calis. The vine was just sturdy enough to support the prince, and it was as though some twist of fate had put it there. If Calis had been unable to leave the walls as a boy, then he may have turned out exactly as Lavus wanted him. Taeru shuddered at the thought.
Once they were in the field, and that breeze was easing through Taeru’s body again, Calis led him in a different direction than last time. Admittedly, he had loved the sight of the meadow that Calis had taken him to, but he was very glad not to be going in the direction of that abomination. The worry that the whispers might assault his mind upon leaving Telandus faded as they headed towards the hills. All the while, Calis had never let go of his hand. He pulled Taeru in the strangest way. The feeling was gentle, but firm, and despite knowing that he had the choice to turn back—Taeru didn’t want to use it. Calis had a very odd way of making Taeru feel entirely protected, though that was probably a foolish thought to have.
Calis knew very little about who Taeru really was, and Taeru was sure that Calis knew that as much as Taeru did. The curiosity had been there, but Calis had yet to ask about it. Taeru wasn’t sure what he’d do when Calis did ask. Could he refuse to tell the prince in all fairness? If he did tell him, would Calis want him put to death?
“Calis, I thought you said we weren’t going far,” he said as they walked.
They didn’t stop walking, but Calis’s head turned a little to answer. “Well, I don’t want to talk to you in the middle of a field.”
The way he sounded made Taeru’s heart convulse a little. Panic ran through him as he wondered what this could be about. He wondered if Calis was going to tell him that they couldn’t be together. He let out a breath at the thought. It was a possibility, no, it was an inevitability—and if it happened now—well, perhaps his heart would be spared a tiny bit of pain.
“Are you alright?” he asked warily.
Surely, Calis wouldn’t bring him all the way out to these fields just to end their relationship. No, Calis wouldn’t do that—he would want to give Taeru every opportunity to react as he saw fit. He wouldn’t want other people around that would make anything they did turn into a scene that no one else should witness. This made perfect sense, Taeru told himself, and he prepared his mind weakly.
They continued to walk, and Taeru rehearsed a million ways that it could go in his mind. He wasn’t sure what Calis’s reasoning would be, but he was sure that it would not be ruthless. Calis would be doing this because he knew it was better for Telandus, and better for both of them in the long run. Or, at least, that was what Taeru would tell himself. At last, they reached a small oasis, with a few sparse trees surrounding it.
The water was very blue, sparkling in the sunlight, and Taeru wondered if it would feel as good as the water in the meadow. Already, the memory of the meadow brought a wave of pain over him
. If this was the end, then he would have to try very hard never to think of that moon again—lest his feelings intensify.
“Here,” Calis said finally.
Taeru just nodded his head. His capacity to speak had been taken away by the building emotions as he considered what was to come. Rather than speaking before Calis, he just stared at the blond prince with patient eyes. He would have to do this—and he had known that he would have to do this from the start. The sooner—the better, was what he’d repeated to his mind a thousand times.
“You’re pale,” Calis said apprehensively. “What’s the matter?”
Taeru thought of reaching forward and punching Calis, but no, Alyx had taken care of that particular order of business for him. Though, she had slapped the prince and not punched him, but Taeru had found that a woman’s palm hurt just as much as any fist most of the time. “I’m just waiting,” Taeru replied guardedly. “Tell me what you wanted to say.” He couldn’t take this anticipation for very much longer.
“Firstly, who was that boy?” Calis asked. “Why were you showing some new traveler around Dark District?”
There was an odd note to his voice—one that put an edge in it that Taeru hadn’t often heard. Calis looked agitated—was he jealous? The prince of Telandus was jealous of some boy that Taeru had agreed to give a tour of Dark District. If this was the end of their relationship, then Taeru thought that he had every right to punch Calis. He frowned at the tone, and then spoke. “Just a boy I met at the tavern. He asked if I could show him a few important places, and so I did.”
After Taeru spoke, Calis seemed to fight some internal battle within himself. Eventually, his face smoothed into an expressionless mask. “Why did you agree to that? Do you ever think you will reach the point where you do enough for the ungrateful citizens of Dark District?” Even his voice was possessive.
Taeru’s mouth twitched in agitation. He was being interrogated when he was fairly confident that he had been brought out here to avoid causing a scene within the city walls. “You know nothing about him. You have no right to call him ungrateful. And, for your information, your highness, he reminded me of someone that I used to know.” The boy reminded Taeru of Aela—though to say that was an understatement in itself.
The prince shuffled a little on his feet, and then he nodded. “I… sorry,” he murmured. Well, at least he had the decency to apologize for whatever he was feeling. “Someone you knew before coming to Telandus?”
Taeru should really start watching his words around Calis. Now, he had just admitted to remembering something from a life of which he claimed to have no memory. “It’s a vague memory,” he lied, “he just gave me the sense of remembering something fondly.”
This didn’t seem to convince Calis any further, but being as polite as ever, he dropped the subject. “I wish you’d stop hiding things from me.”
“What did you want to tell me, Calis?” Taeru moved the subject back onto Calis’s problems shortly. He did not need to be telling Calis anything when their relationship was so uncertain. His eyes held Calis’s, refusing to let the topic be shifted again.
Calis let out a long breath and then he turned away. He’d broken eye contact, which Taeru found immensely annoying. Then, the prince took a few steps away. Calis was pacing, Taeru realized. This was definitely going to be a painful conversation. What if it wasn’t just the ending of the relationship? What if Calis had mentioned him to Lavus or someone else? His heart felt sick, and his breathing became shallower. “Just tell me,” he choked. “Please.”
The prince brought his hand up to his hair and ran it through the blond mess on the top of his head. Taeru had too much of a knowledge of what that hair felt like, and the memory of his own fingers tangled in Calis’s hair caused him to stare at the ground, a flush coming across his cheeks in an instant. “Please, don’t react to this in the way you think you ought to. You have no idea how badly that’s going to hurt me. This isn’t easy for me, but I will make it easy for you.”
Well, if Taeru had any doubts of where this was going—they were gone now. If only he could stop thinking about the meadow, if only he could stop thinking about Calis’s mouth, Calis’s fingers, Calis’s eyes. Why had he let himself get into this? His heart felt as though it were splitting in two, and they weren’t even finished yet. Calis had done much for him, though, and the prince had just requested that Taeru take this with poise—and he was going to do just that. “Stop dancing around it, Calis! Just tell me what it is!”
That hadn’t been very poised, he reminded himself. Still, there wasn’t anything he could do about his rampant emotions. After he got the news, while he was no longer waiting for it, he was sure that he would be able to compose himself. He was skilled at handling pain of all sorts, and he knew that. He’d left his sister and somehow managed to continue living, though Aelic’s sudden appearance had altered that a bit. He would find a way to forget Calis—to make this easier for both of them.
“Fine,” Calis said suddenly. “Fine. I shouldn’t keep you wondering like this. My father was very angry with me for my disappearance those two moons ago, though I’m sure that isn’t any surprise. I had missed an appointment that he considered incredibly important, and so he felt as though I’d insulted him. I went to talk to him about it, and though he was furious—I managed to assuage the situation, for the most part. But… because I had offended a family that he considered necessary, he asked that I… make amends for it.” Calis paused. Taeru stared blankly at Calis, not giving any indication to the emotional torrent he was feeling.
“He demanded I propose to the woman I missed the appointment with. Miss Avyon.”
The breath that Taeru had been holding for the duration of the statement released, and he stared in front of him without much expression. Pain doubled within him, but his face remained consistently blank. The pain was crippling, but at last, a numbness began to spread through him. He’d known this would happen, and now that Calis had spoken it, his body could actually defend against it. He could do this. “Well, at least he didn’t hurt you. I suppose it’s reasonable, as I assume she was the woman you were courting, anyway.”
This time, the guardedness was in Calis’s eyes. Perhaps he thought Taeru would simply go mad and attack him. Well, little did he know that Taeru had much more self-respect than that, and he would handle this as though it was not affecting him. He had worried that he might cry, but oddly enough, his eyes were as dry as they’d ever been. “She was,” Calis growled.
“Well, then it isn’t that much of a shock, really. This was going to happen anyway. I hardly see why you’re so upset.”
The one bit that Taeru had not accounted for was the pain that his nonchalant words would bring to Calis’s expression. The blue-green eyes were as blue as they’d ever been, and Taeru felt his chest tighten. Why did Calis look so bleak? What had he done wrong? He’d reacted in a way that he considered appropriate. “You’re taking this well,” Calis said, almost accusingly.
Taeru wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to do. Did Calis want him to collapse to his knees and cry like a child? Well, he wasn’t going to do that. He had much more dignity than that, and he wasn’t one of the silly women that Calis had spent his life manipulating. “Did you think I wouldn’t?” Taeru offered a brief laugh, though it sounded more bitter than he’d wanted. “You knew as well as I did that this.. this relationship was fleeting. We knew that we could never have established a genuine courtship. You said so yourself. It was nothing more than an expression of feeling for both of us.”
Taeru’s eyes widened as he stared at Calis’s hands. They were clenched, as they had been for a little while, but Taeru could see red beading along the creases of his fingers. Taeru felt afraid, but more importantly, Calis was hurting himself. “Stop!” he yelped. Despite not wanting to touch the prince again, he reached down and grabbed his hands. The feeling was electric, and Taeru felt sick. “What is wrong with you?”
Trembling, Calis’s hands opened,
though the prince said nothing to Taeru. For a moment, Taeru wondered if Calis wasn’t going to hit him. When nothing happened, though, Taeru forced himself to look into Calis’s face. There was a blackness in it, and Taeru felt as though he ought to explain himself. “You knew that, Calis. We both did! I’m a commoner. I’m… I’m a male, a commoner, and… I’m so wrong for you that you couldn’t possibly understand. But, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to be around you, because you made me feel like no one else had before. I just… I wanted the chance to see what it would feel like. I knew—not out of any distrust for you—that this would end this way. The difference between us—the gap between our worlds—it is beyond massive. You are the crown prince. I’m nothing, Calis. I’m less than nothing to you.”
A choked breath escaped those pale lips, and Taeru could feel his heart knotting a million ways. Why wasn’t Calis saying anything? Why was he just staring at Taeru with those eyes that seemed so unsure whether they were green or blue, though they couldn’t exist in harmony on this sun either. Silence. And then, Calis spoke with a voice so filled with agony that Taeru had to step back. “Nothing?” he snarled. “You think you’re nothing?” When Taeru backed up, Calis stepped forward. “You think this was just some game? You think I was just playing around with you to express myself? Maybe you were, Kilik, but I wasn’t. Every time I touched you, I caught fire—I came alive in a way that I never had before. I still am. Even being with you now, wanting to throttle you for your stupidity, I feel everything. I never felt anything and now I can’t stop feeling!”
All at once, Taeru’s lips started to quiver, and he could feel the tears that he’d expected from the start. Calis had promised to make this easy for him, and yet Calis had just been the one to introduce him kindly to all the pain that he’d been hiding. “I know!” he gasped. “I know that! I know that. I know. You think… I felt like I’d been walking around wrapped in some cocoon, because any time I removed it, I was assaulted with all kinds of pain—and when you were around, it was gone. It was gone, and I felt like I… I felt like I could be somewhere, somewhere safe. I know that! But, none of that matters—we cannot be together. There are so many reasons. It’s just not going to work! The entire world wants to make sure that we can’t be together, and I don’t know about you… but I’m not sure I know how to fight the world. We are who we are, Calis, and nothing is going to change that!”
